Each Novemember people try their hardest to be the most thankful person that they can convince others on social media to think they are. So here is my answer to the ever so popular Days of Gratitude you see people post on Facebook.
Day #1—I’m Thankful for my the inventor of pepperoni pizza
Day #2—I’m thankful that I’m so cool
Day#3—-I’m Thankful to have extra napkins in my car for spills and sneezes
Day#4—-I’m Thankful for debit/credit cards—because they make me feel like I’m not REALLY spending my hard earned money
Day#5—-I’m Thankful for Wendy’s getting rid of “Biggie Size” and now just ask small, medium, or large
Day#6—I’m Thankful for the Facebook and Pandora that get me through time spent in the office
Day#7—I’m Thankful for people that don’t pay attention and walk into glass doors spilling coffee on themselves
Day#8—I’m Thankful for Security Camera’s placed in the right spot to catch above Day#9—I’m Thankful for the saxophone player on SNL that plays to let you know it is over
Day #10–I’m Thankful for Action, Horror and Kung fu movies that have helped me plan for what I will do in various life threatening situations
Day#11–I’m Thankful for Brad Pitt’s Chanel #5 commercials because I don’t still don’t get it and it makes me think
Day #12—I’m Thankful that someone decided what the world needed was sugar covered marshmallows in the shape of various creatures and created Peeps
Day #13—I’m Thankful for cardigans because they make me feel like Mr. Rogers
Day#14- I’m thankful for people who drive large tucks and/or SUV’s, talk on their cell phone and act like they are the only one’s on the road, not only do they make me pray harder, but I also get the opportunity to have several near death experiences and gain a new appreciation for life almost daily
Day #15—I’m Thankful that when I was a few years younger, my older brother taught me that food could be a weapon by hitting me in the head with a bag of Doritos that caused the bag to explode and chips go all over the place as well as slap me with and smear a slice of pepperoni pizza from Papa Johns in my face.
Day # 16— I’m Thankful that Burger King has an “Angry” Whopper to match the attitude/disposition of their employees.
Day #17– im thankful when I go to a resturaunt and see a Dad on a ipad or kindle fire, mom texting on her phone, one child on a video game, the other with earphones in listening to a mp3 player and no one is interacting. I know I will see them in therapy a few years from now because they can’t communicate
Day 20— I’m thankful for people who go to Wal-Mart, stores, etc. in the middle of the day in pajamas for alerting the rest of us that they have basically given up
Day 22— I’m thankful for public displays of family dysfunction. When I was in Wal-Mart last evening (always the preferred time and place for people watching), a father was yelling “Whatever!” at his adult child then stomped away/out of the frozen vegetable aisle into the deli. I thought the child was supposed to have tantrums
Day #23—-I’m thankful that there is a day set aside that makes it socially acceptable to over eat and then take a nap. Happy Thanksgiving one and all!
Day 24— I’m thankful that my turkey turned out great and my parents who don’t care for turkey really liked it.
Day 25—I’m thankful that I could go to Target Friday night with no fear of being stomped/stepped on after all the “Black Friday” shoppers had passed out from being up/shopping since the early am.
Day 26-I don’t have children yet, but I’m thankful that I plan to teach them how to answer questions in school like a politician. “Thank you teacher for that question, I love that you asked me that. I’d like to thank my classmates for being in class today so that we could answer that great question you just asked. My parents taught me the importance of going to school and answering questions like you just asked. I think teachers who ask such great questions are the backbone and heart of America. I think the word you asked me to spell, is spelled C-O-W-C-H.” Teacher: “Couch does not have a W in it.” “Well, based off the information that I had at the time, I spelled couch with a W in it. I think that if you give me more time I can fix how I spell couch
Day 27-I’m thankful that If I win the power ball, ill think of you all as I swim in a pool of one dollar bills. And the first person to show up on my door step and do the truffle shuffle like chunk from the goonies for ten minutes, I will give 50,000 dollars. Ill make it 75,000 if you let me film it and put it on youtube
Day 28–I’m thankful for National Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
Day 29–I’m thankful that I got my first pair of Puma’s this week. Woohoo!
Day 30—Im thankful for the my reverse psychology New Years resolutions for 2013. I plan to gain weight, spend more, only eat vegetables and fruits to avoid scurvy.
Josh, Naked 