I don’t know if I believe in “Angels” in the biblical sense (I can hear my childhood pastor screaming now), but I at least hope there is some type of positive energy left behind after one dies to affect the living.
The anniversary of my father’s death will be in a couple of days, and I’m dreading it. I keep thinking my feelings will be better in time, but the reality is they won’t. Losing a parent, those beings that we have known our entire life, is never easy. They are suppose to always be there to fix our problems, catch us when we fall, chastise us when we stray, and love us when no one will. Who was suppose to prepare me for this?
I wish I could say it was a death that was anticipated, but it wasn’t. My father committed suicide. He looked me in my face, told me he was ‘glad’ I had come home for the weekend and thanked me for spending time with him. I left to go back to college, and shortly after he was gone. I didn’t realize that was the last conversation he had until later, and I still don’t understand what that means. Was that his goodbye? And how did he forget I loved him and needed him still?
However, he was an amazing man. He sacrificed the world for me and I will forever know how it felt to be loved by a parent. That one incident can’t erase the years of greatness he gave me. He will forever be:
The smartest man I have ever known, who was labeled a “scholar” in college, and spoke fluent German for no damn reason.
The best Trivia player in the UNIVERSE, partly because he memorized every single fact in our Encyclopedia set at home.
The most humbling man ever, who taught me and my brothers to never feel superior to anyone else, and to always give back to the less fortunate if we were able.
The bravest man ever, who served his Country with honor and love; 20 years as an Officer in the Marine Corp.
The funniest guy ever, who made up jokes that were so bad their awfulness kept you laughing for weeks.
The best father in the World, who loved me to the moon and back and gave me everything I have ever asked for (except the Goat-Kart, but I’ll get over it one day lol). He taught me respect, honor, and the ability to always continue to succeed no matter what. I was never treated inferior because of my gender, and I was taught that I could be just as successful as anyone else.
And last, but never the least, he is my Angel.
I was the “love child” of two high-school kids, who sacrificed the world to make sure I was not a statistic. I have no memory of my parents struggling, but I know at 17 they did. I didn’t even realize it was different to watch your parents go to college, but both still did. My father made sure we made it as a family, and we did.
I thank my dad for everything, and I hope he’s finally at peace.
Jayden~
Frailty, Thy Name is Woman 