Neglect

I am a neglectful blogger.  Last time I updated you I was only 14 weeks along.  I will be 39 weeks tomorrow.  That is 25 weeks of neglecting.  I am sure sorry about that.  Here is a little update on our little bean.
 
First off, bean changed to beanA, when we found out we were having a little girl.  I have wanted my first to be both a boy and a girl for very different reasons.  It took me a little while to fully accept that we were actually having a girl, but once that happened I was so excited.  I have such a great relationship with my mom, and am excited that no matter what happens in our plans to have more children, I will get to raise a daughter.  To me that is a priceless gift.

This pregnancy is so completely different than I ever expected it to be.  I had no idea it would be so hard.  Each trimester brought on its own hardships.  Even thought I was beyond grateful for the gift I had been given to actually be pregnant, it was still hard, and I think it is ok that I felt that way.  I have a new respect for all pregnant women, infertile or not.  What a wonderful gift we give our children in bringing them into the world.


This pregnancy has also been full of fears.  You can put a baby inside a RPL patient, but you can't take the fears of loss out of the pregnant women.  I have been certain my entire pregnancy that something will happen to take this away from me.  I asked my Dr. to stitch me up for incompetent cervix.  I had nightmares she was going to be born with a heart defect and not be able to live outside the womb.  I am still scared every day that I will end up delivering her still born.  I just need to actually hold her in my arms so I can fully believe that all my dreaming a wishing is actually coming true.  I am sure a whole new kind of fear will come once she is out. 


I have to say that the medical care we chose for this journey was exactly what we needed.  If any of you are struggling with RPL, please check with MFM clinics to see if there is a RPL specialist.  They understand all the fears that come with those who have have dealt with loss.  There were times I was freaking out about a weird pain and they assured me everything was normal, but had me come in for an ultrasound just for my own sanity.  We have been spoiled with pictures of our little girl, but each on of those pictures gave me so much piece of mind. 


Even though I have been so neglectful, I have thought about this blog and the people I met through it often.  I read some heartbreaking stories, and stories that gave me hope.  I was filled with words of kindness when I was heartbroken, and advice when I was confused.  But the only way for me to get through this pregnancy without the guilt of success and even more fear it would be taken away was to take a step back and find different support to cling to.  For me it was my husband and my Dr.  Some may be able to continue to find it through blogging, but for me it was to hard to read of BFN, when I had a BFP.  Stories of utter heartbreak from more and more loss scared me to the core.  I had to act like a normal pregnant women without a care in the world.  It was the only way that worked best for me.


As my journey to baby number 1 is coming to an end (hopefully any day now), I feel the same way about this blog.  It has a very special place in my heart and is somewhere I know I can always come to find support and friendship.  I plan on updating once our little Beana joins our family, but then I plan on letting it rest until we try for baby 2.  I may check back to see how all of you are doing, but I don't want my new addition to add pain to anyone else. 


Thank you for the continued support, even though I was so neglectful.  I hope all of you find success in however you are trying!


XOXO,


Baby Hungry

How did we get here??

14 weeks?!?  Really?  We made it to 14 weeks. 

I don't even know how to react to what is going on inside of me.  We have been so scared that this pregnancy would have the same fate as the others that we spent the fist 12 weeks making ourselves NOT get excited. 

Now that my Dr. has told us repeatedly that we are out of the woods, and walking farther and farther away from the woods every day, we are trying to convince ourselves that this really is happening and that it is time to get excited.  

One of the ways we are trying to get ourselves excited is to start telling people.  This has been really fun, but it is so weird to see people be so so excited and scream and jump when we haven't even done that.  It has really helped everything feel more real now that it isn't such a big secret. 

So how have we gotten to this point?  We started out with weekly ultrasounds starting on week 7.  We saw Beaner on week 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, and will on week 15 (we may find our if Beaner is a she or a he :)).  I have switched to every other week, and that last week is so hard.  I think if i could just feel it moving around I would be so much more at ease.

I do have so say that there is something much cooler then hearing a heartbeat.  For me it is seeing the baby move.  At our u/s on week 10, it finally looked more like a person then a blob.  I asked the u/s tech about what was what, and when she stopped moving and just held the u/s in one spot we saw Beaner wiggle.  It was almost as if it was saying "Hi mom and dad.  I'm in here.  Can't wait to meet you.  I love you!"  DH teared up at the sight of our baby moving.  It made it feel so real to see something alive and moving.

