What’s stopping you?

In doing creative work, it is not uncommon to stumble upon an obstacle that prevents us from moving forward with our creative process. It may cause us to pivot and move in a different direction, but oftentimes, we actually need to press forward somehow.

I want to share with you some ideas as to why you may be experiencing blocks to your success, having experienced many of these myself. I’ll share the most important reasons you may be blocked first, as it is imperative you determine if they are affecting you or not.

Energy is something you’ll hear me reference a lot when I talk about productivity and living in general. It’s usually quite obvious when someone has a lot of physical energy – whether through their speech or with their movements; We can often notice when someone is lacking physical energy – yawning, drooping eyes, moving slower than ‘normal’, not fully aware of their surroundings.

Mental energy can look the same, but is used much differently. It’s often much harder to see a person’s mental energy levels, but they’re most apparent when it comes to concentration and focus, decision making, and problem solving. When I’m experiencing low mental energy, I often yawn, find it hard to ‘look’ at what I’m doing, and often catch myself staring off into nowhere in particular.

It can be a challenge to keep both types of energy in check, but with practise and understanding, you can create tools and systems to manage when your energies are low. I’ll speak more about how I manage my energies in a later post, but for today, we’re just examining our energies as a possible block to getting where we want to go. You wouldn’t want to drive on low physical or mental energy, so consider that you shouldn’t try to push forward in whatever creative work you are doing when either are low.

Aside from low energy, you could also be facing burnout, which may appear as simply lack of energy at first, but can actually become more severe in symptoms, which makes it harder to simply ‘bounce back’ and feel refreshed after deploying energy tools and systems. Symptoms such as headaches, detachment, or irritability, are just a few that may be affecting your well being, and should not be dismissed when considering your next steps. Again, I will discuss how I cope with burnout in a later post, but today, just consider whether you may be experiencing burnout, which may be holding you back.

The most obvious deterrent for me, when it came to moving forward on things, was the fear of failure. I know this one very well, because as soon as I get an idea and start to piece it together, I physically can’t move forward; words won’t come out, and when they do, they’re never good enough, even though I haven’t published or shared them. Some people are naturally gifted with the mindset that failure isn’t an option or that it’s not a big deal. It’s healthy to have a little fear of failure, but consider that failure is natural, and that everyone’s idea of failure is different.

Think about 5 racers competing against each other. All finish, and only one claims the top spot; the second and third take home medals also, but did they fail? Did fourth and fifth place fail, or did they do what they set out to do that day, which was finish the race at the best speed they were capable of. Consider turning your fear of failure into an act of courage. The courage to try.

You have the energy, and the courage to move forward, but you’re still blocked. You may be setting vague or limited goals when it comes to reaching your personal vision of yourself. We are so quick to point out what we want (to have a career, to be fit or healthy, to do the thing we’re reluctant to do) but we don’t actually have a clear vision of what it is we want or how we see ourselves getting there. We don’t have a set of goals or habits that match what we need to do. We might say, well, I need to start going to the gym, or, I need to start writing, with no direct ( go to the gym 3 times per week; sit down to write 3 times per week) or efficient (eat more protein and add weight training; write what’s coming through and determine how it all fits together) goals laid out.

Creating a list of steps and ideas to get us where we need to go is a great start. We don’t need to have the whole plan laid out, but if we are pointed in the right direction, we have a much better chance of gaining momentum when we start. We can always build upon our set of goals and refine our personal vision as we go. You may see yourself as crossing the finish line toward your goal; For instance you may envision yourself as a successful author in your office working away, but you mustn’t ignore the vision of yourself working hard to get there – a lot of writing, sticking to schedules to meet your deadlines, resting to prevent burnout or sickness – all of these things come into account when deciding what your steps should look like on the path to greatness.

These last few possible blocks all sort of stem from our mental space. They all sound as if they are the same problem, however, each one is different and you should distinguish which one(s) if any, are affecting you.

