He Never Said He Loved Her

Still Alive…

Posted on April 25, 2017 by pabloswife

Look at me… another 9 months of no blogging. Maybe this is my new normal, I guess its progress, I guess its called healing.

I’m still good, I’m still alive, I’m still with my husband who is also (luckily for him) still alive! I’m still on my weightless journey altho am probably near the end give or take 10 or so lbs. I have shed around 100 lbs since my WLS and am now rocking size 6 jeans and somewhere between a small and a medium in tops… and its fucking awesome! I’ve lost 2 sizes in shoes, my rings have gone down 2 sizes and unfortunately my once ample bosom has all but disappeared! I’m almost half the woman I was and I am the happiest I’ve been in years!

There’s not much left of that sad, broken woman who found her way to WordPress shortly after finding out that her husband of many years had treated himself to a side of pit faced whore. She was so sad and such a lonely woman. She’d been ignored for many years. She was married but so alone. And then, as quickly as it took to read a line in a text message, she was broken. And then she found a safe place, a place where she could talk openly and freely (for the most part – there were a few haters!) about what she was going through, her fears, and where she learned, that sadly, she was far from alone!

Me? I’m happy, I’m so much more confident and I’m healthier than I’ve been in years. I still love my husband, I even still like him (for the most part) but what we have today will never be the same as it was before D Day. That blinding trust I had in him is forever gone. I still think about what he did on a daily basis, mostly in a fleeting kind of way, I still hate what he did and who he did it with. I still wish, with all my heart that he’d never crossed that line, but he did and there’s absolutely nothing either of us can do about that. What we can do is try to learn from our mistakes… yes, we both made mistakes along the way, some obviously much fucking bigger than others of course! But we can try to learn from them and try to move forward and try to keep loving each other, to keep talking and to keep moving forward, together.

Now, more than three years later, the details that were once so firmly etched in my mind are more hazy and for the most part I chose to try and not spend too much time recollecting them. I mean, really, what’s the point? To do so would only serve to take me back to a place I’d rather not go to, to a time where I wondered if I’d ever be able to smile again, to that moment where I wondered whether it would be easier to drive head on into that truck rather than stay on my side of the road. And so I try not to dwell to much on the past but to instead focus more on the future.

And what of the future? It’s looking kind of rosy. I recently had a scare following a mammogram. I was called back for another mammogram, and an ultrasound and than a biopsy on each breast. Yesterday, I finally received the news that I was cancer free, I got the all clear. I am just so relieved, I really had thought I was gonna be told I had cancer, that instead of starting my skin removal journey with a breast lift and augmentation, I’d be checking in for a mastectomy!

So there you have it! I’m healthy, I’m happy, I’m getting me some new pert boobs and I am living proof that there is life after an affair. That you can fall back in love with your partner again, that you will laugh and you will smile and you will be happy and that even if the trust doesn’t come back, even if you have flashbacks and remember what an asshole he was, life can still fucking awesome!

And what of the friends I found on here along the way? Some of them are still here, still checking in, still telling their story, still offering advice, a couple have even met! Others have disappeared, and I think of them often. Tempted, Ben’s mom, Nephilia, to name but a few, I think of you often and hope you are doing well xx

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, Infidelity, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

I’m Still Here…

Posted on July 26, 2016 by pabloswife

WOW… Its been 9 months since my last post. Thats like FOREVER in blogging! I guess that must mean that things are going well, so well that I no longer need the crutch, the lifeline that was my blog in the early days. Yes and no.

I’m still here.
My husband and I are still together.
Life, for the most part, is pretty good.

I still have days where I spend far too much time thinking about the affair that rocked my world.

I still have days where I fantasize about some pretty awful things happening to the pit faced whore.

And I still have days when I hate my fucking husband for what he did to us, to me.

But I have more good days than bad. And that is such an improvement over the early post D Day weeks and months when it seemed that I would never have a whore free minute for the rest of my life.

I have stayed away from the blogging world for a number of reasons, none of them particularly intentional but reasons nonetheless.

Firstly I had logged myself out of my WordPress on my laptop and typing a comment on my phone was hard enough, there was no fucking way I was going to attempt to try and type an actual post LOL!

Secondly there really hasn’t been too much to say. There have been many nights where I have laid in bed mentally writing a post and that has been good enough for me.

