I miss you.
I am tired of being brave.
so tiny
Last night, while drifting to sleep,
I closed my fist and thought
the heart is so tiny.
The size of my fist,
yet it carries so much weight.
It has been through so much.
It has held joy,
sorrow,
and storms.
And still, it beats
a tender vow.
Rest gently,
my dearest little heart.
fancy a drink?
I had a really silly thought.
If someone asks me what’s my favourite beverage, I’d probably say hot water haha
I love sipping on hot water. the warmth makes it feel oddly fancy
that and probably because it feels safe;
something warm to hold onto.
in between
My life, or rather I seem to be in a liminal state.
chaotic
But perhaps this is exactly when the path ahead begins to unfold. Wading through sheer chaos.
I’ve been here before, at least twice in the recent past, and I remember it vividly.
Somehow, help finds me along the way.
From the most unexpected people, in the most unexpected places; people who light up my path when I am all alone in complete darkness.
I’m always thankful. Always grateful.
Happy and surprised, both at once. Touchwood.
Can a simple conversation leave you feeling so vulnerable, so exposed?
Strange. I had one recently — intense, in the most unexpected setting.
It was the kind where you feel seen, and your very existence acknowledged.
It made me think, perhaps everyone carries such depth.
Perhaps it’s just a matter of truly getting to know them.
I wonder sometimes when I look back on a very particular outcome that now feels inevitable. A collapse waiting to happen.
Perhaps it was simply the outcome of who we were at that point in time.
I’m learning to be kind.
To not hold on too tightly to grief.
To not hold on too tightly to you.
hello, cutie
I was walking down the street when I crossed paths with the cutest little fluffball, and oh my heart. It made me wonder,
How are they so ridiculously easy to love?Maybe it’s the pure, unfiltered love they offer. Or their quiet kindness. Their loyalty.
Just… pure love. Pure energy.
Such little bundles of joy.
numb
I’m not sure how I feel right now. My reaction to stressful events has definitely gotten better. I did cry though. I cried last night. I woke up and cried some more while cleaning the house.
But that’s okay. Catharsis.
Does heartbreak still feel the same way? The kind that comes from losing what you thought was once yours.
I didn’t fight it this time. I didn’t try to negotiate, beg, or change the reality. I just let it happen.
so long, so far
8 July, Monday
10:12 PM
I feel tired. I get winded climbing three flights of stairs. Still, I push myself. I push through the fog, through the heaviness. Is my constitution weak? I don’t think so. It’s probably just low iron.
It’s been twelve years since I started writing here. Completed twelve years just two days ago. I might grow old, the world might change, but I think words will always stay by my side. I’m grateful that they’ve always been something I could rely on. Even though it’s a private affair, and I may not be an impressive orator or someone who charms people with words, I find peace in writing.
The act of writing has an almost magical quality to it. Thank you, universe, for handing down this little piece of magic to me.
my dearest little heart
why are you such a stupid little fuck?
devotion
Lately, I’ve been listening to my gut more. Especially when it comes to low-stakes decisions.
Until not too long ago, I’d stress over even the smallest of the things. But now, I’m surprised at how easy decision-making can be when you simply tune in. When you don’t overthink. When you don’t let the overwhelm take over.
Life has felt lighter since. I sleep better. I listen to my body more.
This shift made me pause and think about attention. Not just how you give it, but how you receive it as well. How rare and precious it truly is. Once you’ve received true attention — the kind that borders on devotion, when you are truly seen, everything else pales. It all feels a little grey.
Muted.
ghost
I’m tired
of the chaos, the confusion,
of holding vigil,
waiting for a ghost.
JojoPerceives 