Surviving the College years

I didn’t buy any presents this Christmas. I don’t recall buying any last Christmas either. Actually, Christmas has never really been about presents for me. When I was younger, I remember our big present would be a new dress that we’d wear to church on Christmas morning. We young girls would compare how many layers of lace and petticoat we had underneath our dresses. Christmas has always been about time with family, nuclear and extended, and they’ve always been big.

For Christians of course, the present is the presence, and the presence is the present. The present of Jesus’ life for us gives his presence to all who accept it , and his eternal presence with us is the greatest present we could ever receive.

My post today was actually inspired by Cast Light’s blog post “Presence is the real present”. I especially love this beautiful quote:

Unwrap each moment with family and friends with awe and delight. Discover the real gift of the season – your presence in the miracle of Christmas and in each day of your life.

Here’s the rest of the beautiful post, its a great short read:Presence is the Real Present.

~ C.

The teenage years, they came, we fought, I surrendered :).

Remember when I told you guys about my scatterbrained focus? Well, I think I found a way to coherently combine Statistics, foreign culture, tennis, and food :), I’m calling it what did you eat today?

So from now on, you can find me here

The blog is still a work in progress, so bear with me.

Hope to see you across the line!

I decided to make my own moment. You know how everytime you visit an older relative you have that obligatory advise and criticism talk? Well, I’ve had a few of those recently, which has led me to decide to surrender to adulthood and it’s pressures, and to take full responsibility for my life.  It’s funny, huh? I’m essentially announcing that I have decided to grow up, which isn’t how it normally works, but that’s just how I do :)…

So the big question is, how am I going to grow up and take responsibility ?  By alot of prayer, a little black book (i.e. an organizer), and alot of self control.

I figure my foray into adulthood should be followed with a new, less scatterbrained blog. I’m currently debating on whether or not I should get my own domain, but I will definitely have a song to accompany each blog post, and maybe some food/recipe also, we’ll see :). As of now, I am trying to decide on a theme/focus for the blog, so until then, watch this space.

Thanks to those who have followed my attempt to survive the teenage years, I’m looking forward to what adulthood has in store for me :).

Merry Christmas and see you in the new year!

Hello Adulthood 🙂

On so many levels, I think that life is about finding balance. As a student, I have to find the balance between being hardworking and enjoying life in college. As a Christian, I have to find the balance between judgmentalism and discernment. As a woman, I have to find the balance between being feminine while being strong. As a girl who loves fashion, I have to find the balance between looking nice and being vain. and the list goes on.
It seems everywhere you look, there’s a balance to be found.
I don’t know how many of you have read the quote on my blog description, but it’s a quote from “I know why the caged bird sings” by Maya Angelou. I’ve kept that quote on there since I started my blog because it fits me so well.

“To be left alone on the tightrope of youthful unknowing is to experience the excruciating beauty of full freedom and the eternal threat of indecision. Few if any survive their teens. Most surrender to the vague but murderous pressure of adult conformity. It becomes easier to die and avoid conflicts than to maintain a constant battle with the superior forces of maturity.”

The quote also ties in to this post because it seems to me that when it comes to maturing and being an adult, there is no balance to be found. Becoming an adult isn’t so much a smooth transition as it is a set of decisions and actions forced upon us by life’s circumstances.

I first read that quote when I was 16, and since then I’ve been determined to be one of the few who will “survive” my teens. In fact, I envisioned triumphantly taking down the quote when I was no longer a teenager and declaring my victory over the  so called “superior forces of maturity”. But here I am, 2 months after my 20th birthday, and I think I’m about to surrender to the pressure of adult conformity.