Thirdly I have made some pretty awesome changes in my life, namely surgery. I had a gastric sleeve back in March. I have subsequently lost 65 pounds since then and I have spent the last 4 months concentrating on me. And I fucking rock! I feel like a new woman. I look better than I have in years. I feel healthier than I have in years and I weigh less than I have since before I met my husband. Granted, my body is not that of the 18 year old I was when we first started dating but then neither the fuck is his.

And what of the whore? I guess she’s still out there either living in her crappy marriage, fucking someone other than her husband, or maybe she’s actually realized that she almost broke up her family and is making a go of things with her husband. I have no clue. Apart from a single stalking episode of her sisters FB page where I found pictures of her at Christmas playing Pie Face (and yes I did have a moment where I imagined her pit face covered in my husband’s cum rather than cream) I have no idea what has become of her. And nor do I really care. I have still not contacted her husband despite my best efforts. The number i had for him appears to be incorrect and unless I call his place of work and see if they will put me thru to him, I have no other way to contact him. I still believe that he deserves to know what a sad pathetic low life he’s married to and I am still of the opinion that I will one day be the one to let him know. But to be honest I’ve been so busy concentrating on me, I’ve had little time to think of her. And thats a good thing right??

My husband is still pretty attentive. There are still things that he’ll say that will remind me of the affair and he’ll have no idea that they have, and honestly most of the time I don’t bother to tell him. I guess he says them because he doesn’t associate them with the whore and the affair and I guess thats a good thing. He has been very encouraging about my weight loss journey and has done all he can to help despite me constantly telling him that when I reach goal I’ll probably dump him and then go and find myself someone new, someone with less baggage! Because of course, having been cheated on I would never find someone before I had dumped his lying, cheating ass!! Despite this he has remained encouraging and I really appreciate that.

We are still reasonably happy but my feelings towards him have definitely changed. Yes I do still love him but it’s different now. That special something has gone and I don’t think its ever coming back. He’s damaged goods. Much like a broken vase, you can stick it back together, it can still look pretty good up close, it can still hold water and flowers but its specialness has gone. Even if you keep it, it’s just not special anymore and that’s kind of how I feel. Some days I’m even pretty detached and my husband has noticed my detachment. I don’t know why I’m like that. Whether the time and distance from D Day has anything to do with it or whether my weight loss and new found confidence has a role to play I don’t know but its definitely there. And I really don’t mind. I like not being so dependent upon him for my happiness… I mean really, how can the closest person to you in the entire universe do something like that and still be your moon and stars?? They can’t. And because of that I have days where I feel pretty lonely but I’ve gotten used to it. I’ve always enjoyed my own company, thankfully!

I have told 3 people of my husband’s affair since I found out and all were in the last 9 months… the shrink I had to see in order to qualify for WLS, my new Dr and my best friend. That was pretty huge for me. They are the only 3 people in the entire world apart from my husband and the whore that know. I told my Dr when I went to get a pap. It had been 6 years since my last one… I know, I know… don’t judge me!! Anyway I asked her if I would also be tested for HPV. She asked why and so I told her. She was very nice and said I would be tested. Thankfully everything came back clear which was a relief. I don’t know why I told my best friend but I did and I’m pleased I did. She said she had wondered whether something was up… guess I’d been liking too many of those posts we all see on FB! Her husband had an affair many years ago and they are still together, altho not particularly happily. Anyway she was devastated that I hadn’t told her and that I had dealt with the aftermath on my own but I explained that I had very quickly found an online community that had gotten me thru those first weeks and months 🙂 I told my husband I had told her and he was pretty sheepish around her the first time he saw her afterwards and she told him that she knew and that she was really disappointed in him and quite honestly, it made me feel better.

Today we get on well. Our sex life is better than it was pre D Day but not as great as those first few heady months afterwards but thats fine. Like I said I’ve been concentrating on me and if he doesn’t like that, well, tough shit. I have some excess skin that bothers me and at the moment probably have as many body issues because of the skin than I did when I was heavier. I may have looked like a balloon but a deflated balloon looks so much worse BUT I have every intention of having skin removal surgery once I get to where I want to be, which should be only a matter of months now 🙂 My husband says the skin doesn’t bother him but then he said the fat didn’t bother him and he still went and fucked some skinny pit faced whore so its no wonder I don’t believe him!

