28 Feb 2007

YAY! It's the LAST day in FEB! Another month closer to my husband coming home and another cycle closer to my BFP. Hopfully this is my BFP!
My temp rose .1 degrees this morning. Thats good. It's not much, but it's still an increase. I'll take it!

27 Feb 2007

9 DPO-So, today I went to the dollar store and stocked up on 5 new choice pregnancy tests.
Who knows if I will actually have the courage to do them. Probably not. I will probably wait it out until af shows, or hopefully doesnt. The OBGYN receptionist told me to test on March 3rd. I called yesterday to fill my clomid for next month and she gave me lecture. She said I dont need it cuz I will be pregnant this month. I hope shes right. I told her I just wanted to be prepared to move on to my next try in March. And she told me when you tell yourself your going to have a bad day, then your going to have a bad day. Im trying sooo hard to be positive, but with no signs or symptoms at 9 DPO, its hard. But I am trying.

I made chocolate covered bananas today. They turned out great and I cant stop eating them. Maybe I shouldnt have made them..lol.

The circus is on Saturday. Im so excited to go. That is the morning that I was told to test. I dont think I will. I dont want my circus day to be runined. I havent been to one in YEARS, I mean like 12 years, so Im looking forward to it.

25 Feb 2007

7 DPO today. I cant believe how slow this time is going. I feel like I been in the 2ww for a month!
Nothing much to report except about yesterday. I had chest pains all day. Mild all day but enough to feel the pain. Im not sure if it was chest pains from stress ( Thats what Nancy told me it could be ) or reflux, or heart burn. I've never had any of those so I dont know what it feels like. I went to dinner last night, and it got a little worse. After dinner when I got home it was so bad. I was worried quite a bit and was in tears over it. I almost drove my butt to the ER on base. But then Jim called me and said to take some antacids, so I ate 2 tums. It didnt solve anything so I went straight to bed. And I woke up fine. I had the pains 2 times this morning, but very very mild and havent had them since. It was scary...I really wonder what it was.

Well, half way there....half way to Nicks return home AND half way through my 2ww!

23 Feb 2007

5 DPO. I told myself I wouldnt search twoweekwait.com this time. I even told my sister in law that when I get the urge I would tell her about it and she would give me reasons not to, to stop me. I caved in. ( sorry Jenny! ) But hey...I made it a whole 5 days which is more than I have ever waited. No insane TTC'er would wait the whole 2 weeks,... would they? Well, I have a major headache going on. I normally only get a headache 2-3 days before af is due and only every 3 months or so I get one. Its been about 3 months since my last one. But not this early on. So I looked at my favorite website even though I should'nt have and found this:
5dpo - mild headaches on and off throughout day
5dpo: headache
DPO5: Heartburn, slight CM, headache
5dpo started getting headaches
5-6 dpo onward: very bad headache


Just a little tid bit of information to ponder...and something to be hopeful about.

Im buying a new blender today! LOL! YAY! After making a huge mess all over my kitchen this morning of iced cappicino, for the 2nd time in 3 days I deicded to go for it and get the one that I really want and the one that Im really going to use. I was going to wait until pay day, but Nick said go for it and I did. Its called the Magic Bullet Blender..( i know, it sounds like the name of an adult toy, HAHA ) but a really old lady was telling me about it one day while we were standing in a huge line at Walmart. So I found it online at Target for 10 bucks less than Walmart. I should have sometime soon after the 1st...thats when I will know if Im pregnant or not.

*UPDATE*
Oh my gosh. This is soooo weird! One of the ladies on the NW boards posted up this webiste.
http://www.babynamegenie.com/ It generates baby names, boy or girl, that go with baby's last name. So I put in our last name for a girl baby name, and it generated this name for me :Hannah: It's very weird because that is the girl name I have picked out! Wow!!! That definatly must be the name meant to be....I wonder if that's a sign! LOL!

