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THE SLASH EXPERIENCE

Have you ever had one of those magical days in your life that changed you and inspired you. Maybe the day you got a job? maybe the day you fell in love? or maybe the day you broke up ( magical for some people). Well I experienced that ” magical” day on the 14th of November 2015 . Two weeks before the 14th of November I was on Facebook and going through my news feeds and a post from THE PAGE MTV appeared and gosh have I not been so excited to see a Facebook post. I still remember the exact words it said, it went like this “ Bangalore are Yall guys ready * with slash”s picture* ” for a moment I thought it might be some Douchebag with an internet connection, but after I googled it, I couldn’t have been more excited

Never the less I got the tickets the very next day and the countdown began.7 days before the concert I got my very first guns and roses T-Shirt. 3 days to the concert I saw a couple of videos of the concert in Mumbai , and that night I could not get a dime of sleep. All excited the concert day had finally arrived. The concert was to start at 7:45 but my friend and me was there at 4. We chucked down a couple of beers and got our self ready. At around 6:45ish we got in and there was the opening performance was going on. A band named ” INDUSCREED” was at stage, I can say they did a pretty good job opening for SLASH. And then the most awaited time had come, Induscreed closed their performance and then came the recorded music, that went on for couple of minutes and then the recorded music stops and the whole crowd goes on * slash slash slash slash……. * and then after the long wait we hear the first chord slash plays and everyone goes wild. the curtain drops and I couldn’t believe my eyes, THE TOP HAT WEARING LEAD GUITARIST OF GUNS AND ROSES, THE GUY WHO CAME UP WITH THE LEGENDARY INTRO FOR SWEET CHILD OF MINE, THE GUY WHO INSPIRED MILLIONS OF PEOPLE TO TAKE THE GUITAR WAS JUST 10 METERS AWAY FROM ME . It was indeed the best moment I have ever had , just to watch him do what he does best bought a tear to my eye. The concert was one of the best things that ever happened to me, It was not only about watching SLASH but sharing the experience with the rock n’ roll family. I got to watch some young talent the front man Myles Kennedy, he is one badass singer and the bassist Todd ” dammit” Kerns. Watching them play was just……… * NO WORDS*

THE TIME HAD COME, for the first time ever I would listen to SLASH play sweet child of mine and then he started. Tears of joy fill my eyes even as I type this down. the guitar Rifts, the solo, the vibes all of these played a major role.

It came down to the end SLASH and all the other performers were of stage, there was this voice that came from the other side saying * paradise city paradise city….* an ENCORE, and after about 2 minutes they came back just to play for us one last song and they started of with the hit of the 90s called PARADISE CITY. ( Video includes the encore)

This indeed was an event that changed my love towards music and I can say proudly that I was there when Slash first performed in Bangalore. Now that guns and roses have reunited they might even stop by for an Asian tour AND WHO KNOW THEY MIGHT EVEN COME TO BANGALORE ONCE AGAIN AND YES I WILL BE THERE TO WATCH THE LEGEND DO WHAT HE DOES BEST AGAIN.

#Metalhead

Biggest Fear With a Realization

One of my fears is coming true. The point of reaching another milestone is something everyone wants in their life, but not reaching the milestone of fear. Is fear even a mile stone ? Well maybe not. I think I might have to put music to a stop for some time. I know this was the plan to stop music for some time and get a 9 to 5 job and then invest that money into music, but letting go of music and getting into a 9 to 5 job is scaring me a little bit. Where are all the people that told me that I was a good musician and that life was music for me. I might just be overthinking this but I know that music is the best thing for me during these times. Today I sat and applied for jobs. Let me get this straight. Its not because of this corona virus situation that I need to get a job and need money. I have money coming in. just enough money to pay my bills. But apparently now this money isn’t enough to go for the future and now I am forced to get a job with a pay check of 25k to 30k to save and do stuff in the future. I am earning something close to 23k during this lockdown with just online violin classes and I know for a fact if I actually start taking this seriously, I can make it a career. But, I know I don’t mind violin classes, but I know I need another job to get more money to invest into music, so hence the 9 to 5 job. I am so confused on what to even apply for. Don’t ask me the question of what I want to become. I will without any doubt say that I want to perform and make a living, but as days come, it looks like that is slowly going away. I fear one day that I will never touch my violin. My girlfriend recently bought me a sound card. This is an equipment used to record and release music. I feel after my job, I wont even get time to use that. I feel I will disappoint her and I don’t even know how to come to make my self happy about this 9 to 5 job. I feel I will eventually lose Sarah ( violin ) and I will eventually become a person who will play for a company outing and get recognition only because everyone is drunk and because they have to clap because well, I am a family member of the company, or so they tell me. Maybe I am in this world for a 9 to 5 job or maybe there is something better ahead. Maybe it is music, I really hope it is. Honestly, I wish I had more time to invest in music along side with my music classes. I wish I could just do music classes and record music for just a little more time. But I nee d to get a job. I have to for my family. Its not that we are in a very bad situation, let me make that clear. But all I can say is that, I wish I could take up this 9 to 5 job with a lot of satisfaction. I wish St Josephs never happened, I wish I could make music without the fear of having a 9 to 5 job. I wish I never met Lincy. I wish I never fell in love back then which would have led to be being in a job already and having things sort off figured out at least a little bit by now. But now I am lost. I am forced to work for a company that I don’t even know off and a company who has given me the confirmed end if I don’t perform well in 2 months. I am thinking a bit too much. Just one of those days. I just hope I gain the courage to get this job, even if I am not satisfied, and do this job just for the money for sometime and then get into music. I hope 10 years from now, I can do a tribute concert in front of thousands of people for my friend Gwen, while Sunil and Grown up ET can watch me from the front seat. Life is so good to me and I am failing to see it. The dream of having a girl in my life is a reality and now I am over thinking about the other stuff. I am such a noob sometime. What a difference writing can make. Maybe I can find a job in writing. Lets see. I somehow feel that I should delete the line of “ I wish I never met lincy “ and “ I wish St Josephs never happened “ but if I never went to Josephs, I wouldn’t have taken the break that led me to doing St Charles school annual day AND THE SUCCESS OF THE BELIEVER VIDEO. And if I never would have met lincy, well, I don’t know what life would have been. Anyway if you read this lincy, I wish you me and Joanna can sit down and have a cup of tea and butter biscuit. I hold no grudge against you and as what I told you always, you need someone in your life. I found mine, I FOND LOVE IN MY BEST FRIEND AND ITS FUCKING AMAZING and I really hope you also do. Thank you lord for making me understand after writing this article that there is a reason for me to get a job. All will go well, it its own sweet time. God is good, all the time.