The trust in him has never really returned. I still don’t trust him further than I can throw him. Do I think he’d have another affair? Probably not, but then I never dreamt he’d have one in the first place so what the fuck do I know? He’s pretty transparent these days, much more so than pre D Day but once bitten, twice shy. I trusted my husband implicitly and he broke that trust, I just don’t think I want to give it to him again. I don’t think he deserves it. He certainly didn’t value it before.

We went to our first wedding a couple of months ago. I listened intently to the vows, vows I’d heard a hundred times, but this time I actually HEARD them. I listened as my niece promised to remain faithful to her husband and he to her and I so wanted to tell them their chances weren’t great, that theres a good chance that one of them will cheat on the other in the years to come but of course I kept quiet. Hopefully they will love each other enough not to cheat. They will stay true to each other… unlike my husband. It was painful to watch and to remember but I’m rooting for them and hope they make a better go of staying faithful than my husband did.

He mentioned the vow renewal again recently. We’ll see. I have no desire to renew them at the moment. After D Day, I would have done it like a shot, now, blah… whatever… not sure what that says about my current frame of mind LOL! Indifference is how it can best be described I guess. Maybe once I’m done on my weight loss journey I’ll feel differently, maybe I wont, guess we’ll just have to wait and see, altho I do need to get all my rings made smaller as they are barely staying on at the moment. Maybe it’ll do me the world of good to get a new one!

And so I will leave you there, all caught up on my story. I know how annoying it was back in the day to devour someones story from the very beginning only to have it stop dead, before the end. Being left to wonder whether they made it. Did one of them die? What the fuck happened??? So I will try to post every so often just to let anyone who cares know how I’m doing. Whether we are still, in the words of Charlie Sheen, “Winning!” And of course I will continue to check up on how you are all faring in the quagmire of post D Day infidelity. What a club we all belong to. Its like the worst fucking club ever, with the best fucking people!

For now I think we’re winning. We are still together, we have more good days than bad, we like each other’s company, there’s just this elephant sized pit faced whore that I sometimes catch a glimpse of in the corner of the room and then I find myself retreating into my safe place. Gotta dust those fucking corners, you never know what’s lurking there!

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, Infidelity, STD testing, trust, Uncategorized | 13 Comments

Two Years…

Posted on October 28, 2015 by pabloswife

Its been two years since the bottom fell out of my world.

Two years since I found out my husband of some 18 years was a lying, cheating asshole.

Two years since I googled the words “Infidelity” and “Affair”.

Two years…

24 months…

104 weeks…

730 days…

17,520 hours…

1,051,200 minutes…

Two years ago I was living the dream. I really was. I believed we were happily married. We had 4 great kids. We were pretty affluent. We had money in the bank. We had a holiday home. We had vacations aplenty. We were healthy and we were happy. Or so I thought…

Two years later I’m living the nightmare. The nightmare of infidelity. We still have the house, the great kids, the money, the holiday home and the vacations except now it feels hollow, almost meaningless. Even when I’m happy there feels as tho there’s something missing.

The innocence has been lost.
The faith in my husband has gone.
My ability to trust is no more.
I no longer feel completely secure.
Sometimes I just feel very alone in this world.

Two years ago today I lost my best friend.

Where once my husband was my rock, the one person in the world who had my back, now he is the one person in the world who has done me the most harm and yet I still love him… or at least I think I do. Or am I just settling? Settling for what’s easiest. If I’m completely honest with myself I do wonder if thats exactly what I’m doing and I question whether that’s what he’s doing too. Is it just easier to stay where we are rather than start again? Rather than admit we, well, he fucked up? I do love him but not like I used to. I just don’t think I believe in him anymore.

I asked my husband why he loved me the other day. He said he loved my smile, my laugh and my company… not exactly riveting stuff! And I got to thinking what do I love about my husband? I love the fact that he works hard for our family and I love that between us we made 4 great kids… and thats about it. Everything else that I used to love has been tarnished by the affair and I don’t know if it will ever come back.

In the beginning of this nightmare I read it took 2-5 years to recover from infidelity. I reckon that’s about right altho, after two years I’m still questioning whether you can ever really recover or do you just learn to let it go, to live with the knowledge that your husband/wife/partner was a lying selfish asshole for a period of time. That they cared more for themselves than for you. And that’s a very bitter pill to swallow.

