My Happy Place

The last few weeks, I have started to put all of my energy into being happy. This was no easy feat. I have always been depressed, and if this is controlled, I still harbor a sadness inside of me that I never really knew how to shake. I didn’t want to continue living my life dealing with the bone/soul crushing lows and manic highs. I wanted to live in a mindset of constant happiness. I went about creating this for myself.

The first thing that I did was begin to know God. God has placed me here for a reason. I am still figuring out what that reason is. I read the Bible everyday. I follow a reading plan with the app “YouVersion”. The plan that I chose was to read the Bible through in a year, but there are other plans that you can read it faster or slower. This plan, and the reminders and devotionals that go along with it have helped me immensely to know and grow with God.

Next I focused on myself. I have been doing squats everyday, and I would like to start jogging or walking. This is one thing I have not been able to make myself do, but I am working on it. I realized that staying at home was crushing my soul. Sure I had slept well and was relaxed, but, I was so sad. I had so many awful thoughts being alone and I couldn’t shake my feeling of being not good enough or lonely when I was left alone all day. I needed to be with people. I now try to leave the house everyday, and do something I love to do. I love to go to the store and look at the items. I love to drive on the highway, or on tree lined back roads. I love to blare my music in the car. I love to be in nature.

Leaving the house, my adventure (and happiness) began. Once I stepped out of my front door, out of my comfort zone, I felt so much better. I feel like my soul is over flowing with happiness sometimes. I have realized I do not need a man. I do not even need many friends. I only need to love, respect, and care for myself. I make my own destiny. I learned it is okay to not have plans. I learned that it is okay to go with the flow. I learned that MY happiness, MY memories, are so much more important to me than getting a good nights sleep. Everyone finds happiness differently. I just happened to find it somewhere along the road of many failed dates, many nights stuck in bed, many days spend eating junk food and wallowing. I had to dig myself out of the funk I was in. I had to realize that this is MY life. It is MY happiness. And I deserve to be over flowing with happiness.

In 5 sentences:

I aim to be happy.

I want to live an anxiety free life.

I want a beautiful home and family.

I want to move to Vegas.

I want three dogs.

I conquered my fear of…

the unknown. A lot of this came from reading the bible nd attending church and knowing that God is always there for me, but somehow I was still scared of what I did not know. I am getting better each day, and know that God is always there to listen to my problems and help me, because He has a great plan for me.

I am proud of myself for…

surviving

What am I taking for granted?

I tend to take technology and other non-necessary things for granted. I never think about not having these items. I always just assume that people have this luxury, or that my things will never go away. This is not the case. I also tend to take advantage f things other people in the world do not have. Things like clean water, indoor pluming, and even just having food every night. I do not have a lot of money. I actually am in debt. This does not mean that I am not allowed to eat, though. I take many things for granted, because I live a nice life that I tend to be worried about other things. I do not have to worry about having things necessary for survival.

Take five things in your life that are negative and make them positive

1. I have anxiety. Some anxiety in life is good. It means that you are aware of your surroundings. Mine has gotten to a point where it is unhealthy. I often worry about things that are out of my hands. This does me no good besides making me extremely sick. I need to find a way to cope with my anxiety in a healthy way, and not let it control me or my life. I will begin to change this by trying to realize when my anxiety is unwarranted and try to talk it out with a friend or even just pray about it. This helps to bring me closer to my friends/family and God.
2. Taxes. I am grateful for these because it means that I have a job.
3. The parking spot in the back of the parking lot that I had to park in. I am grateful for this because it means that I was able to arrive safely, and have the ability to walk to the destination.
4. Complaining from others. I am grateful to hear other people complaining because it means that we have freedom of speech.
5. The cake I made a burnt. I am grateful for this because it means that I have food on my table. Even if I am not the best cook, I find away to make it work and I am grateful that I have food and clean water to enjoy everyday.

100 Things to be Grateful For

1. Life
2. God
3. Dogs
4. Pets
5. Family
6. Friends
7. Ability to work
8. A job you like
9. Stability
10. Love
11. Kindness
12. Cats
13. Warm coffee
14. Coffee in general
15. My best friend
16. Love
17. Travel
18. Books
19. Favorite books you reread time and time again
20. Sunshine
21. Stars
22. Moonlight
23. The beach
24. Ability to walk
25. Swimming
26. My car
27. Luxury items
28. Experiences I have had
29. Unique experiences
30. Farms
31. Farm animals
32. Christmas tree farms
33. Holidays
34. Food!
35.  Church
36. Warm clothes out of the drier
37. Clean sheets
38. Ability to speak
39. Freedom of speech
40. Technology
41. School
42. College
43. Sleep
44. Trees
45. Nature
46. Moments I live for
47. Memories dear to me
48. Ex loves
49. Current loves
50. Future loves I have yet to meet
51. My mother
52. My father
53. My sister
54. Grandmas
55. Grandpas
56. Cousins
57. Close knit families
58. The ability to forgive
59. The ability to forget
60. The ability to move on
61. The act of moving on
62. Kindness from strangers
63. Kindness to strangers
64. Walking aimlessly
65. Thinking aimlessly
66. Sitting and thinking about all my blessings
67. A warm house
68. A home of my own
69. A good job where I can support myself
70. The ability to get a good education
71. Social work
72. Cold milk
73. A pretty view
74. Fast cars
75. Fast food
76. Fresh fruit
77. Palm trees
78. The ocean
79. Sand
80. Puppies
81. Baby animals
82. Colors
83. My eyes
84. Luxuries we take advantage of everyday
85. The internet
86. Clean water
87. Clean food
88. My health
89. AC
90. Heat
91. Windows
92. The time it takes to get somewhere
93. Waiting
94. Patience
95. Compassion
96. Caring
97. Truthfulness
98. Music
99. Rain
100. Everyone’s unique traits that I could never list, but love about each person I know

“Cast all your anxieties on him,

because he cares for you.”

1 Peter 5:7

What do you like about your current age?

20 has been such an up and down year for me. I’ve had some of the very best and very worst times of my life at this age. Some of these things will affect me for the rest of my life. I like that at 20 I am able to experience so much of life. I like that I got to live alone and be extremely independent. I like that I have had so many new and exciting opportunities given to me. 20 has been a crazy year. I keep putting my faith, fears, and trust in God because I know He will take care of me for the rest of my life.