“Adoption—An Affair of the Heart”

Posted on June 1, 2024 by Judith Land

Have you ever wished that today could be tomorrow?

“When a baby looks around, it’s such a sight. If he or she could only speak, they would have much to say about how they feel knowing that their mother has gone away. When I was a child, I lay awake thinking profound thoughts about my mother, wondering why she was no longer by my side. Something deep-seated and intangible about her absence caused my heart to ache. Crying out in my sleep, I’d softly moan, ‘My heart bleeds for you. It has been many days since I was born, but your sacred voice still rings inside. Why have you forsaken me? When are you coming back for me?’” Judith Land

Judith Land | Adoption Detective | An Affair of the Heart

“My entire life, I have been driven by an insatiable desire to find my roots, discover my true identity, and restore friendly relations with my biological parents. When I finally reunited with them, the reality of meeting them in the flesh exceeded my wildest childhood fantasies. Getting to know them gradually and over time has been a storybook ending and a magical “affair of the heart.” Judith Land

Feeling stagnant and restless, I dreamed of rendezvousing with my biological mother in sweet bliss, an “affaire de coeur” before I part this life, before the flower heads of youth blanch and wilt, slowly wither and gradually fade away. A wholesome life free of strife is a sacred concept that brings new meaning to my days on earth and helps me get through any weather. I whimsically long for the clouds to clear and sun rays to peak through. I want the tower bells to ring, sounding an alarm about a bona fide love for someone who is missing, and send a message of hope to the outcast child wanting to know why it ended this way.

I get restless when the sky is cheerless and despairing, always raining in my heart. Darkened clouds overhead, dripping endlessly on my head. Feeling the stillness of the night, I never think precisely correct. I’m frightened and confused about my plight and easily overcome by endless dreams of fantastic things that may never happen. My life is an infinite delay of creeping days and endless hours of sleepless nights. Lacking a clear perspective of worldliness and sophistication, I’m simultaneously overcome with the pain of yesterday’s sorrow and disheartened by feelings of hopelessness when dreaming of tomorrow. I pray to God both day and night, “Is this the circle of life that I should expect to go on forever? I would go anywhere, do anything, to catch a glimpse of her.”

I’ve seen ephemeral summer clouds gently floating overhead, pink apple blossoms in springtime, and autumn foliage ablaze in multiple hues of red and orange. I’ve heard birds happily chirping to attract a mate and dogs and cats spitting. I’ve marveled at lightning storms, rainbows, and deep snow as the seasons pass. I’ve gazed at my reflection in a deep blue lake of glass and felt the power of thunderous ocean waves rolling in. I’ve felt the warmth of the sun’s rays at dawn, and when the sun becomes a red ball of flame and turns the horizon pink, I robotically pour myself another drink.

With love, Judith Land

Responses to “Adoption—An Affair of the Heart.”

  1. Judith Land says:
    May 2, 2016, at 2:41 PM (Edit)

    Truly one of the most beautiful pieces I’ve ever read. Cheryl Anderson

    Beautiful and heartwrenching. Geraldine Cronin

    I know what you mean. In my case, when I found her, there really wasn’t anything tangible. She never accepted any responsibility for what went wrong. She lived in a dreamland. Sharon Scott

    I never felt like an outcast until I met my biological mother. Indeed, that is precisely what I was to her. Suzanne McKinney Sanders

    Reply
  2. Judith Land says:
    March 16, 2020, at 10:48 AM (Edit)

    Your writing is beautiful. I wish I could write like you. You write in ways that describe precisely how I feel. Connie Luck

    You are a significant person to me. I relate to everything you have to say about adoption. You are an inspiration to many of us in the adoption community. Maggie Lambert

    The things you write about family relationships inspire me. You are an inspiration to many of us in the adoption world. Things don’t always turn out perfect. There are good and bad people, but you are filled with optimism and always give us hope. Beth Wood, UK

    This is a note of gratitude to let you know how much I appreciate your excellent work as a writer to let the world know what it’s like to be an adoptee. You’re a very positive person. No wonder your birth mother welcomed you back into her arms—who won’t? Vanessa

    Your book Adoption Detective changed my life for the better. You have given me the confidence to become a better person regardless of how others treated me in the past. I love your blogs, too. Sue Morris