21 Feb 2007

3 DPO.
My internet went down 2 days ago, so I had to keep myself busy. My sister in law sent me this website that sells shirts and things with sayings on them. I wanted to buy every shirt I saw. I thought, "Why not make my own?" I think I am a pretty crafty person, so I thought I could handle the task. And sure enough I did. It was'nt as nearly as easy as I thought it would be. But I had fun doing it. And I think I might even try to sell them! Since I'm jobless, that could be my very part time job. It will keep me busy and I will have fun. That's IF I can find people to buy them. I dont know very many people. If not, then I will just have fun making them for myself!
Here's some of my work.

19 Feb 2007

Good news! I definatly ovulated yesterday. My BBT rose .6 degrees, from yesterday morning's temp of 97.1 to this morning's temp of 97.7. YAY!!

18 Feb 2007 IUI day

IUI is complete! It was done about 10 am this morning, so about 25 hours after HCG shot. It went very smooth. On the way there I was having ovulation cramps again so I feel the timing is good. The doctors were much better than then my last doctor. They were freindly, talkative, and nice and when shot shot the swimmers in she said " Now go swim!" And she even wished me luck.

The only un-smooth part was when I was getting undressed, the vial fell out of my bra and hard onto the floor! It didnt break, open or leak at all so that was good. I just kept thinking, oh man..I killed them. But the doc said it was fine. So, in are 55 million sperm and now its just to hope that 1 of them finds my egg.

Yesterday's trigger shot went very well also. I was nervous but Drena was a champ. I did'nt even feel a thing. Now next time Im sure I can do it on my own. Hopefully there wont be a next time for many years to come!

15 Feb 2007 my first u/s

CD 12- Did I mention here that I love my new doctor? My appointment went great! No IUI today, my egg wasnt ready. So the reason we havent been successful is because we were IUI'ing about 2- 3 days too early. GRRR. If Walter Reed only did things the proper way we would have known that.The picture to the right is a picture of my meds, the HCG I gotta shoot into my butt. LOL! I hate needles. The picture to the left is an ultra sound picture of a mature follicle getting ready to release an egg. No, it's not mine. I did'nt get a copy of my ultra sound. I found this one in the internet, but it looks identical to mine. ( only 1 follie which i expected with only 25 mg of clomid, but that is a ok with me! ) The doctor measured mine and it was 17 mm. He said around 18,19,20 mm is when it pops. It grows 2 mm a day, so that puts me at Sunday. He said to keep on with OPK's and if I dont get my + Saturday morning, to inject myself in the butt ( ouch! ) with HCG and then come in on Sunday morning for IUI. So that will put me at about 24 hours, maybe a few hours more, post HCG trigger shot for my IUI. I told the doctor I am so excited and his response, "It will work," with a big smile. He's great.

I treated myself to an unhealthy very late lunch from McDonald's on the way back...I know I know...baby doesnt want that. But I was starving!!

Is it Sunday yet?

14 Feb 2007**UPDATED**

I have 55 million spermmies waiting for me! They arrived today! YAY! Tomorrow I will go in for my first ultra sound to see if I am ovualting. Im not sure if the doctor will decide to give me the trigger shot or not. I am hoping that he does. I just feel like we could better time the IUI with the shot.

I spent today shopping and decorating and cleaning and rearranging the house. I got a few baby outfits from the Salvation Army today...it was half price day! Gotta love it!! I posted pics of some of the things I bought.

I also got some more of the baby's room cleaned out today. LOL! Baby doesnt even exisist yet and Im cleaning out the spare room! It gives me hope. There's still a bit more to do and clean out in there but it is getting there. I will save the rest for my 2ww. I will post pictures of it too.

I opened my gift form Nick last night and just like I thought...it was PERFECT! He knows I dont like getting real flowers. I feel like its a waste of money. They are expensive and only last a few days. So he found wooded roses! They look incredibly real and smell real too! They came with a rose scented spray bottle so I can spray them. I love it. I can really have these red roses forever! I absolutly love them! Today I bought a heart shaped vase for them and but red,pink and white stones at the bottom of the vase to match. It looks great. He is the best. And the roses came with a white teddy bear!

Click on the pics to see them closer.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

***UPDATE***

It's now 10:26 pm and I am having definate Ovulation pains. Tomorrow just might be the big day. I might not need that trigger shot after all.

