Hegemony be like… Frederick Douglass presented his autobiography to a panel of white men. Hello, welcome, may I take your coat? I’m grinning so wide my face is cracking open and my blood is painting the floor.
This world has two temples: the one built from sand on the bones of the oppressed and solidified to glass in the heat of their undead rage, and the one in your head
dread and waste, love.
where should I go to hide what’s dear?
I would never want to be a mother. I would never want to decide how much to shelter my children. It’s not ethical to expose your children to evil, on one hand. On the other, it will break any good mother’s heart to see her child hurt. The best mothers are tempted to clutch their children to their chests, while the wisest know that the way is paved with sticks and stones. To navigate this world, you must learn evil. You must first know evil before you can consciously move away from it.
Public holidays are random, but today is Mother’s Day for me. I’m fortunate. My mother is both good and wise. For this, I’ve had to re-learn how to love her, as an adult:
Dear Mom,
With all my heart, I forgive you.
Love from arachnid.
Fuck off with your hypocritical violence and your mass hysteria. If you can’t wait for an effective strategy to present itself, then you stand for nothing. Yes, the impending presidency could be a very bad omen, but these problems weren’t created overnight. Nor will they be fixed before sunup. We think now that because we see the whole world, it is our kingdom. Remember your size..
I want purpose. Perhaps I should search for god in earnest, but the fear that I will find only the insides of my own eyelids makes me hesitate.
today, the god of destruction looks out from behind your eyes.
I’m terrified that I might survive this.
Fuck all of you for your pity. I don’t need it. My inner city is untouchable.
of course when I start caring about things they become a fuckign problem
what does it mean, nothing is unsolvable? I think not true. Im unsolvable
consider this scenario: a person with very little self-discipline and who used to rely on motivation by the urgency of whatever matter, but the urgency no longer sways them to action because they are depressed, and people have thought they have schizophrenia but they do not, their thoughts are simply disordered because they experience profound disquiet at nothing at all?
the guilt seeps out of all the people keep trying to help them (don’t deserve it though for poor behavior they have shown) which makes it hard for them to sleep, and when they don’t sleep, they don’t accomplish anything but to organize their notes and write tiny incoherent things in the margin of one book they think might save them, and then fall into an exhausted stupor after missing all of their daily appointments
the rest of their life is a basket case they could have prevented (with relative ease) but didn’t have the energy to, and they stand frozen and stupid, as if they just didn’t dodge the most massive punch ever
and the worst part is, if they would just concentrate on one thing instead of the last thing, then they would still have nearly enough time. Enough time for them anyway since they dilate time with their absurd machinations
but they fail to begin, almost as if they like steeping in their petty angst
and still they’re surrounded by nice people who are cutting them breaks here and there. their most recent break involved doing a bunch of work that was supposed to be due a long time ago right now, and somehow getting an A. and despite their self worth issues they simultaneously feel immense invincibility because people like the work that they do. but they aren’t doing their work
so they come to the conclusion that something in them—the will to succeed—is broken.
how is that solvable
I’m probably going to kill myself soon (don’t bother trying to talk me out of it because you cannot) but I just wanted to say that I think most of the people I know need to re-evaluate their goals.
our age will miss its chance at greatness because everyone is trying to save what is already doomed
arachne 