To those of you just starting out on this most awful of journeys I say hang in there. Believe in yourself. Do what’s right for you. Take advice by all means, but follow your heart because this is your life and no one else’s. Know that this journey is a rollercoaster. There will be highs and there will be the deepest lows but things will get better, life will go on, it’s just a different one from the one you once had.

And to those of you who have been with me since the very beginning, I thank you for getting me thru these past two years and for cheering me on as I rode the rollercoaster of infidelity. I really don’t think I’d have made it without each and every one of you. I guess we must be healing because 2 years later we are all posting much less frequently, and lurking much less than we used to.

Two years on from the worst day of my life, and I still believe that my life will never be what it should have been, but it’s not all bad. It’s certainly much better than it was 2 years ago and I’m hoping in three years time it will be even better!

Sadly infidelity will always be part of our story but I’m hoping it won’t be the whole book. I’m hopeful that in time, as long as my husband continues to put in the effort and continues to prove that he is worthy of my love, that I will once again be able to look at him and not remember that he fucked the pit faced whore.

But two years on and I’m afraid that’s exactly what I see 😥

Motherfucker!!

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, trust, Uncategorized | 30 Comments

Oh The Irony…

Posted on October 6, 2015 by pabloswife

My husband wore his wedding ring religiously from the day we married… until he didn’t!

After I found out about the affair I stopped wearing mine and low and behold my husband started wearing his. Go figure! Mine has gradually found its place back on my wedding finger but it no longer means what it once did. It is no longer a symbol of our love for each other, of our commitment to one another. It is what it is, a simple band of metal, that sits on the third finger of my left hand. My husband has continued to wear his all day, every day since D Day.

The ring that I once wished he’d wear, I no longer cared for. I hated the fucking thing if truth be told. In the early days we talked about buying new ones, he talked of vow renewal. Every time I saw it I was reminded that he’d taken it off and fucked the pit faced whore without a second thought for me, our family or our marriage.

This summer we were on vacation and my husband took his wedding ring off to wash his hands. He left it on the side. Someone took a liking to the shiny band of gold that he had owned for almost 21 years. The same band of gold that I placed upon his finger to symbolize our union and our love and commitment to one another, all those years ago.

He was almost distraught that it was lost, I was like… meh! It’s a ring. It means nothing. Yet for some reason, it meant, since D Day, it meant a lot to my husband. So this past weekend, we went and to buy him a new one. We picked out a lovely new band. He seemed pleased with it, wanted me to get a new one to match his. But in all honesty, I’m not ready for a new one, maybe I never will be.

As we left the store I asked my husband if he liked his new ring. He said that he did but that “it isn’t his old one!” Damn right it isn’t! He had no qualms taking that one off and fucking the pit faced whore, lets hope he keeps this one on and keeps his dick in his pants!

Oh, and I hope the ring brings the new “owner”/wearer as much luck as it did me… oh and I hope he gets a raging dose of herpes too 🙂

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, Uncategorized | 8 Comments

6 Months…

Posted on September 28, 2015 by pabloswife

Its been a busy 6 months since I last posted.

We had birthdays.

We had a Graduation.

We sent a kid off to college.

We had an anniversary.

We moved.

We laughed.

We cried.

This list could so easily have read…

I celebrated birthdays.

I attended my child’s Graduation.

I sent a kid off to college.

I moved.

I laughed.

I cried.

I divorced my lying, cheating selfish asshole of a husband.

But it would seem I’m not as selfish as my husband because we are still a “we” despite his actions.

We not I… if only he’d thought about the “we” a little more and the “I” a little less. How different things would be eh?

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, Uncategorized | 1 Comment

M.I.A aka M.F.B…

Posted on September 28, 2015 by pabloswife

M.F.B.

Missing from blog.

That’s what I’ve been.

It wasn’t entirely intentional, not in the beginning anyway.

I did something to upgrade my laptop and in doing so, I logged myself out of WP. Of course I didn’t have a clue what my password was. I still had WP on my cell so for a few weeks I kept up with all of you using that but the thought of trying to post on my cell was, quite frankly, too painful to even consider! And then it slowly dawned on me… I’d spent the whole of last year looking back instead of forward, especially during the summer months, because it was over the summer of 2012 that my husband took to fucking the pit faced whore.

Last year, 2014, after the discovery of my husbands affair in October of 2013, my entire summer was spent dreading the arrival of the dates that I knew he’d fucked her… theirs was an affair conducted whilst away on business so I had all the dates firmly engrained in my brain.

