Lately, I've really wanted to start punching people in the face though. Being on Facebook, you see lots of things posted - signs and memes and such. I'm getting a little tired of being told certain things. Things like ~ cherish your friends and family, they will be the ones who will be there for you in the end. Or some such crap. Have these people MET my family? No, so they need to shut the fuck up.
My family is pushing me to the point of packing what I can and just leaving. They don't give two shits about what happens to me. Of course, they SAY they do. Occasionally. But their actions tell an entirely different tale. I'm running myself ragged with things THEY should be doing and they continue to be just fine with that despite my protestation. Of course they're fine with it... if you had someone you could take advantage of and have them do your job, wouldn't that be great?! Because they sure think it is.
They kind of have a big surprise coming, though. I truly hope neither my mother nor my aunt thinks that I'll be taking care of them in their later years. I've just spent all my patience and 'give a damn' taking care of THEIR mother while they stood idly by. Paybacks are a bitch. So is Karma. And it isn't like I'd intentionally snub them, it is simply that I'm worn out. I am now officially used up. Physically, emotionally, mentally, financially. There is nothing left. So I wonder what they will do when they need help and they come to me, as they always do, and I say, 'sorry, I have nothing left to give as I've been giving enough for four people yet I am just one' and quietly close the door. (Literally four people.)
So please, don't tell me that my family and friends will be there. The fuck they will. The moment things went beyond their comfort zone, I was left holding the responsibility and giving up my life. Fuck all that cozy bullshit because that simply isn't my reality.
I'm thisclose to literally just picking a place on the map and taking off. We've established that you can't outrun yourself, and that's ok, but I can outrun THEM. Maybe I could get 'me' back.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Sunday, November 25, 2012
So. My doctor died.
Yeah. Yesterday. Massive stroke. Like, hugely massive. He had a mild one about a year ago and a heart attack a few years before that. He was such a nice man and beyond dedicated as a physician, especially by today's standards. When I had the ADR last year, he was the one that helped me unravel so much of the mess. Hard to believe he's gone because he just had such a presence.
Anyway, yesterday I donated blood at a Red Cross blood drive that I've never been to before. I thought it was strange that it was the day after Thanksgiving but then I learned that it was held that day every year in memory of a young guy of 20 that was killed on that day. So after donating I looked at the photo boards and high school/college sports articles and noted the name. Did an internet search and it turns out there is a roadside memorial that I pass every single day on my way to and from work that is placed at the site where he died. I know one day I wrote a post commenting on that - the whole roadside memorial thing. How I understand that people mourn differently and that while it makes them feel better it is a distraction to drivers and in the end, may end up causing another accident. Yep. His.
On a different note, I think I rescued my computer. The offending beastie that was causing the near death of my laptop? Norton. Fuck Norton, you know? They used to be great, now, not so much. At least I don't have to consider getting another one at this time.
My boss is quitting. My immediate boss, I should say. She and I work in Oncology mixing chemo and we are separate from the main pharmacy, which I work in once every three weekends or something. Anyway, she is quitting and her replacement is this guy Eric, and he and I get along very well and have since we met, so I think it will be fine. The only problem is that they (administration) want to move us to another building (fine) and have our patients (severely immunocompromised) sitting next to outpatients that are there to be treated for resistant infections. What. The. Fuck. Seriously?! Somehow they think this is a perfectly reasonable thing to have them side by side. And in the midst of all of this, I think our Pharmacy Director is looking to retire.
Still handling the majority of everything with my gram. She is at least doing well. Oh, as of last week we learned that my mother has a blood clot in her leg...
Not that I think anyone really gives a shit about this, but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest and I have no human that plays that role for me. So here it is... a bunch of shit you really don't want or need to know. I'm done for now.
Anyway, yesterday I donated blood at a Red Cross blood drive that I've never been to before. I thought it was strange that it was the day after Thanksgiving but then I learned that it was held that day every year in memory of a young guy of 20 that was killed on that day. So after donating I looked at the photo boards and high school/college sports articles and noted the name. Did an internet search and it turns out there is a roadside memorial that I pass every single day on my way to and from work that is placed at the site where he died. I know one day I wrote a post commenting on that - the whole roadside memorial thing. How I understand that people mourn differently and that while it makes them feel better it is a distraction to drivers and in the end, may end up causing another accident. Yep. His.
On a different note, I think I rescued my computer. The offending beastie that was causing the near death of my laptop? Norton. Fuck Norton, you know? They used to be great, now, not so much. At least I don't have to consider getting another one at this time.
My boss is quitting. My immediate boss, I should say. She and I work in Oncology mixing chemo and we are separate from the main pharmacy, which I work in once every three weekends or something. Anyway, she is quitting and her replacement is this guy Eric, and he and I get along very well and have since we met, so I think it will be fine. The only problem is that they (administration) want to move us to another building (fine) and have our patients (severely immunocompromised) sitting next to outpatients that are there to be treated for resistant infections. What. The. Fuck. Seriously?! Somehow they think this is a perfectly reasonable thing to have them side by side. And in the midst of all of this, I think our Pharmacy Director is looking to retire.
Still handling the majority of everything with my gram. She is at least doing well. Oh, as of last week we learned that my mother has a blood clot in her leg...
Not that I think anyone really gives a shit about this, but sometimes you just have to get things off your chest and I have no human that plays that role for me. So here it is... a bunch of shit you really don't want or need to know. I'm done for now.
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Not your ordinary Thanksgivingish sort of post.
First, yes, I'm here. No I haven't been around, but I'm here. Too much being dumped on me and as per usual, I'm struggling to carry it all. Add in the insanity that is a computer thisclose to a full out crash, and, well, there you have it.
But enough about me. Or the me that we know today. We're going back to a much younger me in this post. Every year, right around this time (meaning Thanksgiving) a thought crosses my mind. And when it does, it angers me.
So imagine a young LiVEwiRe somewhere around 12-13 years of age. Living in a small town, there wasn't much to do so there was this church that offered, oh, I don't know what it was. It was something like a place for kids of different age groups to get together, talk, hang out, maybe watch a movie, occasionally they had a dance ~ you know, that sort of thing. They weren't too heavy on religion (which is probably why I agreed to go) but it did seep through given the fact that it was based in a church.
Anyway, the typical librarian looking mom-types were there to get things rolling every week pushing us to turn out like decent human beings as opposed to the derelicts that we would otherwise surely become. Being fairly new in the school system, I got to interact with more kids which was alright by me ~ keep in mind this is back when I was quiet and shy.
One night before Thanksgiving, we had our chairs in a circle and were supposed to go around and say what we were thankful for. Based on the person that started, I was 1/4 to 1/3 of the way down the line. Some kids said 'friends'. Some kids said 'family'. Some said both. Then it was my turn. I was so nervous but I spoke the truth. I said I was thankful for the chance to live in freedom, have an education, and to be safe. Of course I did add family and friends to round out the list. Aaaannnddd.... crickets. No, that isn't entirely true. Crickets AND utterly blank stares all directed toward me. Kind of like they were debating on whether or not I was kidding or if they should run or who knows what. but everyone was clearly taken aback by what I'd said. After a moment, the next person continued on... friends, family, family and friends... and so on and so forth ad infinitum. Or more correctly, until everyone had taken their turn.
Not ONE other person that spoke after me (which was 2/3 - 3/4 of the group) added anything different, with the exception of one kid who was thankful for his dog. Not one adult spoke up and added anything other than the aforementioned F&F.
You may wonder why this is even a point for discussion. To be honest, I'm not sure, but every single year, without fail, I think of that night. I'm not sure if I was irritated because out of all the things in the world, every single person there was just thankful for F&F? Nothing else? Really? Must be nice living in your own little bubble you self-absorbed simpletons. Or maybe it was because no one found things like an education, etc, important enough to even mention making me seem like an immense weirdo. I mean, I totally opened the door to something other than F&F there, so no one had to be afraid to be 'first' to mention something other than what their friends had said. Or perhaps it was the fact that the adults, that were supposedly put there to provide guidance, couldn't provide anything more than the 12 year old next to me. I think it was a lesson in disappointment.
So what am I thankful for now? My willingness to open my big mouth. Still.
.
But enough about me. Or the me that we know today. We're going back to a much younger me in this post. Every year, right around this time (meaning Thanksgiving) a thought crosses my mind. And when it does, it angers me.
So imagine a young LiVEwiRe somewhere around 12-13 years of age. Living in a small town, there wasn't much to do so there was this church that offered, oh, I don't know what it was. It was something like a place for kids of different age groups to get together, talk, hang out, maybe watch a movie, occasionally they had a dance ~ you know, that sort of thing. They weren't too heavy on religion (which is probably why I agreed to go) but it did seep through given the fact that it was based in a church.
Anyway, the typical librarian looking mom-types were there to get things rolling every week pushing us to turn out like decent human beings as opposed to the derelicts that we would otherwise surely become. Being fairly new in the school system, I got to interact with more kids which was alright by me ~ keep in mind this is back when I was quiet and shy.