Each u/s after that we have seen Beaner move.  That is my favorite part.  Last week it was kicking and spinning and dancing up a storm.  My Dr. feels very very positive because of the movement that has been shown.  He says that a baby in distress doesn't move.  Even before the heart rate drops the baby would stop moving, and Beaner is moving up a storm!

I feel so blessed with everything that is happening.  I can't believe that we are getting closer to our dream with each passing day.  I know that this experience will make me a better mom and will help make me seldom take my children for granted.  I know there are still so many things that could go wrong and our dream could come crashing down again, but for now, I am trying to not think about that and instead relish in the fact that our baby is growing and kicking and getting ready to meet us in March.

Best of thoughts to everyone still working to this goal.  Please keep fighting because this joy is worth all the pain to get here!

Our Tiny Little Beaner

One of my DH's names for me is Bean.  I don't even know where it came from, but because I am Bean, our little one is Beaner.  He sends me a text everyday that says "Hi Bean and Beaner.  I love you guys!"

Today we heard and saw Beaner's heart.  It was PERFECT!!  It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. 

Little Beaner is tiny, but a perfect size for the Dr.

We are hopeful today, but we are still taking it one day at a time.  Another ultrasound next week to make sure things are still going in the right direction.

***I promise to post pic's of Beaner once I get home from work***

ULTRA-excited!

Tomorrow is Ultrasound day!  I am so excited to see this little bean growing inside of me.  It will feel good to actually get to see one of these babies of mine.  I am just keeping my fingers crossed that everything looks good and that there is a strong little heartbeat in there. 

I feel VERY different this time around.  I can barely keep my eyes open, and I feel like I am going to throw-up about 12 hours a day.  Today is a bad day in that department.  Even though my symptoms make it a little hard to get though the day, I am so grateful for them.  My Dr. says that the sicker I am, the stronger the pregnancy, so I say bring it on.

I am worried that if I get much worse I will have to let work know something is up.  I really don't want to do that until I have to, so hopefully this is as bad as I get.

Thank you so much for your kind words and small amount of celebrating.  I love feeling like someone knows, since we are not telling family until the 2nd trimester this time.

Hopefully I will have a cute little picture of the bean to share tomorrow! 

Doubling

Beta on Tuesday - 1317

Beta Today - 2817

Yahoo for more than doubling numbers.

Ultrasound for 7/27  

Don't forget...no celebrating until September 1st....well maybe just a little celebrating.  We sure are!

Life and Death

I have good and bad news.  I guess I should get the bad news over with first...

My dear sweet friend lost her battle with Cancer last weekend.  She fought a very good fight, but in the end the stupid Cancer took over.  I am heartbroken at the thought of going through the rest of my life without her, but so glad that she went quickly and peacefully.  It could have been a terrible process, but from the time we knew there was nothing left to do, and the time she passed was only a couple of days.  I was able to see her and say goodbye 2 days before, and for that I feel very lucky.  We are burying her this weekend, and I am sure that is when the reality will really set in for me.  It is still so hard for me to imagine.  The world lost a beautiful soul when they took her.

Good news...we got our 3rd BFP yesterday morning.  We are not really celebrating until we hit 12 weeks, so don't get to excited for me yet.  I hate what RPL has done to me.  Every time I go to the bathroom I expect to see red.  Every time I have even the tiniest amount of a cramp I think I am going to lose it.  I see my Dr. on Tuesday.  He will keep seeing me every week until I make it to 12 weeks.  September 1st is when we will celebrate! 

A Little Bit of Denial

That would explain my lack of blogging and reading.  I have been in a huge state of denial.  I am just trying to continue on as if I have everything I want in life.  No reason for this, I just think it is the stage of grief I am in. 

Here is a little update:

Job:  I didn't get the career job I was talking about in my last post.  I am ok with it.  It has made me feel really grateful about the job I do have an quit complaining about the pay.  I love having my Friday's off, and right now that it more important that any amount of money.  I am also really busy so my days go super fast.  
 