They say life is made up of moments (still trying to figure out who “they” is exactly).  I think that when Dr. Angelou talked about surrendering to the pressure of adult conformity, she was also talking about a moment. Some people are forced to grow up by certain life events – you move away from home and have to work to support yourself, you lose someone/something or a serious event happens , causing you to change your outlook on life.  But for those whose lives lack such moments, I would argue that growing up is much harder. Why? Because for us, while the pressure to cross the line into adulthood still exists, the source of these pressure is often the same one that tries to protect and prevent us from crossing that line. One day something happens that pushes us across the line,but then the next day something pushes us back behind it.  Our “constant battle with the superior forces of maturity” is the knowledge that eventually, adulthood will win out, and we’ll have to cross that line for good, combined with the fear of losing all the freedom and carefree nature of life behind the line.

As a result, for us, crossing the line ends up having to be a conscious decision. The way I see it, we can make it in one of two ways: Either we create our moment and  make the decision to surrender to adulthood, or we put ourselves in situations which we know will force us to surrender. The former is a lesson in willpower and self control, the latter in the harsh realities of life. Both have the same end result, but which is preferable? Call me crazy, but I’m inclined to go with the latter.

Ok, let’s loosely use my example to discuss the conceivability of interracial relationships

I attend a pretty small university, this year we have about 2400 graduate students (GS.) About 45% of GS at my school are White, and 32% are international students (Africans are about 3% of this 32%…) Additionally, about 9% of the GS population is Asian-American.

Consider also that these numbers are even higher in Math/Science/Engineering.

Okay, so what?

So this:  I’ve always had a strong desire to get married and settle down as soon as possible. As in now if possible :). However, my demographics alone suggest that Mr. Right will probably come along later rather than sooner. Add in my refusal to settle for less when it comes to a mate and my traditionalism, and  probably moves to very, very likely.

Why is that?

Demographically, I may neither consider myself Kenyan nor an American (see finding my place ), but the fact of the matter is that I am a black woman in a predominantly Caucasian and Asian field (I’m a statistician in training). In my department, there are 45 masters and phd students total, the only other person who looks like me is a 3rd year Nigerian-American Phd.

Let me digress to emphasize that  I don’t Care what the people around me look like!  I never have, and I owe part of that to my parents.  I was lucky to grow up in a family of well traveled parents, so their friend group was quite diverse. As a result, I grew up learning to see people as humans first, and to judge my compatibility with a person based on our common interests and principles,  not on whether he or she was of a certain race or tribe or skin color.  Even when it comes to guys, my pickiness isn’t in their race, it’s in their character. Even my parents aren’t  set on me finding a specific kind of person, as long as he’s a good christian man who makes me happy and he pays the dowry, they’re cool :).

The problem, I have recently discovered, is that not everyone thinks like me, and most families are not as open as mine!   Racism may no longer  be prevalent in everyday society, but in the realm of marriage and relationships, it’s still very much alive. Part of it, I understand, is a desire to have a daughter/son in law who will understand preserve cultural traditions. While this quest for cultural purity is this is certainly admirable, it’s also saddening, because it automatically sets up a wall that is generally easy enough to climb over when it comes to friendships,but switch to relationships and it’s like every brick is laced with electric wire.

The voltage on the electric wire is especially strong in Asian cultures, which I single out only because of their extremism in  relationship racism. I once half jokingly suggested that a close Asian friend introduce me to her guy friends, and boy did I ever get shut down! I’ve even had Asian friends admit their relationship racism.  This makes me especially sad because the more I learn about Asian cultures, the more similarities I find with mine. Unfortunately, the deeper I attempt to delve into Asian cultures, the more closed it becomes to me as a non-Asian.  Am I not allowed to even conceive the idea of a relationship with an Asian?

I don’t want to cross a bridge I may never get to, but the numbers suggest that I will very likely end up with someone of a different race. In addition, knowing people who have ended relationships because of racial/tribal differences makes this one issue I can’t simply ignore.

I’d love to get some feedback on this one! I know there are at least 3 people who read this blog :).

Warning, this post may or may not be all over the place . Proceed at your own risk! 🙂

It’s been a while! I feel like I owe the blogosphere an apology. I really did mean and do still intend to make this a food blog,but I’m still in the old fashioned world of no digital camera, so that makes uploading food pictures a bit more tricky.