    Judith Land, you are a blessing. You gave me the confidence to think and act for myself. I feel better about my place in the world and my relationships with others. I’m much more forgiving of others after listening to what you say. Mary Westlake

    You have the power of healing for us adoptees. I wish to sit beside you in a flower garden and soak up the sunshine. Rick Miller

    Our book club loved your adoption story. You stimulated a lot of discussion. We also like the blogs you post about adoption. Mira Hopkins, California

    My birth mother called me from England asking for forgiveness after reading your book “Adoption Detective: Memoir of an Adopted Child.” I was shocked because I was from a closed adoption. I never knew my mother’s name or where she lived. I was overwhelmed with appreciation for you, knowing that your book positively changed her perception of me. I was nervous, but our reunion was genuinely memorable and life-altering. Anne Wilson

Adoption Detective

“Our lack of acquaintance and familiarity triggers desperate feelings of heartfelt pain, salty tears, and sorrowful rain. Leisure isn’t fun anymore. Feelings of being unheralded, anonymous, isolated, and alone set my mood. Enduring endless days, lonesome nights, and a marathon of ceaseless dreaming is what my life is all about. Boundless days and endless nights—an infinite cycle of déjà vu day after day, season after season. I am an adoptee who feels the plight of the orphaned refugee. I don’t even know my parents’ names. Seeking eternal bliss, I whimsically dream of effectuating a heavenly love affair of the heart and the healing peace of mind a mother-daughter reunion would make. I am restless and would be forever grateful and feel fulfilled and whole if, by happenstance, some kindred soul would expose my aching heart to my ma and pa.” Judith Land

 

The YouTube video below captures some of my favorite adoption quotes.

 

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The Hole in the Soul – An Adoptee’s Quiet Longing and the Path to Healing

Posted on December 29, 2025 by Judith Land

 Have you ever felt like you’re living in a place where the grass never quite grows green, where even the brightest sun feels distant and cold? As an adoptee, you might recognize that quiet, persistent ache—an “empty hole” deep in the soul. It’s not dramatic or loud; it’s a steady numbness, a profound longing, a sense that something essential is missing. And sometimes, it can feel like the punishment doesn’t match the crime—you didn’t do anything to deserve this void, yet here it is.

“Girls at prayer in the Chapel of the Foundling Hospital” by Sophie Anderson

 For many of us who were adopted, childhood carried invisible wounds. The early separation from our first mother, the trauma of neglect, abuse, or simply the unexplained loss, left deep imprints. We grew up carrying grief we couldn’t name—the grief of abandonment, of a world that felt unsafe before we could even speak. That grief doesn’t always show up as anger or dusty tears; often it’s a pervasive sadness, a quiet yearning, a feeling that things just aren’t right. It’s as if a piece of our spirit was left behind, leaving a spiritual emptiness that no amount of love, success, or distraction can fully fill.

People often call it the “hole in the soul”—a powerful way to describe that existential absence. It’s more than sadness; it’s the sense that a vital part of who we are is missing. Our true essence—love, joy, strength, belonging—feels out of reach. In the search to fill it, many of us turn to things that promise relief: relationships that feel intense but fleeting, material comforts that lose their shine, achievements that never quite satisfy, or even spiritual practices that touch the surface but don’t reach the core.

The truth is, this hole isn’t a flaw in us. It stems from real loss and unmet needs—early trauma that disrupted our sense of safety and self before we had words for it. Healing isn’t about erasing the past or pretending the pain never happened. It’s about gently reclaiming the parts of ourselves we’ve lost, layer by layer.

Healing happens across many dimensions: emotional, cognitive, relational, and spiritual.

Emotionally, it starts with acknowledging the grief—giving it space without judgment. Therapy, journaling, or talking with others who genuinely understand can help name what was once unspeakable.

Cognitively, we reframe the story: the abandonment wasn’t because we were unworthy; it was a tragedy of circumstances.

Relationally, safe, consistent connections—with trusted friends, partners, or support groups—begin to rebuild trust in love and belonging.

Spiritually, many find profound relief by turning toward something greater. For some, it’s inviting divine love to pour into the emptiness, letting grace hold what human love couldn’t. Others discover peace by embracing life’s impermanence, releasing rigid attachments, and stepping beyond the racing mind to connect with a more profound wisdom within.