One night before Thanksgiving, we had our chairs in a circle and were supposed to go around and say what we were thankful for. Based on the person that started, I was 1/4 to 1/3 of the way down the line. Some kids said 'friends'. Some kids said 'family'. Some said both. Then it was my turn. I was so nervous but I spoke the truth. I said I was thankful for the chance to live in freedom, have an education, and to be safe. Of course I did add family and friends to round out the list. Aaaannnddd.... crickets. No, that isn't entirely true. Crickets AND utterly blank stares all directed toward me. Kind of like they were debating on whether or not I was kidding or if they should run or who knows what. but everyone was clearly taken aback by what I'd said. After a moment, the next person continued on... friends, family, family and friends... and so on and so forth ad infinitum. Or more correctly, until everyone had taken their turn.
Not ONE other person that spoke after me (which was 2/3 - 3/4 of the group) added anything different, with the exception of one kid who was thankful for his dog. Not one adult spoke up and added anything other than the aforementioned F&F.
You may wonder why this is even a point for discussion. To be honest, I'm not sure, but every single year, without fail, I think of that night. I'm not sure if I was irritated because out of all the things in the world, every single person there was just thankful for F&F? Nothing else? Really? Must be nice living in your own little bubble you self-absorbed simpletons. Or maybe it was because no one found things like an education, etc, important enough to even mention making me seem like an immense weirdo. I mean, I totally opened the door to something other than F&F there, so no one had to be afraid to be 'first' to mention something other than what their friends had said. Or perhaps it was the fact that the adults, that were supposedly put there to provide guidance, couldn't provide anything more than the 12 year old next to me. I think it was a lesson in disappointment.
So what am I thankful for now? My willingness to open my big mouth. Still.
.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Trews hit Australia... spread the word, folks!
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Lately I feel like all I do is bitch or fix problems. Or bitch about fixing problems.
Now, don't get me wrong, I am aware that good things happen all the time. Yes, even to me. Take, for example, the fact that thus far today, I have not spontaneously combusted. I think that is magnificent and you know, I'm pretty damned grateful. My car didn't break down, I still have a job and I still have all the parts I woke up with. See... these things aren't lost on me.
But now to the meat of it.
It has been a tough handful of weeks. I will make this brief. Ish.
The main issue is that I am being overloaded in regard to my grandmother and her well-being. She has two daughters, one that is five minutes away, unemployed (open schedule), and next to useless. In the off chance that she DOES help, she creates more of a problem. Her other daughter (my mother) works, volunteers, and lives with constant pain from two medical issues and has just undergone spinal nerve ablation procedure on three nerves and will be having three more done on Monday. In light of that, she manages to help much more than her sister. Even so, the majority of everything falls on me for two reasons. One, I live with my grandmother. Two, these things have to be done.
So the latest is that at age 91, my gram will be having surgery for a severely prolapsed uterus. The issue is that it is causing urinary retention (which had her hospitalized) not to mention the fact that her uterus is often times peeking out about two inches. And how is it that I know this? Her doctor needed to have her monitored so it was me or a home health care nurse, and I would have had to have done it until that was arranged anyway, so what is a few more days, you know? Point is this...
There is something very awkward about having to visually 'inspect' the affected area in an adult (if it is your child, that is different - it is your kid, you know?) and especially a family member. Then to be met with a fucking uterus looking right the fuck back at you... jayzus! Go ahead, do an internet image search for uterine prolapse and when you see a really nasty example, kind of like half a pear sticking out, that is what I'm seeing daily. Until her surgery is done, she just has to 'push it back in'. That should just not be an option. Push an organ back in? Ugh. Honest to enter diety here, I am scarred for life. I'm sure it is no picnic for her either, but there are so many lines that I am crossing here. And add to the fact that her memory is slipping, I can hardly wait until her next doc appt when they ask the standard 'do you feel safe at home' and she pipes up with some comment about me being all up in her hoo-ha. Seriously, people go to jail for that shit!
I am handling 85% of everything that has to be done for her and again, I am not her child. I love her just as I would if she were my mother ~ she raised me for many years ~ but she has her own children. I'm not going to get into any of the other things surrounding this, I just needed to speak my mind. This is harder than I thought. I never imagined I'd be doing the things that I've been responsible for doing. This is like having a spouse, kids, a baby and a puppy all at once. And if you recall... I opted out of those things. Somehow, the responsibility of it all came back to me in the end anyway.
This has been going on for years, but since this past Fall, it has really increased in severity. Just overloaded.
But now to the meat of it.
It has been a tough handful of weeks. I will make this brief. Ish.
The main issue is that I am being overloaded in regard to my grandmother and her well-being. She has two daughters, one that is five minutes away, unemployed (open schedule), and next to useless. In the off chance that she DOES help, she creates more of a problem. Her other daughter (my mother) works, volunteers, and lives with constant pain from two medical issues and has just undergone spinal nerve ablation procedure on three nerves and will be having three more done on Monday. In light of that, she manages to help much more than her sister. Even so, the majority of everything falls on me for two reasons. One, I live with my grandmother. Two, these things have to be done.
So the latest is that at age 91, my gram will be having surgery for a severely prolapsed uterus. The issue is that it is causing urinary retention (which had her hospitalized) not to mention the fact that her uterus is often times peeking out about two inches. And how is it that I know this? Her doctor needed to have her monitored so it was me or a home health care nurse, and I would have had to have done it until that was arranged anyway, so what is a few more days, you know? Point is this...
There is something very awkward about having to visually 'inspect' the affected area in an adult (if it is your child, that is different - it is your kid, you know?) and especially a family member. Then to be met with a fucking uterus looking right the fuck back at you... jayzus! Go ahead, do an internet image search for uterine prolapse and when you see a really nasty example, kind of like half a pear sticking out, that is what I'm seeing daily. Until her surgery is done, she just has to 'push it back in'. That should just not be an option. Push an organ back in? Ugh. Honest to enter diety here, I am scarred for life. I'm sure it is no picnic for her either, but there are so many lines that I am crossing here. And add to the fact that her memory is slipping, I can hardly wait until her next doc appt when they ask the standard 'do you feel safe at home' and she pipes up with some comment about me being all up in her hoo-ha. Seriously, people go to jail for that shit!
I am handling 85% of everything that has to be done for her and again, I am not her child. I love her just as I would if she were my mother ~ she raised me for many years ~ but she has her own children. I'm not going to get into any of the other things surrounding this, I just needed to speak my mind. This is harder than I thought. I never imagined I'd be doing the things that I've been responsible for doing. This is like having a spouse, kids, a baby and a puppy all at once. And if you recall... I opted out of those things. Somehow, the responsibility of it all came back to me in the end anyway.
This has been going on for years, but since this past Fall, it has really increased in severity. Just overloaded.
Sunday, August 05, 2012
Mojo Monkey Boy
R.I.P. ~ Mojo Monkey Boy
17 years and 7 months of life with more than 16 of those lived as a 'kitten'. The only cat I've known to be perpetually two years old. Certainly the cat with the most (and most interesting) names... and a tail that wouldn't quit, until now; perhaps the saddest sight of all.
Your charm earned friendships with everyone that you met. Thank you for the many years of joy, love and head butts. The end of an era, my Mojo. It is hard to even remember life before you, but because of you, life has been far richer.
Skip across the bridge, my friend, I will see you again...
17 years and 7 months of life with more than 16 of those lived as a 'kitten'. The only cat I've known to be perpetually two years old. Certainly the cat with the most (and most interesting) names... and a tail that wouldn't quit, until now; perhaps the saddest sight of all.
Your charm earned friendships with everyone that you met. Thank you for the many years of joy, love and head butts. The end of an era, my Mojo. It is hard to even remember life before you, but because of you, life has been far richer.
Skip across the bridge, my friend, I will see you again...
~
Thursday, July 19, 2012
It is never easy to bury a friend
Which is pretty much why I don't think I will be going tomorrow. Today, I went to calling hours and it was difficult. Not like it is ever an easy thing to do, but I ended up going myself and really having a hard time. On the way there, I got the red light at the intersection where he was killed. All sorts of things going through my head... where was he when he collided with the car... where was he thrown off... how many people saw... am I driving right over the spot where he took his last breath?
The accident happened Sunday, 7.15 (which is when I found out about it) but his name wasn't publicly released until 7.17, 48 hours later. It is hard to know something that long and not be able to tell people out of respect for the family. After he was named in the article, the obituary followed shortly thereafter. The details of the accident are still not clear.
Today his sister told me that the family wasn't even permitted to see him until yesterday, so it would seem that it took three days for them to put him back together. Yes, it was open casket. Interestingly, my first thought was that he was in a suit and that seemed so very strange to me. I've always seen him in hospital scrubs or casual clothes.
I would really like to make it to the funeral service at the church tomorrow (the burial proper is private) but as it is, I've taken this rather hard. Tomorrow, with the closing of the casket, it will be even moreso and I'm not sure I feel I have any right to stand there sobbing when the family has had such a tragic loss and they are holding it together better than I am.
With that, I think I will look back at today as my goodbye. The silliest, most engaging, logically crazy, unique, twisted, fun, shoot-from-the-hip guy I've ever known has left the building. Again, my friend, someday.
The accident happened Sunday, 7.15 (which is when I found out about it) but his name wasn't publicly released until 7.17, 48 hours later. It is hard to know something that long and not be able to tell people out of respect for the family. After he was named in the article, the obituary followed shortly thereafter. The details of the accident are still not clear.