Life:  We went to California for a week, 2 weeks ago.  It was nice to relax and play in the sun.  We have been playing every weekend since the Memorial Day.  Cabins, California...you name it.  My house needs to be dusted and my garden has weeds taking over, but we have needed fun in our life so that is what we have done.  We are actually planning a trip to Japan for this fall.  We just need a timeshare hotel to open up for us. 
My veggie garden (that I started from seeds) is doing great.  It is so fun to watch something grow because of my love and care.  I will have to update "project creating life" soon.  I can't wait to eat the fruits (or veggies) of my labor!!
I have a dear friend with Ovarian Cancer.  She was diagnosed last May, fought and got a clean bill of health in December, and then it returned with a vengeance, March.  She is one strong fighter, but it isn't looking very good right now.  I am way to young to bury a best friend, so I am praying for a miracle.


TTC:  My friend had her baby today.  We would have been only a few weeks apart.  I should have a 3 week old right now.  I am heartbroken that she is holding a baby and I still have an empty womb.  The only comforting words people have to say to be is "it'll happen"  Really?? When? 
My last cycle ended in a BFN.  The good news with this cycle is that I did get a positive O and started the progesterone.  I am not a fan of sticking something up there each day, but you gotta do what you gotta do.  I also started AF all on my own.  That is BIG for me.  I haven't done that for 2.5 years.  Thank you Col mid!!   I am now just in my O2ww (this is where I wait for ovulation) then I will have my real 2ww.  I am on CD13 and have gotten +O around day 20-21.  One more week.  My mom thinks this is the one.  I really hope she is right!

I hope you are all doing well.  Congrats to any good news, and hugs to any bad.  Even in my absence I have been thinking and hoping for each one of you.  If I can work on this denial phase, I promise to be better.

To Career or not to Career...

How do I always get here?  Weeks without posting, feeling guilty about it, and having to try and remember everything to update.  Boo on me!

My latest dilemma...

I took a non design related position about a 6 weeks ago.  My unemployment was running out and the market for designers hadn't even started to go up.  In taking this job I took a 35% cut in pay.  This was not easy for me to do.  Once you work for a certain pay amount, it is hard to take less then that.  I have really been enjoying my job and find that my days go fast and the work is fun.  I also have Fridays off which is wonderful. 

On Friday I checked my email and had an email from a commercial furniture dealership saying that they were hiring another designer and wanted to meet with me.  I interviewed with them yesterday and am now waiting to hear.  I am so torn about this. 

Getting this job would put me back into my field, doing what I love and getting paid a lot better.  It would also take away wearing jeans to work and having Friday off.  It would also add pressure and overtime, but the pay would be MUCH better. 

I think the biggest hangup I have to this new position is that it feels more like a career.  I don't want a career, I want to be a mom.  I want to spend my days taking my kids to the park, seeing the animals at the zoo, playing in the snow, just savoring every mom moment.  Taking a "career" job some how makes me feel like I would be farther away from that goal. 

I know my success in having a baby doesn't matter where I am working.  I can leave one company just as easy as another.  I have tried to explain this feeling to my mom and husband, but they don't get it.  They can't see why I wouldn't be excited about a job that I like to do and that pays well. 

Am I just crazy or has anyone else felt this way?  I guess right now I don't want anything that feels farther away from my dream.  But dreams don't always come true....

MFM Appointment Wrap-Up

We had our follow up appointment with the MFM RPL Dr. (That is a lot of letters!! I feel like I am speaking in code...) on Tuesday afternoon.  I really really like him.  He is very good at letting you know what his professional opinion is, but is also very good at listening to you and letting you have an active voice in the plan. 

We started by talking about my negative workup and what that ment.  I told him that I was bummed that it didn't show anything and that there wasn't anything for us to fix.  He completely understood where I was coming from and helped me understand why a negative workup was a good thing.  The thing that ment the most to me though was the fact that even thought all my testing didn't show anything wrong, he still told me that something is.  He didn't just dismiss my miscarriages as random.  He just said that whatever is wrong isn't something we can detect, but that he strongly believes that I will go on to have a successful pregnancy.  He is all about putting the positive vibe out there and wants me to do the same. 

Then we talked about options.  He told me that in cases like mine the most common treatments are Heparin/Low Dose Aspirin or Progesterone.  There have been no studies done that give credibility to these two practices and he personally doesn't feel like they make a difference, but he is happy to try either if I feel like I want to.  There was a study published about 2 weeks ago that showed Heparin/Low Dose Aspirin doesn't change the outcome in MPL patients, so he feels like that would be a waste.  I was taking LDA with my last pregnancy, and it didn't work for me so I don't care to try it again.  I think I am going to go with the Progesterone option though.  In his eyes it might not make a difference, but what if it does?  I would rather be safe then sorry, and I feel like I need to do something different if I was a different outcome. 

