When you think you found the one thing that you’ve been waiting for and see warning signs that it just might not be the one, what do you do?
Do you wait and see what happens?
Do you enjoy the moment and hope for the best?
Do you take a risk and ask the appropriate questions, knowing at the back of your mind that you won’t like what you would hear?
Or do you just walk away?
I have so many questions…
Why are all these things happening to me?
What is in store for me?
How will I find my one true love? Will I ever find him?
Why do I always end up losing?
How would I know something is really good for me?
How can I not hurt others?
What is wrong with me? Why doesn’t anyone love me? As in love me, the romantic way? What is wrong with me?
What do I want?
What am I doing to myself? What have I done which has meaning? What is my purpose? Will I ever find it?
Where (and with whom) will I end up (with)?
Where are the answers?
Are my friends experiencing the same things? Asking the same questions? Have they found answers? What are the answers???
It’s one of those days.
I’m having an anxiety attack again. 😦
Thank you for leaving me.
Because of you, I got to know myself better. Because you left me, I now know my strength – what I am and am not capable of. I have become more resilient, more open, more accepting. I have not stopped believing in love. I still hope for better tomorrows.
I have discovered the joys of simpler things and the mundane miracles that each day brings.
Because you left me, I got to widen my horizons. I met new people – people who are better than you are, way better than you could ever be. People who have learned to appreciate me – unlike you. I am no longer angry. Yes, I may be confused with what I want, who I am and what my goals are. But I am in the process of discovering what has yet to come. I am in my “meantime”. A beautiful place…a journey which has its ups and downs (mostly ups for now!). I am in the process of learning.
Because you dumped me, I have now realized my worth and I know now that you don’t determine who I am. I am me because of me and not because we were once an item.
I may be indifferent towards you and may never have the urge to talk to you again, but still, I am grateful for what happened because things may have been worse.
You are now a mere memory. Although you “happened” for quite a long and important time in my life, you now seem an insignificant part of it – just like a bad experience or a misfortune.
I cannot discount the fact that there was a time when you meant everything to me – you were my world. I felt that you made me happy — but that happiness was misplaced. Looking back, I find myself thinking that you were something wrong or bad for me – just like yosi. I know it’s bad, but I want it or think that I need it.
I seldom feel sad about what happened and I guess it’s a good sign. I may feel lonely at times, but it isn’t because I miss you. I guess I just miss the feeling of being with someone. After all, it was really a long, long time…
Somehow, the pain has eased…
My heart is healing and waiting for the right time and the right man. And though I may get anxious at times, I know now that what happened really did me well and that there are a lot of people who love me more than you ever did or could have.
So, thank you.
so many mistakes. so many pains. so many joys. what a way to start the year.
BUT! i’m promising myself now:
lesser drama. no more flimsy excuses. more gym workouts. less gimiks. more family time. more books to read. less shoes and bags to buy. more travelling. more “me” time. not trusting and mistrusting people. giving others a chance. not believing immediately. not losing hope. keeping my mouth shut.
Hi blog fwends!
I know I haven’t posted for so long. I’m still dealing with certain problems and somehow I can’t seem to post a decent post here. And! He knows about this blog, so he might check it.
That’s why, I post in my multiply site more often. Because it’s there that I get to “talk” with my closest friends; it’s in multiply that I can choose my readers, especially if I want to curse…..nuninuninu…basta!
Anyways, if you do have multiply accounts, do add me up, oki?
I know, I know. This is such a nonsense post. But, really, I promise to post something more decent in the next few weeks – maybe cross-post from my multiply account. Please bear with me!
Thanks so much!! I’ve missed you guys!!! 🙂
What will you do when someone promises to love you for the rest of your lives and then backs out on you?
How would you feel if he just gives up on your relationship?
How would you feel if you spent more than a decade of loving somebody and he tells you he’s just comfortable being alone?
What would you do if you’re to get married in 6 months and then he suddenly cancels it?
Broken, torn, lost, devastated.
All these emotions or feelings are understatements.
There are no answers for now.
But I know there’s hope.
I know that everything that has happened has a purpose and that HE will not forsake me (unlike you!).
Today, I just cleaned up my work station. I went thru all the papers scattered on my desk and organized them in the green office folders.
Even if I have so many projects to finish, deadlines to meet, people to call, I just took the time to organize my stuff today. Even if I knew I had to work on the 1 million manuals (na-praning ko just thinking about the work that has to be done!!!) which are due next week, I still didn’t do them.
Pero, somehow, I don’t feel as paranoid about my deadlines now that I have finished clearing up my mess. Somehow, the things I need to do seem easier and less overwhelming.
I think, that, in life, there are certain times that we just have to stop worrying and whining, step back, and start de-cluttering to be able to REFOCUS.
I’m glad I decided to weed out all the unneccessary stuff today. Now, things are clearer.
Just got back from Singapore. I didn’t really enjoy the trip – and I couldn’t understand why. It was OKAY, nothing spectacular, but still, it was 5 days away from the office, so I guess I shouldn’t really complain.
Now I’m back, with a mountain of work to do – not knowing where to start or how to start. Sometimes, I wish I had a beach house where I could go to and disappear.
All my life (as far as I can remember), I’ve always celebrated my birthday with a party – attended mostly by family and close friends.
Through my teenage or college (and early twenties – Gaaad!!), I always had an an inuman to celebrate my birthday. This year, however, was different, even if it did end with an inuman (hehe!). I spent my birthday with my siblings, their spouses, and their kids. This is one of the best birthdays ever, although I would have wanted my parents and Jani to have been there, also.
I celebrated my birthday in Avilon Zoo, at Montalban Rizal. I had soooo much fun. I’m not really fond of animals but I really enjoyed the trip. As in, super, super fun!!! Seeing the kids’ enjoy themselves was also a treat for me. My camera lost its battery in just a short time because of all the shots we took.
After Avilon Zoo, we went to Diliman to buy Centennial UP Shirts for ourselves and to hear mass (since my birthday was last Sunday).
Of course, a trip to UP wouldn’t be complete without the isaws, so, after hearing mass, we bought isaws (it took an hour for them to serve the orders, but it was worth the wait!). We had dirty ice cream while waiting for our orders.
We then went off to the hotel to have dinner (Pizza, Isaw, and Beer – YUMMY!).
It was a different birthday celebration, but it was really WONDERFUL. I just wish Jani and my parents were there to celebrate with me. 🙂
Pictures at my multiply site. 🙂
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Forgot to publish this. Should’ve published this a week ago…
Just 4 days in Manila and I think I’m going to have a stroke. My brain cells are so frazzled. I feel so uneasy and frustrated. So many things are expected from me from this freaking job that I don’t know where to start anymore. I know I should get my act together and settle things, but procrastinating seems to be the best option for now. I feel so stressed out. So much expectations…
I just wish sometimes that I don’t get too affected by mediocrity. That I don’t find the need to constantly prove myself – to constantly accept challenges which really stress me out.
I can’t help but ask – are these things worth it in the end? I’m happy right now, but will I still be happy in the end?
Only time can tell.
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life and loves of kalories 