Today his sister told me that the family wasn't even permitted to see him until yesterday, so it would seem that it took three days for them to put him back together. Yes, it was open casket. Interestingly, my first thought was that he was in a suit and that seemed so very strange to me. I've always seen him in hospital scrubs or casual clothes.
I would really like to make it to the funeral service at the church tomorrow (the burial proper is private) but as it is, I've taken this rather hard. Tomorrow, with the closing of the casket, it will be even moreso and I'm not sure I feel I have any right to stand there sobbing when the family has had such a tragic loss and they are holding it together better than I am.
With that, I think I will look back at today as my goodbye. The silliest, most engaging, logically crazy, unique, twisted, fun, shoot-from-the-hip guy I've ever known has left the building. Again, my friend, someday.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Time to dust off the cobwebs
Well. Sure has been a long time since I've been HERE.
Would be nice if I could give you a big, elaborate story as to why, but it comes down to boredom, laziness, frustration and just being plain forgetful of late.
Had a three day trip planned for this coming week to drive up to New York, see The Trews and Big Wreck and then hop over to Canada for a few hours. Um. Yeah. I won't be going. I'm not really pissed about it, but I am hugely disappointed. It is a choice that I am making in order to stay closer to home as it has been determined that my grandmother will be needing surgery and although it isn't happening this coming week, I can't really leave here here with the things she has going on. That would be really selfish of me. I'm all for living your life, but I can't leave her when I know she's scared. She is 91.
This is the second little getaway that I planned this year (the other was in May) that fell through, actually for the same reason ~ it was the beginning of all this that is going on now. I need time away so badly that I'm pretty much mentally done for.
I've challenged my Director and expect to get reamed on Monday. Look, the fucker put me on the schedule for 12 days in a row (and three Mondays, which is my day off so I schedule all my appointments then) and never even asked me. Now. He and I have had this convo several times and the last time (about a month ago) I thought he finally got it. So the schedule came out, I saw the 12 days, was trying to find a way to bring it up without getting screamed at (always a touchy subject with him), and then he sent out an email to everyone saying to disregard, he messed up the schedule and he'd have it fixed by days end. Just in case, I shot a quick email asking if this would (hopefully) change my 12 in a row so that he was aware before making all the changes. Well, it didn't, so I emailed him last night and although I wasn't mean, it is not an email that he will be pleased to read. I've had it. At this point, if I stay in Oncology and lose the hours in the main pharmacy, I don't care. I will find somewhere else to pick up a few hours. In truth, I think my time there is about up, by my choice.
Which brings me to another thought... it may be time for me to branch off with my career. I'm not sure how or what, but I sure as hell don't see the point in taking another job like I have now, just in another hospital. The novelty would wear off in less than a year, guaranteed. Time to figure out what I actually want. No mistaking, that could change again in 5 years, but I'm not worried about 5 years, I'm worried about now.
In other news, which, in truth should have made headlines on the World News... other than the seven days of the meds that put me in the hospital last year, my status is been Bipolar: unmedicated since 5.5.11. Truthfully, I don't think I'm any worse than I was when I went off the meds. That is the general consensus as well. Trust me, I've got a couple that would have NO problem telling me that I was off track. Which is good; I need that. This isn't about being non-compliant. This is a decision that I came to and my doc agrees with since I had lithium toxicity twice then was hospitalized with the ADR last June from the meds that I started to replace the lithium. Maybe I'm just lucky right now, but I've been maintaining fairly well over the past year. If it comes to the point where I am not, then I have some decisions to make. For now, I am refusing treatment for the bipolarity based on the fact that 1) I am scared to death of another bout of toxicity 2) I am fucking terrified that I will end up on death's doorstep again with another ADR and am still recovering from that fiasco 3) I am no worse without it.
Well, just figured I'd ramble for a bit to prove that I am still here. Perhaps tomorrow I will skip around BlogLand, but for now, sleep wins.
Would be nice if I could give you a big, elaborate story as to why, but it comes down to boredom, laziness, frustration and just being plain forgetful of late.
Had a three day trip planned for this coming week to drive up to New York, see The Trews and Big Wreck and then hop over to Canada for a few hours. Um. Yeah. I won't be going. I'm not really pissed about it, but I am hugely disappointed. It is a choice that I am making in order to stay closer to home as it has been determined that my grandmother will be needing surgery and although it isn't happening this coming week, I can't really leave here here with the things she has going on. That would be really selfish of me. I'm all for living your life, but I can't leave her when I know she's scared. She is 91.
This is the second little getaway that I planned this year (the other was in May) that fell through, actually for the same reason ~ it was the beginning of all this that is going on now. I need time away so badly that I'm pretty much mentally done for.
I've challenged my Director and expect to get reamed on Monday. Look, the fucker put me on the schedule for 12 days in a row (and three Mondays, which is my day off so I schedule all my appointments then) and never even asked me. Now. He and I have had this convo several times and the last time (about a month ago) I thought he finally got it. So the schedule came out, I saw the 12 days, was trying to find a way to bring it up without getting screamed at (always a touchy subject with him), and then he sent out an email to everyone saying to disregard, he messed up the schedule and he'd have it fixed by days end. Just in case, I shot a quick email asking if this would (hopefully) change my 12 in a row so that he was aware before making all the changes. Well, it didn't, so I emailed him last night and although I wasn't mean, it is not an email that he will be pleased to read. I've had it. At this point, if I stay in Oncology and lose the hours in the main pharmacy, I don't care. I will find somewhere else to pick up a few hours. In truth, I think my time there is about up, by my choice.
Which brings me to another thought... it may be time for me to branch off with my career. I'm not sure how or what, but I sure as hell don't see the point in taking another job like I have now, just in another hospital. The novelty would wear off in less than a year, guaranteed. Time to figure out what I actually want. No mistaking, that could change again in 5 years, but I'm not worried about 5 years, I'm worried about now.
In other news, which, in truth should have made headlines on the World News... other than the seven days of the meds that put me in the hospital last year, my status is been Bipolar: unmedicated since 5.5.11. Truthfully, I don't think I'm any worse than I was when I went off the meds. That is the general consensus as well. Trust me, I've got a couple that would have NO problem telling me that I was off track. Which is good; I need that. This isn't about being non-compliant. This is a decision that I came to and my doc agrees with since I had lithium toxicity twice then was hospitalized with the ADR last June from the meds that I started to replace the lithium. Maybe I'm just lucky right now, but I've been maintaining fairly well over the past year. If it comes to the point where I am not, then I have some decisions to make. For now, I am refusing treatment for the bipolarity based on the fact that 1) I am scared to death of another bout of toxicity 2) I am fucking terrified that I will end up on death's doorstep again with another ADR and am still recovering from that fiasco 3) I am no worse without it.
Well, just figured I'd ramble for a bit to prove that I am still here. Perhaps tomorrow I will skip around BlogLand, but for now, sleep wins.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Backed into a corner by 15 pounds (alternate title: Sleep Disorders... not just for sleeping anymore
If nothing else, read the information in the two links and see the associated notes at the bottom... educating yourself is always a good thing.
Some of you may remember that a handful of years back I lost 100 pounds without any changes other than eating habits. I just used a common sense approach, making mindful decisions, improved my general diet and controlled portion. If I wanted to eat a candy bar, I did; I simply made changes to accomodate over the next couple of days. Face it: I was still too fat to exercise and this worked well for me.
Enter knee surgery and 6 weeks of being completely non-weight bearing. You can also add, meh, 20 pounds or so after what ended up being a several month recovery. Amazing how the weight will come back (even maintaining the same eating patterns that helped me lose so much weight) when you are literally not moving other than to get to the next room. So I lost it and gained it and repeated that cycle numerous times over the past couple years. Why? Various reasons.
I made the decision to join a gym and LOVED going. Not that I lost a huge amount of weight, but I felt better physically, mentally and I was feeling strong! I actually had palpable muscles under my belly fat... haha. (I chose to consider them as being 'protected'...::cough::) Anyway. I still went to the gym after finding out I needed a knee replacement, it simply changed what I could do. Then, almost two years I got sick and missed a few months. Ugh. Got better, returned for a month or so, then got sick again, and missed a couple more months. (Lithium toxicity both times.) This whole time I refused to cancel my membership because I wanted to go back.
Almost a full year ago I got sick a third time (the infamous ADR) and am still recovering. That is ongoing and it gets slightly better as time goes on. There are things that have changed though, with my heart, for one. When I finished that stress test, I was ready to rejoin my gym. And then I had a few bad days and doubt set in, so I vowed to start like I did last time and simply improve my diet.
Well, for two months I have been dealing with some issues that are alone, stressful. Overlay more than half a dozen overtop one another and you end up with a stress eater's nightmare. Me being the stress eater. Under certain types of stress, a sleep-eating* disorder manifests (which, interestingly, my mother suffered from for years). It is part of a greater sleep disorder** (from which my mother does not suffer), but it is closely linked and therefore waiting in the wings for the appropriate moment. Interestingly, for as much stress as I've been under the past few months, that portion hasn't been an issue. Which totally blows me away. But, I think I know why. (This is why I need this blog - I learn things about myself as I am writing.)