We were given the go ahead to try again this coming cycle.  I am in the middle of taking my provera and so as soon as AF comes we are good to go.  I have been taking 50mg of Clomid on CD 5-9.  He wants me to try 25mg on CD 3-7.  His reasoning for wanting me to lower to does is so I have a lower chance of multiples.  I understand his consern, but if something isn't broken, don't fix it.  50mg has worked twice for me, so I don't want to mess with it.  We agreed that I would try 1 cycle on the 25mg, and if I don't get a positive ovulation then I am going back to my 50mg.  If and when I get prego, he will do weekly monitoring to make sure everything is going ok, and if it doesn't, we will be able to learn more.  

Overall, I feel excited to be at the beginning of the journey again.  I am hopeful that the 3rd time will be the charm.  I feel like I am in the right place with this Dr. and it has given me extra hope and peace. 

If you read this entire long and boring post you deserve a treat!  Go eat a cookie...the calories won't count!!

I wish I was still asleep!

I had the BEST dream last night. 

I was pregnant.  9 months pregnant. 

I went into labor. 

I  was completely surprised when I delivered not one, but TWO healthy babies.

I was holding one baby boy and one baby girl in my arms as my alarm went off. 

I woke up with so much happiness in my heart wishing my dream was real life and trying to go back to sleep so I could keep living in my dream world. 

I finally gave up and came back to the real world.  My dream gave me hope at how wonderful it will be when my dream becomes a reality.  I know it will some day...well maybe except for the twins part.  Multiples scare me :)

Hi, My name is Baby Hungry...Incase you forgot!!

I realize that I have fallen off the face of the Earth.  Life has been a little crazy and blogging has had to be on the bottom of the list. I still love all of you and hope you are doing good. I will try and read about how you are all doing as I find time. For those of you who still even reading even though I am a bad bad blogger, here is an update:

IF Update:

Sonohystogram:  Not a fun experience at all, but I had gotten myself so scared and worked up that it was much better than I thought. The cramping was really intense once they started filling me with saline and looking around.  Everything looks really good. The lining and shape are normal. He also looked at my ovaries and there were plenty of eggs. It was really cool to see that and hear that I have lots of eggs waiting. The cramping stayed bad for about an hour or two and then slowly went away and I was totally fine the next day.
MFMD: Now that I have finished all my testing (all of which are normal :( ) I have an appointment to see my MFM Dr. for follow up on the 27th.  At this appointment we will talk about everything that my tests show and come up with a plan on how to move forward. I have been pretty bummed that all my tests came back normal. I really wanted there to be something to fix. Either way I will be glad when we come up with a plan. I keep telling myself that the 3rd time is the charm.
Project Creating Life: My plants are AMAZING!! Some never sprouted, but the ones that did are huge. I will take pictures tonight and post them asap.

Life Update:

Job:  I actually found one!! It is for a company that I used to do design work for. I have always loved this company and am excited to finally be working for them. I am a little sad that it isn’t in design anymore, but the change has been really fun. Too bad it is an almost 50% cut in pay to what I was making as a designer. Stupid economy!! Another plus should be more frequent blogging since I am at a computer all day.  :)
Marriage: My DH and I have had a hard time in the intimacy department of our marriage lately. I think that all the pressure to make a baby has really taken a toil. We are thinking of meeting with a counselor to see if they have any ideas and to talk about how we are feeling and why we might be having the problems. Anyone else have ideas on how to help with this problem?
Weight Loss: Back in January I posted that I had lost 8 lbs. Sadly, my miscarriage emotional eating caused those 8 pounds +3 more to come back. I really hate myself for letting that happen. We are going to the beach in 6 weeks so I am trying to work really hard to get back down. I have lost 5lbs so far and have 15 more to go to be at my ideal weight. I would like to be down at least 10 more for the beach.

Overall, I am doing pretty good. The weather is beautiful and I have lots of things to look forward to. I am excited to move forward in my quest to become a mom, and am keeping my fingers crossed that it will come and stick in the next few months!

