29 Nov 2007 2nd post for today

Most of my very close family, and some friends know that Nick and I made some everlasting friends out of the Williams' family while we were stationed in Aviano Italy from 2002-2005. Over the 3 years we were there...they became our family. In some cases, we love them more than some of our own blood relatives. A bond grew between the 4 of us, along with their children that will never ever be broken. They are our family now for life.

Dawn called me this morning just to tell me that she was thinking of me since we didnt get to talk on Thanksgiving. During the 1 hour conversation she mentioned that they did the military holiday hometown greeting for us. So after we talked I went online to our local news' website and searched all the hometown videos for our area. And..you guessed it...I found the video and even before I opened it and watched it, I was in tears.

I miss that family more than I miss my own family. Yes, you read that right. I havent seen or heard from my own Mother in 2 years. I contine to send her cards and keep the door open for her...but I get nothing in return. It's sad to say, but I miss them more than my own Mother. When I think of them I smile and cry at the same time.

Yes, the military has downsides of moving all the time. But, because of the military we have made our family. Most family members are your family and you dont get a choice in the matter. These 7 people are our family because we chose each other. I truely believe in my heart and soul that God intended for us to meet, and become a "family."

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU Dawn, Chuck, Jacob, Alexandria, Allison, Tiffany and Courtney!!

29 Nov 2007- St. Gerard

A post for St. Gerard...

Here's who St. Gerard is..
St Gerard Majella was born in Muro in the south of Italy in 1726. As a young man he worked as a tailor before entering the Congregation of the Most Holy Redeemer (The Redemptorists) He died after only six years as a Redemptorist brother.
Although his life was short, Gerard has always been a source of interest and inspiration. Many miracles have been attributed to his prayers of intercession for others. As a Brother, Gerard was in daily contact with many ordinary people throughout his life. His sensitivity to the worries, sorrows and struggles which families face was based on these contacts. He is known as the “Mother’s Saint”, his unlimited trust in God proving a constant source of encouragement and reassurance.
Already countless numbers of mothers have experienced St Gerard's powerful intercession.

Nick's Aunt Deb, about a year ago, gave me this prayer on a small card. It hangs on my fridge every day. And I often think about it.

Prayer for Motherhood to St. Gerard
O Good St. Gerard, powerful
intercessor before God and Wonder worker of our day,
I call upon thee and seek thy
aid. Thou who on earth didst
always fulfill God's design
help me to do the Holy Will
of God. Beseech the Master of
Life, from whom all paternity
proceedeth to render me
fruitful in offspring, that I
may raise up children to God
in this life and heirs to the
Kingdom of His glory in the
world to come.
Amen.

So I called the IVF clinic yesterday and the nurse told me my chart is still on Dr. Larsen's desk. Because of the holiday break he is a little behind but he will call me when he signs the medical clearance. She said everything in my chart looks great!So just awaiting that phone call....

26 Nov 2007

My Thanksgiving plate.


Roo loves his tree.


Ornament on the tree in memory of Nick's Mom-Mom and Poppy.



Hey everyone. Not much going on over here on this end, just thought I'd hop on here to let you know Im still around and share some pictures with you. Our Thanksgiving was great. It was almost 80 degrees out. It was just Nick and I and not to brag but I made the best turkey I have ever eaten! I injected it with orange juice and chicken broth and roasted it for almost 3 hours. It was great. I also made real mashed potatoes (not the box kind) and the best green beans ever. I cooked them in chicken broth with some orange peel and it made them real moist with a hint of orange flavor. YUM!! We got our Christmas lights up and tree up (I still need to get picutres of them) and I got most of my presents wrapped. Still not done shopping though. I dont have anything for the guys in the family yet. Men are so hard to buy for.

I should be getting a call mid this week to medically clear us for IVF. I cant believe how fast time is flying lately. Is it just me? Or is it really flying?

Enjoy the pictures.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Even though my heart is aching every single day from that missing piece, I have so much to be thankful for.


I got a call from an IVF nurse at Walter Reed this morning. My saline sonogram results are in their hands and it looks good. Everything is normal. The nurses have passed my chart to the doctor to be medically cleared. It will about 1 week to be medically cleared so if I dont hear anything by Wednesday I will call them. From there it gets passed to the financial coordinator. Then we have to spend thousandSSSSSS (yes, that is 6 S's for $6,000.) of dollars. She said to start taking my birth control pills on Cycle Day 2. Are we really that close that I should be taking medications already? Wowiee!



