Hello.. this is your life speaking….

Its been 3 months and 9 days. Not that I am keeping track, just something that I know in the back of my head.  Know that we miss you every second of every day.  Today especially. You turn 1 today. Today you start your life as a toddler with a ton of new firsts to come. What firsts have you experienced in the last 3 months? first tooth? first word? first step?  I think of all the first we got to experience with you but all the firsts we will also miss.  Especially your first birthday, and first birthday party. And what a party it would have been! You would have loved it, I’m sure.  I’m happy we got those wonderful 8 months with you, they were amazing and such a learning time for all of us. You were such a wonderful baby, who brought so much happiness to everyone around you. Now you are little girl, who I know brings laughs and joy to everyone in your life. I know you are cute as a button and a little flirt. I know you love to be dressed so pretty yet getting dirty can be so much fun. I know you are a little dare devil that loves to try new things and test stuff out, but still love a good snuggle.  I know you are a dancing machine who can be shy around strangers.

We wish you a very happy 1st birthday, and many many happy days to come. We wish you the best in life and the best in all you do. We know you will grow to become a beautiful, caring, wonderful young lady who loves with all her heart. We know you will bring great joy to everyone in your life and be an amazing little person. We are sending a ton of snuggles, kisses, and hugs. And the happiest wishes for your very special day.  Love you forever and always.

We are no longer foster parents to sweet baby E.  She has gone home to her birth mom.  Being with her birth family is good for her. It’s where she belongs. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.  As well as we knew this was a possibility when we started this process, but after 8 months….its hard.  It’s really really hard.  I keep expecting her to come home from a visit or from being out with my sister or something.  But its not going to happen.  She’s not coming home to us.  It’s been 17 days and some days I refuse to believe it. Other days I just sit and think, what is she doing?  How does she like daycare?  Is she crawling on her knees yet or still just moving on her belly?  Has she been pulling herself up on stuff?  Is she trying new foods every 4 days or so like we did here? Has she figured out her sippy cup yet or is it still a great drum? Does she still snuggle Cookie at night or has Cookie been forgotten?

Everyone goes on about what a great start to life we gave her…and trust me I know. But I am starting to get tired of hearing that, cause we were suppose to be the ones to give her a great life. Period. Not a start, but a whole life. I was suppose to be the one who cried at all her firsts, first word, first steps, first day of school, first boyfriend, first heartbreak, first everything. I feel cheated. I feel like the last 8 months were a dream… just a tease to the family we so desperately want and thought we had.

I miss her so much it hurts.  My heart actually hurts.  I miss her laugh, her smiles, even her cries.  With today being father’s day I am sad that Chris didn’t get to celebrate it with his E.  I feel he was cheated out of his day with her.

I need others to understand that yes it’s been a few weeks and yes we seem to be moving on but its hard and I am going to have bad days.  Deal with it. Cause we had to say good bye to our baby.

So little Miss E is now 7 months old.  We started adventures in solid foods a little over a month ago, and adventure its been.

I decided to make her baby food. Sounds simple enough. Buy food, buy baby bullet, puree and serve. And I totally planned ahead. I was going to make a ton of food and freeze it. Take out what I needed the night before and put in little containers. Yup I was gonna be super organized Mom.

Now a little background on myself. I am a bit of a picky eater. I don’t like trying new things, or weird things. Ask my friends. My co workers try to make trying new foods as much for me as it is for the kids we work with. Oh and my idea of veggies are simple things like potatoes and frozen mixed veggies. And fruits, simple fruits.. apples, bananas etc.

So we started simple. Sweet potatoes and apple sauce. Easy enough. Off to the store, got a bag of apples and wait… where is a sign that says sweet potatoes? yes I have no idea what they look like, I don’t cook them and I really don’t eat them. Only at family holiday dinners when its expected to have at least a small amount. So I called my Dad, he says “look for yams” OH.. yams. apparently they are the same thing? Ok if you say so. Go home and make, they are a hit.

So we move on to bananas, carrots, pears, peas (with much hate for peas, or what a certain Uncle calls, “little green balls of hell.” ) Remember when I said I was super organized and would make baggies full of little cubes of food? yup.. have a baggie full of dreaded pea cubes.. just hanging out.

Then on to avocado. Ahh, avocado.. a new fruit for all. I have never had it (saying that I realize its in sushi so I have had it in that sense) Found it much easier in the store then sweet potatoes. Now to prepare. um? Thank God for my BFF and fellow Mommy Leanne. She seems to always get the how do I? text. So she explains how to peel and cut around the pit, sorta.. I butcher them.. really do. But it works. And they are loved. At least by the littlest critic.

Our next adventure was re stocking. I needed to make more sweet potatoes. So at a new store I find something that actually said sweet potato. Awesome!! I go home and peel and throw in the pot… oh wait.. they are yellow? um last ones were orange. panic.. panic. Message my friend Allison.. who proceeds to laugh very hard at my veggie inexperience and reassures me they will taste the same and E won’t notice at all. Then proceeds to laugh a little more.