I think most of us have had experience with our inner critic; A voice that can be debilitating sometimes, squawking or croaking away when we stop to give it space. The inner critic may say a lot of negative things, but it doesn’t have to be a negative experience, and you should be aware of how it can affect you. I’ve written about my inner critic and how I handle it, and I’ll share more on that later. Negative self perception can really affect how you react to the inner critic or to your resistance in general. We may feel as though we’re not ‘allowed’ to be creative, because we’re duty bound to someone or something else; We simply might think we’re incapable of being creative, having low confidence in ourselves, which can show up at the beginning of a project, or any time after. This can evolve for a variety of reasons, and some of us might not even realize that we have a negative perception of ourselves. This can also be amplified by a lack of support from others as well as yourself. You don’t need your friends and family to fawn over you, however, having the time you need to do the things you need to do, without having people asking of you, goes a long way to getting where you need to go. You are probably supporting yourself on a daily basis, such as keeping your bills paid, keeping yourself fed, rested, and nurturing your well being. Be sure to check on the parts of your life that you’re slacking in, which may in turn be threatening your ability to support yourself.

Stepping past a barrier isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park. Warning signs are put up for a reason, and mental warning signs are a sign that we haven’t fully made up our minds yet on choosing to move forward, even when we know we really want to.

It’s also perfectly normal to feel ‘blocked’, when all along, you just need to be a little more patient with yourself and your process. I scribbled the ‘bones’ for this article into my notebook, with just a simple question “What’s stopping you?”, then proceeded to write down the ‘problems’ that came to mind. The bones took up about 8 lines in my notebook, however, once I sat with each topic and allowed the words to come through onto the keyboard, I was able to expand my ideas, because I was open to it. The initial notes took about 5 minutes to come out, whereas this article took me hours and days to come out ‘just right’. I wanted to have it done 3 days after my initial notes came out, only to realize it would take closer to 10 days.

Be patient with yourself and your creative work. That’s not an invitation to throw it in the drawer and forget about it; it just means to allow the creativity to flow at the speed it wants to. I’ll share more about the creative flow in later posts as well, so be sure to subscribe so you won’t miss it.

Do you know what’s stopping you? Journaling about the obstacle can help with determining the cause, as well as finding a solution moving forward.

How I focus and commit as a multipotentialite/ multipassionate

As an Enneagram type 5, my ideal day revolves around me being in my own space, reading, writing, creating, thinking, discovering, understanding, and developing. As an INFJ, much of my world revolves around (Ni) introverted intuition, whereas I lack (Se) extraverted sensing, or engaging fully with the external world with ease. There’s a reason I ‘pick’ the topics I’m interested in, however, I have a hard time pulling them out of the whirlwind of ideas floating in my mind.

When I wake up in the morning, I have so many requests floating around in my head; Can we study French? Can we play the piano? Can we read this book? Can we read that book? Can we work on that article? Can we work on this fiction story? Can we work on that non fiction book? Can we workout? Can we research that topic? Can we work on one of our sewing projects? Can we listen to that podcast? Can we watch that talk by that guy we saved? Can we practice speaking Kanien’keha (Mohawk)? Can we watch that Korean horror drama? Can we do all the stuff we want to do?

When I get time to work on my pursuits, I can sometimes feel frozen with indecision about what I should be working on. There are times that I wish I just had one interest at a time that I could just pick up and work with, however, there’s just not enough lifetimes for me to do that.

Let’s just say I never get bored, like ever. I would describe myself as a ‘multipassionate’/‘multipotentialite’ person, or simply, someone who has multiple passions or interests at all times, rather than just focusing on one topic of interest.

While it’s great to always have something ‘to do’ for myself, it’s often a struggle to narrow down a ‘topic’ to pursue. I tend to grab on to a topic (ie. study French; read a fiction book; play the piano) and hold on tight for a short intense slow dance; that is, I like to dig into my subject and go as far as I can in a short period. I might spend a full day on studying, or a full day on writing, or a full day on reading; or I might have small breaks all throughout the day where I can only play piano for 15 minutes, read a chapter, review my last language lesson, jot down a couple of things that are swirling in my head.

It can get very hectic with a mind like mine, but that’s not a complaint. Over the years I have slowly learned how to make room for each one of my hobbies and interests, and after reading over all the notes I’ve made through the years, I’d like to share what works for me.

Though I have many ‘eggs’ in my basket (yes I literally store most of my interests in a basket, to get a visual of what I’m focusing on), I have to ask myself a few questions before I decide to pursue a new or on going topic.