13 Feb 2007

Nothing new to report today. Just wanted to post a picture of my Valentine. I get to open my present tonight! Whoo Hoo! Nick is always great at gift giving. Now only if I could give him the best gift in the world...our baby. COME ON BABY GROW!!!!
Happy Valentine's Day, (1 day early) everyone!

12 Feb 2007

Wow, this week and weekend flew by. Not too much longer until gets home. We have the rest of Feb which is 1/ 2 way over, March, April and May, and 1/2 of June. Its gone fast lately. I hope time seems to go quick until he gets home. Then I want it to seem like it forever.


My spermmies are getting shipped out today. I will have them on Valentine's Day. Then the very next day I go in for my ultrasound and Im hopping doc gives me the trigger shot instead of waiting for to O on my own. Either way would be fine and he might even see me Oing on that day. I'll be taking spermmies with me just in case. As crazy as that 2ww is, I cant wait to be in it again. I'm still scared to go in knowing that in the end I might go through those few days of me not understanding God's will, but where there's a will, there is a way. I know this is going to happen. I know it. I just gotta wait until it's my time. I hope that time is this try. If it works, I would be due in November and would be 4 months along for Nick's return. Just far enough for him to see a small bump, and early enough for him to see me and baby grow, but experience all the great parts of pregnancy. I can only hope...

9 Feb 2007

What an emotional roller coaster these last 2 days have been. I wonder if it's the clomid. I cry because I miss Nick so so so much. I lay in bed and look at his empty pillow and in my imagination I try to see him there. I try so hard but it just isnt him. I cant touch him, and hear him, feel him or see him. And it hurts so much. So I cry...then I find myself crying because I'm so happy. My sad tears turn into smiley ones because I am so amazed at the love we share with each other. I am so happy over what we have accomplished in our relationship over the past 7 years. We went from a 15 year old girl and 18 year old boy to a married man and woman who are trying to bring their dreams of children into life and who are so much in love. I feel so incredibly lucky. But then luck isnt even this good, it must have just been meant to be.

For my friends who dont know our history, we go back. I was only 15 and in high school and I met him at 18 years old, right after he joined the Air Force. So we dated for the 3 months before he left for basic training expecting to never see each other again. But during that 3 months, we fell in love fast. It was exactly 7 years ago, TODAY.
Here is a letter he wrote to me 7 years ago...
Hey babe,
Thought of me a lot today didnt ya? I am so sorry that i talked about me leaving so much today. Its just something we need to talk about. I am sorry to be putting you through all this. Michelle, what happens in the next couple years will decide the rest of my life. If you will be in it I do not know. I had a talk with my dad today and he thinks that I am acting this way because I dont want to admit that I could possibly spend the rest of my life with you. Maybe he is right. Maybe we are meant to live together forever. Only time can tell. I know you are proably thinking this is the opposite of what I said last night but I dont really know what will happen. I want you to try to move on in your life and I will try also. But ya never know, maybe I wont be able to move on and we will end up together down the line. If it happens that way we will work it out then but for now I think we need to say goodbye and keep in touch through mail and on the phone just in case we are meant to be. And if we are meant to be your right, it will work out. A lot has changed since last night. I sat up all night thinking about what is going on. And I think my problem is that I have always let things go so easily but this I cant so I am extremely confused. And my dad talked to me and it confused me more with my emotions. So for now, just take things as the come for you. You dont need to move on if you dont have to. I cant make you do that. Its just how you are. I wish you the best of luck in the future. Who knows, maybe I will be a part of yoru future. The next 3 days could be our last so lets enjoy them. I love you so much. Dont forget me.



So, today is CD 6 and my 4th day of clomid. I had a mild hot flash last night that might be clomid related but that is all the side effects I've had so far. Tomorrow is my last pill. So far, so good.

Other good news: SPERMMIES ARE BOUGHT! And will be shipped to me due to arrive on VALENTINE'S DAY!! WHOO HOO! Our donor was available so Im VERY happy about that. He has many many traits that are similar to Nick. Even down to tiniest details. It's amazing.