Years ago I figured that food was my way of making myself happy at that moment. Everything else could have been crumbling around me but I could derive immediate pleasure, bring myself happiness, albeit temporarily, by eating something. My theory is that there is a certain level of stress that triggers the sleep-eating**. I am often not aware or even awake when I'm doing it, so it is a subconscious comfort. What I have been doing lately is just eating nonstop while I'm awake! I am at the point where subconscious comfort isn't enough. I need that here and now, during waking hours. So I overdo it and feel awful, all the while knowing that this compulsive eating has been causing me to add 15 pounds over the past four months or so, mostly in the past two. But I can't stop. I am like a meth addict, knowing I am harming my own health, disappointing everyone and still looking for my next hit. The signs of my abuse are becoming visible and I can feel it. The stresses show no sign of letting up, I had to do something.
Against my better judgement, I looked into over-the-counter weight loss products. After realizing that I am not going to fare well going from eating ridiculous amounts to drinking a damned shake, I moved on to the next level. I just needed something to jump start this process. So I looked into basic dietary fat blockers and such. Well. I refuse to have oil leaking out of my ass (don't ask). Moving on, I found a supplement that is just a spice. It is supposed to help with emotional eating by basically supressing that portion of the brain as opposed to being an actual appetite suppressant. Remember, emotional eaters will eat until they are painfully full and STILL be looking for more to eat ~ it isn't actual hunger we are trying to quell. Anyway, I read up on it. It says not to use it if you are bipolar as it can push you toward mania. I almost bought it. I was going to do it anyway, even though I have been unmedicated (due to the ADR) for a year now. And if it pushed me toward mania, there was a possibility that cardiac symptoms would manifest. ::shakes fist at sky::
That flash of fear was enough. I know it is a spice, for shit's sake, but in the amount it was to be taken, it had side effects and a definite contraindication group, which I firmly fell into. Given the fact that my life was turned ass over teakettle over taking a drug that nearly killed me, fear kicked in. And then I was mad. And then I got stubborn. If I did it before, I can do it again. So today I went to the store and bought more veggies and fruit than you can shake a stick at. I will still give in to cravings; if I don't, I will surely go overboard. I've been wanting to lose more weight but instead found myself gaining recently. So that 15 pounds triggered some fear, which led to anger, then culminated in me wondering what in the fuck I was thinking for even considering taking anything.
No. It is just me in this game.
Game. On.
* The term sleep eating often gets a snicker and is often looked at as lack of restraint or an excuse. More times than I care to think of, I've awakened to a half a slice of cheese on my pillowcase (often between my face and the pillowcase...), or several cookies crumbled to bits underneath me. It does warrant a chuckle on one level, but the important thing is to realize that if I were to choke, I'd be screwed. I'm prone to esophageal spasms, which is just what it sounds like. Most often there is no (or a very hazy) recollection of having eaten anything, just the so-called carnage, so I'm quite sure that I'm not chewing thoroughly.
** This is not a scientific/medical explanation, but it does a fairly good job at describing it. The science behind it is that basically, part of the brain is asleep and part of it is awake. I 'come to' as the sleep world is fading away and the hallucination, whether visual or auditory, will literally fade as I look/listen. This also means I am able to have full conversations, complete with giving opinions, completing tasks, using reasoning abilities and the like and either have no recollection or have my brain 'wake up' mid way through only to have my environment change before my eyes. It is not at all like waking from sleep, it is like one layer on top of another, both are real at the same time, which is more real depends on which is dominant at that moment ~ the sleeping portion or the awake portion. To put it another way... the background stays the same, the hallucination is the only part that fades or morphs as you fully wake. So you are sleeping, but still functioning, speaking, etc. Strangest shit, really.
Some of you may remember that a handful of years back I lost 100 pounds without any changes other than eating habits. I just used a common sense approach, making mindful decisions, improved my general diet and controlled portion. If I wanted to eat a candy bar, I did; I simply made changes to accomodate over the next couple of days. Face it: I was still too fat to exercise and this worked well for me.
Enter knee surgery and 6 weeks of being completely non-weight bearing. You can also add, meh, 20 pounds or so after what ended up being a several month recovery. Amazing how the weight will come back (even maintaining the same eating patterns that helped me lose so much weight) when you are literally not moving other than to get to the next room. So I lost it and gained it and repeated that cycle numerous times over the past couple years. Why? Various reasons.
I made the decision to join a gym and LOVED going. Not that I lost a huge amount of weight, but I felt better physically, mentally and I was feeling strong! I actually had palpable muscles under my belly fat... haha. (I chose to consider them as being 'protected'...::cough::) Anyway. I still went to the gym after finding out I needed a knee replacement, it simply changed what I could do. Then, almost two years I got sick and missed a few months. Ugh. Got better, returned for a month or so, then got sick again, and missed a couple more months. (Lithium toxicity both times.) This whole time I refused to cancel my membership because I wanted to go back.
Almost a full year ago I got sick a third time (the infamous ADR) and am still recovering. That is ongoing and it gets slightly better as time goes on. There are things that have changed though, with my heart, for one. When I finished that stress test, I was ready to rejoin my gym. And then I had a few bad days and doubt set in, so I vowed to start like I did last time and simply improve my diet.
Well, for two months I have been dealing with some issues that are alone, stressful. Overlay more than half a dozen overtop one another and you end up with a stress eater's nightmare. Me being the stress eater. Under certain types of stress, a sleep-eating* disorder manifests (which, interestingly, my mother suffered from for years). It is part of a greater sleep disorder** (from which my mother does not suffer), but it is closely linked and therefore waiting in the wings for the appropriate moment. Interestingly, for as much stress as I've been under the past few months, that portion hasn't been an issue. Which totally blows me away. But, I think I know why. (This is why I need this blog - I learn things about myself as I am writing.)
Years ago I figured that food was my way of making myself happy at that moment. Everything else could have been crumbling around me but I could derive immediate pleasure, bring myself happiness, albeit temporarily, by eating something. My theory is that there is a certain level of stress that triggers the sleep-eating**. I am often not aware or even awake when I'm doing it, so it is a subconscious comfort. What I have been doing lately is just eating nonstop while I'm awake! I am at the point where subconscious comfort isn't enough. I need that here and now, during waking hours. So I overdo it and feel awful, all the while knowing that this compulsive eating has been causing me to add 15 pounds over the past four months or so, mostly in the past two. But I can't stop. I am like a meth addict, knowing I am harming my own health, disappointing everyone and still looking for my next hit. The signs of my abuse are becoming visible and I can feel it. The stresses show no sign of letting up, I had to do something.
Against my better judgement, I looked into over-the-counter weight loss products. After realizing that I am not going to fare well going from eating ridiculous amounts to drinking a damned shake, I moved on to the next level. I just needed something to jump start this process. So I looked into basic dietary fat blockers and such. Well. I refuse to have oil leaking out of my ass (don't ask). Moving on, I found a supplement that is just a spice. It is supposed to help with emotional eating by basically supressing that portion of the brain as opposed to being an actual appetite suppressant. Remember, emotional eaters will eat until they are painfully full and STILL be looking for more to eat ~ it isn't actual hunger we are trying to quell. Anyway, I read up on it. It says not to use it if you are bipolar as it can push you toward mania. I almost bought it. I was going to do it anyway, even though I have been unmedicated (due to the ADR) for a year now. And if it pushed me toward mania, there was a possibility that cardiac symptoms would manifest. ::shakes fist at sky::
That flash of fear was enough. I know it is a spice, for shit's sake, but in the amount it was to be taken, it had side effects and a definite contraindication group, which I firmly fell into. Given the fact that my life was turned ass over teakettle over taking a drug that nearly killed me, fear kicked in. And then I was mad. And then I got stubborn. If I did it before, I can do it again. So today I went to the store and bought more veggies and fruit than you can shake a stick at. I will still give in to cravings; if I don't, I will surely go overboard. I've been wanting to lose more weight but instead found myself gaining recently. So that 15 pounds triggered some fear, which led to anger, then culminated in me wondering what in the fuck I was thinking for even considering taking anything.
No. It is just me in this game.
Game. On.
* The term sleep eating often gets a snicker and is often looked at as lack of restraint or an excuse. More times than I care to think of, I've awakened to a half a slice of cheese on my pillowcase (often between my face and the pillowcase...), or several cookies crumbled to bits underneath me. It does warrant a chuckle on one level, but the important thing is to realize that if I were to choke, I'd be screwed. I'm prone to esophageal spasms, which is just what it sounds like. Most often there is no (or a very hazy) recollection of having eaten anything, just the so-called carnage, so I'm quite sure that I'm not chewing thoroughly.
** This is not a scientific/medical explanation, but it does a fairly good job at describing it. The science behind it is that basically, part of the brain is asleep and part of it is awake. I 'come to' as the sleep world is fading away and the hallucination, whether visual or auditory, will literally fade as I look/listen. This also means I am able to have full conversations, complete with giving opinions, completing tasks, using reasoning abilities and the like and either have no recollection or have my brain 'wake up' mid way through only to have my environment change before my eyes. It is not at all like waking from sleep, it is like one layer on top of another, both are real at the same time, which is more real depends on which is dominant at that moment ~ the sleeping portion or the awake portion. To put it another way... the background stays the same, the hallucination is the only part that fades or morphs as you fully wake. So you are sleeping, but still functioning, speaking, etc. Strangest shit, really.