I really do mean to blog more often too, but I don’t because I have too much to say :). I honestly must have about 20 topics on my to-blog list, I just never get down to it! Must fix that. I’m not a bad writer, and writing helps me put my thoughts together, am I perhaps too scared of my thoughts? That thought scares me.

I’m not surprised I’m such an inconsistent blogger though, I mean how many part 1’s with no part 2’s do you see on this blog?

It’s because I’m a sprinter.

I would love to be able to consistently keep to the same schedule and be continuously productive, but unfortunately I am not wired that way. I get bored quite easily, so every once in a while when I have something new or exciting going on, I’ll be continuously productive for a short time, and then I’ll lose interest and my productivity goes with it. Growing up, I wanted to be an aeronautical engineer, a newscaster, a teacher, the inventor of the digital camera (honestly I had that idea when I was in fifth grade before they had reached Kenya, if I had been a few years older and lived a few years earlier I would be so rich….)

Sometimes the productivity comes back, but unfortunately, most times it stays away. Why? Because I have too many things I want to learn about and I get passionate very easily and so I either end up getting stuck or starting alot of things and then stopping them.

Let me give you an example of what I mean: Actually,exhibit 1, my ever long sentences! Exhibit2,  my summer:

I started out the summer intending to read the Complete Works of Shakespeare, but then I found a biography of Golda Meir and decided I should read more history, but then I was taking a class on risk economics so of course I wanted to learn everything there is to know about risk, but I really wanted to find my research interests and since I really would like to connecting statistics and the African Economy, of course I had to read up on developmental economics!But I needed to start studying for the coming semester too, so that required a review of “Theory of Probability” and of linear algebra.

But I was also taking a financial economics class which was also completely fascinating, so of course I had to read books and papers on that!But then right next to the computer lab in the basement was a piano, and I’ve always wanted to learn how to play piano, but first of course I had to learn how to read music, so I printed out some stuff about that. And I meant to practice piano every morning for the rest of the summer, but then I was playing tennis this one morning and I finally found a hitting partner, so of course I couldn’t pass up the opportunity!

Then one of my soccer playing friends wanted to learn tennis, and of course I’ve always wanted to learn how to play soccer because then I can actually have something to focus on when I run and it’d help with my tennis footwork, so we decided to trade lessons. All this time, I really needed to learn C++ because after helping my mum out in her office earlier that summer I had decided to create a database system for them, and  it’s important for my future that I have good programming skills, so the database was going to be how I learned C++.

But then I realized that I’d been trying to finish Adam Bede for about 2 years and I really just needed to finish it, but after that, of course I had to read all the classics! So I read mansfield park , and I always re-read the count of monte cristo every summer! But then I went to my brother’s house, and he had Dreams from My Father, and of course I had to read that, but then I really wanted to read the audacity of hope…..

Somewhere in this process, I discovered Korean dramas (kdramas), and it was all downhill from there. Because in them, I found my escape. Part of the reason that we watch too much tv/ mindlessly browse the internet, I believe, is because they provide us with an escape, be it from work, from other people, or even from ourselves and our thoughts. For me, my escape has always been watching dramas on the internet. I became fluent in Spanish by watching telenovelas for about half a year, so at least with those  I had the excuse that I was learning. The problem with the kdramas is I speak no Korean! So they really are an escape for me, although in the past few months, I’ve learned how to say the basic phrases, and now I have one more thing on my to learn list (Korean of course!).So basically, it’s like in the course of wanting and needing to do all these things,  I find a Korean drama that let’s me forget about it all…

I would love nothing better than to find the one thing that I can do for the rest of my life. So far, I can see myself teaching and analyzing data for the rest of my life. I really do love statistics, and I love being a tutor and a teaching assistant.

But I’m also truly passionate about the African business model and African Economics, and I really do love to learn languages, and computing too.So why can’t I find something that allows me to use statistics on African business/economies while using my language skills and allowing me to teach?

🙂 Hopefully you now understand why I don’t blog very often.

Also, I think this post pretty much explains why I have the  Maya Angelou quote under my blog title. It will remain there until my battle with the “superior forces” of maturity and life is finished. Wish me luck!