More good news: My new doctor is FABULOUS! I love him! Basically what I have learned is that Walter Reed Army Hospital was a waste of my time and money. They required 2 vials of ICI format, so I had to pay to get them washed into IUI format. The only Ovualtion tests that happened were the stupid OPK's at home that I havent been getting accurate results on so I been guessing. Plus they are 3 hours away and with Nick being gone, I have to stay there over night because they require a chaperone to be with you for some reason. So Drena went with me and she has 2 babies so we had to stay over night. Which we had a GREAT time( until Frankie threw up..LOL! ) , but it's money. Plus the doctor was rude to me both times I went to her for IUI.
This new guy..he is at the Navy hospital which only takes me about 45 minutes to an hour to get to. After the 3 hour drive to WR..this is cake. He is a very freindly, warm, funny guy. And he cares. I felt so comfortable with him. He was so thrilled that I showed up with my medical records in hand ( and an hour anf half early cuz I was afraid of getting lost ) and he is ready to get started! I have an appointment on the 15th to get an ultra sound to check for ovualtion. I will have spermmies with me in case I am. If not...I come back the next day for ultra sound again and if still no Ovualtion then he's going to give me the trigger (HCG) shot and I will have IUI the next day. It falls on a weekend so the clinic is closed, but he said he will be working in the Labor/Delivery clinic and I could go there to get the IUI. If the IUI fails, he wants to put me on 100 mg of clomid and he was very confused as to why the doc from Walter Reed only gave me 25 mg of clomid. He said that isnt much at all. I explained to him my DH is in Iraq and I am very determind to make this work and give him the gift of a baby for his return. And Doc was a-ok with that!
I AM SO EXCITED! There could be a November 2007 baby in our future!

uhh..not go better news: I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night. I missed Nick to much and couldnt stop crying. So Im off to take a nap.

7 Feb 2007

Today is day 2 of clomid. No side effects at all which is great, but makes me want a higher dose! We'll see how it goes eventually I guess. 2 more days until seeing the new doctor. I hope he is a nice and understanding guy..or girl.

6 Feb 2007

Today is CD 3. Today I start my first ever pill of Clomid. Im going to be taking 25 mg on CD 3-7. My last pill will be on Friday which is the day I see the doctor. Im hoping he can do the IUI this month with me, since he's only getting about a week notice of me and my O day. Otherwise, it's a waste of clomid. I will just be sure to tell him, Look, Im already on my meds, I cannot skip this cycle. I will take all my medical records for him too, so hopefully he wont want to waste a whole month on me getting them redone.

This should put my O day around the 16th or so this month. Wouldnt that be great if this clomid produced lots of follies for me, and I have multiples? Ahh...a girl can only dream.

Ok, Im off to take my first pill. I hope the side effects arent to serious.

I've went back to charting my temperature thanks to Nick's encouragement. I did it months and months ago for 1 month, and after realizing I was doing it wrong I got discouraged and quit. I should'nt have, but I did. So yesterday and today's temps were both 97.3 at 5 am. I WILL can CAN do it this time. Hopefully now I can get a better idea of when I ovulate.

I can no longer to a count down for Nick's homecomming because he should be home sooner than expected..but we dont know when! YAY!!
This TTC path is very hard to get through without him. Espically the BFN part. It's all I dream about, the day I can tell him he will finally be a daddy, then to see that dream shattered without his support, is very difficult. These last 2 days have been the worst for me. But I can't continue on like that....I have to get back on board that TTC train and make the best of it. For me and for Nick. I'm so lucky to have him.

6 Feb 2007

Today is CD 3. Today I start my first ever pill of Clomid. Im going to be taking 25 mg on CD 3-7. My last pill will be on Friday which is the day I see the doctor. Im hoping he can do the IUI this month with me, since he's only getting about a week notice of me and my O day. Otherwise, it's a waste of clomid. I will just be sure to tell him, Look, Im already on my meds, I cannot skip this cycle. I will take all my medical records for him too, so hopefully he wont want to waste a whole month on me getting them redone.

