+ I like to think of myself as a friend and an “aunt” to Kome. This means I come to this discussion with a perspective that is, I confess, somewhat biased – but no less true. Given that this book is such a personal endeavour for Kome, I think it’s only fitting that someone who has known her for so long speaks from that angle. So, if you’ll permit me, I’d love to share my perspective on the remarkable woman who has so courageously opened her heart and life lessons to us through this book.
The Kome I have known has always been special. As she mentions in her Foreword, she began her education at St. Saviour’s School in Ikoyi, which is where I first knew her. Even then, she stood out. She had this bright, radiant smile – one she has never lost – that could light up any room. She was warm, open, and earnest, always approaching the world with curiosity and a quiet determination that made her truly unique. It is no surprise that these qualities have crystallised into the intellectual curiosity and rigour that have now produced not one, but two books.
Her first book, Nigerian Gods, was an impressive feat of research and storytelling. I remember being both enlightened and awed by the depth of scholarship that went into it. She introduced many of us to resources like Journal Storage (JSTOR), a vast repository of historical and academic materials, and to the researchers and historians who helped shape her findings. Coming from the analogue age myself, I confess I was blown away by the sheer breadth of knowledge that is now at our fingertips – provided, of course, that you know where to look!
And now, we have The Healthy Perfectionist, where Kome turns her focus inward, tackling a subject that is deeply personal yet universally relevant. I must admit that at my age, reading takes a little longer than it once did, so I haven’t finished the book yet – but from the moment I picked it up, I have been completely engrossed.
Perfectionism is something we all struggle with, even those of us who wouldn’t necessarily call ourselves highly organised or structured. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines perfectionism as “a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as unacceptable.” The Oxford English Dictionary describes it as “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” And the American Psychological Association (APA) defines it as “the tendency to demand of oneself or others an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, beyond what is required by the situation.”
At some point in our lives, we have all been perfectionistic – whether in our work, in motherhood, in friendships, or simply in our desire to be good people. We have all, at some point, fallen short of the impossibly high standards we set for ourselves, and many of us have struggled to forgive or accept ourselves for our perceived imperfections. And so, how characteristic of Kome – in her warmth, openness, and generosity – to offer us this book, a reflection on a deeply personal yet shared experience.
I look forward to exploring her insights on what it means to be a healthy perfectionist and how we can navigate the fine line between striving for excellence and being unkind to ourselves. Kome, congratulations on this remarkable achievement. I have no doubt that The Healthy Perfectionist will resonate with many, and I look forward to seeing all that is still to come from you. Best wishes for the future!
Stella Amachree, Founding Partner, Stella S. Amachree & Co., Founder, Purple Hibiscus Ltd., Founding Member, Music Society of Nigeria (MUSON) & the Nigeria Conservation Foundation
+ Perfection is a goal many of us pursue, often accompanied by challenges due to our acceptance of mediocrity that we should reject. Irrespective of your profession, whether a writer, dentist, or lawyer, the journey towards excellence is universal. It is essential to enhance our skills and strive for peak efficiency in our respective fields. While some may view this pursuit as excessive, in Nigerian terms, “he too do,” it is crucial to avoid dismissing noble efforts as mere “eye service.”
In her recent book, “The Healthy Perfectionist,” Nigerian author Kome Otobo offers a fresh perspective on perfectionism. By prefixing “healthy” to perfectionist, she aims to dispel the negative associations often linked with the concept of perfection, like unhealthy competition or insincerity.
In the realm of brand building, the “Sage” archetype symbolizes mastery in a particular domain, embodying a form of perfection. Striving to embody the qualities of a sage and embracing the notion of being a hashtag #HealthyPerfectionist can lead to personal growth and success.
Chukwuemeka Anyiam-Osigwe, Director of Public Relations, Pride Multi-media Ventures, Co-Convener, Lagos Creative Enterprise Week
+ Reflecting on Kome Otobo’s work, The Healthy Perfectionist, I gained a deeper appreciation for the profound impact [her sister] Efena’s accident must have had on her entire family. I imagined the upheaval of Kome’s perfectionist world, forced to adapt to a new reality. Yet, what strikes me most is the extraordinary gift these women possess – the ability to reflect, introspect and discern the intricate systems that shape their lives. Kome’s work shows us that our natural tendencies don’t have to define us.
Instead, we can intentionally change the system by harnessing our innate inclinations, reshaping them, and turning them into powerful assets that propel us forward. She takes us on an intellectual and psychological journey into the nature of perfectionism. In a world that often demands excellence at the cost of well-being and maintaining healthy relationships, Kome provides a blueprint for balancing ambition with compassion, first for self and also for others.
As someone who has lived through the extremes of perfectionism, she shares how this trait – often misunderstood as either a weakness or a strength – can be transformed into a force for personal and professional fulfilment. Through rigorous research and practical examples, Kome highlights the impact that healthy perfectionism can have on families, workplaces, schools, governance, healthcare, and even on social media. Her message is clear: Perfectionism is not the enemy – unchecked perfectionism is. With the right mindset and tools, we can channel it into growth, productivity, and emotional well-being. Incredible work, Kome, well done.
