Feeling tired

Things have been pretty good the last few months.. mostly I think because he has been working away so much, and I have been more settled in my head so able to keep it together and work around his demanding requirements. Every now and then we clash, as we did tonight.. he just got back […]

Confused

He just got back from being away all week, it is Thursday night.. I have been 100% good, not gone out, been drinking, I ask him what’s wrong, he says nothing, why, what’s the problem? I say nothing, you are just very quiet.. nothing.. I ask have I done something wrong? He says I don’t […]

I have tried so hard

I stopped writing.. thought I was maybe just encouraging myself to see the bad.. but it doesn’t matter how hard I try or how “good” I am… it makes no difference. Still no physical contact, and still times like now when my boy and my partner get on a roll together of giving me shit… […]

Cry

I just want to break down and cry … my boy isn’t happy.. there’s nothing I can do.. I feel helpless and frustrated.. but apparently can’t show any feelings or it will stress HIM out. So sucking it up, no one to talk to about it.. so alone. If my boy hates me, then I […]

Lost friends

I had a fake Facebook profile… where I shared this blog, where I could be my true self.. where I didn’t post fake happy pics. I had to delete it. I made some friends there, but because I am so guarded, they never knew who I really was.. and I blocked everyone from my real […]

I am not ok

I thought I was.. since being in hospital, and feeling so down and dark, I thought I came through. Back at work full time, partner is being perfect in every way.. still no physical relationship at all, but in every other way he is supportive and loving.. but the last couple of days I have […]

Monday update

I am having a hard day. First full day back at work.. my partner is away, but continuing to be extremely supportive and sweet. Still no physical love, I crave to be touched and to touch. My support from when I was in hospital have passed me over to a new team, two women who […]

It’s been a while…

So I haven’t written in quite a while, and a lot has happened in that time. I fell. Harder than I have ever fell before. There was nothing but darkness in my mind and in my soul.. I wanted to die so much it hurt. I spent almost two months in a mental hospital, got […]

Freedom

I finally got out of hospital after almost 6weeks. Back at work, taking 20 pills a day.. still not sure if I am ok, and worse still, I have no idea who I am anymore, pills change everything about me.. I may go back to hospital, might have left too early, it’s really hard working.. […]

Still locked away

Don’t know how long it’s been now, but I’m still sectioned in the psych ward.. must be at least 2 weeks now. My job? Money? Bills? Fuck knows. My partner is being great, he should be since he wanted me here in the first place. But he is bringing me things to do, pizza sometimes, […]