After I was logged out of WP, I realized that the once “important” dates were no longer at the forefront of my memory and I decided that I wanted to try and spend this summer, the last summer before our eldest headed to college, in compete ignorance and that perhaps the best way to accomplish that was to stay the hell away from my blog.

And for the most part, stay the hell away I did!

It was the best thing I could have done.

Of course I still spent far too much time remembering what an asshole my husband was.

Of course I remained heartbroken.

And of course,unfortunately, I still spent far too much time thinking of ways to disfigure the pit faced whore.

BUT this summer was so much better than last year.

Now, I sit here approaching 2 years since D Day. Two years since my world fell apart. Two whole years of my life spent working thru the shit my husband and his whore threw at me, at my family. But it is getting easier. It didn’t even cross my mind that my husband was a lying sack of shit until 9:42 this morning and I’be been up since 6:15. Thats awesome. It wasn’t too long ago that my very first thought upon waking, and most of my thoughts whilst sleeping, were of the affair, now I can go a whole 3 hours and 23 glorious, whore free minutes! How fucking great is that??

I have tried to keep up on whats been going on with you all and I’m pleased, for the most part, to see that you, like me, are still managing to survive this shit storm otherwise known as infidelity. I’m sad to see so many new names amongst us, that infidelity, despite the heartbreak it brings, is still very much part and parcel of everyday life, that there will always be selfish assholes who think that they deserve a little, or a lot, of what they fancy, without giving a second thought to anyone other than themselves. How sad is that? If only selfish assholes would stop and think about the ramifications before diving dick first into any available whore, the world be a much better place. But of course, thats never likely to happen… sadly!

My world changed forever the instant I discovered that my husband was not the man I thought he was. I am forever changed, and I guess so is he. He knows exactly what he did and how his actions have forever impacted our lives. I’d like to think, that knowing what he knows now, he’d have stayed as far away from the pit faced whore as possible and never have fucked her. But no matter whether he wishes that or not, his actions of the summer of 2012 can never be undone and we will both have to live with them for the rest of our lives 😥

MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE!!!

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

Home Alone…

Posted on March 31, 2015 by pabloswife

My husband has been working away from home for the last two weeks. Working. Just like he was when he was having an affair.

His company, instead of putting him in a hotel, have a company apartment in the city that he’s working. He is there. Alone.

He’d fucking better be!!

I hate him being away now. Pre D Day? I was fine with it. It was the nature of his business and I was used to having my own space. Now? Post D Day? I don’t like it at all.

Firstly, there’s the trust issue. Unfortunately, due to my husband’s inability to keep his dick in his pants and his hands off of his whore of a co worker, I now have very little trust in him. Before I trusted him implicitly which is probably why he was able to have an affair without me even thinking for a moment that that was the reason he had turned into a complete asshole, seemingly overnight! But thanks to him, and the whore, that level of trust was wiped out, never to return.

Secondly. I miss him. Fucking hell, I actually miss him! I miss talking to him. I miss touching him. I miss knowing he’s around. Even the kids miss him and they never used to. Because even when he was home, he was absent, especially true for our youngest. She’s never really known what it was like to have her dad be there in mind as well as in body, and now she does. And she misses him when he’s away.

And thirdly, well thirdly there’s the trust issue. Did I mention that already??

I think my husband is feeling it too. Once upon a time I’m sure he relished his nights away from us, even when he wasn’t planning on fucking his whore. He’d be in a hotel, eating fine food, drinking fine wine, probably flirting with other’s staying away from home. If he wasn’t fucking the whore, he sure as shit was spending all night texting the skank. He says there was never anyone other than her, and I guess I just have to trust him… easier said than done, but I have no proof, so I really have no other option.

Now, for the last two weeks, he’s been spending his nights alone.

In an empty apartment.

Cooking meals for one.

Watching crap on TV.

Skyping his family.

I wonder if it’s crossed his mind that that could so easily be his life now had I not been willing to try and make a go of our marriage. That on that fateful night, when I woke him up after finding proof that he’d fucked the pit faced whore, that I could so easily have kicked his lying cheating ass out of our home, our family home. And that now, instead of being a central figure in our family, he’d be living on the outside looking in. Exiled from the rest of his family, all because he couldn’t say no. Couldn’t be the man I thought he was, the man I believed he was.

