that for once, someone could read your mind, and respond accordingly to your thoughts as you were thinking them?
a gathering of surnames
December 5, 2008 at 1:35 pm (events)
AG’s 30th anniversary makan malam
if you can cry your heart out, then you can smile your teeth out.
ash will be soooo pleased to see himself here XD
the guy is officially talented in posing. like mr. kelvin chaw =P
*
a Lee & a Tay. out for a day (:
grrrrr. i'm tiger junior.
*some improvisation*
tengah berpura-pura meditating
portrait of the century =D
…in a sea of blondes, brunettes & the occasional rainbowhead
November 27, 2008 at 12:00 am (reflection)
if i were a punctuation mark, i’d be an exclamation mark, a question mark, a comma, a fullstop, an oblique stroke, a pair of brackets, and an underscore simultaneously. i can feel so many contradicting feelings at one time that in the end i’m not sure i’m feeling more of which. often when friends ask me a question, i baffle them with “yes and no” in a single answer.
so it is with Canberra. i’m excited yet i’m not. confident yet afraid. happy to go yet sad to leave. cause i know that once i’m gone, things will change. a change this big, what it brings, and being away from home this long, is daunting. this time it’s different. i’m entering unchartered territory. alone.
i’ve been pre-warned by ANU reps that Canberra has “few Asians”. shock gasp horror. no Malaysians i still won’t die lah, but few Asians?! it’s not helping either, that the initial reaction of most people who hear i’m going there is, “WHAT? of all places why you going there lah, girl? nobody ever goes there man, especially Malaysians”. sweat man, it’s not like i’m going to the Arctic for uni, and how ulu can it be anyway!
BUT. the reality of the situation. few Asians. it’s a promise i’m gonna be deprived of most things Asian. for FOUR years! i mean four years! and the weather is mad! and i’d probably be the only bob of black hair in a sea of blondes, brunettes and the occasional rainbowhead =(((((
will i be discriminated because of my colour, my race? to most Westerners, all Asians look the same and all Chinese are from China. fableblobbygook! Dear God, just as Your grace has seen me through, may Your Grace continue to see me through in the days and years ahead.
P/S: thank you Sharon, for your reassuring words. it means alot to me.
when i die…
October 29, 2008 at 9:53 am (question marks, reflection)
in those last few moments, would i have wished i loved better. opened up my heart more. seen things clearer. really walked to the edge. and all those things that cross a person’s mind before they die?
would i have thought, that whatever i wanted my life to stand for, was consistent with what my life really stood for? but who am i to say? to be fair, i can’t be the judge of my own character because there’s no such thing as objectivity untainted by subjectivity.
am i a girl who sticks to her convictions, no matter how painful the process may be? a non-conformist? what drives them, how do they influence my life, my mentality, my attitude?
if nothing can be something, doesn’t that mean a lot of nothings in this world are somethings?
what does it mean to be moved? is a poignant moment more moving than a moving moment? why are such beautiful moments so rare? WHY.
is it possible to know everything about myself? yet, how much can i know about what i don’t know? different situations let me peek into different dimensions of me. but the inside me is the same as the outside me.
when i die, what kind of footprints would i leave behind? but to know that, i’ve to separate myself from myself, look at myself from the outsider’s point of view. so……….i may never know.
whee-ls.
October 16, 2008 at 8:18 am (a bowl of happenings)
my driving test. next week.
dear kancil, though it’s unlikely a tyre would explode, or pancit, please. behave. thyself. especially on the slope. don’t. you. die. on. me.
and i don’t want a corrupt tester thank you berry much ahh. it’d be greatly unappreciated.
*
mitches, i’m seeing you soon, right? yay yay (: (: (:
the sunflower with the smiley face
October 8, 2008 at 10:34 am (a bowl of happenings)
what has the chilli padi been up to? beep beep. *scanning brain*
Bali. sun. art. cousins. friends. driving lessons (while trying not to bang down that pole). books.
anyway. when one of dad’s friends heard i’m going off to the land of beef & surfer dudes, he asked me to bring back a kangaroo.
i said no, i’d bring back a koala (cause it’s less likely to kick), a meerkat and a platipus. and i’d give all 3 of them names.
shalalalala everyday i’m glad to be alive, i let all the small & big things make me beam and laugh, see the good in the bad (except for UMNO!), find the joy in being me, relish the time i have left before i leave for down under (:
because i’m gonna miss home…..more than very much.
wedding bells are ringing, ding dong bell
September 24, 2008 at 12:32 pm (events)
i love you, you love me. why not get married?
i was silently paparazzi-ing her then she turned & caught me red-handed. AIYAH!!!
i saw him cry.
September 19, 2008 at 1:34 pm (poignancy)
have you ever heard a child get caned?
his mother chased him from the house. locked him out. he waited by the roadside.
have you ever seen a kid beg to be let in? heard him beg his mother to stop beating him?
when was the last time you heard a kid wail, have you ever heard a kid wail?
not because he was ignored, but because he was punished.
hearing a kid wail is nothing new to me, i hear it all the time, but i’m not immune, there’s something in the way he wails, something in the way she beats him, each time i hear it it pricks me.
is she raising him up into a child-beater? are these the memories she wants for his childhood?
the dad whacks him. the mum whacks him. they don’t whack their other kids. so spare him.
he is just a kid. and he is just seven years old.
things that don’t make sense
September 2, 2008 at 12:00 am (question marks)
just the other day i was at the fruit shop (because some people are just so in love with pineapples). seeing an old man sitting on the floor eating fruits made me feel sad. somehow.
and i’m not sure why (i’m emotionally stable, just in case you’re wondering.)
perhaps it’s because he looked lost. perhaps it’s because he was sitting on the floor. perhaps it reminded me to count my blessings and not take life for granted. perhaps it reminded me of how selfish some politicians are in refusing to help the needy.
but all these thoughts, of all places, of all contexts, at a fruit shop?
hello christine tay, how random can you get!
but can sadness be a random feeling?
no, yet yes.
or perhaps sadness is the wrong word?
maybe not, yet maybe.
it is in moments like this that i baffle myself, because something familiar yet unfamiliar tugs at my heart, the right words escape me, i know what i feel, but i don’t know how i got there.
i'm not short. i'm fun size. 