1:45 PM MST

+
Tomorrow
+
Sonohysterogram
=
me freaking out just a little bit!

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

Part of me hopes that everything is perfect in there, and part of me hopes there is a very easily fixable problem so I know why I keep losing my babies.

The mind of a multiple pregnancy loss-er = CRAZY!!

I'll make sure and tell him to check for mold!!

Operation Creating Life: CD16

Well I thought it was time for an update on my "Operation Creating Life" experiment.  I have had both successes, and failures.  I feel like I have been able to draw some conclusions about my fertility as well.   

Look at my veggies!!  They are doing pretty good.  I have tomatoes, cucumbers, hot peppers, bell peppers, and my basil hasn't come up yet.  My cucumber is the big tall one.  I am so proud of it.  Maybe next time I am pregnant I need to eat more cucumbers??

Look at my flowers...They are doing ok, but not great.  The Morning Glory and Lobelia are doing the best.  I think about half have sprouted and the other half are still just dirt.  If that was true about my pregnancies then my last one should have stuck.  I am starting to get discouraged.  They might not be warm enough to sprout.  I hope my Uterus isn't a cold place that my little babies don't want to snuggle in.  I will have to ask my Dr. about it. 

 

This may look like snow, but it is defiantly not.  It is mold.  MOLD!!  Of all things, I am growing mold.  And it is doing great.  I clean it off all my plants every couple of days and then it comes right back even stronger.  It hasn't killed any of my plans yet, but I am really worried that it will.  I hope the lining of my Uterus isn't all moldy. 

 

I keep telling my mom that I must have a cold cold moldy Uterus and that no one wants to live there.  She doesn't think it is very funny. 

Lost Babies Token

I realized that I never shared my miscarriage token. It was with all your help I was able to come up with something that was just perfect for me and my little ones.

Ann sent me a website selling loss remembrance necklaces. They had a "Forget-Me-Not" flower with birthstone charms hanging below to represent each loss. I loved the idea and thought the simplicity was beautiful. I was all ready to place my order when I decided that it would mean more to me if I made the charm all on my own. I went to the bead store and got everything I needed. Since my jewelry making skills are pretty non existent, I was worried that it wouldn't be perfect, but my inexperienced craftsmanship is one of my favorite parts about the necklace. It is perfectly imperfect.

The Opal charm is for the amazing October that our first baby gave us, and the Amethyst charm with an Opal finish is for the great week in February when we thought our goal of 10.10.10 had been met.

When I first posted that I was looking for a token to remember my first miscarriage Jenn sent me a message saying she had the perfect thing and would send it off. I was so excited to get her present. She sent me the sweetest bracelet. The pomegranate thread for "infertility's common thread", the charm for my baby in heaven, and the 5 beads on each side for the 5 stages of grief. I have had this on my wrist since the day I got it. Not only is this another reminder of my first loss, but it reminds me of all the awesome people who have come into my life because of this trial. It shows me another blessing that has come because of my pain.

Thanks to Jenn's great example, I would like to pass her generosity and love forward. I would love to make a necklace charm for anyone looking for something to help them remember their lost little one. Please send me an email to imbabyhungry at gmail dot come if you want one.

Operation Creating Life: Implantation Day

I have started a little experiment. Using the Scientific Method, here are the details:

1. Ask a Question: Am I, Baby Hungry, actually able to create and sustain life?
2. Do Background Research: 2 Miscarriages...Not looking so good.
3. Construct a Hypothesis: If I am able to grow plants from seeds, and keep them alive, I just might be capable of making a baby.
4. Test Your Hypothesis by Doing an Experiment: My experiment is simple. Plant and nurture seeds until they grow into plants that can survive in the world on their own.
5. Analyze Your Data and Draw a Conclusion: Implantation Day: Went off without a hitch. I was able to successfully sow my seeds. They are hanging out in a warm place, away from sunlight, waiting for the first signs of life.

6. Communicate Your Results: you should all be pleased to know that you will get weekly updates on how my little experiment is working.

I really hope I can pull this off. My mom is a little worried about this not working out, so she planted some backups for me...gotta love moms!!

Check, Check, and Check!

I did it! I achieved all 3 of my goals!! Wahoo!