Why This Book Matters: This book addresses themes that resonate deeply in today’s world. In its way, it challenges societal norms, expands our perspectives, and encourages self-discovery. If you aim to understand perfectionism and harness its potential in an increasingly demanding world, The Healthy Perfectionist will be your guide. This is not just a book – it is a guide for anyone seeking to navigate life’s complexities with wisdom, resilience, and grace.
I urge each of you to get a copy and engage with this book, share its message, and let it inspire meaningful change in your personal and professional lives.
Frank Nweke, Chairman of the Kunie Foundation, Chairman, #FixPolitics Initiative, Director, Human Capital Africa, Faculty Member, School of Politics, Policy & Governance (SPPG)
+ Perfectionism is often seen as a flaw, but The Healthy Perfectionist by Kome Otobo gives it a refreshing perspective. This book helped me understand that striving for excellence doesn’t have to come at the cost of mental peace. Instead of falling into the trap of impossible standards, Otobo shows how perfectionism can be balanced in a way that supports personal growth rather than hinders it.
What stood out to me was how practical and relatable the book felt. It doesn’t just talk about theories or abstract concepts – it provides actionable advice that actually makes sense in everyday life. Otobo explains the difference between unhealthy perfectionism, which fuels stress and self-doubt, and healthy perfectionism, which encourages high standards while allowing room for self-compassion. That distinction alone was eye-opening. The writing is engaging, almost like having a conversation with someone who genuinely understands what it’s like to struggle with perfectionist tendencies. There were moments when I felt like the author was speaking directly to me, especially when discussing the fear of failure and the constant need to prove oneself. The book doesn’t just point out the problems – it offers real solutions, making it easy to reflect on personal habits and gradually shift towards a healthier mindset.
Reading The Healthy Perfectionist was a reassuring experience. It reminded me that perfection isn’t about being flawless but about learning, growing, and being kind to myself along the way. If you’ve ever felt trapped by your own high expectations, this book is worth picking up.
The Review Escape (Instagram Book Reviewer)
+ Even though much of the information presented in The Healthy Perfectionist draws on the Western prism, it interestingly contextualizes them in their African parallels, citing analogical examples of perfectionism in Ghana, Uganda, Sudan, South Africa and Nigeria.
Something very outstanding in the book is the use of visuals. It has over thirty visuals, in the form of pictures, graphic representation and tables. This is remarkable. Very different from our regular mill-read of books – words without pictures.
Why is the use of pictures significant? When Alice found herself in Wonderland, grappling with how to understand what to make of her new situation, she gathered insight from a book with pictures and conversation. No wonder she said in the opening of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland that the best books have pictures or conversation. Interestingly, the book, The Healthy Perfectionist has both pictures and conversation, providing montage ‘pictures’ of the unseen impact of perfectionism in families, schools, workplaces, as well as within the wider contexts of governance, healthcare, religion and social media.
Research in neuroscience reveals that visual or graphic representations resonate with readers. Without the use of images, complex ideas are difficult to understand. This is because we think more subconsciously and intuitively rather than consciously and deliberatively. For example, when we travel in unfamiliar territory, we need a roadmap to see where we are going. But when we travel back and forth to a new location a few times, we begin to store our associations subconsciously so that we don’t need to look at a map as often.
The author, Kome Otobo, latches on this brain function to present information in plain language to the understanding of the reader. So, reading the book is a delight both to the eyes, and the mind. The pictures and conversational qualities in it, gives readers deeper insight and understanding. It tells us the good and ugly sides of perfectionism.
Importantly, the author makes overt the often-unconscious thinking that methods and goals or outcome are significant and meld together; the method chosen to achieve an outcome is as important as the goal. Both [method and outcome] are constitutive and so should not be overlooked in planning strategic balances. What a good lesson for decisionmakers – whether parents, teachers, employers, politicians, healthcare providers, and clergy. This why the book is an imperative read for all decisionmakers.
Thank you, Kome Otobo, author of The Healthy Perfectionist, for highlighting and bringing to the centre-burner the concerns of perfectionism at a time when our judiciary is fast sinking to become [God forbid] the “lost hope of the common people,” and “buccaneer-politics” is fast becoming the allure of our people.
You, indeed, ask us to rethink “who we say we are, what we say we are, and who we say we want to be.”
Professor Festus Emiri (SAN), Author, Senior Partner, DF Legal, Former Dean of Law, Delta State University, Former Deputy Director-General, Nigerian Law School & Pioneer Head, Nigerian Law School, Yenagoa Campus, Bayelsa State
+ So glad your book landed on my [radar]. I suffer from perfectionism, and have been in and out of hospital for two years, some of which is fatigue. I’m currently on extended leave, lost weight, etc. I need to regroup before I head back to work again (hopefully), because I can’t continue like before. I’m based in South Africa.
Millicent
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If you are intrigued by the book reviews, please do pick up a copy! Thank you in advance if you do.
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Kome Otobo 