#ForGwen

The 30th of December

This will probably be the happiest blog that I have ever written and I’m very sure this is the happiest blog of mine that you will read. The year of 2020 started with emotions that I don’t know how to express. It has been so overwhelming, but it has also been made so easy with a special person in my life who entered and changed everything. Having a best friend is a blessing in life, but lucky is a person who falls in love with their best friend. I find myself in tears as I type that I am one of these lucky few people who fallen in love with my best friend. I have always dreamt of falling in love, of been loved and sharing love, but in a way, love destroyed me. We as humans go far and wide searching for the lost part in us, but fail to wait and look at what god has given us. Somehow I find that life is all about patience and this patience is not been attained, but is been practiced day in and day out. Patience is something that kills you, but once you gain the sweet nectar of patience, life just rolls into a cake walk. While I sat at Dolphins ( Bar near my house ) with a close friend / neighbor of mine, I couldn’t hold back my anger and tears. I just went on and on and on about how sad my life had turned out to be. All I could think about was how much I wanted a woman in my life and how much I wanted to be healed and smile for no reason. My friend / neighbor told me just one thing and only one thing to follow. It was more like a principal of life. PATIENCE. All I wanted to do was burst out in anger as I heard about patience. I thought that I already had enough patience and that I wanted things to happen right now. What an irony ? The pain of not finding someone to share my emotions with is a factor that I found hard to deal with. It might even sound silly to say that I lost all hope in life, but that was the stage I was in. I used to talk about all of this once in a while to my best friend, Joanna Deepika. Who knew things could take a turn for the good with her.

Sometimes as humans, we look around for something that we want so much, but we fail to look right in our limits. We go far and wide, searching for that one moment. I’m glad to say that I have finally found that moment with my best friend. The 30^th of December was a day that has forever changed my life as I finally found the person who I want to be with for the rest of my life. The person who I want to fight with the rest of my life. The person who I want to laugh, cry, drive each other mad and love. What a feeling it is being in love with your best friend. That feeling of knowing everything and learning more about each other. That feeling of constant assurance in times of anger from her is way beyond words. The love between us is woahhhhh……..

I can’t believe I am saying this, but there is light at the end of the tunnel after all, and yes, its not a damn train. When I sit and pray these days, there comes a time where I ask god for certain things and these days I just don’t know what to ask god because it looks like he has given me everything and everything is just falling into place at the right moment. I can’t express of how my life has changed just because of this one person named Joanna Deepika. An event stylist who has her own company named ‘ Wired Expressions ‘. A girl who loves music as much as I do. A girl who hates gaming as much as I hate veg Biriyani. A girl who will go any extend to keep me happy. A girl who has the solutions to most of my problems. A girl who so openly introduced me to her entire family who I love sooo much. And most importantly, a girl who has accepted me for who I am and what I bring to this relationship. Oh!! How scared I was on the 30^th of December. But god made everything work.

Its funny how years of misery can just turn around for the good in just one beautiful second, but god was that second long, Thank you lord, for Joanna. I’m hers and she’s mine.

Joanna and me.

WHAT IS THIS MAN!