That if he was lucky, our kids might be spending a night a week with their lying, cheating father, because of course, if we were living separately, they’d know the truth. They’d know exactly what their father did and with whom. I doubt they’d want to spend much time with him. The older two most certainly wouldn’t. Maybe the other two would, who knows.

I hope it crosses his mind.

I hope he realizes that he’s been given a second chance.

I hope he realizes how lucky he is.

I hope he cherishes what we have…

Because he should and he should never forget. Because if I hadn’t been willing to make a go of things, he would be living alone. He would be that weekend dad and he would see the look of disbelief and hurt every single time he looked into his children’s eyes.

As far as I’m concerned he is one lucky son of a bitch and he should never forget that!

Because I know for sure that I never will.

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, trust, Uncategorized | 11 Comments

All I Ever Wanted…

Posted on March 11, 2015 by pabloswife

Was to be loved.

To feel safe.

To be respected.

To be adored.

I don’t know if I’ve ever felt those things. Not really.

I’m the oldest of 4 kids. A daughter who was supposed to be a son. Then came the sons and then the baby. I never felt that unconditional love that a parent should provide. I was the oldest, the peacemaker and there was a lot of arguing in my house, between my siblings and between my parents. Both my parents were guilty of infidelity. My home was not the safe haven it should have been. I never felt I was good enough. I was too fat, too stupid, too lazy, my grades weren’t good enough, my friends weren’t good enough, my boyfriends weren’t good enough.

I was never good enough.

Then I met my husband. He was a virgin, or so he told me (after D Day he told me he’d had sex with a previous girlfriend… go figure!) He told me he loved me, probably to get in my pants and it worked. Remember, I’d never felt very special. But he told me he loved me and we had sex after only dating for a week or two. The sex was never really that great. There was no real passion. I loved my husband but it wasn’t that hungry, all encompassing kind of love and I certainly never felt adored. My husbands eyes never lit up when he saw me. He never told me I was beautiful. He never really cuddled me unless he wanted to have sex. But we chugged along. We were happy, at least I thought we were…

After maybe 3 years of dating we bought our first house and moved in together. We got engaged. It seemed the right thing to do. If we were gonna live in sin, we’d at least be engaged! We married after we had been dating for 7 years. Did he want to get married? Did he love me? Or was he just talked in to it?

Maybe we should never have married.

Maybe he never wanted to marry me.

Maybe he regrets marrying me.

Maybe I regret marrying him…

I do know that I have loved him for 28 years. I couldn’t imagine being married to anyone else. In 28 years I have not so much as kissed another man. I love the family we created together. I loved the life we created. I thought he loved it too. I thought he was happy. I thought we’d grow old together. I never dreamt he’d cheat on me. NEVER!

We didn’t really work at our marriage. We just lived it. We each had our roles to play. I was the wife/mother. I looked after the house and the kids which left my husband free to pursue his career. He was the breadwinner, the sole breadwinner in our family. Even tho he has been the sole breadwinner for many years I always felt that we were equal partners in our marriage, after all, if I wasn’t home doing what I was doing, he wouldn’t have been able to travel the world, doing what he was doing.

His business trips were frequent, have always been that way, since the kids were tiny. At first I hated him being away, I was reasonably new to motherhood when his career took off and my husband was often away Monday to Friday week in and week out, month after month. But when he came home at weekends I was happy to see him. The kids were happy to see him. He seemed happy to be home.

I was happy.

I felt secure.

I trusted him.

We didn’t need to work on our marriage, it worked just fine, like a well oiled machine…

Our marriage just seemed so easy to me. Looking back, maybe too easy. I guess in hindsight we let things go. We were busy being mommy and daddy, busy ruling the business world. Busy ferrying our kids from one event to another.

But we were still happy right??

My husband told me on D Day that he’d been unhappy for years. Really?? I had no clue. I don’t think things had changed that much in our relationship. Maybe that was the problem. We should have taken more time for ourselves, easier said than done when you have a large family and no friends and family around to help out, but we should have made more of an effort. If my husband was truly as unhappy as he believed he was he should have made more of an effort. He should have found a sitter every once in a while. He should have made plans. But he didn’t. Instead he made plans with someone else… and those plans didn’t include me.

I take no responsibility for my husbands affair. He made those choices all by himself. I do take responsibility for not working at my marriage but in all honesty I really didn’t think I had to. I loved my husband. I trusted my husband. I thought we were a team… I thought we had each other’s backs.

