I wish I was smarter, or more beautiful, or both……I wish I knew how to control my feelings and my thoughts, I wish I could give a party for all the lonely ones, a party where you could drink and smoke without consequences, where sin has no meaning. Sin without a meaning ……just an empty word….not a burden, not a stone on your chest, but just a word like any other.

I remember not believing, I remember enjoying life without thought. It was fun, it was the best time of my life, it was like feeling alive. Life is not just about feeling alive, life is also about fairness, about knowing when it’s enough. Going beyond enough hurts; going beyond enough is a mistake, a sin. When you hurt, when you cry, when you want to die…….just then I realized I had sinned against myself, against my own soul and my very inner being. It was then that I had lost my innocence.

Empty, I echo to the least footfall,
Museum without statues, grand with pillars, porticoes, rotundas.
In my courtyard a fountain leaps and sinks back into itself,
Nun-hearted and blind to the world. Marble lilies
Exhale their pallor like                                                                 scent.

I imagine myself with a great public,
Mother of a white Nike and several bald-eyed Apollos.
Instead, the dead injure me attentions, and nothing can happen.
Blank-faced and mum as a nurse.