Just the same old, same old. But I feel it’s getting harder and harder every time and every second. I always find myself writing when I am at my worst. Maybe words find me better where no human can. Not even her. Thank god for this thing of me writing. At least this is one way, other than music and Sarah ( my Violin ), of me getting my frustration away. I might not be fuckin Shakespeare or Emily Dickinson in my writing, but this is real. This is me and this is my problem of loving too much and being an alcoholic with loads of music and tears to shed each and every day. That’s right, each and every day. I don’t believe in this thing of men not crying and all. I cry all the time. Just not in front of people. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I am trying to be Mr. big guy or anything. I just feel the urge to be with my own emotions and to be fair, nobody has done anything much about my tears other than me, so what’s the point anyway.

I played the violin for a wedding mass today at St Xavier’s church. This was probably the reason for my melt down. To be honest, I haven’t seen my self this bad in a while. I couldn’t stop thinking about her today. I couldn’t stop imagining us sitting right up at that alter. She on the left and me on the right, holding our stupid hands and saying those words. And then came the other thoughts. Me, sitting as part of the crowd, Looking up at the alter. Seeing her holding his hands and saying those words to him. Yep. That’s when the thought of a good bottle of Grover’s wine hit me. I got a lot of people telling me that I should get busy with what I want to do in life. And apparently that will help me get past this. But I don’t know if this is sad to say, but I have become used to my busy schedule and I somehow find ways for these thoughts to come in. I have tried going out and meeting people. The only reason I went to Goa was for that. To find that so called ‘ somebody ‘. I also found my self running back to my room and well, you know how the rest would go.

Now what next. I tried seeking professional help. I have tried getting busy, which I still am. I have tried meeting new people. Now what ? I am just so tired of saying that life is good. I am so tired of being positive about everything. Is this not good ? why can’t I talk normal to someone ? why does it always have to be depressing ?

that’s too many questions.

Many of my friends and mentors have told me that I am using alcohol as a method to go past every day. I have to believe it now because I now see my self with a beer or a bottle of wine four five times a week. Surprisingly, I know what I want. I want a woman in my life. I want someone for the good and the bad times. I want to be there for her good and bad. I want to learn about woman much much more and above it all, I want to be loved. As days come, I slowly keep getting my self to the truth towards reality that we will never be one. I recently learnt that she is planning on moving out of India for her higher studies. So that’s, that. Being in India itself it has been like this, I can just imagine what it’s going to be after she goes away to some foreign land and settles down there.

I always try to end my blog like what I am about to say, so here it goes. I think I’ll be fine. It will pass. God is good. A smile is what I can best give right now, along side a bottle of wine, Taipan food and few shed tears. Just putting this out there, but if anything does ever happen to me, my ‘ will ‘ is in a PDF file on my laptop in My computers > music > ‘ will ‘

****This is not some weird suicide note, just putting it out there because we never know what can happen to the good hearted.****

Rest in peace my good friend, Mr. Dario Philip

Air Travel Is So underappreciated

I still get so excited from when a flight takes off. God damnit! That’s some cool shit yo. I am writing this sitting in flight I5 – 1130 from kochi to Bangalore. Or may I say, non stop from kochi to Bangalore. I know, there is no stops and all that, but it sounded cool when the Pilot said it and so I will type it down too. It just baffles me of how the smallest things excite me. I saw a train the other day and I got so excited that my entire day was filled with this weird joy. And today, this flight. I reached kochi airport at 8:30pm for a 2am flight. Yeah, I know. Drank over priced coffee and after a long long time, boarded the plane. Oh no! The place is shaking so much now. Apparently, turbulence. I can feel my ass dropping every second. This is exciting. I had a blonde moment. I thought I saw lightning, but it was just the light on the wing of the plane. Anyway, as I sit and read my book ( how to fall in love ) with coffee offered, I just love the way these small things excite me so much. Every time I keep swallowing my spit, I hear different sounds. That’s some cool stuff yo. I’m so glad now that I took a flight rather than a bus. I have been on a flight before and I have had these sams experiences, but today Just feels different. I’m happy for some reason. I’m alone on an airplane with coffee and a book and my ass dropping every 5 minutes, what more is exciting yo, I mean come on. Another intimidating thing is the beep – beep sound that keeping going off. What the hell is that. Already full scared. The pilot told us we are free to take off our seat belts. Hell no! I’m not doing that. No Ballz for that. Oh! I got nice cookies. Before we took off, I saw the air houstress putting a little show for our safety, but hear me out, what is this whistle blowing thing. After I crash land, the first thing I’m going to do is blow a whistle ? And this ‘ brace brace brace ‘ thing. Isn’t that thing to cause more panic. Well, I definitely will.Anyway, I just with I could have more of these happy moments. Or am I not just finding them ? Whatever be it, I need to make some changes. I know what has to be done. I know I’m not going to do it right away, but in the words of my good friend Sunil Thomas ‘ In time ‘and in time, I’ll probably make this momentary happiness a lasting thing.

To top it off, they played ‘ Sweet child of mine ‘ while we got off the flight. Like how awesome is that ? Thank you, Air Asia for this happy moment which I really needed.