And then he betrayed me in the worst possible way.

I still love my husband although some days I wonder if it really is love or just a habit. Who knows, maybe thats what love becomes after so many years. But I no longer trust him. Thats gone. He threw that away, along with my heart, when he fucked his whore and now I am left to pick up the pieces of our broken marriage while he continues to conquer the business world.

Posted in Adultery, Affair, best friend, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, trust, Uncategorized | 16 Comments

Who’s The Daddy…

Posted on March 4, 2015 by pabloswife

Oooops…

All that talk of outing the whore and I realized it had been a while since I’d checked up on what she was doing, so this morning I typed her name and Pinterest into my search engine and had a peek at what shit she was spouting these days.

Well fuck me if there isn’t a ton of shit about baby showers and then that one pin where she typed

” if I have a little boy this will be my shower theme”

Well fuck me, I do believe the whore has gotten herself up the duff!!!

images-4

Now, is it the poor unsuspecting husband’s child?

Or some other poor schmuck she’s been fucking?

At least we know it isn’t my dumb ass husband’s kid!! He had no clue she was pregnant. He doesn’t speak to her at work. Hasn’t seen her in ages.

Hmmmm… wonder how news of her infidelity would upset her neat little world? Wonder if her husband would begin to question the paternity of their offspring? Wonder when the baby is due? In my eagerness to seek out information I then checked her sisters FB page and low and behold, there were over 100 pictures of the sister at her own baby shower with her dutiful whoring big sister by her side. Smiling like a fucking idiot. It’s pretty hard to tell if she’s pregnant but she’s definitely looking rounder these days!

I know just what would wipe the smile off that sanctimonious pit face of hers!!

I want justice. I crave justice.

Be afraid Patricia. Be very afraid…

Posted in Adultery, Affair, best friend, cheating, cheating husband, emotional affair, Infidelity, Revenge, Uncategorized | 13 Comments

Marriage Mirage…

Posted on March 3, 2015 by pabloswife

WOW… its been more a whole month since my last post. That’s progress right?

Is it progress or is it settling?

Am I settling for second best?

These are some of the questions that haunt me these days.

Surely what I had before I found out my husband was a lying, cheating, whoring bastard was better! I know I certainly felt better about it. I felt safe. I had trust in my life. I had love. I felt secure. I had the knowledge that my husband had my back. Yet really, I had none of those things. They were all part of the mirage that was my marriage.

I did once have them, the love, the trust, the security, but they disappeared without me even noticing. Altho truthfully, I did notice, I was just too busy with life to do anything about it. I thought we were on the same page. So I just ignored the slow drain that was sucking my marriage into the cesspool of infidelity.

I ignored it because I trusted my husband implicitly.
I trusted that he loved me enough to not cheat on me.
I felt safe.

And then… I didn’t 😥

Today, 16 months post D Day, we are happy.

We are in love.

We talk, we listen, we smile, we laugh, we cuddle.

We make love.

But I no longer trust. The trust has gone.

When I see my husband on his cell, I’m right back to the bad old days.
When we make plans for the future I wonder if we have one.
When he tells me he loves me, I’m reminded he said those same words to me whilst planning to fuck another woman.
When I look into his eyes, I know those eyes looked at another woman as he was fucking her.

Today my husband left on a business trip. Today I’m feeling about as insecure as a person can be.

And I hate it. I hate all of it. I hate that he did this to us.

Sixteen months on, our family is intact. But the infidelity?? It never goes away. It’s there, like an inoperable cancer. I still wake up thinking I want to kill that bitch. She still enters my mind periodically throughout the day. I still want her to suffer like I have. I believe she needs to know what its like to have your marriage crumble before your very eyes. To wake up one fine day and not know whether your marriage will survive, whether you will survive. That’s the least she deserves and I will make it my mission to make sure she at least has some inkling of what that’s like.

And on that score, things are coming to a head. My husband has been offered a new job. He starts this summer. We will be moving, but before we do, her husband will be receiving a little message from me, the wife of the man his wife fucked. What he chooses to do with that information is none of my concern.

Actually I don’t much care, I’ll just be happy that there’s someone else out in the universe that knows what a lying, cheating pit faced whore she is and that, my friends, feels pretty fucking good 🙂

Posted in Adultery, Affair, cheating, cheating husband, Infidelity, trust, Uncategorized | 25 Comments