I shall leave you with a song by Celine Dion that just fits my mood for the past few days. If you havent listened to it, check it out.

Now back to eating my green beans for lunch. I have gained 6 lbs in a month.
A New Day Has Come (Radio Remix)"

A new day...
A new day...

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear

Through the darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you

Hush now

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun

A new day has... come

Where it was dark now there's light
Where there was pain now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy

Hush now

I see a light in the sky
Oh, it's almost blinding me
I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun

A new day has...

Let the rain come down and wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul and drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls for a new, new sun

A new day has... come

Ohhh, a light

Hush now

I see a light in your eyes
All in the eyes of the boy

I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love

I can't believe
I've been touched by an angel with love

Hush now

Hush now

19 Nov 2007 Post for Mark-Tammy's husband

This post is for Mark, Tammy's husband. We did get Nick's car back 2 weeks ago and I haven't even posted an update of it. It's all fixed and in better condition then before the accident!

Here ya go Mark...Tammy...get a box of tissues for the drool. LOL!

19 Nov 2007

My updates..errr, uhhh stresses for the day, bear with me...its a lot to cram into one's mind.

1*More cat situation...2 weeks ago Nick sent the paperwork to the Department of Agriculutre in Guam via USPS and certified mail. Enclosed was the $130 money order fee. This paperwork is needed to be approved by Guam so the cats can be imported into the island. Well...2 weeks later and the usps website still says the paperwork is in Hawaii. So Nick calls usps and get this...THEY LOST THE PAPERWORK. Guam never got it so somehow it was lost in Hawaii. How do you freakin lose certified mail?? Hopfully we dont have to send ANOTHER $130 M.O. Nick is going to deal with that today at work.

2*IVF update is that a nurse from the nurse's station at WR did call me back. She is waiting for the saline sonogram results to be passed into her hands. Takes about a week. She told me to call her this week. Im calling on Wednesday. Once she gets that then its onto the finanical coordinator..which brings on stress number 3.

3*There seems to be a shortage of money on our end for once in our marraige. Today we are spending $600 for our 3 vials of sperm. *Christmas is almost here and I cant afford to get everyone a nice gift, just little things. We dont even have gifts for each other. *We may have to get another $130 money order. *Getting the cats to Guam is going to cost us roughly $1500. Almost $900 to ship them, then $75 per day per pet in Quarintine and then $45 per day per pet for the hotel. We will be in the hotel atleast 10 days. *IVF payment is do not more than 1 month prior to and no less than 2weeks prior to starting the cycle, which is about mid December I guesstimate. That is $6,000. The only option is the evil credit card. *When we get to Guam we have to buy a second car.

Enough of that. Im sure Im missing more stuff but I dont want to think about it anymore.



Oh yeah..one more thing. Tracey nominated me for this.

She says, "I in turn nominate Aradia for dealing with the challenges life keeps throwing her way and Michelle for never getting discouraged with the buearocracy of the military while dealing with the ups and downs of TTC!!!"

This year, I am Thankful for the great support team I have found along this terrible journey.
THANK YOU ALL!

16 Nov 07

Well, the cat situation didnt work out. We wont be flying with them. I hate Contenental Air Lines. We have to take the cats to D.C. airport the day before we fly out. The reason being is that Contenental wont allow the cats the be in their supervision for more than 18 hours straight. They have to be in the care of us for a vet at a kennel. So the cats will fly out of D.C. on the 19th, go to Texas, then Hawaii and then spend a night in Hawaii to break up the 18 hours. Then we will meet up with them in Hawaii and fly to Guam on the same flight.

I am so scared for my cats, and for myself. Im not going to be able to handle this well. It kills me to think of how scared they will be. I hope they will be able to be together. Gosh...I cant even think about it. I know they will take it easier than I expect, I know that. Thats what happened last time. After all the flying and driving when we got to our hotel they acted as if nothing happened. I hope it goes the same way.

I called IVF clinic this morning and had to leave a message. I want to make sure they got the fax of my Saline Sonogram. I have to check up on this stuff because in the military, if you arent on people's butts about stuff it wont get done. So frustrating. But worth it if a baby comes out of it.