Friday, May 18, 2012
The Marina
For a little over nine years (barring an approximate year and a half absence), I have looked out the same windows at work. When I'm out on rounds, I always stop to look out the window in the day room on our Skilled Nursing Unit. It overlooks the marina. Year in and year out, I've watched the boats clear out in the Autumn, the leaves change color and fall, not long after, I watch the snow come and the ice take over, trapping the marina in a beautiful, austere still life. Come Spring, the leave return, followed shortly by a smattering of boats until the marina is packed.
Given that we have four distinct seasons, I've witnessed these changes numerous times, yet they aren't changes at all, just part of a cycle. There is something very comforting about witnessing that. In truth, it is equally unsettling. There is the illusion of change, and on a small scale, I suppose there is legitimate change. But when those changes happen in the same way every year, it is more of a pattern or course of development than a change.
Which makes me wonder what that means to me... having stuck around to play my own role in this for so long. It always goes back to the marina, though. Time is measured there.
Given that we have four distinct seasons, I've witnessed these changes numerous times, yet they aren't changes at all, just part of a cycle. There is something very comforting about witnessing that. In truth, it is equally unsettling. There is the illusion of change, and on a small scale, I suppose there is legitimate change. But when those changes happen in the same way every year, it is more of a pattern or course of development than a change.
Which makes me wonder what that means to me... having stuck around to play my own role in this for so long. It always goes back to the marina, though. Time is measured there.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
So. I'm not dead.
And just to prove it, here is a post. Of course, no one probably cares anymore... and I can't blame you if you don't. No excuses, but I'll give you a brief synopsis of why I have been absent. Sometimes you just can't make this shit up.
Working to get health back on track and finally filing a report with the FDA. Hell, I might even open a class action suit against the drug company, but that is yet to be seen.
Gram's health has been a bit dodgy - not terrible but, let's just say I've been playing the role of nurse at home and doing things that are truly beyond my scope. I have learned way more about foley catheters than one should when regarding a family member. Oh, and she just turned 91.
My job is still hovering on being eliminated (with the entire oncology department) and my boss just got stepped on by a cow and has recovered from surgery enough to return to work tomorrow.
Working on websites/promos for my favorite band along side their management company and realizing that my life is pretty fucked right now. Those two aren't connected, I'm just getting tired and condensing here.
I've known something has to change and at some point tonight... this very night, I can feel it coming. No idea if it is good or bad, but it is coming. This should be getting interesting...
Back sooner rather than later. Really.
Working to get health back on track and finally filing a report with the FDA. Hell, I might even open a class action suit against the drug company, but that is yet to be seen.
Gram's health has been a bit dodgy - not terrible but, let's just say I've been playing the role of nurse at home and doing things that are truly beyond my scope. I have learned way more about foley catheters than one should when regarding a family member. Oh, and she just turned 91.
My job is still hovering on being eliminated (with the entire oncology department) and my boss just got stepped on by a cow and has recovered from surgery enough to return to work tomorrow.
Working on websites/promos for my favorite band along side their management company and realizing that my life is pretty fucked right now. Those two aren't connected, I'm just getting tired and condensing here.
I've known something has to change and at some point tonight... this very night, I can feel it coming. No idea if it is good or bad, but it is coming. This should be getting interesting...
Back sooner rather than later. Really.
Monday, April 09, 2012
Tomorrow is another big day
And to be honest, I'm scared. Just another step in unravelling the mystery of my adverse drug reaction from 10 months ago.
Tomorrow I am set to have a treadmill stress test. I've had one before, so I know what to expect, but at the time I had it done, the problem was not cardiac related ~ now it is. So I'm trying to remain calm over the fact that they are actually trying to induce the problem. Apparently the ADR caused PVCs and Non-Sustained Ventricular Tachycardia. Which means... who knows. It all started with the ADR, so it is somehow linked to that. I'm already nervous, and few medical tests make me nevous ~ especially ones I've already had. Plus... being that I already need a knee replacement (bone on bone), I'm not sure which will freak out first - my knee or my heart, lol. I kind of have to laugh.
So I've taken my sedative to sleep tonight. I will get up and take a shower, get to the hospital, check to make sure the drugs are NOT expired in the emergency crash cart (I work there, I can do things like that) and basically tell them, 'ok kids, get this shit done. Now.' Later in the week I have an echocardiogram, CT scan and labwork, all for follow up on the ADR.
Next month I file paperwork with the FDA regarding my ADR, and possibly with the drug company. I sense an increase in sedatives will be in order. When I think about what has gone on, and knowing I have to go back to recount the details just makes me sick.
It is not lost on me that I made it through and am still here to basically gripe about the aftermath. Not all people are so lucky when they have reactions like this. I came closer than I care to think to being one of those people, so even though I may need to blurt it out here, somewhere safe, I'm still grateful.
Tomorrow I am set to have a treadmill stress test. I've had one before, so I know what to expect, but at the time I had it done, the problem was not cardiac related ~ now it is. So I'm trying to remain calm over the fact that they are actually trying to induce the problem. Apparently the ADR caused PVCs and Non-Sustained Ventricular Tachycardia. Which means... who knows. It all started with the ADR, so it is somehow linked to that. I'm already nervous, and few medical tests make me nevous ~ especially ones I've already had. Plus... being that I already need a knee replacement (bone on bone), I'm not sure which will freak out first - my knee or my heart, lol. I kind of have to laugh.
So I've taken my sedative to sleep tonight. I will get up and take a shower, get to the hospital, check to make sure the drugs are NOT expired in the emergency crash cart (I work there, I can do things like that) and basically tell them, 'ok kids, get this shit done. Now.' Later in the week I have an echocardiogram, CT scan and labwork, all for follow up on the ADR.
Next month I file paperwork with the FDA regarding my ADR, and possibly with the drug company. I sense an increase in sedatives will be in order. When I think about what has gone on, and knowing I have to go back to recount the details just makes me sick.
It is not lost on me that I made it through and am still here to basically gripe about the aftermath. Not all people are so lucky when they have reactions like this. I came closer than I care to think to being one of those people, so even though I may need to blurt it out here, somewhere safe, I'm still grateful.
Monday, March 26, 2012
I called my boss out, nicely of course
But I think he took offense. All of a sudden he has my review scheduled for tomorrow... lol. You know what? I don't want to, but if I lose my job, well, I've been bitching about it anyway.
If you know me, you soon learn that I will tolerate alot. Until I won't. Often there is no warning. Dick around with me for seven years and push a step further and yeah, it won't be pretty. But kudos to me for not doing any name calling, screaming, direct finger pointing, or outright accusing. I did elude to the fact that half of the problem is him, and keep in mind that I love my Director, but he has permitted the majority of our staff to walk all over him and refuses to get it under control. He's like the parent that wants to 'be friends' with their kid. Now, I'm getting taken advantage of and so I called him out on it. In my 'I am Switzerland' way where I lay out the scenario, make observations and then step back. I spoke fact only.
Yep, I pissed him off. Per his words, 'As it would happen, I've got your review scheduled for tomorrow.' Oooof course you do. Oh well. We have screaming matches every couple of years and we're due. Meh. Did I mention that I wasn't even at work today? Ha.
If you know me, you soon learn that I will tolerate alot. Until I won't. Often there is no warning. Dick around with me for seven years and push a step further and yeah, it won't be pretty. But kudos to me for not doing any name calling, screaming, direct finger pointing, or outright accusing. I did elude to the fact that half of the problem is him, and keep in mind that I love my Director, but he has permitted the majority of our staff to walk all over him and refuses to get it under control. He's like the parent that wants to 'be friends' with their kid. Now, I'm getting taken advantage of and so I called him out on it. In my 'I am Switzerland' way where I lay out the scenario, make observations and then step back. I spoke fact only.
Yep, I pissed him off. Per his words, 'As it would happen, I've got your review scheduled for tomorrow.' Oooof course you do. Oh well. We have screaming matches every couple of years and we're due. Meh. Did I mention that I wasn't even at work today? Ha.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Mercury* can kiss my ass
The past week and a half has been crazy. Gram in the ER three times, well, four, sort of, hospitalized as an inpatient, and now in for testing on Monday. I've had plans to go to Toronto this weekend and I chose to cancel them because of her situation. By no means is it dire, but at almost 91 years old, anything can become dire at the drop of a hat. I chose to stay, but I'm still upset about missing my much needed couple days away. It was my choice, though. Not looking for an award, but I couldn't leave her. Some would say that I should have continued with my plans and set some boundaries, but she's almost 91. She's sick and scared. I'm bitter and angry over various things in my life, I can just add my last minute cancelation to that list, lol. In truth, it will just fade and blend in with the rest of the things that didn't pan out that I no longer worry about, you know? If she needed me and I wasn't here, that is something that I couldn't just file away.
Mercury has hijacked my life once again. It's like Murphy's Law times, well, alot. Dude, I'm not sure what it is that I've done to you Mercury, but for the past year and a half or so you've been kicking my ass in your retrograde phases. I feel it two to three weeks going into it and the equivalent after the final retrograde date. The same way people swear they can 'sense' a full moon, I can definitely feel when Mercury is retrograde. It is worse than PMS rolled together with a full moon and a B grade dark comedy movie's depiction of how many twisted ways things can be fucked up. In some ways, I just have to laugh. If I had these kind of odds on the flip side, I'd have won the lottery, a new car, etc, etc. So it is comical. In a sick way, lol. But I'm REALLY feeling singled out. Apparently that energy is zapping me and I can't hide. I've never, in all my life, been this sensitive to it until recently. I've been affected, but never this strongly. Even other people have asked me - what's going on with you? To which I just reply, Mercury, and walk away.