My basket holds most of the materials I need to work on my current interests

*Do I have the passion/energy for topic ‘x’?

As I’ve expressed earlier, having passion and energy for a variety of topics is not a problem for me. I’m inspired by the simplest or even mind bending concepts or visuals. I want to do all the things, all the time.

Luckily, I don’t have the passion, let alone the energy for all the topics of interest I have. I want to begin tatting (a weaving yarn art, not the needle and ink art) as a beginner, however, it’s just not high on my list of things I’m currently passionate or energetic about. I do get little splashes of inspiration when I scroll through my playlists or browse my saved site pages, which lets me know that I do still want to pursue it, just not at this time.

When considering my energy levels to pursue an interest, I mostly look at my mental/emotional energy first, as I do need to be in the right mind space to learn language, play the piano, write a post, film a video; I’ve gotten very familiar with managing my energy levels, so I don’t tend to run low energy on a daily basis, unless it’s a day I’ve had to run errands or do a lot of ‘peopling’ or if I’ve just come off a writing binge where I release a lot of words onto paper; in those instances, I will choose low energy topics where I don’t have to concentrate much, just settle in for the ride, such as reading fiction, watching a K-drama with subtitles on, or knitting or hand sewing.

If I’m physically low on energy, then I rest; once rested, I re-evaluate my answer from there.

*Do I have the resources for topic ‘x’?

To study a language, I need input (ie. books, podcasts, videos, or other media). I like to look around for resources for language learning, rather than jumping in to the first video or website or textbook I stumble upon. I check to see that the input will fit into my lesson plan style and make note of what resources I have and how to use them.

Typical resources for my French study session

To work on my novel (or writing articles), I need to have information I can work with (as an intuitive writer, it’s not as simple as just sitting down and writing; only certain parts of stories or articles come to me at certain times, so I must have something floating around in my mind that wants to come out). Right now, I have the notes I wrote on this topic from a ‘journal/stream of consciousness’ writing session, as well as the energy to be in the writing head space.

Resources include more than just the supplies necessary to do the thing; I need physical and mental energy to sit down and write out vocabulary, or move around while listening to a podcast/speaker. Confidence and emotional support from yourself (and sometimes others) will go a long way in the resource department of your interests.

*Do I have the time to fit topic ‘x’ into my day/week?

As I mentioned earlier, I like to dive deep into a topic or interest and spend as much time as I can with it, however, I don’t always have days where I get to spend all my time on one topic, so I try to get in as many small ‘sessions’ as I can. If I were to introduce a ‘new topic’ to my ‘basket’ or ring of current interests, I would have to set it on the back burner, as I currently have over 10 ongoing ‘hobbies’/interests that get attention at least once weekly.

If I don’t have the passion or energy for a topic, it gets placed ‘on hold’. I remove any resources I’ve had in the basket, and take it out of the rotation. This makes space for ‘new’ or incoming topics that I am considering. I will sometimes notice that I keep bringing a topic up in my journaling, signalling that I might have the desire to work with that topic; I often put novels, languages, or blogging away from my mental/physical proximity to relieve anxiety or make space for the things I want to work with.

As much as I love to plan out my day, I don’t stick to a specific schedule. I follow my energy (mostly mental) as a sign of what can be done. There are certain commitments that I’m mindful of when loosely planning my day/week, but mostly I just follow my energy levels.

If I were having a problem fitting topics into my schedule, I would start small; squeeze small sessions in where I can, ten minutes while waiting for coffee to percolate, listening to something like language practise while hanging laundry to dry or folding it. I would look for things that I can squeeze ‘out’ of my routine as well; I don’t have a scrolling problem, but if I did, I would definitely cut it out or down and replace it with focusing on my topics.

*Do I have the skills needed for this topic?

This question may sound a little insulting, but rest assured, it is meant to examine what may or may not hold you back in your pursuit. Knowing that you have the skills necessary to proceed is a great way to silence your inner critic, who may show up when you feel a little bit of discomfort.

If you do conclude that you need a prerequisite (ie, brushing up on or learning a basic or simpler topic before pursuing a more challenging course of study/pursuit) it’s okay to step back and conclude that this topic will have to be put aside while focusing on that prerequisite; You essentially just scale down and put that ‘new’ topic through the line of questions again.