Today I set out to make butternut squash for E to try tomorrow. I have never had squash (though Mom says it was a baby favorite of mine, she forgot to keep feeding it to us). I have never cooked squash. So I picked two nice looking squash from the store.  Went home, made up my mind that I wasn’t going to look like the usual idiot and ask how to cook it. Then decided they look hard like potato… so peel and cut and boil. right? Well I shoulda asked.. cause baking seems to be the method. oops.. sure it will be fine this time. Oh and 1 squash makes a lot of puree… so anyone want a butternut squash? I suppose it will keep till I make a new batch.

This eating is such hard work!

Any suggestions on the next fruit or veggie to introduce? Remember to send the cooking and prep instructions too!!

Hello World.. hows it been?
I have been feeling like I have been stuck in my house for weeks and weeks. I had surgery in January and I wasn’t allowed to lift over a certain amount, or drive. So since hubby works for 4 12 hour days, the little miss and I didn’t get out much. But I got medically cleared Monday.. and we have been out every day since. I enjoy going out with the baby. She likes her car seat and the car and we like visiting our friends. Its been a wonderful week of freedom.
So besides the freedom its been a week of the non stop wheels turning. We have some decisions to make regarding me returning to work or not. And as simple as that sounds there are a lot of factors at play. We have had to weigh out all the options. Today when I felt my head was going to explode lots of things just started to fall into place. It was one of those days where things happen and you start to think they might be a sign as to what you should do. Or at least they help make the decision a little easier. We are still working on what we are going to do but things are starting to make sense. Things would be very easy if I could earn a few extra dollars while staying home. So if know of a way, please let me know. And I don’t want to do your home party based business. I have tried. Seriously I am not cut out for that. I am not pushy, I don’t cold call and I don’t harass you to host a party. So I don’t tend to do very well. And I find that what ever the company, you can throw a rock in any direction and find someone or someone who knows someone who sells. I find it getting a little silly.
Here is the question of the week that has me confused. When I worked, my house was pretty clean and organized. Now that I am home all the time its like a bomb went off. I just can’t keep it up. And my to do list!!! Its getting a little silly. It doesn’t make any sense. Its not like little Miss is a hard baby to look after.. shes pretty content. But I just don’t seem to get anything done.. ever!! So all you stay at home moms.. whats the secret??? What am I missing??

Ok so I may or may not have forgotten about my blog. Its been a busy few months. Let’s update….
E is growing like a weed.. she is 20 weeks old today. She laughs, tells stories, smiles a ton, stands. She still a very happy baby, and we are so very much in love. Still fostering to adopt… things are kind of still just… there. We are just going day by day and giving her the best and all our love.

E is currently dealing with a cold, shes had a stuffy nose for a week. Like snotty everywhere, watery eyes cold. Poor little snuggle bug. We steam, have a humidifier going in her room and we clean out her nose. Not much we can do at this age.. just power through it! Shes been good during it, still happy. But any tips to deal are appreciated!

Here E is at 19 weeks loving one of her stuffed animals.

What else is new?  I had surgery to repair 2 hernias I had from a previous surgery. Healing well, just going stir crazy… can’t drive for a bit and really can’t carry E and her car seat. So home bound when Chris is at work. Feel free to visit..

I have taken up contesting.. my good friend (who won’t be named) has a serious contest entering problem. Like really she should seek some help. Anyway she sends me links.. so now I am hooked. I have the usual ones I enter daily,  still haven’t won anything, and I am sure shes doing this so shes not alone in the needing help. We can enter contest rehab together. But I keep saying if I don’t win something soon I quit… then proceed to spend an hour entering contests. So if you want me to send you links when they ask to share send me a message.

Now this same friend has gotten me on pinterest. I can see hours and hours wasted there.. the recipes excite me. Especially the desserts, I am always looking for something new to make! Anyone else on pinterest? seriously does it take hours out of your life?

Anyway I better contest before E wakes up.. oops too late, she has the shortest naps in history.

Any thing you want me to write about… just ask.. cause I don’t seem to have any creative juices left…

Sorry its been awhile… I have been crazy busy. About 1 month ago we had a 20 day old baby placed with us to foster to adopt. So yeah.. we have a foster baby. So I have been busy. This stay at home mom stuff is harder then I thought. lol
So baby we will call E. She is 7 weeks old and 8 lbs. Yes, shes tiny.

This picture was taken at 5.5 weeks by my talented sister. (shameless plug here…) Check out her website at http://www.througherinseyes.net

Anyway things are good. Totally different but good. Well great. We are very much in love with E. She is perfect. She is calm (most of the time) and she is so happy. And we are convinced she is a genius..no serious this isn’t a new parent thing. This kid is gonna do everything early. Hubby thinks she will start crawling before 6 months. Thats a scary thought.
Anyway I thought I would write a quick update, as I sit here at 11 pm waiting for E to wake for a bottle. Shes been asleep for almost 4 hours which is huge. But I am still up cause:
A) you know she will wake as soon as my head hits the pillow
B) Shes asleep in the swing and I am not moving her. funny part? the swing isn’t moving.. I took the batteries out to charge like over an hour ago.
Will try to post more later… like adventures in baby “stuff”. Anything else you would like to hear my thoughts on about being a new parent please let me know!!! (exhaustion has eaten all my creative juices for new blog post ideas)

So our journey to start being parents is finally closer to the end then the beginning.
We were licensed to be foster to adopt parents. So pretty much we are just waiting for a call now. I mean our journey is far from over, there is still lots to come.
We will get a call, and foster a child for awhile then wait for all the legal mumbo jumbo and eventually (and hopefully) we adopt.
So I guess this means we should get around to getting that crib mattress? A kids gotta sleep somewhere!!
Anyway I will blog more as the process keeps rolling, but at least we are in the door!!

