excellence, politics

Nothing’s A Given, Everything’s A Gift

Having lost a very dear friend recently, I was surprised to not be more grief-stricken; instead, I felt grateful for 52 years of laughter with him and sharing in his life. The world is worse for not having him in it any longer, but I’m choosing to focus on the gift of his friendship, all the wonderful memories and time we spent together – Frank was one of a kind and I was privileged enough to know and love him for a long time!

I’m choosing to do the same thing in regards to the horrific changes in our government in the past 11 months, with a fresh attack on decency, legality and sanity seemingly every. single. day. Perhaps I took for granted that our country could sustain democracy with some equilibrium – I assumed it was a “given” that checks-and-balances would prevail, and that our elected Congress would defend the Constitution and protect our citizens from toxic abuse. But after many months of writing letters and emails, making phone calls and protesting vehemently to the powers-that-be, I’ve gotten the message: from all indications, my opinion doesn’t matter – it’s “none of my business”, apparently, and I have no say in the matter.

So I’m making an effort to go thru some old files – some I haven’t looked at in over 50 years. And to re-appreciate some of the adventures and music that’s been so important in my life. It just makes sense to focus on stuff that’s actually MY business. Since the nonstop mayhem reported in the news is stuff that I have NO control over, rather than grinding my gears, it’s best to turn to what I CAN control!  

I’m trying to put my head in a more positive place, considering blessings, virtues and beauty. This quote popped in my head the other day, and while I’m not a bible thumper, these days I feel the need for these qualities; truth, honesty, loveliness, etc. – things to admire and work for!

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politics, Responsibility

Mess Up? ‘Fess Up!

I woke today with the thought that Congress owes America an apology. I don’t know how far “we’re sorry” would go to repair the current damage – especially without the added promise “…and it will never happen again”. But it’s a START and I really think we need it.

We have a history of not acknowledging let alone apologizing for our mistakes; Nixon never apologized for Watergate. Dubya never apologized for starting the Iraq war. Clinton’s apology for lying about Lewinsky never passed muster and Lewinsky never apologized for her part, instead clinging to a BS victimhood identity. IMO, they all look weak as a result.

Contrast those actions with JFK’s accepting complete responsibility for the Bay of Pigs fiasco 64 years ago? Whole other story! Lesson to be learned? If you mess up, OWN it!

Bottom-line, to err is human – mistakes happen. I’ve certainly made my share, and I continue to, no matter how much “older and wiser” I become. But apologies are necessary, especially when egregious errors keep happening. Here’s a starter list for Congress, whenever they decide they’re ready:

  • I’m sorry I refused to go to even show up at work and perform the job you elected me to do.
  • I’m sorry I allowed our leadership to fail you so disgracefully.
  • I’m sorry I didn’t try harder to keep the government functioning.
  • I’m sorry a madman demolished half of the White House on my watch.
  • I’m sorry I’ve behaved without courage and didn’t stand up to the bullies
  • I’m sorry I let you be terrorized by hateful, greedy incompetents
  • I’m sorry I didn’t defend the Constitution, my primary job.
  • I’m sorry I betrayed your trust in me and in our government.
  • I’m sorry I didn’t honor the faith you had in me to represent you with honor.

AND IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.

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family, growing up, Home, music

Summer of ’62

I didn’t exactly HATE East Hartford, CT – while I didn’t refer to it as “the armpit of the world” the way my father did, I HAD struggled through 5th grade at Mayberry Elementary, where handsome Brian Dunphy was not only a better student than I, but also a talented baseball player and the teacher’s pet. I only had one friend, who showed me how to play a few things on her piano before I bought my own – Linda McHugh was a bit of a tomboy who convinced me to cross the I-84 and lug a dead nutria home on my back; the plan was that she would skin and sell the pelt “for at least $5!!” that we would subsequently split. Her parents put the kibosh on that plan by discarding the carcass before she had a chance, thus ending our nascent trapper careers.

Nutria – tastes like chicken, apparently

From what I recall, no one in my family actually enjoyed living on Higbie Drive – it was too far away from “the city”, with hardly anything around for miles. So I was very happy when my father got fed up with commuting to the suburbs in the old Rambler that kept breaking down, and rented us a garden apartment within walking distance of his office.