To work on a few websites I had to join Twitter. Remind me again... what is the point of Twitter? Damned time waster is what it is. I've had it for a few weeks and have 'tweeted' (ugh, sounds so stupid) maybe a dozen things. Point. Less.
Never did get to skip through blogland last time ~ sometime this weekend, if more shit isn't thrown in my path. Now if you'll excuse me, my Klonopin and Baileys cocktail is making me want to crawl in bed.
* applies to retrograde phase and pre/post time frames only
~
Mercury has hijacked my life once again. It's like Murphy's Law times, well, alot. Dude, I'm not sure what it is that I've done to you Mercury, but for the past year and a half or so you've been kicking my ass in your retrograde phases. I feel it two to three weeks going into it and the equivalent after the final retrograde date. The same way people swear they can 'sense' a full moon, I can definitely feel when Mercury is retrograde. It is worse than PMS rolled together with a full moon and a B grade dark comedy movie's depiction of how many twisted ways things can be fucked up. In some ways, I just have to laugh. If I had these kind of odds on the flip side, I'd have won the lottery, a new car, etc, etc. So it is comical. In a sick way, lol. But I'm REALLY feeling singled out. Apparently that energy is zapping me and I can't hide. I've never, in all my life, been this sensitive to it until recently. I've been affected, but never this strongly. Even other people have asked me - what's going on with you? To which I just reply, Mercury, and walk away.
To work on a few websites I had to join Twitter. Remind me again... what is the point of Twitter? Damned time waster is what it is. I've had it for a few weeks and have 'tweeted' (ugh, sounds so stupid) maybe a dozen things. Point. Less.
Never did get to skip through blogland last time ~ sometime this weekend, if more shit isn't thrown in my path. Now if you'll excuse me, my Klonopin and Baileys cocktail is making me want to crawl in bed.
* applies to retrograde phase and pre/post time frames only
~
Monday, March 12, 2012
The best laid plans...
So when I took this position in the oncology pharmacy I knew I would be doing work with greater risk involved (all around), a 50% reduction in hours and a 0% increase in wage. The program was on shaky ground and to provide a buffer, I drafted a letter of condition when I was offered the position... if the program failed, I could return to the main pharmacy with my seniority and keep everything the same. I signed it. My boss signed it. The VP of Human Resources signed it. I like to cover things.
Today there was an email that the VP of HR is resigning. Well. There goes that. Funny thing is, I don't know if I want to go back to where I was. That place is madness due to lack of direction. Just to mention, the oncology pharmacy pulled in -$900,000 last year; and we were only open five months. Yep, they claim we caused a loss of almost a million dollars, so it isn't looking too solid. Bit of a conundrum, no?
Friend of mine works here... I'm intrigued and tempted. Oh, and they are hiring.
Today there was an email that the VP of HR is resigning. Well. There goes that. Funny thing is, I don't know if I want to go back to where I was. That place is madness due to lack of direction. Just to mention, the oncology pharmacy pulled in -$900,000 last year; and we were only open five months. Yep, they claim we caused a loss of almost a million dollars, so it isn't looking too solid. Bit of a conundrum, no?
Friend of mine works here... I'm intrigued and tempted. Oh, and they are hiring.
Well, I WAS being quiet...
You know, shit is just weird. Time is flying by yet somehow it drags.
And what the fuck is this bullshit about brooms standing upright? Seriously? How do you know your broom didn't stand on end two weeks ago before all this solar storm shit? That's right - you have no fucking clue because you never thought to try it then, did you?! And yes, of course I tried it. I have no idea what you are supposed to do though, so it tipped. If it would have remained upright, I would have tossed it outside and locked the door behind it... I used to be scared to death of this scene from The Sorcerer's Apprentice in Fantasia. Hmmm, apparently I still am. Anyway.
So. I had to dust off the cobwebs when I got back here. Hard to believe six weeks have passed since I was here. Long and short of it? Just fucking tired. I am getting over bronchitis, dealing with my first 'at fault' car accident (very minor, no one hurt, but car repairs), working some overtime, fitting in lots of doc appointments, FINALLY got the fucking heart monitor... *sigh*. Two weeks left and I've been reacting to both types of electrode pads... my skin is burned and abraded and there is not a thing I can do about it. Other than take the leads off, which is NOT about to happen until I run out of places to put them. Suppose I should be grateful that I am not waif-like and that I have some surface area to work with. ;)
I'm also working on a couple of websites just transferring information, however, I will be contributing articles in the near future. Soon I will be putting up links and asking you to take a peek. Nothing major, just fan sites for The Trews... the kind that are information based and not all gushing. Shows, reviews, photos, contests ~ that sort of thing. But it would be nice if you'd take a peek whenever I get my scattered self up to speed enough to post them. I will be seeing them for two shows in Toronto in less than two weeks!
I've been enjoying my Lake Erie Monsters quite a bit lately, both with games and charity events. Attended two separate charity events and had the opportunity to meet and talk with some of the players. I could have talked to all of them if I chose, but really, that would've been like an assembly line and I preferred actually having the time to talk with some, not just walk by all of them, essentially. This coming weekend I have back to back games on Friday and Saturday nights. I am not a St. Patrick's Day bar-goer. That is amateur night 2.0 (New Year's Eve being the original...) and I don't suffer drunken fools well. So instead, hockey is it ~ they are painting the ice green, after all!
Will have to spend some time tomorrow cruising around blogland - for now it is lights out. Besides, that whole broom thing is starting to freak me out. That means I'm in need of sleep.
And what the fuck is this bullshit about brooms standing upright? Seriously? How do you know your broom didn't stand on end two weeks ago before all this solar storm shit? That's right - you have no fucking clue because you never thought to try it then, did you?! And yes, of course I tried it. I have no idea what you are supposed to do though, so it tipped. If it would have remained upright, I would have tossed it outside and locked the door behind it... I used to be scared to death of this scene from The Sorcerer's Apprentice in Fantasia. Hmmm, apparently I still am. Anyway.
So. I had to dust off the cobwebs when I got back here. Hard to believe six weeks have passed since I was here. Long and short of it? Just fucking tired. I am getting over bronchitis, dealing with my first 'at fault' car accident (very minor, no one hurt, but car repairs), working some overtime, fitting in lots of doc appointments, FINALLY got the fucking heart monitor... *sigh*. Two weeks left and I've been reacting to both types of electrode pads... my skin is burned and abraded and there is not a thing I can do about it. Other than take the leads off, which is NOT about to happen until I run out of places to put them. Suppose I should be grateful that I am not waif-like and that I have some surface area to work with. ;)
I'm also working on a couple of websites just transferring information, however, I will be contributing articles in the near future. Soon I will be putting up links and asking you to take a peek. Nothing major, just fan sites for The Trews... the kind that are information based and not all gushing. Shows, reviews, photos, contests ~ that sort of thing. But it would be nice if you'd take a peek whenever I get my scattered self up to speed enough to post them. I will be seeing them for two shows in Toronto in less than two weeks!
I've been enjoying my Lake Erie Monsters quite a bit lately, both with games and charity events. Attended two separate charity events and had the opportunity to meet and talk with some of the players. I could have talked to all of them if I chose, but really, that would've been like an assembly line and I preferred actually having the time to talk with some, not just walk by all of them, essentially. This coming weekend I have back to back games on Friday and Saturday nights. I am not a St. Patrick's Day bar-goer. That is amateur night 2.0 (New Year's Eve being the original...) and I don't suffer drunken fools well. So instead, hockey is it ~ they are painting the ice green, after all!
Will have to spend some time tomorrow cruising around blogland - for now it is lights out. Besides, that whole broom thing is starting to freak me out. That means I'm in need of sleep.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Trews in UK beginning February 6th for five shows
The Trews are heading back to the UK in a week to play the Next Big Thing festival as well as a few other dates. Show info and ticket links below:
Feb. 6 - The Garage (London) http://www.facebook.com/events/199826013436575/
Feb. 7 - The Temple Room (Birmingham) http://www.facebook.com/events/112084318908038/
Feb. 8 - The Captain Rest (Glasgow) http://www.facebook.com/events/354925264532945/
Feb. 11 - Gasworks (Bradford) http://www.facebook.com/events/317023411673744/
Feb. 12 - Clunty 2 (Newcastle) http://www.facebook.com/events/300897796622985/
Pass this on to any friends in the UK... these guys are worth the show - I promise you. You can also access the show list from their site: http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/ ~ listen to their latest and check out some older videos.
Feb. 6 - The Garage (London) http://www.facebook.com/events/199826013436575/
Feb. 7 - The Temple Room (Birmingham) http://www.facebook.com/events/112084318908038/
Feb. 8 - The Captain Rest (Glasgow) http://www.facebook.com/events/354925264532945/
Feb. 11 - Gasworks (Bradford) http://www.facebook.com/events/317023411673744/
Feb. 12 - Clunty 2 (Newcastle) http://www.facebook.com/events/300897796622985/
Pass this on to any friends in the UK... these guys are worth the show - I promise you. You can also access the show list from their site: http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/ ~ listen to their latest and check out some older videos.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Also, need opintions on a tablet...