This should put my O day around the 16th or so this month. Wouldnt that be great if this clomid produced lots of follies for me, and I have multiples? Ahh...a girl can only dream.

Ok, Im off to take my first pill. I hope the side effects arent to serious.

I can no longer to a count down for Nick's homecomming because he should be home sooner than expected..but we dont know when! YAY!!
This TTC path is very hard to get through without him. Espically the BFN part. It's all I dream about, the day I can tell him he will finally be a daddy, then to see that dream shattered without his support, is very difficult. These last 2 days have been the worst for me. But I can't continue on like that....I have to get back on board that TTC train and make the best of it. For me and for Nick. I'm so lucky to have him.

5 Feb 2007

Im using Tracey's daily devotional today. I need it.

Loving God give me the grace to love, even through pain.

4 Feb 2007

Cycle Day 1. AF is right on time. I am not pregnant once again. I guess all those signs was just AF playing tricks. Im so tired of hearing, " It will happen." I been listening to that for over 3 years now. When WILL it happen?
Im going to see a new doc on Friday and Im going to be stern of what I want. I hope he's ready for a PMSing baby wantin woman.

2 Feb 2007

It makes me feel so good that my NW pals are checkin in on me. I dont know what I do without the support of girls that know first hand the emotions of this TTC stuff. Thanks everyone!


I am now beyond the 2WW...No update yet. I did not test today. Today is 15 DPO and CD 27. My cycles are normally 28 days which puts AF due on Sunday. I hope she's a no show of course. No signs of a baby today. Last night my back was itchy so I took my bra off and immediately my boobs were sore. Thats not usual for me. I'm still afraid that I'm making myself think these things, but then again....if they hurt, they hurt! I can't even decide when I want to test. I have to test before the 9th if I am not bleeding by then. I have an appointment with the doctor from the Navy hospital at 11 am to continue IUI's there instead of at the Army hospital 3 hours away. If I do get a BFN this time around, Im going to ask him if there anything we can do to track my ovualtion better to get the timing down better. Dealing with the Navy and military health care, I'm not sure what they can offer me. But I'm going to find out. Heck....maybe I wont even need it....I have my hope hat on still.

Nick called me today. First time in about 2 weeks. The satellite phones are horrible. There is a delay and there is static, but it was nice to hear him for the few minutes that I did hear him.
I so hope and pray and wish that he can come home as a daddy. I dont want anything more for him than to be able to live life as a father. To me, that would be living life to it's fullest, and he deserves nothing less.


148 days until July 1st!
???? days until HPT...

*UPDATE*
I have discovered the best bath in the world...well, pretty close. When the water is running, put a few squirts of baby oil in. Im so soft and smooth and smell like a baby! But beware of the tub when standing up...its slippery!
Anyways, I hope it's not my imagination...I really hope it is'nt. But..when I got out of the tub I noticed a lot more blue veins than usual. They appeared on the sides of my boobs where they have been tender lately ( hopefully not from me poking at them! ) and some veins on the front top of my chest going down through my boobs and into my nipples...I can even see the viens going right through the aerolas...and mind you..sorry if TMI...but mine a dark so to see the veins going through them all the way to my nipple seems crazy to me. Again...I hope it's not my imagination! And again, sorry if too much information for you..LOL! So that's my update.
Nighty Nite!

31 Jan 2007

Its snowing!! But here in VA, it doesnt snow long and it does, it doesnt accumulte to much more than a dusting. But it looks pretty!

14 DPO and no new news...I havent tested. AF is due on Saturday, so I have 2 more days. I will NOT test until Monday is she is a no show.
Last night a pain in my right boob woke me up. It was pretty sharp and I fell back to sleep before I felt it go away. I dont ever remember feeling one that strong. I also had mild cramps on and off all day yesterday. I normally dont get cramps until the flow has begun. I dont ever remember getting them so soon. I just hope AF isnt playing tricks on me and its all just in my mind.


We are down to 149 days until July 1st!!! Whoo Hooo!


Sorry, I went a little crazy with the blinkies this morning...LOL!
I even went crazy on my myspace page with blinkies! I cant help it!!!
http://www.myspace.com/5886405