When we quiet the chaos and listen, that sacred void can become a space where authentic light enters. The hole doesn’t disappear overnight, but it softens. It stops feeling like a punishment and starts feeling like a doorway to self-compassion, to wholeness, to a life where joy and sorrow can coexist.

If you’re reading this and the ache feels familiar, know you’re not alone. You’re not broken. You’re human, carrying a story that deserves tenderness. Healing is possible—not as a quick fix, but as a gentle, ongoing return to yourself.

Wishing you peace and gentle strength as you read this, hoping these words have the power to reach someone who needs them right now. What has helped you begin to fill—or at least soften—that space? I’d love to hear in the comments. Your voice matters.

Judith Land

The Unseen Bond: A Mother’s Lasting Connection with Her Child

How similar are you to your Birth Mother?

What is the Adoption Paradox?

“Adoption—An Affair of the Heart”

“A New Adoption Classic”

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The Unseen Bond: A Mother’s Lasting Connection with Her Child

Posted on September 1, 2025 by Judith Land

Fetal-maternal chimerism is love etched in biology, a connection that defies time, distance, and words. Judith Land

The mother-child bond is a profound connection that begins during pregnancy and endures for a lifetime. Biologically, fetal cells integrate into the mother’s body, influencing her health and creating a lasting physical link through fetal-maternal chimerism. Emotionally, this bond fosters love, trust, and security, shaping the child’s development and the mother’s identity. It transcends time, blending biology and emotion into an unbreakable tie. Judith Land

During pregnancy, a remarkable exchange occurs: tiny fetal cells cross into the mother’s body, lingering in her bloodstream and even her brain. These microscopic traces of her child become a lasting testament to their connection, subtly influencing her biology and her child’s development. This phenomenon, known as fetal-maternal chimerism, reveals a profound truth: a mother carries her child within her, not just during pregnancy, but for a lifetime.

This bond transcends the visible, weaving the essence of a child into the mother’s very being. Fragments of her baby’s DNA remain, flowing through her veins and settling in her brain—a quiet, enduring reminder of their unbreakable tie. It’s a love etched in biology, a connection that defies time, distance, and words.

Nature has crafted an extraordinary link between mother and child, one that persists far beyond the womb. This unseen bond is a beautiful reminder that a mother’s love is not only felt in the heart but carried in her body, forever.

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MONUMENT VALLEY – THE MOSCOVIUM SPHERE

Posted on July 15, 2025 by Judith Land

Watch for it!

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A Love Note in the Attic Addressed to Me

Posted on October 5, 2024 by Judith Land

“I found an unmarked, dusty old cardboard box in my mother’s attic. It was full of mementos, souvenirs, old letters, family heirlooms, newspaper articles, and postcards. At the bottom of the box was a faded envelope with a note addressed to me. The paper was brittle, and the writing looked amateurish as if it had been written by a child many years ago.” Judith Land 

“Unbreakable family bonds are where we find love, support, and a sense of belonging. The family bond has remained unbreakable throughout history, providing individuals with a solid foundation to navigate life’s challenges. Creating a deeper connection between family members deepens the profound bonds of love, respect, trust, and understanding.” Judith Land

“Dear Judy, I love you. I will never forget you. Love Barbara”

I read the note over and over again. “Who was Barbara,” I wondered. My life was shrouded in mystery. I was an adopted child, unaware of my parents’ names. My existence was a puzzle, a maze of uncertainty, intrigue, and mystery, and I was unsure of the path that would lead me home. Could this letter be a clue?”

I eventually solved the mystery, and the experience was one of the most heartwarming events ever happening to me. The first year of my life, I was cared for by a loving foster family with four daughters and a little white dog. We lived in a cozy house with a big yard where we played and laughed. When I was forcefully taken from my foster parents and given to another family for adoption, my foster sister Barbara was heartbroken. She wrote a note to tell me she loved me and secretly tucked the letter under my shirt.

When my adoptive mother discovered the note, she callously tossed it in a memory box and forgot about it until I found it thirty years later. I eventually learned that Barbara was one of my four original foster sisters through diligence and perseverance. I called to identify myself and let Barbara know I found her note in my mother’s attic. Her reaction was spontaneous and joyous.

“I never forgot you,” she explained. “Every Christmas and Thanksgiving day, my family sits at the dining table and prays for you. I carried a baby picture of you in my purse for thirty years, and I never gave up hope that we would be reunited someday.”

