Well, How Did I Get Here?

thismustbetheband

This is not my beautiful site.

This is.

I have a WP site because I follow so many of you and mostly because powerhouse recovery-blogger 6 Year Hangover very magnanimously nominated me for a blogging award when I did not, in fact, actually have a blog.

Anyway, If you haven’t already, I’d love it if you checked out what KLĒN + SŌBR has to offer the recovery community and/or listened to an episode or two of The Since Right Now Podcast.

And you may ask yourself
Where does that link go?
And you may ask yourself
Am I right?…Am I wrong?
And you may tell yourself
MY GOD!…WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Appreciatively,

Chris

Episode 1526: “Let’s play Truth-or-Dare but only say Truth questions!”

1526.cover

Since Right Now Pod Episode 1526 featuring Sarah Hepola

Sarah Hepola, author of Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget, joined the Since Right Now Addiction Recovery Podcast Crew for a comfortably candid convo.

If you’ve read Sarah’s beautifully-crafted memoir of active alcoholism and recovery you’re going to want to listen. Sarah’s candor and good-humor made for a terrifically insightful and enjoyable episode.

If you haven’t read it…WTF? Get it. Read it. Then come back and listen.

The Power of Identification!!

alcoholicsguide's avatarThe Alcoholics Guide to Alcoholism

The main reason I am alive today, sober and have recovered from a seemingly hopeless condition of alcoholism is simple!

Or rather the first step can be simple.

The first step on my recovery journey was to identify with the life stories of other recovering alcoholics.

Not necessarily with where they grew up, or the damage alcoholism had inflicted on their lives. Although many alcoholics talk themselves, or their illness talks them, out of the possibility of recovery by saying I am not as bad as that guy, or that woman.

You may not be as bad “YET!” – the “yets” are often talked about in AA – you may not have done the damage others have, yet? Keep drinking and you are bound to. You, like them, will have no choice.

Alcoholism increasingly takes away choice.

It takes over your self will.

Your self will, your self regulation, is…

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Can you be Sober and in Recovery while on Medication?

alcoholicsguide's avatarThe Alcoholics Guide to Alcoholism

In a recent blog from the Recovery Research Institute http://www.recoveryanswers.org/blog/12-step-mutual-help-and-medication-assisted-treatment/

by  Brandon G. Bergman, Ph.D. 

It was suggested that a survey of almost 300 long-term AA members (average time in recovery 13 years), more than half felt medication to resist alcohol cravings/urges was or might be a good idea, and 17% did not think it was a good idea, but were “OK with it”.

Obviously if these AA members have a respect for the Traditions of AA they would have been responding to the survey as individuals in recovery? As Tradition 10 of Alcoholics Anonymous states:-

“Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”

This is a very important point. I do not write this blog as an AA member but as a researcher and recovering alcoholic/addict who seeks to combine  neuro-psychological research with the experiential insights I have been given as…

View original post 2,685 more words

Video

B.S.: Home Repairs

From a new video shorts series that explores “situations that used to baffle us that we now know intuitively how to handle.” (Or can at least figure it out ’cause…y’know…we’re not high or drunk as f*ck.)

Another Intervention From
KLĒN + SŌBR and The Since Right Now Podcast

Music
Sometimes (I Miss the Drugs) — DJ FM

Five Ways You Can Reduce Stigma

by Geoff Kane, MD, MPH / Originally published at GeoffKane.com, May 30, 2013

Too often society is unfair to people with addiction—a fact that disturbs most people with active addiction, most people who are recovering from addiction, and most people who advocate for those groups.  Fortunately we can do something about it.  Don’t be daunted—small steps can have a powerful impact.

Social stigma exists within culture.  Culture may be understood as the collective knowledge, beliefs, and behaviors of a group of people that is often stable across generations.  Stigma occurs when a characteristic of a person or subgroup is perceived as different from others, is labeled, and the label becomes associated with a negative stereotype.

Not only is the culture that surrounds a person important, but also the culture he or she has internalized.  For example, the labels “alcoholic” and “addict” may evoke prejudice and distancing in the general population, but acceptance and warmth in the population committed to Twelve-Step recovery.  Individuals who find themselves dependent on alcohol or illicit drugs, if they carry the same culture as the general population, may attempt to hide their addiction and avoid seeking help because they are afraid of becoming labeled and of the consequences that may follow.  The consequences of those labels can indeed be formidable and may include separation from social supports and demoralization of the stigmatized individual, along with discrimination in important life areas such as employment, housing, justice, and access to healthcare.  (See abstract on Conceptualizing Stigma by Link and Phelan.)