Dauntless Lane

There was a bit of lease overlap and my older sister K. had been invited to participate in a student orchestra that began rehearsal before the school year began, so our dad dropped us off on his way to work and picked up us at the end of the day. Then the two of us were ON OUR OWN, free to use the day however we wished! In the mornings we’d walk over to Weaver HS for K’s rehearsal (ah, the Emperor Waltz!!) – and then back to the apartment for lunch – (a cheese sandwich, or maybe liverwurst?) There were morning glories in bloom along the way. Sometimes we’d buy a popsicle to split (it was summer, after all!)

To keep us busy in the afternoons, our dad had hired us to type up copies of his plays for submission to publishers and production companies. We got 10¢ a page, which was amazing since neither of us had any typing skills, but we’d hunt and peck, staining our fingers with ribbon and carbon paper. Mostly we enjoyed being by ourselves in the empty apartment; listening to the radio, with sweet summer breezes coming through open windows (no air conditioning!) – and the time alone in the car with our dad counting down the days until he could walk to work!

The sense of AGENCY that I got from that summer is beyond words; to be 10 years old with so much freedom and time to think and dream, on vacation from school, away from Mom, younger sister and the brand new baby – getting to listen to all the hits on WDRC! Now THAT was a summer place!

And don’t think for a minute that I couldn’t sing along with all of these songs right now!! 😉

WARNING: there’s a one hour version of THEME FROM A SUMMER PLACE in this YouTube compilation, even though it was released a couple years earlier… because back in the day “summer” songs might see another go-’round on the charts AND because it’s one of my very favorite records. Especially the French horns in the middle. 🎶🎵 ❤️

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Entertainment, music biz, self-acceptance

Expendable

I’d been a fan for 40 years, since I first saw MC perform her pithy and hilarious parody songs in Los Angeles; she was a “natural”, accompanying herself on keyboards, and I never suspected how much rehearsal went into her act. All by herself, she had the entire audience eating out of her hand, and I was delighted to go along for the ride.

Although I’d occasionally run into her at movie screenings, we’d never hung out together in person. So it was a delicious surprise decades later to reconnect after we’d both moved away from L.A. – mostly on the phone, as MC is even more of a technophobe than I am and only checks her email once a week or so, while at the public library.

We primarily discussed our music careers, and the more we chatted, the more I learned about her somewhat-checkered-past. She’d had SO many adventures as a musician, songwriter and singer, I often found it unbelievable, until I’d check with this or that mutual friend or colleague and learn that, yes – she HAD auditioned to replace Michelle Phillips in the Mamas & The Papas, and she WAS almost Laurel Masse’s successor in Manhattan Transfer back in the day. MC had worked on jingles in NYC and was a studio singer in Nashville… she’d sung TV themes and movie main titles in Hollywood, written musicals, toured with a smooth jazz group in Japan… She’d had a record deal with a major label, toured with Billy Joel, and her original songs had been covered by a plethora of superstar vocalists in the 70s and 80s…

Yet somehow big-time fame and fortune had eluded her. Once I’d verified all her accomplishments, I was inspired to create a fan-page for her on social media, and more of her friends popped up to confirm her brilliant wit and outstanding talents. MC was major-league loved and admired!

Six months ago she cut me loose. We’d had a number of friends in common and I knew her track record with them, so it wasn’t a complete surprise when she “disappeared” me.

A cursory look at my blogposts reveals how challenging it can be for me to “let go” of emotional stuff – but while I still puzzle sometimes over the abrupt end of my friendship with MC, I’m actually more OK with it than I might have imagined. I know I did my best to be a good friend – I certainly treated her the way I would want to be treated – and if she can’t or won’t reciprocate? Well, that’s kinda on her.

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politics

Outraged R Us

Some friends and family have been recently venting their frustrations with current events on social media, considering moving abroad, abandoning the country that no longer reflects their values, and believe me, I can relate. From what I’ve been told, I was born angry; my thumbs locked, my eyes crossed, I was a colicky and impatient baby. When I began walking, I ran into walls and when I started talking, I stuttered. I may not have been a charter member of Injustice Collectors Anonymous, but after just a little observation of the world, I was profoundly aware of the unfairnesses of life.

So when the media froths up outrage with nonstop “ain’t-it-awful” stories, as they seem to do incessantly – well, to say that it pushes my buttons is putting it mildly.

Rage seemed to work for a while in my youth; I marched on Washington DC in protest of the Vietnam war; back then, we actually believed that petitioning the government with our grievances would lead to progress and change; that the powers-that-be couldn’t possibly ignore the millions of young people expressing their 1st amendment rights. To us, it was OBVIOUS that the USA needed to stop sending our young people overseas into a preposterous war where thousands would die and even more would be wounded and suffer needlessly with PTSD and physical damage. Likewise, we assumed that the inequities of misogyny and racism would fade away – it only made sense.