For instance, if I wanted to begin studying astrophysics, I would need to dive a little deeper into physics, maths, and astronomy; If I wanted to read Dostoevsky in its original form, I would need to know a lot more Russian vocabulary and grammar.

Conclusion

You can have any type of interest that can be put through this metaphorical ‘wringer’ of questions to ask yourself, from physical to mental to emotional to spiritual pursuits.

Follow your own instinct with what interests to pursue at the moment, whether it’s on a daily, weekly, or monthly cycle. If you really want to do something, (ie, have the passion/energy) but don’t have the resources, don’t let that stop you; find what you need to bring that interest into your ‘basket’ or mental basket; Think of these questions as spiral or circular and not linear, where you would have to dismiss an interest if it did not ‘meet’ the criteria for the latter.

This might come across as such a long process just to see if you should work on topic ‘x’ today or not. These questions just help me to organize the logic and reasoning behind answering “What can I do at this time?” The process wrangles all my distracted interests when I feel unsure about what I should be ‘working on’ when I feel like working on something.

This also goes without saying that you cannot do all the things all the time, even if you really, really want to. You need to rest when needed and nourish yourself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; Take a walk, sleep in when you need to, message a friend, make your special soup, say a prayer to the universe.

Keeping tabs on your energy is very vital for those of us with such curious minds and hearts. Much of the things I pursue fuels my soul and expands my growth as an individual. It hasn’t always been easy, but listening to my heart and writing down what works and what doesn’t has helped me to move forward or move on with my interests.

Do you have multiple ongoing interests, or do you master one thing at a time?

How do you keep your focus?

When you see it

It took me a long time to see the value in my notes and ideas. I thought for the longest time, no one will take me seriously, but then I started to take myself seriously. I allowed myself the space to sit down and type out a “bad post”; a lot of “bad posts” to be exact.

In my notebook, it’s different. I write what comes to me, nothing more, nothing less. On the keyboard, it’s another story. I’m always trying to drown my notes among other sentences we’re told to put into ‘proper writing format’. To me, it felt like dropping a 12 line poem into the middle of a 200 page novel, then wonder why I don’t see the value of the poem anymore.

I spent so long trying to fit my writing/expression/presentation into what seemed appropriate, while trying to hold onto my authentic self. I just could never see it happening without sacrificing my values and who I am, until I just decided to take the step forward and present myself as I am, and not try to fit a preset formula for ‘content’. I’m not here to make content, I’m here to release words and ideas.

What I mean is, I’m okay with writing to the select few who understand the way I express myself, rather than writing half-assed to the crowd.

That’s it. That’s the big epiphany. And the reason I act as though it’s such a huge moment is because we can see the river our whole lives, hell, we can bathe in it and catch fish in it from time to time, but until we cross it, we don’t know the freedom of what’s on the other side. It’s not about what’s on the other side, it’s about the permission you give yourself to step foot on the opposite bank and look back at what you thought your life was, and move forward exploring what you needed to seek.

A large part of being a writer is the journey, and it’s different for all of us. We all struggle in our own ways, but in that moment of truth, when we reach for the pen, or pull out the notebook full of the tiniest pieces of ourselves, the journey doesn’t seem so bad. For me, the reward has always been the journey, following the muse, tracking her down and accepting the message I receive and deciphering it before releasing it. The hardest part has been releasing it, physically getting it on the page, and mentally allowing myself to be okay with releasing just that small piece of myself tucked inside the magic.

This insight came to me after journaling; after years of journaling; and I don’t mean writing what I did that day or what the weather was like. It came after years of writing everything that came to me, all the questions I had, all the problems I had, all the pain or joy (both the same if you ask me). I could have quit so many times, I wanted to so badly. I cringed at myself a lot, and laughed at myself, and cried for myself. But then sometimes, I would read what I wrote later on and wonder who wrote it. I would find notes from my old self speaking directly to present me asking for help or giving advice. I knew there was magic in those notes, even if I was the only one who could see it.

And then I thought about all the times that I found magic in another writers words; a sentence or two hidden among what others could see, as if only I could see it. And I wondered, could anyone else see the magic in my writing if I dared to share it?

