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Such an unsettling feeling messing up with a girl

I feel so much stress, uncertainty, and regret! Crazy how being an aspie I ruin my chances with a girl that I have a huge crush so fast if I’m overly honest like I’m comfortable with and I tend to say things almost no one is ok with.

The anguish of pain for me with the amount of loneliness I deal with is unbearable. My experience getting excited in conversations leads to my hugest mistake of my entire life!

With my luck I guess I’ll be alone forever. This disturbs me so much like recently I thought I connected with the love of my life until I mention a couple overly inappropriate things.

At least I have a reason to blog even though I feel like absolute shit! I my as well have been stabbed in the stomach!

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If I had a way & others were interested

I’d love to talk to people about how I tend to enjoy movies most don’t some even get a lot of hate, I appreciate more things that the crew worked so hard on among other things. Movies like 31, Green Inferno, Beach Bum, Hellboy remake, Slender Man, Big Bully, The Wicker Man, Captain Marvel, US, Emoji Movie, Carpool, so many others even many TV shows I quite enjoy that many people disgusted by or aren’t interested; I have bizarre taste.

Another subject I’d love to talk to people about is how certain people I’ve interacted with are very rude about advice I give like if people have chronic illnesses or otherwise I just wanna help decrease they’re symptoms in most cases things blow out of proportion I’ll never understand it.

Crazy it’s been over a year!

I’m so out of touch with my inner crisp writing vibe it’s basically buried in a chasm. Maybe I should change the bulb that flickers ever so smoothly.

So I recently experienced a phenomenal Joshua project with loaded great vibes across the board I so wish more than anything in life I could be around humble people more often in life. It’s less common than should be but I guess that’s the life of an alien whom has autism or at least I like to pretend autistic folks are extraterrestrial creatures.

More of life should be filled with peaceful vibes it’s uncertain what to do to increase it especially for life the ones I consider aliens. Astonishing it’s been around 11 months since I last blogged that’s a potent force of writers block although I still do review’s on IMDb as UniqueParticle.

Hmm what else can shake like lightning in a bottle, a beautiful spark of creativity from the magical brain. So much has happened since I’ve last used this but most importantly should note I work part time at Stonecrest movie theater that’s enriching most of the time!

Back to this 4 months later

Once upon a time in a world full of loonies there was a butterfly 🦋 that distracted a team of soldiers from saving the world 🌎

Random creativity created by me Alex Nolan In 2020 I don’t remember saying this it’s brilliant! Glad I saved in my notes.

A lot of various things flow through in my bizarre life some averageness, morbid vibes, impatience and sense of dread. I wish I could be more known/important more than anything else not enough appreciate me in general it hurts my soul to the core.

I’m not sure why I have massive writers block at least for blogging sometimes I feel it leads to nothing it’s definitely a comforting bobble and land of rainbows maybe nightmares too.

Been the longest I’ve not blogged in 7 months and longest break in several years!

I’ve had so much of a difficult year with health, scrutiny online sharing awful things that I don’t want to be, I’ve had infections, sleep struggles, and recently got a month suspension on PlayStation.

So ready for a refresh next year hopefully a lot better things to come I need it more than average people which most won’t believe but the online drama I’ve had has disturbed me tremendously.

A lot of others would’ve committed suicide by now I just hold hope because my gaming comforts me even though I got in trouble on psn I can start over at least I have shows/movies to catch up on and I badly want a relationship.

Life throws a lot of curve balls that will either obliterate someone badly or get a home run with success, I need the latter to occur!

Crazy how I took 7 months away from blogging partly cause of writers block and I do other things. I need the brain cells to flourish in me for brilliant wording!

Autism is a massive root to my problems I wonder if others deal with the hell I go through or if I’m one of the odd ones out that is extremely unlucky in life. Whatever though 2024 should be so much than the year I’ve had!

Autism has ruined my life!

I wish I wasn’t such a screwup socially my #autism has ruined my life where as others take pride in it and do better I barely do! Although I’ve had stomach pains and sleep struggles a lot in the last couple months or years of on and off sleep struggles since damn #Covid I haven’t been able to improve my life much.

The lack of opportunities I’ve had since I graduated high school in 2011 has been very few, I mean I’ve had programs and various great things but not enough I’m jealous of any aspie that has been able to adapt better than me! I’m social poison except to a few that are very humble to me, I’ve only worked a couple jobs, and barely had much luck with girls I mess up with them more than have a connection.

There’s been times where I’m obsessed with black holes and quantum physics that’s always fascinating; I’d benefit from a different realm of some sort.

Maybe I’m overthinking but I can’t help it I’m in pain and hated by thousands of people in the last decade probably over 6K despise me lucky that I didn’t end up locked up for my behavior. I’ve never had a proper trainer, I need one!

Movie/shows reviews that some might appreciate

Smallville:

My cousin recommended this classic awesome series figured I’d give it a try, I needed a long series to be into for awhile. I can already tell Tom Welling was perfect as Clark Kent/ legendary Superman! Micheal Rosenbaum was a unique choice role for Lex Luther he’s perfect as a villain. The directing feels oldish it’s heartwarming I’m gonna love the whole series I have a feeling and I’m loving the series; only thing that bugs me is some parts feel like a soap opera reality otherwise spectacular! A perfectly insightful depth to Superman packed in a perfect treat that I’m already craving from the pilot.