So finally someone approves of us! Its about time, its taken long enough!!!
We got the word that we are approved for foster to adopt with the government. We even have the name of our support worker! We should hear from her in the next 2 weeks for her to meet us and licence us. Yeah us.
So I have done pretty good on getting stuff for a child this summer. We bought a 4 in 1 crib off kijiji. We have a ton of kids books and toys we got for free. A vibrating chair for free, some crib bedding, a high chair for next to nothing, free rocking chair, 2 playpens, 2 strollers,  and a few basic clothes. I think for a room full of furniture, toys, books and movies we have spent maybe $150-$200. I think thats pretty good. And if we don’t need something that we have we have lots of friends and family that either have just had a baby or are going to have a baby soon. I have done well on kijiji, free cycle (thanks Allison for the addiction) and friends cleaning out their basements!
We still need to get a crib matttress (just haven’t gotten around to it) and a car seat. But really thats going to be a last minute thing. We can’t get that ahead of time if our age we want is 0-4. I know there is other things we need once we know what age we are getting, diapers, bottles, clothes, food etc.
So all my mommy readers is there something you just can’t or couldn’t live with out when you had kids under 4? I am making a list of things we still need!!!

So today all our paper work goes in to the Alberta Children and Youth Services. Our application, our 22 page report on us by the social worker, and references. So its out of our hands now.  Into the governments… ok that sounds scary. I was told it could take up to 20 days for approval, and thats if no one is on holidays. Um its the start of August… wanna bet someone is on holidays? I mean this is the government right? They wouldn’t make this waiting easy. Then once we are approved we have to get licensed to be a foster to adopt home. Thats when they come in a pick your house to pieces. But we have been working on getting it up to licencing standards for a few months now. So it shouldn’t be to bad. Kind of annoying all the hoops we are going through to get a child and our home has to be perfectly child proofed. Yet there are people that have kids out there that would never pass all this.

So we bought a crib yesterday. I know we were going to wait till we get approved but it was the kind of crib we wanted and it was a great price on kijiji. We just need a crib mattress… any suggestions on where or what? Does it matter if its firm or what?  All you moms that follow please give me advice on crib mattresses.

And no just because we bought a crib doesn’t mean we will get a baby. We bought one that works as a toddler bed or a double bed too. It should work for a child 0-4. The toys we have are organized in the closet, the few clothes we have are hung up. Anything not kid related has been moved out of the room. I think we are ready. I mean there are things we can’t get till we know more, like a car seat. And more clothes. But I am a kijiji queen so we will get clothes for next to nothing.  We have 2 strollers and a playpen. We could get started….

Anyway.. share any advice on crib mattress shopping or whatelse you think we need before we get a child 0-4 years old!!

So Daisy our bagle (yes that is right, its beagle/basset) needs a diagnosis. She is truly stuck in routine. We could write a schedule based on her. Here are few of her quirks.

She goes to bed at 10. Even weekends. See hubby and I usually go to bed around 10 during the week and I guess she got into the routine. So now, at 10, she will get up from where ever in the house she is hanging out and go to bed. Literally. Our bed. If we can’t find Daisy one of us usually comments with “oh it must be 10!”

And her bedtime routine!! its insane…. We get into bed and both dogs usually come with us. We have some playtime and snuggles. Daisy gets all grouchy and barks cause Dillinger is in the bed. Then she leaves, checks the crate, checks under the bed and back on the bed on the top of my pillows. Lays there for a bit. Then she leaves gets a drink of water and checks the house. Then shes back. She then has to get under the covers, even if there isn’t room cause Dillinger is on them, she will wiggle in just under. And then she has to curl up against me. Same spot every night. THEN she might fall asleep. Shes as bad as a kid getting ready for bed.

What else? Oh she won’t eat her food till we put water on it. She will sit there and give you the most pathetic stare then look at her food. You can practically her her saying, “You know and I know that there is not water on this, even if we just watched you do it, you better do it again. Cause I am not eating until its perfect.” Or if we don’t feed her on time she pushes both food dishes around the living room pausing dramatically to look at us before continuing.

Oh and the stupid ball!! If she is outside playing with the ball and wants to come in, she has to leave the ball in a specific spot. No serious, she will drop it and if it doesn’t really roll off the deck and fall in the right spot she will go get it and try again. I have stood at the door for 10 mins while she goes through this routine over and over and over. Seriously drives me insane.

but in the end how do I stay frustrated or mad at this face? I love my daisy girl!