Now I’m not asking you to see the magic in my writing here, because, I’ve only written publicly practically only a handful of times. I would need to publish volumes maybe for the chance for someone else to see just one speck of magic. And that’s when I decided that I would start sharing for the people who also see magic in their own writing, because I know you do, I see it in your writing whether others do or not, and the only way for others to see the magic in your writing, is for you to see it yourself.

Do you see the magic in your own words?

The results will be worth the struggle, hopefully

I’m “trying a new thing” this year; it involves me committing to posting and then actually following through. Hear me out.

I’ve decided to create a series where I follow famous writers routines during the course of a month and actually stick to their routine (as best I can). I know, it’s been done, countless times, and yet still, every year, many writers wonder how their favourite authors do it – create wonderful (or even mediocre) works of art.

The process is as much an art as the final result.

I’m not sure if this project will be a distraction from my other writing projects, as well as other projects going on in my life, but I’m hoping it will bring some fun, some inspiration, and some clarity to my other projects.

While I emulate the routines of each author, I will also read one or two of their published pieces and share my thoughts on it.

My reasoning for even conceiving this task, is not so much to create something meaningful for readers, rather, it is to build courage to share my words and ideas with others. I’m merely committing to a project that will help me with my other projects.

I have a resistance to showing up on the screen and to holding space for words to come out. The glowing screen feels like a cold examination room, while waiting for the doctor to come in and tell me what the hell’s the matter with me. I feel as though I must deliver the small, condensed dialogue I’ve memorized and shoved into the back of my throat, ready to chirp, losing space for the formal and informal exchange of a person to person connection.

What I mean is, I feel as though I’m acting a part, waiting for my cue to deliver; not having planned for questions and follow ups, nor the space to explore what I mean to say.

I’m committing to this silly focus, not because I have something to say that you must hear; I have something to hear that I must say, out loud, in the physical world (even if it is indeed existing on the digital stage, for now).

As an Enneagram Type 5, (if you believe in that sort of thing to gauge ones natural tendencies) I want to learn and know, not just things, but, everything. Reading builds a huge desire to plan possibilities (as an INFJ), but my lack of desire to follow through (because there’s just still so much to read and learn) hinders me from “succeeding” as someone who knows and does things. I’m working on the doing part, because the learning and knowing part is my comfort zone, to lead myself out from the plans and the pages.

The thought of creating content is not appealing to me. I’m not here to fit in with language, style, ideas or opinions; I just need to get the words out into the world to move ahead on my path. I won’t be offended by your boredom, your lack of interest, or your opinion of my thoughts and development of my ideas.

I would love to dream that I will be consistent and focused, and that I manage to build something; I am, however, aware of my flaws and current circumstances.

I have witnessed my growth in the past, and I am always grateful to myself for moving forward; I am always thanking my past self for making the choices that got me here today, and I can feel my future self leaving subtle cues behind, so that I may choose to catch up to her, or not.

If you’re interested in understanding the beauty of words, as well as the struggles of finding those words, please feel free to make yourself at home, with your presence, your eyes, your acknowledgements, and your questions. I rely on extraverted feeling(Fe) to process how I perceive(Ni) and think(Ti) in the world, so your presence is greatly welcome and appreciated.

I have many notebooks filled with my thoughts and ideas and I’m just trying to make sense of it all. My plan is to share little bits of advice I’ve given myself or found throughout my journey, to make it easier on myself, and hopefully, for you as well.

_{*Note to self, just hit publish so that you can move on, before you get caught up in the details}

Ok, that’s my cue. My first author routine review will be out later this month. I’m currently following Virginia Woolf’s writing routine.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post!

Alycia

The Growth of a Writer

*Written April 2019

I love to write. I don’t think I’m a ‘writer’ in the sense that I don’t think that I’m a ‘singer’, even though I love to sing. However, for the purpose of this blog, I will refer to myself as a writer.

Writing can be a rush. Pulling together paragraphs and thoughts and plot lines, or relinquishing your pain or other emotions to the page and putting it all on the line for everyone to see. Sometimes I write something I had no idea I was capable of, how thoughts come out that I had no idea were as concrete as what lies on the page or screen. I suppose the rush of writing is all in my growth.