Here are some pictures of a dinner for 20.

Tip: To make a cheap and elegant dessert stands, get some candlesticks from the dollar store, and stack your plates on top of these. They are surprisingly sturdy!

With enough planning, you can make dinner for tons of people in just one afternoon. The trick is to have a menu,  prepare all your ingredients (cut up onions,tomatoes,meat,etc) beforehand, and if you are making desserts, either make them in the morning or the day before.

Once this is done, you only need about 2 hours to do all the cooking. Save about 30 minutes for cleaning and setting up, about 15 minutes to get dressed, and you’re ready for your guests! Don’t forget the most important element in a dinner party though, making your guests feel at home and happy 🙂

Or rather a discovery of direction.

In the past, I’ve blogged about everything from music to boys to politics…but I’ve realized how I hardly ever blog about one of my favorite things…FOOD!

I absolutely love to cook. Recently, I’ve learned I’m quite the baker as well.So from now on, I will be blogging more about the supposed way to a man’s heart (where are you man who’s heart my food will get to? )…food 🙂

In the last month I have made the following

1.chocolate cake with coconut-pecan icing (which I made from a freshly grated coconut)

2. Coconut cake with chocolate cream cheese icing

3. Strawberry-nuttella crepes.

4.Spinach-mushroom crepes

5. Stir fried asparagus with mushrooms

6. Stir fried green beans with almonds, sesame seed, and tofu

7. Ugali with fish stew 🙂

8. cheesy vegetable lasagna

9. Eggplant parmesan.

10. Oatmeal raisin cookies

11. Couscous with vegetable stew

12. Rattatouille

13. Cheese biscuits (not from biscuit mix 🙂 )

14. Broccoli-tuna-pasta casserole

15. Twice-baked potatoes

I don’t remember the rest…

From looking at this, you may think I have all the time in the world, but most of the above dishes were done (preparation  + cooking) in an hour 15 or less…

So from now on, I will take pictures of mi food and blog about it :).  If any of the above recipes entices you please do tell 🙂

We’re all familiar with the phrase, it’s  “the best thing you never had”. Well, when it comes to music, if you’re not familiar with the Christian Rap movement, then it’s the best music you’ve never heard.  This movement is not only producing songs with  club-banging and body-moving beats, but also  with soul-saving and Christ-centered lyrics. The most popular artists in the movement are Lecrae, Da’ T.r.u.th., Trip Lee, Sho Baraka, Tedashii, Flame, and Ambassador.

Let’s  start off with my personal favorite:  Emmanuel Lee Lambert Jr.  a.k.a  Da’ T.r.u.t.h.  This man isn’t just a rapper, he is a graduate of the Philadelphia Biblical University and the Institute of Jewish Studies, and his theological knowledge is clear in  his lyrics, espeically in his newest project, The Big Picture.

I haven’t purchased the first 2 albums: “Moment of Truth”, and “Welcome to the Faith”, so I can’t review them as  wholes. However, I have heard some songs off the albums, and I’ll devote this post to reviewing them. (The albums are on my to-buy list)

I was introduced to Truth when watching a clip of him as a guest on TBN when Kirk Franklin was hosting. He performed the lyrical masterpiece “Ressurection” from his first album. Check out the beginning:

I’m homesick, this body’s a tent,
Heavens where home is. If that’s the case,
Then I guess its safe to say that God’s people are homeless!

And just as sure as a fugitive runs, our moneys are tied up in mutual funds. Cats be like “you got unusal ones”. Thats because the riches we got are stored up for after the funeral son!

Numero one, Christ had to rip the veil,
coz there was bad blood between us like sickle cell anemia.
The media they keep feedin us lies and immediately we eat it up like medium fries…

How could I NOT be hooked after that! Here’s the link to the video that introduced me to D.a. Truth. The ressurection starts out at 3:09. I get goosebumps EVERY TIME!