The Ringer

Johnny Knoxville and Brian Cox are spectacular! Hilarious while being entirely calming and at the same time quite awkward. I’ve known a lot of unique beings and been through a lot so I have a lot of sympathy for people that are different. Also this is my 480th review which I am very proud of, my passion is films and to be famous so maybe someone important could see my opinions. I don’t know if someone quirky can even gain success especially since I am 30 but I still have high faith.

Dog

To the person that said it’s been done before sure but never this story I’m sure there’s very few about a dog from the army. Channing Tatum was superb throughout I loved Dog (Lulu) the journey story and bonding was so lovely! So much wildness, charm, endearment, and great dialogue throughout; amazing movie I’d recommend to anyone!

Severance

If you think about it in a deeper sense the Severance corporation is a metaphor of for how trapped workers are in their job, that’s my theory. I love it all I’m surprised a few hated it something about waiting for something that’s ridiculous or they know the nothing, seems to be a buildup and a lot to learn about the series regardless the show is magnificent! The thriller aspect is glorious and I’m a couple episodes in. When the show first released it had a 7.2 and jumped to 8.2 that’s well deserved!

A few of my well appreciated reviewers from IMDb.

Horrible way to end the day at least I’m back to blogging!

Classic me lately with massive drama 🎭 bullied over little things that I begged forgiveness for not acknowledged once and instead I’m bullied a lot for my behavior and hounded for mistakes I’ve done 😰. Not many genuine people anymore and misunderstood constantly; not just a recent issue that overlapped but most my life.

Where are people that are willing to be mature and reason a conflict instead of bully an autistic person that made one mistake. 2 people really knew a way to make me feel bad for just wanting to be friends ugh.

Not much happening in life I’ve had a lot of sleep struggles already this year and been taken advantage of by other people which was another mess I’m lucky to not be alcoholic I’m quite healthy. So many are so lucky in life meanwhile I don’t have much greatness besides some usual entertainment.

I never blog at the end of a day/midnight at least I’m trying despite being a negative Nancy. Some stuff is my own fault sure I’ll just never understand people that hound me and can’t act like an adult some it hurts so much! At least I’ve had plenty of great entertainment and other stuff happening just annoying I barely can have peace of mind. I crave the day when I’m praised for my kindness and have genuineness.

My bold review for Emancipation since IMDb didn’t allow

Hard to watch some of the awful ways people were treated a couple hundred years ago at least it’s a lot less with racism even if there’s a percentages it’s decreased since the era of Emancipation. Despite any complaints of Will Smith he deserves a 2nd chance of recognition and forgiveness cause he’s exceptional in this and I’m one of very few that feels the slap went to far! Anyways Antoine Fuqua directed a spectacular under appreciated film that is sad, bold, thriller, and filled with drama to the brim that is all well done. I’m sure my review will get mixed vibes regardless I’d highly recommend the film!

Joshua project vibes

One of the best experiences I had while having a blog! While I’m meant to keep a portion of it secretive I will say other things. It’s truly remarkable to be welcomed by a bunch of guys for a couple days.

For someone like me that’s barely active it’s a blessing and enriching to have an ignited flame literal and metaphorical to get me going. I experienced great food, a couple fires, drumming, wise stories, grunt work, and unexpected one for me no electricity/phones for a couple days is truly profound!

I’ve had numerous negative blogs where I down-poured frustrated vibes a rare feat lately is I’m phenomenal hopefully I can keep that magic going. I’m lucky when I’m accepted by genuine folks of any kind there’s not enough in my life.

Transformation is another way to look at it or as my deep young self would say if you want to look at the trees then look at them. Take in life sometimes it’s a powerful force.

Disappointed in the way people treat me!

I’m blown away the amount of strangers that expect me to help them barely anyone helps me besides a few people. Not only am I nagged a lot but my stomach hurts and I only got 3 hours sleep.

Really frustrating the amount of selfish people I experience it gets me in full blown rage! I need more ambience and peace enriching me. I don’t know how to fix a lot of things being autistic wish I could do more especially be around genuine people. I’m a loss with the pace of my life I just try to entertain myself the bulk of the time.

Part of me misses blogging but I barely have much to write about maybe writers block

One thing that bothers me in life is how autism has defined even though people say don’t let it define you it’s a downpour of no success for me sometimes I get sick of just entertain myself. I bet not many realize except the ones that hate me might think I’m a loser I kinda am!

It’s odd experience 30 years old still not much greatness to be proud of I even slept well I just get annoyed with how my life is destroyed because of autism. I barely am good at socializing, barely able to work and barely good most essential things like cooking.

Whatever though at least I slept great I just want more out of life I don’t know what to do to improve a lot of aspects. I’m mostly healthy that’s one of best things I have going for me.

There really needs to be more options of success for quirky folks it would make a vast difference. For now I’ll keep trying to accept my life with ridiculous amount of entertainment; hope anyone that sees my posts is doing well!