And I replied, “I named my first doll Barbara in your memory.” 

I drove day and night across two states to meet her in person. Our reunion was a glorious day filled with wonderment and prayer. We had a heartwarming reunion that united family members to share love, appreciation, and laughter and reunite our nearly forgotten family ties after thirty years of separation.

With love and grace, I realized that family is not just about blood relations but also the bonds we form with those who care for us. 

With Love, Judith Land

 

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The Value of Reading

Posted on October 5, 2024 by Judith Land

“Reading socializes pets and helps children build empathy for animals. Reading improves communication skills, verbal fluency, and comprehension. Children feel more comfortable reading to pets because pets are there to listen, and they never criticize.” Judith Land

“Those who don’t read have no advantage over those who can’t.” Judith Land

Books play a pivotal role in the self-discovery journey of children hoping to learn about the world, offering profound insights into their culture, beliefs, and identity. When the question of your origin, authentic self, and place in the world arises, books often hold the key to these answers.

The world’s libraries are filled with informative generational knowledge. Reading allows you to better understand yourself and others. Reading comprehension is the application of multiple skill components. If you encounter a person of rare intellect, ask them what books they read.

Reading is a powerful tool for children, enhancing critical thinking, analytical skills, concentration, memory, knowledge, vocabulary, imagination, creativity, and writing abilities. In the complex realm of adoption, books offer a comforting refuge and a wealth of profound insights.

“Destiny is not always preordained. Life is about making choices. Our lives are the sum of all our choices, the bridges we cross, and the ones we burn. Our souls cast long shadows over many people, even after we are gone. Fate, luck, and providence are the consequence of our freedom of choice, not the determinants. When justice is served by following our principles, making good decisions brings us inner peace.”  

With Love, Judith Land

 

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How similar are you to your Birth Mother?

Posted on August 27, 2024 by Judith Land

As an adoptee, have you ever wished you could meet your biological family?

“Inheritance refers to the transmission of genetic information from parents to offspring. My fundamental belief in the inheritability of psychological traits, preferences, attitudes, and spirituality gave me the confidence to believe that I would be comfortably matched physically, socially, and psychologically with my biological parents and siblings if I chose to find them.” Judith Land

Judith Land | Adoption Detective

“Those traits an offspring receives from their parents are called inherited traits. Hair color, eye color, muscle structure, and bone structure are examples. Inherited behavioral traits are characteristics or tendencies in behavior that are influenced by genetic factors passed down from one generation to the next. IQ goes from being weakly correlated with genetics for children to strongly correlated with genetics for late teens and adults.” Judith Land

 

Twin studies have been of great value for estimating the inheritability of specific traits, including academic ability, personality, and interests; family and social relationships; mental and physical health; and physiological measurements. Researchers have been particularly interested in the prevalence of psychopathology, substance abuse, divorce, leadership, and other traits and behaviors related to mental and physical health, relationships, and spirituality. Research suggests that genetics play a vital role in developing personal characteristics by serving as a blueprint for physical, social, and emotional development. Twins separated at birth and reared in different families have an equal chance of being similar to the co-twin in terms of personality, interests, and attitudes as one who has been reared with his or her co-twin. Researchers have produced surprising results showing that social attitudes, behavior, and dental health all have a genetic influence.

The consensus in the scientific world is that behavior can be explained by combining both nature (genetics) and nurture (environment). This leads to the conclusion that similarities between twins are due to genetics, and the differences between twins reared apart are due to the environment. Heredity is essential in shaping physical appearance, mental acuteness, preferences, personal characteristics, and personality. Researchers have uncovered remarkable similarities between twins raised in separate homes with different parents to be powerful. Examination and scrutiny give significant weight to genetics as a critical factor in determining physical appearance, attributes, personalities, and inherent abilities. The inheritability of academic ability, personality and interests, family and social relationships, mental and physical health, and other physiological measurements has inferred correlations for children raised outside their genealogical, biological, and ancestral groupings. Still, psychologists are not satisfied to rest on that conclusion alone.

