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Continue reading →: Opgee
Ek word altyd gesê ek is dramaties. Ek is te emosioneel. Dat ek altyd probleem soek. Dat ek nooit gelukkig is nie. Dat almal sukkel, nie net ek nie. Dat ek net moet deur druk. Almal anders kan, so ek kan ook. Hoeveel keer kan mens vir hulp vra voor…
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Continue reading →: Motion(less)
All around me, people are moving, living their lives. Making the best of it. Trying hard to make things work, trying their best to succeed. Always trying. Always in motion, never pausing. In contrast, I am a statue. Motionless, immovable. Trapped in the same place I have always been in.…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XIX
Wehan’s promise of ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow’ doesn’t happen. I sleep until midday, waking periodically and checking my phone every time, but there are never any new messages or calls. I am left feeling confused about our relationship. On where we’re standing right now. I finally confessed my feelings…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XVIII
“Lena?” Wehan sounds surprised. He probably thought I wouldn’t answer the call. I sigh at the sound of his voice. It’s lovely and calming, and the relief I feel at hearing him is immeasurable. “Hey.” “I’m sorry to call so late,” he says awkwardly after a pause. “I’ve been up…
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Continue reading →: Herhinneringe Van Tye Verby
– ou skryfwerk – Die angstigheid verskeur my Herhinner my van tye verby Ruk aan my hart My hart klop al vinniger en ek kry seer My oë brand en my polse jeuk Herhinneringe van tye verby
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Continue reading →: Suicidal Tendencies and Living Despite It
Lately, I’ve been seriously contemplating suicide again. It’s nothing new for me, not really. I’ve struggled with being suicidal and having suicidal ideation since high school, when my symptoms first started showing. I didn’t know it then, but I would eventually be diagnosed with Bipolar II in 2024. I wish…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XVII
End of September Why have you been avoiding Wehan? He says you haven’t spoken in weeks. I stare at the text from Jako, trying to decide what to say. It feels like nothing I could say would be a good answer. How do I explain I’ve been getting drunk –…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XVI
End August I received a message a few days ago from an old high school friend, Christie. She invited me out for coffee. We spent the time catching up and just chatting. It was nice. It wasn’t long before she invited me out to the bar for a drink. A…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XV
August Wehan messages me on a random day in August. It’s a simple “Hey”, but damn if that didn’t make my heart race. I tentatively reply, and we’ve been catching up and chatting throughout the day. I don’t know why he’s reached out now, but I’m relieved at the normalcy…
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Continue reading →: What We Deserve: XIV
End July The next month passes painfully slowly. Without Andrew to keep me grounded, my head has been all over the place. One positive is that I’ve been clean from self-harm ever since I came back from Stellenbosch, however another addiction took its place: smoking. Andrew would have been so…