I want to get a tablet but I will not be relying on it too heavily... looking at getting one no larger than 7" and preferably kind of cheap. I know it won't be used much, so why spend $350 on one?? I might occasionally use it as an eReader, but it's primarily to keep up with email during travel or at work (since the bastards have blocked the majority of email servers...). So really, I can keep the pricepoint pretty low. Camera possible, music storage great - that's a big one. Internal memory is flexible if there is a card slot.
What experiences have any of you had with brands, wifi/3G, adding apps, ease of use, etc. I don't want to just buy blindly. Anything anyone can offer? For the amount of time I'd be using it, I even thought of buying a used one, which I can still get a warranty on. Thoughts?
What experiences have any of you had with brands, wifi/3G, adding apps, ease of use, etc. I don't want to just buy blindly. Anything anyone can offer? For the amount of time I'd be using it, I even thought of buying a used one, which I can still get a warranty on. Thoughts?
I'm having 'comment' issues.... help? Please?
No matter what I do or how many times I put my email address in my profile to get notified of any comments, it just doesn't work. I've deleted it, saved it, re-added it, saved it... still nothing. Ok, well it worked on ONE comment. (Woohoo.... hold me back!) Oh yeah, and I get notifications if I leave a reply in the comments, just no notification from anyone else. Seriously, what gives? Any suggestions?
Monday, January 23, 2012
I'm still having great difficulty with my decision last week...
but this made me smile. The Trews cover Aerosmith's 'Last Child'... and kick some ass. I might do the 6+ hour drive to Toronto to go see them in 2 months. If I keep giving myself something to look forward to, it gives me goal markers and I really need that. Plus, they make me happy. Few things do.
Five UK dates now - but I'm quite sure I won't be going that far.
Five UK dates now - but I'm quite sure I won't be going that far.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
So I stand to let you down, here, alone...
R.I.P. Mister
(originally Starbuck)
~4/27/2009 - 1/19/2012
We surely had a dysfunctional relationship but we loved each other. I put 'Little Buddy' in with you so you never have to be alone. I know how you hated to be alone. I can still remember when you and Little Buddy were the same size. So small, you were.
I'm just so sorry ~ I couldn't fix you. I tried and I failed.
Goodbye my little boy.
~
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
So I have this post I want to write, but this isn't it...
I have a post I have teetering on the edge of my brain but I just haven't had the chance to put fingers to keys. This will be short and sweet. Well, short.
For years I dealt with an odd symptom that no one could seem to diagnose. Eight and a half months off of lithium and the mysterious symptom is gone.
Those little pale pink bastards.
In fairness, they literally saved my life when I hit a wall. And perhaps the lives of some people around me ~ I was out of control.
But now I wonder... I've been off meds this long and have not gone batshit crazy. Part of me can't help but wonder about my diagnosis. But I won't dwell, I have more to worry about than words linked to a diagnosis code for billing purposes...
For now, I will be thankful for the absence of the mystery symptom.
(Back soon with a real post!)
For years I dealt with an odd symptom that no one could seem to diagnose. Eight and a half months off of lithium and the mysterious symptom is gone.
Those little pale pink bastards.
In fairness, they literally saved my life when I hit a wall. And perhaps the lives of some people around me ~ I was out of control.
But now I wonder... I've been off meds this long and have not gone batshit crazy. Part of me can't help but wonder about my diagnosis. But I won't dwell, I have more to worry about than words linked to a diagnosis code for billing purposes...
For now, I will be thankful for the absence of the mystery symptom.
(Back soon with a real post!)
Monday, January 16, 2012
The Trews - Two additional UK shows added for February, 2012
Adding to this post, there are now two new dates for anyone in the UK that is interested:
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/196/
The Captain Rest 185 Great Western Rd Glasgow ~ Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 9:00 PM
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/197/
The Clunty 36 Lime Street, Ouseburn, Newcastle upon Tyne, Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 8:00 PM
Here's another link I came upon... seems there is a 5th show now.
Please pass this info along to any friends you may have in the area and ask them to do the same. I'd appreciate it and I guarantee they will attend a fantastic show!
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/196/
The Captain Rest 185 Great Western Rd Glasgow ~ Wednesday, February 8, 2012 at 9:00 PM
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/197/
The Clunty 36 Lime Street, Ouseburn, Newcastle upon Tyne, Sunday, February 12, 2012 at 8:00 PM
Here's another link I came upon... seems there is a 5th show now.
Please pass this info along to any friends you may have in the area and ask them to do the same. I'd appreciate it and I guarantee they will attend a fantastic show!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Begin the 17 hour countdown...
I've begun to like this song more and more (lyrics below)... amazing harmonies in this acoustic version. Worth a listen for sure.
So it's mid January and NOW the winter weather advisories and lake effect snow starts. No worries. I'm not missing this show.
Leave the ghosts that are holding you back;
Bury them in a paper bag;
Put 'em down in an unmarked grave
You'll be damned when your mother finds out;
You're not the girl that she once knew now;
You're going to finally find your own way
You deserve the best, you should expect nothing less
We could live in bliss, if you just say yes
On a night like this, life can change with a kiss
If you don't second guess and you go with it
And you sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
I got a car and some money to spend
We could run with the best of them
If you let me steal you away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
You're my motorcycle mama and I love you like no other
Meet me out by the old highway…
Think of me as a helping hand, nothing more nothing less than that
We could sing all your hardships away
You deserve the best, you should expect nothing less
We could live in bliss, if you just say yes
On a night like this, life can change with a kiss
If you don't second guess and you go with it
And you sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
You're my motorcycle mama and I love you like no other
Meet me out by the old highway…
So it's mid January and NOW the winter weather advisories and lake effect snow starts. No worries. I'm not missing this show.
Leave the ghosts that are holding you back;
Bury them in a paper bag;
Put 'em down in an unmarked grave
You'll be damned when your mother finds out;
You're not the girl that she once knew now;
You're going to finally find your own way
You deserve the best, you should expect nothing less
We could live in bliss, if you just say yes
On a night like this, life can change with a kiss
If you don't second guess and you go with it
And you sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
I got a car and some money to spend
We could run with the best of them
If you let me steal you away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
You're my motorcycle mama and I love you like no other
Meet me out by the old highway…
Think of me as a helping hand, nothing more nothing less than that
We could sing all your hardships away
You deserve the best, you should expect nothing less
We could live in bliss, if you just say yes
On a night like this, life can change with a kiss
If you don't second guess and you go with it
And you sing your heart out, sing your heart out
Drive them blues away
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
Sing your heart out, sing your heart out, you got more to say
You're my motorcycle mama and I love you like no other
Meet me out by the old highway…
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Said the writer...
'This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel'.
~ Horace Walpole (1717-1797)
Indeed.
~ Horace Walpole (1717-1797)
Indeed.
Monday, January 09, 2012
There's this place I go, yet I've never been there
Most likely because it isn't real. And if it is real, then I'm tuning into some seriously weird shit when I sleep.
For years, there's this place that I return to when I sleep. Not just a building, but I have a basic knowledge of direction, freeways (and associated exits), neighborhoods, smaller ethnic neighborhoods with fantastic eclectic hispanic shops and old, narrow streets. The coffee shop is attached to a gas station... a Shell, I believe. There is only a half counter but I can go there for coffee, even late at night at the edge of this one hispanic neighborhood.
It would seem that I enjoy this particular neighborhood. Being a tall redhead, I'd imagine I'd stick out like a sore thumb, yet I always find myself browsing the little shops there, happy as can be, barely able to contain my desire to go to the next block, then the next. There are people, but I interact with few. Most of them are unremarkable and I couldn't tell you anything about them. Just walking around there makes me feel happy, comfortable and completely at ease. Other than the one sunny day that I was getting off of a bus at the main intersection. And there on the corner was a shop with a full glass storefront. Shelf after shelf of very colorful dildos were on display in the entire window - had to have been at least two hundred. Heh, I remember thinking, 'wow, well that's new!' No one seemed to even give it a second thought. (Kind of like the chocolate boobs/penises displayed in Belgian chocolate shop windows.)
I find it odd that I keep going back to this place; especially lately. It's nowhere I've been yet I seem to know it intimately. I've done this before, going to different places where I keep building on it until it's akin to vacationing in the same place. Things are familiar yet you don't have full details. But you always seem to know the proper direction to go. This last time I missed an exit and knew precisely where to turn around to get back to where I needed to be.
When I wake up often depleted of energy it would not be hard for me to entertain the idea that I actually had been somewhere. To this place where I seem to be drawn repeatedly.
Perhaps when we are so disillusioned with our own world, we create another. Some do it with gaming, some with dissociative behavior; apparently I keep a very detailed travel guide in my head.
For years, there's this place that I return to when I sleep. Not just a building, but I have a basic knowledge of direction, freeways (and associated exits), neighborhoods, smaller ethnic neighborhoods with fantastic eclectic hispanic shops and old, narrow streets. The coffee shop is attached to a gas station... a Shell, I believe. There is only a half counter but I can go there for coffee, even late at night at the edge of this one hispanic neighborhood.