Sociologist Erving Goffmann famously characterized stigma as “spoiled identity,” which sounds much like our understanding of shame, a dominant emotion in sense of self.  If we were to posit a neurobiology of stigma, it would be much like that proposed for shame (interpersonal neurobiology of shame).  This is hopeful, because it views the adverse effects on the individual of both stigma and shame to be due to unhealthy interpersonal relationships—and as amenable to relief through healthy interpersonal relationships.

Stigma recedes as people focus more on what they have in common and focus less on their differences.  It doesn’t matter whether incremental positive changes take place in society or in the individual; everything interacts.  As people become more real and human to one another, stereotypes become irrelevant.  Here are some options.

            1.  Get Help.  If you are actively addicted, stop feeding society’s negative stereotype and get sober.  Seek detoxification if needed, and then take responsibility for the details of recovery management (relapse prevention) and the use of recovery supports.  Don’t defend past addictive behaviors; accept them for what they are.  Feel and express remorse.  Over time, make amends.  (Okay, maybe these are bigger than small steps.)  If you are not actively addicted, you may still have work to do.  If, for example, you feel diminished and “less than,” deepen your commitment to a way of growth, such as psychotherapy, Twelve-Step recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous or a related program, or a spiritual practice (perhaps self compassion, which is drawn from Buddhism).  All can help you feel and act less different from others.

            2.  Reach out.  You have a right to privacy, but you are also free to share your story, which allows others to become more comfortable with their own story and helps them feel less different—more comfortable with their own humanity.  Last year, when Active Minds, Inc. organized a National Day Without Stigma to promote community support for individuals with mental health disorders, they used a powerful headline:  “Stigma is shame.  Shame causes silence.  Silence hurts us all.”  Young people told singer and actress Demi Lovato that public disclosure of her mental health and substance abuse problems helped them face their own.

            3.  Network.  There is strength in numbers, and you may multiply your impact if you add your perspective and energy to an established advocacy organization such as NCADD.

            4.  Be normal.  If it is important to your comfort or safety, for instance, to have wine glasses removed from a restaurant table and to find out whether a dish has been prepared with alcohol, remind yourself you are really no different from the person who is allergic to nuts and insists that a nut bowl be removed and questions the server about the ingredients of an entrée or dessert.  In both situations it is embarrassment and reticence that are out of place.

            5.  Be heard.  How fair or unfair society will be in the future to people with addiction will be determined in part by the outcome of multiple public policy issues, including health care reform.  If you hold a stake and a point of view, legislators and other policymakers deserve to know what they are.

To think about:  Can changes in terminology (labels) reduce stigma?  Or will simply changing terms have little or no effect on the discredited social status assigned by society at large?  Can stigma have positive effects?  As smoking became more stigmatized, smoking rates dropped.

Geoff Kane, MD, MPH is Chief of Addiction Services at the Brattleboro Retreat, a 180-year-old psychiatric and addiction treatment hospital in southeastern Vermont. He is a graduate of Boston College and Yale School of Medicine.

His website, GeoffKane.com, is in his words, “an extension of the main mission of my forty-plus years in medicine: to understand what people with addiction are up against and pass that understanding on to them so they can apply it and establish safety, balance, and satisfaction in their lives.”

Get High or Get Higher Power?

by Dustin John / Originally published August 11, 2014 in a slightly different format at My Sober Life

The topic of God—or a higher power—is controversial to say the least.

Mainly if the status quo deity is put into question. Religious beliefs are often a topic in recovery and I feel that having an honest and open discussion is relevant and absolutely necessary in my own personal recovery. Some of you may disagree with my beliefs and that is perfectly fine. My goal is not to argue that my higher power is right or wrong or that any of my reader’s belief’s are incorrect. I am only explaining my experience and what works for me.

Many conversations in the rooms of AA/NA, give strong evidence that many addicts struggle with finding, keeping and believing in a God or any form of higher power. I want to explain my higher power so that others who are struggling can see that they are not alone in their struggles. I also want to explain how I finally found what I believe to be- my higher power.