It’s very easy to convince myself that I’m terrible at writing and to just give up. I’m assuming I was terrible at writing in comparison to the great writers, while I was young. I’ll probably still be terrible compared to great writers for another 20 years or for my entire life. I could however, continue to write and become a great writer myself. It’s all in growth I suppose.

The thing I love about writing is that it’s all up to me. Since I don’t write for money, just for myself at the moment, I’m the one who decides what to write and when. It’s also scary because I have no idea if I should carry on or end a piece as is. I don’t know if I used enough facts or pulled enough strings to move the reader. It’s all in growth I suppose though.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night flooded with emotions or with thoughts about what I should write about, trying to cement the thoughts in my head rather than writing them down before falling back asleep. It really is a 24 hour process, this writing gig. As a wife and mom to young kids, I try to prioritise my writing to certain times of the day and spend the rest of the time with my family. Sometimes I get the urge to write at night when my husband and I are watching Netflix but I try to convince myself that writing is a process and without living my life, I can’t really grow myself. But it’s all in growth I suppose.

Some days the words don’t come out properly, or at all. Some days I question if I have what it takes to really share my thoughts and stories with the world. A lot of the doubt stems from my personality as an INFJ. It stems from my awareness of how I view the world and how the world views me. I can flip in an instant from good to bad, bad to good. I think that’s what will help me stand the test of time as a writer. I think the more I judge myself and the world around me, the more I will experience and feel. How far I can go is really all in growth I suppose.

Being aware of myself, my life, my struggles, is huge for my writing. It’s like a win win for me. I get to discover what moves me and get it out on to paper or screen, which then allows me to understand it more because it’s no longer just jumbled thoughts in my head. It’s been defined. I wonder how I could have ever come this far as an individual if I hadn’t written out my thoughts or feelings or ideas. I can read an idea from someone else, and have it resonate, but when I dig into my own thoughts about that idea, a whole new meaning stems from that original idea. I’m growing through my writing. I’m growing as a person, and as a writer. I often think about who I’ll be in the future. It’s true I have a say in who I’ll become, but it’s all in the growth I suppose.

I need to remind myself, that it’s not about putting words on screen and magically becoming a writer. Much like it’s not about putting seeds in the ground and having a carrot. It’s about the trials and season that determine if that seed becomes something. Just like days with no water or sun, or pests digging at roots, I too have to withstand the trials and seasons of my life, to become not only a writer who writes, but also a writer who sells. And that, is all in the growth of a writer.

Goals for 2021

I’ve never been one of those people who make New Year’s goals, formally. I mean, yeah, sure I’ve gotten excited about the prospect of doing X Y or Z during the cold and depressing months when not much happens because it’s impossible to get out but committing to myself to achieve those goals, well this will be the first.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing this year. I’m holding myself accountable to reach my deadlines and to do the things I say I’m going to do. I’m not going to let fear or anxiety stop me. I’m not going to let my bed have the final say and stay wrapped up until noon. Unless it’s the weekend. Then I’ll stay in bed and surrender to the warmth of the wool blanket holding me down.

I want to see the results. Not the frustration. Not the excuses. I want to be able to look back at the end of the year and be proud of myself. And I’ll set boundaries by giving myself the freedom to sleep in on the weekends since I’ll be getting back into the habit of getting up before the crack of dawn

So, without further ado, here are my goals:

1. I want to learn French. I mean, I know the basics from elementary school, but it’s our second national language, and if I were to ever learn another language, I ought to start with one I’m familiar with first, right?

Well, I’m going to learn to understand French. To speak it as best I can, to hear it and understand it via another person, a movie, tv show, radio podcast, etc. I want to be able to write it; being able to write a very very short story or paragraph or perhaps a letter. I want to be able to read French as I would English by completing a short story read entirely in French.

I figure if I can look back at the end of 2021 and do one or all of these things (which, really, if you can do one, you will probably be able to do them all) I’ll have fulfilled this goal.

2. Develop a Writing Habit/Cycle

Right now, my writing is everywhere, and I mean everywhere. My timing is erratic, sometimes in the morning, late at night, afternoon. Sometimes it’s a 5 minute burst or a 5 hour quest. I scribble over some scrap paper or in a notebook or just pull up a new google doc to rattle off whatever is at the top of my brain. I mean, it’s not a terrible habit. At least I’m writing, right?

