Lightningpen's Blog

Walmart Joking 🙃

February 8, 2023 · by lightningpen

“Daddy, why do we live in a tent in the Walmart parking lot?” asked Charly as he ate his slice of bread.

“Because we’re rich with love and friendship.”

“Huh, can I have some more mustard for my slice of bread?”

“We’re not that rich you little shit! Now hand me that rat head I get first lick,” said Freddy as he waited anxiously for the rat.

“Is this how rich people eat?” asks Charly as he hands Freddy the rat head.

“They wish they had it this good. Now, Charly, did you steal the extra napkins because I gotta take a crap?”

Charly grimaced as he slowly handed Freddy the last of the napkins. “Boy I wish I had some ketchup packets for dessert. Are there any left?” asks Charly hopefully as he pulled a cricket out of his armpit.

“Come on now Christmas is a month away! I’ll let you have a rat lick, but that’s it. Stop being so greedy!”

“Why don’t you get a job, Daddy?”

“Why don’t you shut up. Most kids don’t have it this good remember that,” said Freddy as he strutted naked around the tent.

“Dad are you a bum? I ask because you smell bad, real bad and you don’t have a cent in your pants. Plus didn’t you panhandle the librarian?

“I only asked if she had 20 she could lend me.”

“But you can’t pay her back.”

“Just watch, I bought 20 dollars worth of scratch off tickets. Huh, that’s right the old man is whip smart! We’ll be livin’ the good life soon enough,” said Freddy as he handed Charly half the tickets.

“Why didn’t you buy food? These tickets could all be losers,” said Charly sadly as he scratched off a ticket with his fingernail.

“Ya know you’re a mouthy little shit. I might revoke your tent privileges.”

“Wait, we won!”

“How much, Charly?” asked Freddy as Charly handed him the ticket.

“We won a free ticket, we’re rich!”

“Great, that’s gives us another chance at the million. I knew we’d win on one of these tickets,” said Freddy happily as he scratched off another ticket.

“What if they’re all losers?” asked Charly as he smiled slightly.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a spare rat I’ve been savin’. You can’t tell me I don’t know what I’m doing.”

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Fantasyland Hot dog

February 5, 2023 · by lightningpen

So I went to the store and nearly choked on a Wheaties box,wowser. Then I kicked a glazed ham, these things happen. An old man punched my gizzard and I thought Wow am I lucky. Two Canadian jockstrap salesmen carried me to my car (saints in my book). Then the smell of failure hit and I fell out the door while driving. They don’t make cars like they once did, let me tell ya. So as I was laying on the ground in some dog filth I thought man I only broke 3 ribs.

Then I crawled over to the hot dog stand and grabbed some 🍱 While I stood there covered in manure and blood I thought Boy am I blessed. It’s hard to be humble when you have it this good. I know you’re envious of my blood soaked shirt, it’s fine you’ll get over it.

The great Helen Gint once said,” I see the hypocrisy’s in life, but it would be a far greater hypocrisy not to participate in them.”

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Free Science Fiction Novel

August 26, 2015 · by lightningpen

Today august 26th-28th the enthralling science fiction novel The Conquered http://www.bit.ly/conquerd will be free on Amazon. It’s the first in a trilogy, but has the ability to stand on it’s own.

It centers around an emotionally crippled dictator as he teeters on the edge. For fans of Dune and Bladerunner it’s a perfect fit.

A Lookery at “Leaving Berlin” by Joseph Kanon

May 12, 2015 · by lightningpen

This is a fascinating and dynamic look at an incredible book.

The power of imagination

April 17, 2015 · by lightningpen

This is very Imaginative.

My TOP 5 Female Characters from Books!

April 13, 2015 · by lightningpen

Cool and interesting

Eternal Voyage

Hey Guys! We all have our own favorite female characters in every book that we have read right?, So here I am again and I am going to share to ya’ll my TOP FIVE FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTERS!

1. Ridley Duchannes from Caster Chronicles/Beautiful Creatures Series

YES, GUYS I AM NOT INSANE BUT SHE IS MY MOST FAVORITE FEMALE CHARACTER OF ALL TIME! You may hate her because she’s dark but deep inside she has some light in her heart. Her confidence made everyone intimidated which was kinda cool despite her taste in fashion and of course her rude personality,but seriously her rudeness is just for a show. She’s a total badass and very hot. “Third-Degree Burn.” according to Link.

2. Clary Fray from The Mortal Instruments Series

A red headed girl with green eyes is perfection for me. (not in that image though, I’m referring the Clary in the books.)…

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Uncle Billie’s Hualapai Mountain Rangers

April 6, 2015 · by lightningpen

This has a great story.

Leo Black Jr.

Is there anything that you do that makes you smile? That makes you just grin from ear to ear? That gives you little tingles down your belly? That sometimes makes it hard to go to sleep just thinking about it?

I know what some of you are thinking…besides that!

Is it Christmas? No. Is it Beethoven’s birthday? No. Is it Guy Fawkes Day? No. Is it my anniversary?… I refuse to answer that question on advice of counsel and on grounds it may lead to my premature demise.

It’s none of those! Friday morning at sunrise marks the opening day of quail season in Arizona and Uncle Billy’s Hualapai Mountain Rangers ride again!

To those who grew up in Kingman Arizona, I need not explain the quail opener. For the rest of you; it’s the beginning of the hunting seasons. That time of year when the air begins to…

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Book Review, Jason Brant, The Hunger Series

March 13, 2015 · by lightningpen

These books are great. I love this review

Aubrea Summer, Author

I recently finished reading the first two books in Jason Brant’s “The Hunger Series”. As I myself know all too well, it is word of mouth that sells indie work.

I am posting my reviews here for book one and two of the series. If you’re looking for a good indie writer, Brant will set you straight.

The Hunger, Book 1

Devoured

Jason Brant is definitely an Indie Author worth checking out. In The Hunger, Devoured, the world is ending. A terrible disease has turned what’s left of mankind into monsters. Now these aren’t your typical zombie/vampire/monster/creatures. Brant brings to life a new breed of fear. His Vladdies are fierce, disgusting, and down right spine chilling. Join Lance, and Cass as they make their way out of the city and into the mountains, running from the monsters in the night and the men who are just as evil. With a…

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Shallow Brown – My Favorite Sea Shanty

March 10, 2015 · by lightningpen

This song is beautiful

Andrew's View of the Week

Well, I sat down this afternoon to try to write this really great post about how I am going to change my career and become a starving artist. Sadly after several hours of writing I was left with no conclusion and a lot of rambling philosophy. Guess I am keeping my day job for now.

So instead I want to share with you my favorite sea shanty, “Shallow Brown.” I’ve mentioned a few times that I like shanties and it’s the music I listen to when I work. There is just something about a good old working song that just makes me want to break out in song.

I will resist the temptation to record a video of me singing and posting it to youtube.

The song is described by Stan Hugill in his book, “Shanties form the Seven Seas” as a song that started out as being used at…

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” ouais ! en plus, il y a de la musique ! “

February 25, 2015 · by lightningpen

This is great!

My words : it goes on...

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