Growing Up

I was raised in the LDS church as a young child. Up until my mid 20s, I believed in the Judeo-Christian ethical standards as well as a living, breathing deity who had a flowing white beard and had a homestead somewhere above the highest of clouds. After continually struggling to make even a single right turn into the driveway of virtue, I began to question what kind of Satan-spawn I had become. The harder I tried to do right by God, the further he faded from me. No coffee or caffeine? No hot drinks? No nicotine? No masturbation? God must have known me quite well. I was doomed right out of the placenta bursting gate.

The Crux

Despite my appalling past; homelessness, IV drug use, robbery, theft etc., I have always thought I was a decent and respectful human being. It may be difficult to believe that, and after reading that previous sentence, I think I may have threw up a little from the ridiculousness of my statement. Anyone who has been addicted to drugs I’m sure can relate. I knew I had done some really terrible things and for God and my sober self, that was a big problem. The thought of going to hell drove me to study religion and to study it passionately. Both sides. Both arguments and even other religions. So that is what I did. I studied Christian, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Islam and Taoism. After studying these religions* and reading their doctrines, I began to study agnosticism and atheism. I knew I couldn’t make any accurate or true claims about anything if I didn’t understand both sides of the religious coin- belief and non-belief.

The Search

After countless hours of work, I came to my own conclusion based on empirical evidence, logical consistency, and facts. I now consider myself to be an atheist. However, just because I do not believe that Gods or Deities’ exist, does not mean I do not have a higher power.

Crux-Based Findings

When I first realized I was in fact, a strong atheist, I began to feel an emptiness. Like my life was missing something crucial. A pinging vibration of hollowness echoed throughout my body. “If I did not believe that Gods’ exist, how could I ever stay sober?” AA/NA taught me that to continue a happy and fulfilling sober lifestyle, I had to find a higher power!

The Search Continues

I had heard in a meeting one time that someone was using a doorknob as their higher power but I felt more powerful than a doorknob. After-all, I could turn one and walk through a door so I knew the doorknob would not suffice as my higher power. I think the point of a higher power is choosing something that is more powerful than me and something I CAN’T control- unlike the turning of a doorknob. That is however, only my amateur opinion. If a doorknob works for someone as a HP, then grab hold of it!

Finding My Higher Power

My HP had to be something much smarter than me, much stronger than me, something I could not control, something I do not understand, something that would keep me safe and something I COULD allow to run my life so I didn’t screw it up again. After pondering these strict and crucial requirements for my next potential higher power, I finally realized this higher power was right in front of me the entire time. It was with me throughout my entire life and it knew me much better than I knew myself. It is thousands of time stronger than me and it is thousands of times smarter than me. Its capabilities are known to be almost limitless.This amazing higher power I am describing is the subconscious mind.

Just Some Thoughts

Being conscious of our unconscious mind is extremely helpful for living a successful life; even if you think having it (subconscious) as your higher power is ludicrous. For many years, I thought of my subconscious mind as an abstract concept and I never put much “thought” into it. Today, I work to provide a conduit of clear communication between my conscious and subconscious mind. A working relationship between the two is essential for my daily recovery. Having this deity-free higher power has continued to keep me sober and has help me understand so many things that used to baffle me.

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

— André Gide

*Taoism can arguably fall outside the religion category but is still taught as a religion.

Dustin John is “a 35 year-old printer, blogger, writer, artist, and sober drug addict since Feb 1, 2012.” He blogs on the latter at My Sober Life, a “Soundingboard of Hope, Freedom and Happiness.”

A Hard Dose Of Reality

by K. Lanktree / Studio L Online

The routine of daily trips to the methadone clinic may seem like quite the inconvenience to some.

Add in bi-weekly drug testing and monthly doctors visits, and at times it can all seem like a big pain in the ass. However the morning trips to get my daily dose have become more than just a boring, monotonous part of my routine, akin to brushing my teeth. It has become a big part of my recovery. 

How, exactly, has 2-5 minutes worth of waiting in a line full of addicts every morning had such an impact on me and my recovery?