I did my Thanksgiving shopping today. We got a small butterball turkey since it will be just the 2 of us. Im pretty sure I will be wanted at work for the weekend so no family plans for us. Turkeys name is Little Tim. Yes, I always name my turkey. Dont ask me why. I guess it just reminds me of the days when my sister was a little kid. I miss her.

*UPDATED* My Saline Sonogram results were faxed and recieved! I left a message with the Nurses and am now waiting for a call back to find out what the next step is to making our baby! ( or God if your reading this...BABIES. hint, hint )

15 Nov 2007

Of course, I gotta leave you with a picture of Guam!!


So today was my Saline Sonogram. The results are great, everything is clear...my eggie passage way is clear and my uterus is perfect. While the nurse was doing the internal ultrasound I asked her if she could see any follies, and she saw several on both the left and right sides. So everything is in tip top shape.

The results wont be in the computer at the hospital until the end of the day, and hopefully they will fax the results to the IVF clinic asap and not let it sit around. We are such a big time crunch. I will call WR tomorrow to see if they got the fax. If they dont, Im gonna be ticked off. The IVF clinic WILL have my results tomorrow or Monday no matter how much He77 I have to raise. Oh the joys of working with military doctors...

Then after they get my results the doctor will go over my chart and accept us into the program. Im guessing medications will start very soon after the approval since we are shooting for January for the retrieval and transfer.

Then we will be on our way to BFP...and maybe we can be blessed with multiples so we dont have to ever go down this infertility road again. Unless...I have many embroys that we can freeze and save for later transfers. That would be nice.

As far as moving..things are coming along. We are still trying to figure out the cat sitation. Either way its going to cost us almost $900 to ship the cats. Finances are so tight. Between the cats' costs and the IVF, Christmas is going to be not like our usual with presents everywhere. Anyway, we have a lady working on the cat situation. She is trying to get us onto the flight out of D.C. WITH the cats. If so we would have to drive up the night before since it leaves at 5:30 am. We will have to pay for hotel room out of pocket but if thats what it takes to be with our boys, we will do it. We should know more info today.

As far as packing...our house hold items are being packed on Jan. 29 and 30 then being shipped out on the 31st. We will be living in our empty house and out of suit cases until Feb. 10th until we move into the Temporary Lodging Facility on base. Then we fly out 10 days after that, and we will be in TLF once again in Guam for about 10 days until we get a house. We will be living in that empty house for about 2weeks until we get our house stuffs.

And that folks, is my grand update. Stay tuned for more as always.

11/11/07

Nick is at a car show all day today. So Im home alone all day. Im going to watch movies while Im working on my quilting. I took some pictures yesterday of how my quilts Im working on now are coming out, but Nick took the camera with him so I cant load them on here. Darn.

Today in the crock pot:
Slow Cooker Beef and Bean Chili
1 1/2 lbs ground beef (I only used 1.2 lbs)
1 large onion chopped, 2 garlic cloves minced, 1 can tomato soup
1 can 14 oz diced tomatoes, 1/2 cup water, 2 cans 15 oz each red kidney beans,
1/4 cup chili powder, 2 tsp cumin, (I didnt add this, I forgot to buy it)
Cook beef in skillet. Drain. Mix all in pot. Cook low 8-10 hours or high 4-5 hours.

The recipies doesnt call for green pepper, but I wish I would have added it.
I hope it turns out good!

Oh..and that Lemonade Stand Pie I made a while ago..turned out GREAT! Nick didnt like it, he said it was too lemony. So definatly dont add the whole 1/3 cup of drink mix. I didnt the whole 1/3rd and Nick still thought it was too tart. So...I ATE THE WHOLE PIE BY MYSELF. It took me a week, but I did it. So punish me.

Last night we went to the movies to see Fred Claus. It was great. Not your typical funny all the way through Vince Vaughn...but it was a GREAT Christmas movie!

9 Nov 2007- Black Hawk Down

We were stationed in Aviano, Italy from Sept 2002- Sept 2005. That base has become one of our homes forever in hearts. I just heard on the news this...
It hurts to know of any soliers being killed. Its hurts to know that some wife just like me, somewhere is mourning the loss of her hero husband. But to know the 5 that died in a pointless accident, was from one of our homes. And they died in an amazingly beautiful place that we have many times visited. The deaths just hit the home in our hearts a little harder.