Questions still remain regarding to what degree certain behavioral traits can be explained by genetics and the environment. Many studies have been conducted to understand how siblings interact and influence one another, how family environment has an impact on the mental health of adolescents, and how adoptive families are similar to and different from biological families. Extensive research on environmental and biological influences on adopted children and children biologically related to the parents has allowed sibling and parental influences to also be incorporated into the research. The Minnesota Twin Family Study has provided scientists a clearer understanding of the role of genes and environment on human development. The landmark series of investigations have helped identify genetic and environmental influences on the development of psychological traits, and findings have received both praise and criticism. On multiple measures of personality and temperament, occupational and leisure-time interests, and social attitudes, twins raised apart were about as similar as those reared together. This evidence for the strong inheritability of many psychological traits should never detract from the value or importance of parenting, education, and other interventions.

Judith Land

http://www.adoptiondetectivejudithland.com

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Four Kinds of Adoption

Posted on August 20, 2024 by Judith Land

“There are four kinds of adoption: nefarious, forgivable, warranted, and praiseworthy.” Judith Land

Gyula Benczúr (Nyiregyháza 1844 – Dolány 1920) – My Children, 1881

“DNA has overridden centuries of secretive sealed birth and adoption records intended to withhold the identity of biological parents from public disclosure confidentially.” Judith Land

As the adoption industry migrates to social media, many regretful adoptees and birth mothers confront the world with their pain and anger. Birth mothers express pressure, regret, and lifelong mourning for the children they gave up. Adoptees talk about their sense of estrangement, lack of psychological bonding, and deficiency of medical history.

Nefarious adoptions are highly objectionable and offensive. Strangers of questionable character coercing a mother into giving up her baby violate time-honored laws of nature and social conduct laws. It is a felonious act to separate a mother from her child without her permission and market that child for adoption. If a baby is stolen and sold for profit, the baby-brokering actions of the beneficiaries are criminal. It is corrupt for handlers and go-betweens to knowingly accept payment for a child illegally and cruelly separated from the biological parents. Corruption, child trafficking, and the treatment of adoptable children as a commodity are heartbreaking. Unregulated child redistribution by predatory individuals is a global issue.

Forgivable adoptions occur when the biological parents and close relatives are deceased, incapable, and physically or mentally unable to carry out their duties and responsibilities as parents. Separating a mother and child is traumatic for both. Protecting the ethereal bond between a biological mother and child should be preserved whenever possible. Still, in these cases, there may be a higher potential for a better quality of life with another set of parents. Alternative parents exhibiting integrity may provide more positive opportunities and emotional stability for a healthier, moral, and productive life. Close family relatives are often the best choice. 

Warranted adoptions occur when the parents are unready, incompetent, and incapable of raising a child independently. Rehabilitation, food stamps, childcare subsidies, and assistance from close family members should be encouraged as short-term solutions to give unsteady, indigent mothers more time to reverse a decision to give up their child. Delaying the decision allows more time before a child is legally separated and offered to strangers. If this process is unregulated, great harm may befall the child. Warranted adoptions should only take place after vigorously exhausting all other possibilities.

Praiseworthy adoptions result from desperate situations when children are in immediate peril and need assistance. Parents are deceased or truly incapable, often resulting from disastrous events, pandemics, war, pestilence, accidents, and natural disasters. Praiseworthy adoptions occur when virtuous parents with a habit of goodness exhibit a true sense of compassion, righteousness, and a genuine love of children. With heartfelt emotions, they comprehend the deep sense of loss the adopted child endures. They strive to perform good acts and give their best because the situation is morally justifiable. The parents most influence a child’s learning and socialization. Adoptive parents are praiseworthy when they provide encouragement, support, and access to activities that enable children to master essential developmental tasks. Happy parents raise happy children. 

Unfortunately, psychologists paint a dire picture of orphanages. 90% of children living in orphanages worldwide have at least one living parent who has willingly placed their child in the administrative incarcerated care of the ward state. Being adopted into a traditional family is almost always preferable to institutional care provided by orphanages.

Judith Land

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Seductions of the Past

Posted on July 22, 2024 by Judith Land

“So, why not dare to dream, take a chance, and challenge fate? Perhaps someone estranged long ago will persevere in the coming year by fulfilling his or her dream of eventually catching a glimpse of you.” Judith Land

“It seems inevitable that the life’s adventures of adoptees who have lost all contact with family for a considerable period who are eventually reunited with them will one day be listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association as victims of Robinson Crusoe Syndrome.” —Judith Land

Adoptees are displaced persons by definition. Many of them feel the pain of the refugee, disconnected, alienated, and separated from their roots—emotionally stranded on a desolate and baron land.