Aside from keeping me in a good routine, getting me out and about each morning and preventing any slips with carry home doses, those daily visits can have a much deeper effect. If you take a close look – and I mean really look – rather than just running in and out each morning because its necessary part of the day, something becomes extremely apparent. The bodies queued up in front and behind me according to the first letter of their surname aren’t just faceless ‘junkies’ and ‘addicts’ out for their morning ‘fix’ as stigma and rampant misinformation often represents them to be. Each one of them is a person just like you and me; someone who has a family, a life, a story… and deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. 

Most mornings are less than eventful and easily forgettable, but every so often, I unintentionally bear witness to the painful realities of addiction, drugs, relapse, treatment, and homelessness. Those mornings are the ones that impact me deeply. That monotonous trip to the pharmacy for my morning dose can quickly and unexpectedly turn into a visit I won’t soon forget. 

Yet when these heartbreaking situations occur, the vast majority of people who unintentionally bear witness will choose to simply walk right on by, pretending not to see what is occurring right in front of them. On several occasions I have witnessed a person who is in very clear and obvious distress, yet simply because they fit a certain stereotype they aren’t afforded the same compassion and empathy as a ‘normal’ person would be. Instead, they are ignored, avoided, disregarded and stigmatized. 

But what if that person all alone and in distress happened to be you? 

How would you feel to have people simply look the other way and continue to walk right past you, ignoring your suffering and pleas for help? Or treated you with disregard and disrespect simply because of your situation and stereotype you happen to fit?

It is an absolutely devastating and dehumanizing experience to have another human being pretend you are non existent, or even go so far as to degrade or berate you during what is quite possibly the darkest hours of your life. 

Like most, I never anticipated having to face addiction or homelessness. Neither issue could possibly ever effect me, right? I grew up in a good home, have wonderful parents and family, attended school and got good grades, had a well paying job, married my soul mate and we were settling in to our new life. Destroying relationships, losing everything, ending up homeless and injecting literally every last cent I had ever earned into my veins was certainly not in my plans. No one ‘plans’ on addiction or homelessness. 

Luckily I managed to turn my life around, but it is still a very odd experience to watch another person suffer through a hell that not long ago you once resided in yourself. Now, being able to look at these situations from the outside, but with inside knowledge is honestly both quite haunting and dispiriting. It’s as though I can see and feel the distress behind their eyes. I immediately picture myself back in that spot – whether I want to or not. 

Several weeks ago I encountered a harmless looking young female crouched on the busy sidewalk outside of the Methadone-dispensing pharmacy crying and in very clear distress, with bags of her few belongings propped up against her sides.

She looked lost, confused and desperate. As I approached, I began to notice person after person pass right by her as though she were totally invisible. There was even the odd passerby who would slow down to a crawl to ensure themselves enough time to gawk and stare at her distress. Yet the closer I got to her, the more compelled I felt to stop. Sure, I could continue walking right on by her and try justifying to myself that “it really wasn’t any of my business”, “the cops can handle it” or “there isn’t really anything I could do to fix her situation,” like I imagine the rest of the passersby did. But when did not having all the answers or the perfect solution become an excuse for a complete and utter lack of compassion? I simply couldn’t let myself be just one more person who walked right past her. 

The fact that I was one of the only people to stop still bothers me to this day. I certainly couldn’t have been the only one who was concerned for her wellbeing and had a few moments to spare. Yet why was I the only person who actually stopped and showed her some compassion? 

Stigma.

Even though it could happen to just about anyone under the right circumstances, so often those who are struggling with addiction and homelessness are ignored, forgotten, stigmatized and discriminated against. There is no reason to withhold compassion for another human being simply because you do not fully understand their situation, or the factors that led to it. Citing ignorance is no excuse here. 

Next time you encounter someone who is homeless, addicted, mentally ill, or some combination of all three or others, take just one minute of your day to open your mind and speak with a person you otherwise never would have. Treating others with compassion and respect rather than disregard and disgust, even in their darkest hours, can help lessen the gap and provide a sense of community and caring, not to mention lessen the stigma. Simply because someone is struggling does NOT mean that they are any less of person, or somehow deserve less respect. 

Extend compassion and kindness to others. You could easily be in their shoes one day.

K. Lanktree is a freelance writer living in Southwestern Ontario. She writes about being a recovering IV drug user, Methadone patient, and Harm Reduction Advocate at Studio L Online.