The prompts of this The Virtual Conference on Humanizing Mathematics were:
- How do you highlight that the doing of mathematics is a human endeavor?
- How do you express your identity as a doer of mathematics to, and share your “why” for doing mathematics with, kids?
And there are also mini-prompts, too! “Please share a time when doing mathematics was a dehumanizing experience for you.” Responding to that won’t be as coherent with the rest of this post, but I’ll try to weave it in.
These are all great prompts worth thinking about, and I hope to unpack some thoughts over a few posts by participating in this conference (which reminds me of the #MTBoS initiatives I participated in back in 2012).
My responses in this post is more about the first big prompt.
“How do you highlight the doing of mathematics is a human endeavor?”
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It’s about halfway through the summer break for me, and I am still dreaming about school. I’ve written before about a dream I’ve reflected on (2016 post), how I often have these irrational emotions when schools out (2013 post), and how a lot of my efforts just feel like it’s not good enough (2013 post).
Maybe it’s a bit different this year, because I decided to transfer schools. There were a lot of reasons and considerations that led to my move that I won’t get into. It ended up being a very sudden decision, with a really fast turnaround - like deciding to apply, applying, interviewing, getting to job, all happened within the span of 3 week days. Thank you to all my friends that helped me think through a lot of things. You know who you are.
While I don’t generally control my dreams, or mind dreaming about school, I felt that maybe my subconscious is telling me that I really need to write or do something in order to let go. I am always terrible at goodbyes, and definitely made a mess of the final staff meeting and subsequent get-togethers where there were opportunities to say something. I guess I was just really at a loss for words and couldn’t think of anything to say. I loved the kids at the school that I was at, and maybe what I really needed was a way to start the grieving process.
It’s a bit late, but this post is inspired by my good friend’s thread here:
Last day of school work: done!— Idil A. (@Idil_A_) June 27, 2019
Feeling reflective today but ONLY for the Ws, no Ls on this fine summer day!
Do y'all have an big or small wins to declare today? pic.twitter.com/96jXAsf048
I tend to focus on the negatives, and so starting with some wins might be a way to breathe better.
So I’m going to indirectly be touching on “How do you highlight the doing of mathematics is a human endeavor?” by reflecting on some survey responses that my students wrote.
This was from a student who made some great gains with how she saw herself in mathematics. It wasn’t significant to the point that she would gush about doing mathematics or anything, but the positive culture (I wrote a bit about foundations of culture here and here) that I attempted to build with #ThinkingClassroom seemed to have helped her find herself a bit more in the walls of the school.
But aspects of the thinking classroom, of course, were not embraced by all students in the beginning.
As this student pointed out, he hated working on the boards. (of course, #thinkingclassroom is more than just #VNPS or #VRG, which I’ve written a bit here, and will likely write more later) Well, what he meant was actually that he disliked the collaborative aspect of working on the boards. Social hierarchies as well as insecurities and traumas about mathematics surface really quickly in a discursive environment like ones we try to establish in the thinking classroom. In PD sessions where I talk about #ThinkingClassroom, I often reference Peter’s motivation of wanting to break institutional norms, and expand on the metaphor a bit: it’s like breaking open the dry wall or floorboards of old broken systems - when we break open the surface by drastically changing the collaborative experience, all of the crap comes out and we are forced to deal with it.
Some students also saw it as explicit opportunities to develop skills beside mathematics, as this student points out:
Although I’d probably argue that these transferable skills (in Ontario we summarize them as ‘mathematical processes’, and include problem solving, communicating, reasoning and proving, connecting...etc. Sample document here)
I was pleasantly surprised that this student saw these learning structures as related to equity and breaking up existing social groups:
I was also heartened by the statement about how the learning of mathematics was naturally picked up throughout the activities. This is the main reason why I spiral the way that I do (which I think requires more elaboration at a later date…), focusing on students uncovering curriculum through their own wonderings and subsequent explorations.
But I think none of these would have been possible had my central goal not been to humanize our mathematics classroom. The following were hardfought wins -- that I had mostly considered as losses until I read the surveys at the end.
Caring. It’s not something to be said, or a particular action to be done.
It’s a ‘doing’, a ‘being’ - present participles that demands genuine and sincere attention to my students. It's an ongoing process that needs to be the core of every consideration, action, and reflection - not a neatly packaged movie with a climax and resolution.
Humanizing mathematics, in a way, is all about humanizing our considerations and interactions with students. It's about seeing them as living breathing beings. It's about building meaning into everything we do and don't do.
It’s also not easy. I struggle all the time with not being able to do more. When students don’t have positive experiences with their peers in a random group for that day, despite my many efforts to redirect, prompt, support, revoice, or amplify, I beat myself up over and over in my reflections. Of course, I often gear the next day activities so that student might find more positivity in the next day, but it still weighs heavily on me.
It was an eventful school year for me. I had some emotionally challenging classes. It wasn’t emotionally challenging because they were defiant, they weren’t - certain students seem to be defiant in other classes but were fine in mine. It wasn’t emotionally challenging because they hated mathematics, though they did - but I accept this as a common curse for mathematics teachers. It was emotionally challenging because I cared, and a large number of them let me in - despite their dislike for mathematics, for school, for life.
Also, I had a lot of responsibilities to manage, including a preemie newborn that made ‘sleep’ into something I can only dream about. That certainly upped the emotions bit.
But reading these surveys made me realize that there were triumphs.
There were a few students that I encouraged and helped to go after leadership conference opportunities. Black, 2slgbtq+, and indigenous students that didn’t see themselves as capable in the beginning of the year.
There was a student that had a hard time with life (and mathematics), and I ended up offering a space for them to come chat early in the morning. They didn’t always come. But the occasional arrivals seemed to help, and we even ended up doing some mathematics casually.
These ‘bigger events’ were the ones that come to mind, but I think the little things we do during class are what really matters. Who we select, sequence, connect, and how we do it. Whose voice we value in the classroom, and how we amplify their sayings and doings in ways that support their mathematical identity and agency.
I truly believe these are the real work of us as teachers.
I remain somber because I still don’t think what I did was enough. But in the spirit of following Idil’s example, I will count these as wins for now.
Also… hopefully by slamming down the final period at the end of this blogpost, I hope to turn to a new page.
New school. New colleagues. New students. New learnings. New possibilities.