For adoptees, the way home is a pilgrimage of the road and an ethereal journey of the mind—a lifetime trip to the hallowed ground. But solving the complex mystery of life’s labyrinth to find the way home without a GPS, a roadmap, or a guide to follow is a daunting task they must undertake in solitude.

The silent threat of darkness beyond the void where conscious memories end and infinity begins is breathtaking and alluring to them. Their emotional journey is intense, as they seek only mercy on an intrinsic and primal level; regardless of the depths of humiliation, they may find, they long to pierce the surface reflection to see what lies in the depths below.

Driven by an unimpeachable desire that exhilarates and arouses an awakening within them, a frightening spark leaps from their soul as the seductions of the past overwhelm them. If only reality could account for itself, they would launch a vision quest to comprehend with empowered insight a surreal vision from God that empirically solves the riddles of the labyrinth and the reasons for their birth.

Judith Land

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Primal Wound

Posted on July 6, 2024 by Judith Land

“The ‘Primal Wound Theory’ holds that severing the connection between the infant and biological mother causes an emotional wound which manifests in a sense of loss, mistrust, behavioral problems, and difficulties in relationships. The adoptee’s sense of self, self-esteem, and self-worth are affected throughout life.” Judith Land

“Abandonment and loss are indelibly imprinted upon the unconscious souls of children separated from their biological mothers at birth. Maternal bonding is a continuum of physiological, psychological, and spiritual events beginning in utero and continuing throughout the post-natal period. The exasperation of walking the narrow halls of life in solitary and the loneliness of not being understood is an emotional betrayal. Too many adoptees are not conversant with their full spectrum of being. They are confused as to why the mother abandoned them, purposefully severing the primal maternal bond. With all their senses on full alert, they strive to hear a familiar voice, sense a familiar smell, and be comforted with a familiar mother’s human touch.” Judith Land

The mother and child connection is a vital relationship. The mysterious and unexplained disappearance of a mother creates a deep and long-lasting primal wound in the heart and mind of the child. Disruption leaves a hollow feeling and a sense of mystery and loss that never fades. The grief of separation feels never-ending, like relentless ocean waves pounding the shore. The emotional and behavioral effects of disrupting the primal maternal bond are severe and long-lasting. Separation from the birth mother leads to internal conflict and a sense of loneliness. The grief from maternal separation feels prolonged, cruel, and unjust. The emotional confusion and pain the unnatural disconnection brings feels like relentless persecution. The pain of separation is unyielding and harsh, leading to internal suffering, enduring heartfelt pain, and strife. Truancy creates feelings of oppression and bewilderment, clouding mental clarity like an endless fog that prevents happiness and truth from breaking through.

Some children experience adoption as a heart-wrenching journey, a temporary escape from the happiness, companionship, and dreams of a previous life. In these moments, offering empathy and unwavering support is crucial, acknowledging their pain to show genuine care. During tough times, the steadfast support of friends and family strengthens their reliability and trust. However, resilience truly counts, empowering us to listen, offer solace, and provide consistent emotional support.

Judith Land

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What’s Your Opinion?

Posted on June 1, 2024 by Judith Land

“My hands and feet were numb. My heart was racing. I felt panicky. I was considering backing out of my adoption reunion altogether and running away. What if my birth parents didn’t like me?” Judith Land 

“I was only thinking about myself when I contacted my birth parents. I had neglectfully failed to surmise the effects my actions would have on others. When I initially discovered the identity of my birth mother, Rebecca, she was not interested in meeting me. She had rejected my passionate pleas for clemency, verbally cuffed me on the side of the head like a big mother bear, and adamantly pleaded with me to keep her secret private from her friends and family.” Judith Land

Give us your thoughts on adoption reunions.

What are some common challenges experienced by individuals reuniting with birth parents?

How can the adoption process be improved to better support future reunions with birth parents?

What are the potential emotional impacts of a reunion between an adopted individual and their birth parent?

In what ways can society better support and understand the complexities of adoption reunion with birth parents?

How does the age of the adopted individual at the time of reunion impact the experience of meeting a birth parent?

 

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