The only other song I’ve heard from “Moment of Truth” is Roll Now. The beat will have you moving your body and bobbing your head, and the lyrics will will convict you to get off the fence and really live for God. Here’s an excerpt:

We pray the Lord of the harvest keep sending us out

Because we cannot afford to just sit in our houses

sit on our couches playing video games in or rooms

We follow the heart of God until we lay in our tombs

Here’s a youtube link to a great live performance of the song.

One of my favorite songs off the second album is the  introduction Welcome to the Faith. Excerpt:

As sure as the locusts will fly, everywhere we look the focus is I.

But we gotta say bye, bye why?

Coz in the Kingdom of God, you know my plus I gotta die

Takes more than I to survive.

So we stand fortified, salvation is ours like four to five…

youtube link.

Another great song off the album is “The Potrait” which addresses the secularization of Jesus in today’s world and admonishes believers to follow the Christ of the bible. It is one of my very favorite songs. Excerpt:

Was Christ really buried-is there a chance
That He really married Mary and fled over to France?
Did they really find His bones with a fine tooth comb
Or did He walk out of His tomb to His throne…
Was He God was He not? If he was do you blink, do you shrug, do you hate, do you love?

….

Christ on the poster, Christ of the culture
Christ on the stain glass, Christ of the future
Christ on the video, Christ on the radio
The Christ of Da Vinci, What does he really know?
Christ on award shows, Chris that Lord knows
Christ that’s sure to come back in His war clothes
In which Christ do you believe?
You gotta know before you leave

youtube link

Yet another great song is The Legacy, which as stated by Truth, “is a tribute
To the families and loved ones of Cassie and Rachel. The two young ladies that were martyred at the incident at Columbine High School in 1999” . This poem-rap challenges you as to how deep your faith is, as evidenced by the chorus and the last verse

So, don’t think it strange if a change might occur
If it does, are you ready and prepared for the curve
And a turn for the worst- would you fight, would you fall
Would you die for the Christ, that’s the price of the call

This song is intense- ’cause it’s truth
And I’m trying to convince you that no one’s exempt
Yet no one’s equipped. Got our phones on our clips
Our focus is both on our loans and our cribs
Our fitness- our business has grown in a pinch
Would you fight would you fall, Would you ball up your fist?
Would you falter or march to your grave ’cause you’re saved?
And your life is in Christ and to die is to gain
Would you die in His name for the rise of His fame?
Despising the shame ‘Cause you’re promised to reign?

legacy youtube link

Another great song with an amazing beat and an even more amazing lyrics is “Stand” which features my other two favorites Lecrae and Flame. The title pretty much explains the message of the song:

We gotta live it-, If we don’t live it, Then who’s gonna live it?
Stand for the truth- shawty
We gotta walk it- If we don’t walk it- Then who’s gonna walk it?
Stand for the truth- wodie
We gotta say it- If we don’t say it- Then who’s gonna say it-?
Stand for the truth- dirty

Get it up, get it in, get it out
Don’t sit on it- we know it’s hard
Trying to rap for Jesus, believe us
From the block to the hood to the yard
You feel like Noah- huh, you tryin’ to hold it down
But when you stop and look around, No one solid to be found
WAIT- don’t grow weary man, listen close and hear me man…

youtube link

Finally, there’s On duty which reminds  all christians that we are God’s ambassadors on earth and challenges us to let our Jesus lights shine! Chorus:

We (are) on duty- we  on them same old blocks
Different but look the same like plain clothes cops
On duty- yeah, we (are) some plain old pots
But you can find a treasure in us where the rainbow stops

I could rave and rave forever about just these two albums, but there are 2 more after them…if there ever was a musical example of “it gets better everytime”, then Da Truth’ s albums would be it! Just like Christians are called to be transformed from glory to glory, his albums get better and better both lyrically and musical arrangement-wise…but you’ll have to wait a few days for that review. Hope you enjoyed this!

p.s., the blog title is one of the christian rap movement anthems: Jesus Muzik by Lecrae, Trip Lee, and Tedashii : Here’ s a link to the official music video