What a relief! I was so so nervous driving to my appointment, but felt completely at ease with my Dr. He was good at listening to my questions and the things I was scared about. He made me feel much more at ease about the situation I am in, but also didn't dismiss how scared and frustrated I am.

Plan of action for now; a truckload of blood work and a Sonohysterogram.

Truckload of blood work: NOT FUN!! I have terrible veins. It took 4 sticks (3 in my hands), two blown veins, and 1.5 hours to fill my 9 tubes of blood. The girl taking my blood told me she had 3 miscarriages before her successful pregnancy with twins. I really like hearing about those who have overcome recurrent pregnancy loss. I still have 2 more tests to give blood for, so hopefully I will have better luck next time.

Sonohysterogram: I need to wait a couple of weeks to start pro vera to force period and then schedule test for the day I stop bleeding. I am nervous for this test. Anyone?

Overall, I am very happy about how things went, other then the bruises rapidly showing on my hands. I feel so good about my decision to go to this Dr. and really feel like I am in the right place for me. Thanks for all your well wishes!

Simple Goals

I have 2 main goals for today's appointment.

1. Don't push any pregnant women down. It is not their fault I can't stay pregnant.
2. Do not have a complete emotional breakdown. I just need to keep it together until I get safely back in my car.

and my other goal:

3. Get answers and come up with a plan so I can hopefully not do this again.

I will let you know how it goes!

Cheering Myself Up

Welcome ICLWers. I am excited for the ICLW since it has been a few months since I participated. Here is a little blurb so you know what is up over here are Baby Hungry.

We got our first BFP on Clo mid in September 2009 after ttc since January 2008. Our dreams came crashing down when we miscarried in October. I was 6.5 weeks along. February 2010 brought another BFP, followed quickly by miscarriage #2 at 4.5 weeks. I am currently trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and get some answers to why my body doesn't want to stay pregnant. Clo mid was my magic potion for getting prego, now I just need to find the magic elixir to keep that pregnancy for 9 months. I am meeting with a multiple pregnancy loss maternal fetal medicine Dr. for the first time on Tuesday.

An update for my faithful readers: I have been working night and day on cheering myself up. I have successfully kept myself busy enough to keep the crying to a minimum. Either that, or I am just in denial. Either way, here is what I have been cheering myself up with...

• hosting a Valentines day brunch for my mom and sisters
• buying myself flowers, and getting roses from my DH
• girls night
• reading reading reading
• movie: Valentines day
• shopping
• pedicure
• road trip to find the sun...we found it and it still exists
• movie: When in Rome
• eating treats, lots of treats (I really need to stop that!)
• making an appointment with MFM Dr., I'm really excited to get some answers and come up with a plan.
• did I mention I have been eating lots of treats??

I am doing much better with this miscarriage then I did with the last one. I think much of that is because my heart was guarded with this pregnancy and I didn't give the whole thing to it for fear of it being smashed into a million pieces again. I hope I can feel safe enough to give my whole heart to this dream, but right now I am trying to protect it. I thank you all for your kind words. I could really feel the love and support from you all. I hope I can pay it forward to those in need.

PS...Today is my birthday. Go out and eat come cake to celebrate since it is my favorite food! I know I will be!

Good Bye 10.10.10

I woke up at 4:30am with terrible cramping.

Blood is gushing out of me now.

It is over.

10.10.10 will just be a day I cry over my two lost dreams.

The Results are in...

And they don't really say jack...

Beta: 88
Progesterone: 4.6

According to Dr..."Both are low. Unsure if pregnancy will be viable. Re-test on Friday"

She said I could try taking Prometrium for my low progesterone, but that it might be too late to do any good. What to do??

This miscarriage (that is what I am calling it) is bringing with it a lot of anger. Last time I was too buried in hear break to feel any anger. This time the anger is right in line with my heartbreak. When I walked into the women's center to get my blood taken and saw all those women with perfectly round bellies, I just wanted to run up and push them all down. I had to remind myself that each and everyone of those women could have gone through all the heartache and disappointment of infertility and loss and are just now getting their miracle after years of pain.

But watch out....I sure am mean these days.

A crying, mean, nasty, mess.

This is not how I am supposed to feel during my favorite time of year.

I did make an appointment for a Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. who specialises in multiple pregnancy losses. I see him on the 23rd. I hope he will be more sensitive to my situation and the questions and fears I now have after losing teo.

One was random, two scares me.