But that was then – 50+ years ago. Alas, it appears we’re making amazing strides BACKWARDS in regards to fairness and having a level playing field. A lot has changed in society, in terms of what’s considered acceptable behavior – frankly, a lot of it is beyond belief. And I’ve changed; my body has aged, my health diminished and I no longer have the physical resilience to “fight the good fight” – at least not without a lot more frequent restroom breaks and chances to catch my breath! My blood pressure can’t take it.

So I have no plans to leave America – it’s HOME, for starters – all of my memories, good and bad, happened here. Most of my loved ones are here. And I kinda-sorta even speak the language. There’s plenty to be outraged about but I’m trying to focus on more upbeat stuff.

In the meantime, I’m concerned for my outraged countrymen – even the younger ones who have stamina and good health. Rage takes a toll – and I don’t want to lose anyone I love.

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Entertainment, politics, Responsibility, self-acceptance

MY Stuff

After many failed attempts, I finally stopped checking the “news” on my phone. Since what passes for “news” has become so curated and fabricated, edited and compromised by algorithms, it bears no resemblance to reality any more. In this world of alternative facts (AKA lies), whatever hype being publicized is pretty much meaningless; unfamiliar celebrities breaking up, giving birth, promoting their latest project… politicians crowing about all the changes they’re gonna make… none of it adds up to anything substantive and ultimately it doesn’t matter, since most of it’s not REAL and it’s not mine.

Unfortunately, the same is increasingly true of my email inbox – mostly compromised of spam from conmen; freeloading cuckoos sneaking their eggs into MY nest, clamoring for time and attention, credibility and money – trying to use MY energy to further their own agendas.

So – I don’t answer any phone numbers I don’t recognize. Likewise, I don’t click on links I haven’t researched and I resist engagement with unknown entities in real life. I’m still curious about the world, what’s new, what’s going on. But more and more, what’s “out there” seems to have nothing to do with me. Like Toni Morrison, I’m only interested in what’s MINE.

The thing about life is… there are limits – to our time, to our space, to our focus. Which is why we declutter our homes, our minds, our lives. Being judiciously selective is the only way to know what actually is ours.

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Entertainment, family, politics

Barbie Nightbitch

Greta Gerwig is nowhere near as subversive as she’d like to think she is. And neither is Marielle Heller.

After being spoiled by the privilege of industry screenings, I haven’t set foot in a retail movie theater for many years – preferring the relatively controlled environment of my own living room to the chaos of dealing with audiences comprised of “civilians” (non-film biz folks), who litter the floor with popcorn and have the audacity to talk through the film credits. So I didn’t get around to watching 2023’s blockbuster until just a few days ago – and it’s been haunting me ever since.

I can’t shake the thought that this movie contributed mightily to the election results last November and consequent nonstop bull-shittery to which the entire world will be subjected beginning next week. By so graphically depicting the fears of misogynistic patriarchy (albeit in a pretend world made of plastic), BARBIE threw gas on the fire, especially for those viewers already incensed by the inequities between haves and have-nots. Who better to blame for all of society’s problems than uppity women?  <sigh!>

Meanwhile, Mother-Turned-Feral-Dog NIGHTBITCH is melting down with exhaustion, monotony and frustration.

And with good reason!! https://www.cinemasters.net/post/how-nightbitch-made-me-afraid-of-motherhood

“Things can be both/and. I’m doing the thing and subverting the thing,” director Greta Gerwig explains. Um – sure she is. Except – it doesn’t work. Greta’s “happy ending” has Barbie visiting her gynecologist for the first time! (always a fun experience, right, ladies?? Right up there with root canals!)

While NIGHTBITCH’s “happy ending” involves Mother finally breaking away to return to work on her art, finding acknowledgment for said artwork and then (spoiler!) accomplishing the crowning achievement (what ALL women secretly crave!!!): laboring to push out another baby! YAY!!!

Okay – maybe it’s unfair to expect Hollywood to deliver The Answer. But after so vividly exposing the rage on both sides of the gender gap, do they have so little imagination, they honestly can’t envision something more egalitarian than this? Bah! Humbug!

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learning, Responsibility, self-acceptance

Moving On From 2024

This past year I’ve had to let go of a lot of expectations, in addition to eliminating the usual clutter of stuff that piles up over time, and I’ve struggled to get in the holiday mood. Fortunately I’ve encountered ample reminders that I’m not alone in feeling a bit overwhelmed.


