Jynx Shadowheart scanned the mountains with her binoculars. There was little that escaped her sharp eyes. Then she petted her two massive dogs. “Bruiser, Thor… It seems our hunt is nearing its conclusion.”
Removing her custom, .450 magnum Smythe and Easton unicorn gun from its case, Jynx looked through its high-magnification scope. She could just make out two tiny figures in its cross-hairs, dangling precariously from a thread on the high cliff. “It won’t be long now. The cannery is going to pay us well for this one. And you two can have the scraps.“
Meanwhile, Flash and Candy Cane returned to the team of reindeer waiting on the mountain trail by expertly rappelling the 970-foot drop. By the third pitch, Candy Cane had gotten pretty good at not opening her eyes while she was being lowered by Flash.
Before Candy Cane could even recover her composure, they were already careening back down the winding mountain trail in the speeding sleigh. “Somehow, we have to throw Jynx Shadowheart off the Kirin’s trail,” said Flash. “She’s a good tracker. I have an idea… But it could get messy.”
Candy Cane looked at Flash’s wild hair, inside out-shirt and unmatched socks and shook her head in agreement.
“I can help!” said Candy Cane. “But I need to get back to the North Pole. I can use the golden key to get there in an instant. But I don’t know how to get back!”
Arriving at the snowy meadow, Flash had Candy Cane help her pull the big red sack out from the back of the sleigh. It was a lot heavier than it looked!
“Is that Santa’s..?” asked Candy Cane.
“I needed something that was bigger on the inside than on the outside in order to fit everything into the sleigh,” said Flash.
“What’s in it?” queried Candy Cane.
“Probably better if I don’t say,” Flash replied. “But with the lighter load, you won’t need all the reindeer. Shred and Vexen can stay with me. We make a good power-trio!”
Flash handed Candy Cane the map they’d used to get to their starting point for the trip. “Rebel and Raven will know how to lead the team back here from the little town where we started. See you soon!” And just as Candy Cane, the sleigh, and the ten reindeer vanished into a cloud of golden glitter… “Just watch out for the swamp!”
With a little help from Shred and Vexen, Flash had soon emptied the contents of Santa’s dimensionally transcendental toy sack. Flash was very familiar with how it worked, having helped in its design. She actually got her job at the North Pole because of her degree in transcendental geometry, or shapes that are bigger on the inside than the outside.
Soon, a collection of massive black cabinets was stacked in a neat row at the edge of the meadow. Flash, Shred and Vexen were ready. Now all Flash needed was a crowd worthy of stirring up a mosh-pit.
Just then, a shrill voice echoed up from the trail. “What’s this? My welcoming celebration? It might as well be, since you’ve led me right to the unicorn’s lair!“
Flash turned to see Jynx Shadowheart, with Bruiser and Thor at her side. “Shred!” she called out. “Give me a G-sharp ten!”

The reindeer quickly tightened up the high string on his guitar until it almost snapped, and struck a note… that no one could hear. At least, no one standing on two legs.
Bruiser and Thor Howled! They could hear the note. Jynx suddenly realized what was happening and raised her rifle. “Looks like there’ll be reindeer on the menu tonight,” she bellowed.
Just then, a loud hum broke through the forest. It sounded like a swarm of bees on an eight-shot caffeine buzz, and it was getting closer. Suddenly, a river of tiny lights poured out of the trees. They were fairies… seemingly millions of them, called out by the sound of that G-sharp 10 that Shred had blasted across the valley from his guitar amplifier.
Drawn by their whining, the little buzzing lights swarmed the dogs like a monstrous cloud of hungry mosquitoes.
“Shred, Vexen! Full punk doom power!” cried Flash.
As Shred cranked out a round of down-tuned power cords, Vexen thundered on the drums. A huge clump of snow shook out of the trees, piling onto Jynx. Then Flash grabbed a guitar, turned her amplifiers up to full Concorde take-off power, and unleashed a solo that knocked the unicorn hunter right off her feet.
Falling backward as the entire forest began to tremble to the awesome, thundering sound, Jynx’s rifle hit the ground with a loud “BOOM!” And at that, Bruiser and Thor had had enough and took off like two frightened rabbits, with the huge swarm of overstimulated fairies in hot pursuit.
Having come prepared for the sound of a .450 magnum anti-unicorn round, however, Jynx had brought hearing protection. Slipping on her Shell-Shok, -180dB, active noise-canceling headphones, she stood up and brushed off the snow. There was nothing more Flash could do as the now infuriated unicorn hunter picked up her rifle and reloaded.
They were doomed!
When what should appear, but a sleigh pulled by ten flying reindeer! If not for the 50-cycle hum from the wall of amplifiers, the forest would have gone dead silent as the band stopped mid note. Even Jynx stared as the flying entourage landed in the meadow and pulled up between her and the three questionable musicians.
Candy Cane jumped from the sleigh before it had even come to a stop. “I’ve brought help!“
Behind her followed a large, serene and leisurely… cow, with big brown eyes, and a cowbell hanging from its neck. Both Jynx and Flash spoke simultaneously, “A cow?“
“Jynx!” called Candy Cane. And with that, the cow walked right nose-to-nose with the hunter.
“Stupid cow!” shouted Jynx. “Get out of my way!” She reached out and swiped at the cow, smacking the bell with her hand, causing it to ring out.
“POOF!” A huge cloud of purple and pink smoke suddenly appeared right where both Jynx and the cow had just been standing. They were gone!
“That was Betsy, the Pennsylvania wonder cow!” explained Candy Cane. “She used her magic bell to take Jynx off to someplace where she can’t cause any more trouble. I don’t think we’ll be seeing that awful unicorn hunter again.“
“So where did… Betsy take her?” asked Flash.
“Where’s the nearest swamp?“
Flash grimaced.
“Anyway, I think this was a perfect vacation,” said Candy Cane. “I got to see Japan, go sledding, meet your sister, learn some history, climb a mountain, and save a family of magical animals!
Where should we go next?!“
Flash grimaced again.
“Oh!” said candy Cane. “I almost forgot to tell you… Your shirt is inside out.“








‘Twas the morning after New Year, and Santa’s elf, Flash, was feeling unusually un-flashy and didn’t didn’t want to wake up. She had been standing next to the ginormous bowl of Chef-Salvo’s special peppermint-chocolate bark during the late night flying reindeer show at the North Pole, with the chipmunks Wilder and Angel on each shoulder so that they could have a clear view over the crowd. But every time Flash would glance down at the celebratory snacks, Wilder would whisper into her ear, “Eat some!” Then Angel would whisper into her other ear, “You heard him, eat some!”






































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