But this year, these 365 and 1/4 days, I’m going to attempt to set up a writing habit and cycle that works for me. Not try to force myself into every other writer’s habits because I’m not them. I’m feeling really good about this plan. Last year, I felt like a deer in the headlights and it felt so much easier to tuck my laptop and notebooks in a drawer and crawl back under the covers until the warm weather arrived and beckoned me outside for the season.

3. Enhance my writing skills.

I’d love to pretend I’m an amazing writer who writes effortlessly but let’s be honest, none of us are there. When we stare at a masterpiece we’re all amazed at what we get from the blood sweat and tears. I’ll be tackling a variety of different things to work on from style, to description, and so on. I’m not going to try to learn a lifetime of writing skills in one year, so I’ll be picking a few things to work on and weave into my writing as the year goes by and hopefully share them along the way.

4. Read 50 books.

I think 50 is a good number to shoot for. One book or audiobook a week should be relatively easy. This can include long novels such as the lengths Stephen King writes, which I can eagerly devour in a week; short novellas within the genres I like to write; Writing craft texts; collections of essays from some of my favourite writers and thinkers; or self help type books for my physical and mental health.

5. Publish a story.

I know. I know. Sounds big and daring, but really, nowadays, anyone can publish anything. My plan is to publish one single story anytime between now and 2022. I want to fail hard and fast. I want to learn the lessons of publishing and criticisms from readers now so I can decide if I have what it takes.

6. Start a blog.

Huh? Isn’t this a blog? Yep. But it’s just a random selection of ramblings from me at the moment that remains unpublished for the most part. I plan to re start my blog and bring it to life, rather than watch it float down a street of water and into the gutter, like Georgie’s boat in “IT”, only to have Pennywise laugh at me with his big stupid grin.

I’m a horrible speaker. I was, however, always picked to read aloud, thanks to my great reading skills. It takes time for me to process the jumble of words in my head and putting them onto paper or screen has been much easier for me, even if it still comes out confusing. Blogging seems like a natural way to work on my nonfiction writing skills as I have a few works of nonfiction in progress at the moment. This will hopefully help with the process of getting those words out.

And that’s it! Well, officially that’s it. Hopefully this time next year I’ll have a post published in French or a post announcing my first published story or a years worth of blog posts to look back on.

Cheers to you and your goals in this New Year! 🙂

Sipping Hot Tea

The sound of the mug landing on the table as I lower myself onto the creaky wooden chair jolts me awake. As quiet as the thud of the ceramic on the wood is, I absorb the sound in my ears. It’s like a signal to my brain to quiet down, like a gavel on a judge’s bench.

The steam drifts slowly up and disappears above the laptop. The warmth of it causes me to pause before lifting it to my lips. I debate whether to blow the liquid or to wrap my lips around the rim of the mug and slowly slurp it into the back of my mouth. I take the chance. The bitterness is familiar but the sweetness is notable. As quickly as I filled my mouth, I swallow the warm liquid.

It’s been a long day, and this is my solace. This is my refuge and my sentence. I’ve been waiting for this moment. I let out a quick sigh as I begin to form thoughts. My fingers resting on the keys, tapping away quickly in short bursts. The burden of my task at hand feels effortless and impossible all at the same time. The words come out and the feelings escape.

I take a few more sips, the weight of the cup becoming more limited. The rush of climbing the mountain at the keyboard, slowly fading away. I swallow back the saliva that has been building up as I sit and stare at the screen. My breathing becoming shallow as I pause to regain my grip. I stare blankly into my mind for the feelings and words to pull myself to the top.

I clear my throat before glancing at the depleted mug. Leaning over to peer in I see what’s left before grabbing the handle. I sip it slowly to savour the last gulp but it has now gone cold and my disappointment quickly emerges as I begin to force the remaining liquid down.

Leaving my thoughts on the screen, I exit my refuge and pull myself away from the table. Grabbing the now cold mug, I release myself from the grip of the hard chair and wander away from my grindstone. The mug hits the hard vinyl countertop, and I’m relieved of my duty for another day.