Might sound Pollyanna-ish but I hope to keep only those thoughts, activities, behaviors and relationships in 2025 that will bring kindness to the world.

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politics, Responsibility, self-acceptance

Off-Target

After last week’s disappointment, according to the political pundits, we’re left with finger-pointing, determining who’s to blame. While Ezra Klein posits some interesting ideas, I think there’s more to it. Misogyny has been with us for millennia, albeit amplified and normalized over the past 50 years by rap lyrics and Howard Stern. Racism is an ongoing problem in the USA and economic inequality is rampant. Both campaigns were guilty of juvenile name-calling and making empty, impossible promises. But most recently and more pervasive in our culture? The actual elephant in the room? The erosion of our fundamental values of honesty, work ethic, equality, diversity, unity.

I hold the media responsible for exaggerating our differences and endlessly “poking the bear”, looking for higher ratings, click-throughs and more profits. News outlets’ greed and irresponsibility created an all-or-nothing game-show frame of mind, feeding into our desperation to remain informed while fostering the urge to collect huge unearned rewards, like competing for fame and fortune, a performance career or a rich/attractive spouse… or instantly becoming a millionaire by winning the Lottery.

Over decades of these entertainments, the entitled “something for nothing” mentality disrespected actual achievements, such as working towards financial independence and valuing earned skill mastery, for being of service (in the military, as school teachers, etc.) and encouraging far too many to expect “participant trophies,” just for showing up.

Bronze Star or participant trophy? they are NOT equivalent!!

Rex Huppke wrote a scathing indictment in USA Today the day after the election, and many readers responded that they felt “ashamed to be an American”. I don’t see how individual voters assuming guilt for a disappointing outcome will help matters in any way. If we’re actually not as virtuous and moral a people as we thought we were? Well, that’s just more information. There’s room for improvement? Yep, that sounds about right.

I found the rage and ugliness leading up to the election to be overwhelming and endless. After defeat, the last thing I wanted to do was jump back in “the fight”, as the politicians and pundits are currently urging. Yes, I’m disappointed and feel brutalized by this past election cycle, scared and unsafe from all the threats of revenge and retribution leveled at so-called “enemies from within”. But animus requires energy and effort to fuel and sustain. Anger feels BAD once the adrenalin wears off. Our country has been swimming in a toxic pool for a long while now and toxicity WILL eventually damage and destroy. We all know this on some level, and we also know that we CAN turn the ship around; it will require mindful effort, but I believe Americans will once again embrace the Golden Rule.

My songwriting friend Marie Cain has decided to perform a “monthly mitzvah”. I’m pretty sure David Sedaris will continue to pick up litter on his daily walks. I intend to consciously be as kind and patient as possible and keep cleaning up messes where I find them. We can do this, one-on-one, one generosity at a time. No big hoopla, no grand gestures, no jumping back in the fray; I’m tired. But this I can do. I invite you to join me.

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Home, politics

Reclaiming Pottersville

I get a lot of enjoyment and insight from loving the movies, and IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE is one of my all-time favorites. For decades, I imagined turning the story into a musical – I even wrote an opening song for it.

Where’s George Bailey When We Really Need Him?

I’m pretty sure that those who wish to “make America great again” initially had something like Bedford Falls in mind – not perfect, but a “kinder, gentler” place to live. Unlike some other folks, I don’t think that can be attained by violently pulling the financial rug out from under already struggling lower-middle class folks, or by gutting Social Security, Medicare and other government support programs, or by mass deportations, or denying our military their benefits, or selling off federal lands for profit, or burning books, or by denying health care and forcing women to carry unwanted pregnancies. The sweetness of living in a place like Bedford Falls comes from encouraging the innate goodness within each of us, recognizing how much we have in common and actually want the same things.

WALL STREET is another film that keeps coming to mind these days; and the Gordon Gekko quote that sticks with me is NOT “Greed is good” or “Money never sleeps”, but rather his justification to his protegé Bud Fox for not honoring his agreement to save Bluestar Airlines: “Because it was wreckable”

Our country is strong but it’s been under siege psychologically and emotionally for a long time now. A lot of us are experiencing election fatigue and we’ve got another month to go before we vote! As tempers flare and incendiary rhetoric goes off-the-rails, please, let cooler heads prevail; let’s not wreck our government, just because it’s wreckable. America can’t be “great again” if it’s entirely destroyed.

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