It would seem that I enjoy this particular neighborhood. Being a tall redhead, I'd imagine I'd stick out like a sore thumb, yet I always find myself browsing the little shops there, happy as can be, barely able to contain my desire to go to the next block, then the next. There are people, but I interact with few. Most of them are unremarkable and I couldn't tell you anything about them. Just walking around there makes me feel happy, comfortable and completely at ease. Other than the one sunny day that I was getting off of a bus at the main intersection. And there on the corner was a shop with a full glass storefront. Shelf after shelf of very colorful dildos were on display in the entire window - had to have been at least two hundred. Heh, I remember thinking, 'wow, well that's new!' No one seemed to even give it a second thought. (Kind of like the chocolate boobs/penises displayed in Belgian chocolate shop windows.)
I find it odd that I keep going back to this place; especially lately. It's nowhere I've been yet I seem to know it intimately. I've done this before, going to different places where I keep building on it until it's akin to vacationing in the same place. Things are familiar yet you don't have full details. But you always seem to know the proper direction to go. This last time I missed an exit and knew precisely where to turn around to get back to where I needed to be.
When I wake up often depleted of energy it would not be hard for me to entertain the idea that I actually had been somewhere. To this place where I seem to be drawn repeatedly.
Perhaps when we are so disillusioned with our own world, we create another. Some do it with gaming, some with dissociative behavior; apparently I keep a very detailed travel guide in my head.
Thursday, January 05, 2012
I lived the lyrics of a bad country song today...
And have I mentioned that I'm not a fan of country music?
Sparing you the details, I'll just say that once it started, the momentum picked up until I just wasn't sure what to do. Although, I had options.
Option One: Throw child-like tantrum on the floor. This actually seemed like a decent idea because not only was I not getting what I wanted, I wasn't getting what I needed. That's where the real problem came in. As I was considering the tantrum (and how germy the floor was) something else went quite wrong and I went from frustrated-but-holding-it-together mode to Insta-Pissy-Bitch. Because now things are just all fucked up. Justthatfast. Which brought about...
Option Two: Scream in this person's face. A tantrum was no longer a good match but justlikethat I wanted to unleash some verbal fury. Starting around the 4:20 mark below is a good example of precisely how I felt. I wanted to blow back a bitch's hair. (Helpful hint: Hit play, pause it and let it load - skip to 4:20 and watch for a dozen or so seconds. Maximum. **More than that and I cannot guarantee you will ever be the same...)
Option Three: Get up, walk away. Sit in car in shock and cry. Not the sobbing kind, just the 'I'm twelve kinds of fucked and oh, silly me, with no lube ~ time to bend over and grab my ankles' kind of fucked. The kind of crying that comes with absolute resolve over the fact that you are, in fact, fucked. Just those quiet tears that keep rolling down while you sort of snivel and whimper from both shock and feeling utterly spent from taming the beast (refer to Option Two visual).
Option Four: Drive home at a speed that would impress Marty McFly and try to physically outrun the shitfest. This option is shortlived because the idea of having to pay for a speeding ticket on top of being in the lubeless place I'm already in is simply not overly appealing to me. Then I really would cry. Then I'd have to go back to Option One.
Option Five: Encounter several other things within the hour that add two to three solid verses to the aforementioned country song which causes me to scrutinize every item in the vicinity giving serious consideration to which ones would make the loudest, most satisfiying crunching noises when I beat them to a pulp. Annihilation of innocent objects is always a fantastic option, but I had enough work to do and knew that I didn't want to clean up even more of a mess. Because that would really, really piss me off.
Option Six: Do not speak to anyone and consider curling into a ball on the bed. Having a solid cry sounds good, but after even more verses to this country song are formed and reworded, I find I don't even have the energy to cry. Apparently it was my week to piss off the gods.
Option Seven: Suck it up, buttercup. And while I was at it, I sucked down a glass of wine. It's not like the Rosso was going to drink itself, now, was it? And here I am. No further ahead and still facing everything I was before, just a bit calmer. Which is good because this pissy bitch is in need of some sleep. Everything can continue to suck tomorrow, but for now, I'm done with this day.
** When I saw this video years ago, it scared the hell out of me. (Oh yes, to be sure, I had lots of hell in me... most of it gone once I saw that video. True story I tell you.) I lived in fear of catching a glimpse of that thing and every time I heard Aphex Twin, I removed it from my presence. Or I ran. Seriously, that did some major damage. So I kind of warned you and if you had any sense, you caught a glimpse and stopped it. Or maybe you just aren't as big of a sissy as I am. (Remember, I hate things that are humanoid: dolls, puppets, dummies, mannequins, clowns, gaping mouthed morphing alien freaks. You know. Things like that.) I will probably not sleep worth a damn having seen that... but it was just the perfect description of how I felt. My apologies if that video just earned you six months on a psych couch.
Sparing you the details, I'll just say that once it started, the momentum picked up until I just wasn't sure what to do. Although, I had options.
Option One: Throw child-like tantrum on the floor. This actually seemed like a decent idea because not only was I not getting what I wanted, I wasn't getting what I needed. That's where the real problem came in. As I was considering the tantrum (and how germy the floor was) something else went quite wrong and I went from frustrated-but-holding-it-together mode to Insta-Pissy-Bitch. Because now things are just all fucked up. Justthatfast. Which brought about...
Option Two: Scream in this person's face. A tantrum was no longer a good match but justlikethat I wanted to unleash some verbal fury. Starting around the 4:20 mark below is a good example of precisely how I felt. I wanted to blow back a bitch's hair. (Helpful hint: Hit play, pause it and let it load - skip to 4:20 and watch for a dozen or so seconds. Maximum. **More than that and I cannot guarantee you will ever be the same...)
Option Three: Get up, walk away. Sit in car in shock and cry. Not the sobbing kind, just the 'I'm twelve kinds of fucked and oh, silly me, with no lube ~ time to bend over and grab my ankles' kind of fucked. The kind of crying that comes with absolute resolve over the fact that you are, in fact, fucked. Just those quiet tears that keep rolling down while you sort of snivel and whimper from both shock and feeling utterly spent from taming the beast (refer to Option Two visual).
Option Four: Drive home at a speed that would impress Marty McFly and try to physically outrun the shitfest. This option is shortlived because the idea of having to pay for a speeding ticket on top of being in the lubeless place I'm already in is simply not overly appealing to me. Then I really would cry. Then I'd have to go back to Option One.
Option Five: Encounter several other things within the hour that add two to three solid verses to the aforementioned country song which causes me to scrutinize every item in the vicinity giving serious consideration to which ones would make the loudest, most satisfiying crunching noises when I beat them to a pulp. Annihilation of innocent objects is always a fantastic option, but I had enough work to do and knew that I didn't want to clean up even more of a mess. Because that would really, really piss me off.
Option Six: Do not speak to anyone and consider curling into a ball on the bed. Having a solid cry sounds good, but after even more verses to this country song are formed and reworded, I find I don't even have the energy to cry. Apparently it was my week to piss off the gods.
Option Seven: Suck it up, buttercup. And while I was at it, I sucked down a glass of wine. It's not like the Rosso was going to drink itself, now, was it? And here I am. No further ahead and still facing everything I was before, just a bit calmer. Which is good because this pissy bitch is in need of some sleep. Everything can continue to suck tomorrow, but for now, I'm done with this day.
** When I saw this video years ago, it scared the hell out of me. (Oh yes, to be sure, I had lots of hell in me... most of it gone once I saw that video. True story I tell you.) I lived in fear of catching a glimpse of that thing and every time I heard Aphex Twin, I removed it from my presence. Or I ran. Seriously, that did some major damage. So I kind of warned you and if you had any sense, you caught a glimpse and stopped it. Or maybe you just aren't as big of a sissy as I am. (Remember, I hate things that are humanoid: dolls, puppets, dummies, mannequins, clowns, gaping mouthed morphing alien freaks. You know. Things like that.) I will probably not sleep worth a damn having seen that... but it was just the perfect description of how I felt. My apologies if that video just earned you six months on a psych couch.
Monday, January 02, 2012
The Trews come to the UK, February 2012
If anyone in the UK can make either of these shows... GO! The links take you to the band site and you can listen to each song on the latest album in full as well as purchase tickets. Check out previous releases on You Tube. They are phenomenal live! I'd almost say better live... I've added a video (I did not record this) from the Buffalo, NY, show that I went to. I'll be seeing them here again in just under two weeks!
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/193/
The Trews at The Garage in London, , GB Monday, February 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/194/
The Trews at The Temple Room @ hmv Institute, Birmingham – Tuesday 7th February 2012
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/193/
The Trews at The Garage in London, , GB Monday, February 6, 2012 at 9:30 PM
http://www.thetrewsmusic.com/tour/194/
The Trews at The Temple Room @ hmv Institute, Birmingham – Tuesday 7th February 2012
Sunday, January 01, 2012
Pimping out a couple of blogs... very rare!
The girls are just wrong... each in their own special way. Oh, how I love them.
Go, check them out. I command you!
Ahem.
Raeleigh Jane
annnnnd
My Complete Lack of Boundaries
They are some serious nutters. But in a fun way. Raeleigh has the sharpest wit and ElPoo is like a silly BFF. Really, go check out these blogs.
~
Go, check them out. I command you!
Ahem.
Raeleigh Jane
annnnnd
My Complete Lack of Boundaries
They are some serious nutters. But in a fun way. Raeleigh has the sharpest wit and ElPoo is like a silly BFF. Really, go check out these blogs.
~
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)