ROME - A U.S. Army helicopter crashed in northern Italy on Thursday, killing at least four people on board and injuring six, a fire department official said.

Four bodies were pulled from the wreckage of the UH-60 Black Hawk and another six people on board were injured and sent to area hospitals, said Luca Cari, a spokesman for the national fire department.

Senior Airman Justin Weaver, a spokesman at the U.S. Air Force base in Aviano, near Venice, said he could not confirm the number of deaths but that the helicopter was an Army Black Hawk that had taken off from Aviano.

Television footage showed the charred, smoldering wreckage of the helicopter, which broke into at least two large pieces, in an uninhabited area about 25 miles southwest of Aviano.

The ANSA and Apcom news agencies said five people were believed to have been killed; Cari said it was possible a fifth may have died at the hospital but that fire officials at the scene had only confirmed four dead.

The UH-60 Black Hawk is the Army's general utility helicopter — used for transporting troops and equipment, air assault, medical evacuations and to support special operations as well as other missions.

An entire 11-person, fully equipped infantry squad can be lifted in a single Black Hawk, according to the Army web site, which says the helicopter has a crew of four.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071108/ap_on_re_eu/italy_us_helicopter_crash_6

Here is a video from youtube of the type of copter that went down. And this video is taken at Aviano Air Force Base. Seeing this video's scenery makes me miss my home away from home more than any place in the world...It was a magical place to live.


Ok Ok Ok, you gonna hate me. But here's another video that just gave me chills. The Air Force Thunderbirds...HOT HOT HOT! Those are some hot guys....lol. Dont tell Nick I said that! Here they are flying in Aviano...gosh I miss it. Did I mention I miss it? lol!!






In other good news, today is one of my friends' birthdays. Happy 24th Birthday Jen!

Nov 8 2007

Ok, I searched online exactly what an HSG is...and I was wrong. Its not a balloon type thing. But for some reason I remember that it was how mine was done a little over a year ago...maybe not? I cant remember. But here is more detail. Hope you dont have to go through it. It hurts. And if you do have to go through it, take my advice and before you go do it take some tylenol.

Also, before this is done you have to have a pregnancy no more than 48 hours prior, ( which is stupid to me considering the test is on Cycle day 10 and you've just bled from AF ) and you have to drink 64 oz of water 1 hour prior to the precedure WITHOUT going pee. It hurts.

When I had this all done last year, everything was normal and I dont expect any different this time.
A saline infusion sonogram (saline sonography) is routinely performed to make sure that the endometrial cavity (inside of the uterus) appears normal. Benign uterine growths, such as endometrial polyps or uterine fibroids, may develop in the cavity and create an environment that is hostile for implantation. Scar tissue may also be identified with the saline infusion sonogram. This procedure may be done as part of an evaluation for recurrent pregnancy loss or done prior to an IVF cycle. It may also be done to evaluate causes of irregular or very heavy menstrual cycles and some types of chronic pelvic pain. The saline infusion sonogram is scheduled early in a menstrual cycle, just after your period stops but before ovulation – usually between days 5-12 of the cycle.

The procedure is simple and usually takes 10 to 15 minutes to complete.

* A speculum is inserted into the vagina and the cervix is cleansed with an antiseptic solution.

* A special catheter approximately 1mm in diameter (about the size of a single strand of spaghetti) is inserted and slides through the cervical canal.

* The ultrasound probe is placed in the vagina.

* Sterile salt-water solution (saline) flows through the catheter into the uterine cavity. This distends the endometrial cavity and allows the physician to see the entire cavity on the ultrasound monitor. You may experience mild cramping at this point.

* Several images of your uterus will be taken during the procedure, pictures of your ovaries may also be taken.

* You will need to schedule an appointment with your physician to discuss any abnormalities that are seen during the procedure.

After the procedure you may continue to have mild cramping for a few hours. You may also experience light spotting or watery discharge for as long as 24 hours after the procedure. You should refrain from intercourse for approximately 48 hours. If any symptoms other than those listed above are noticed, please call the office at which you are seen


For some better news, we got our flight information to Guam. Wednesday Feb. 20th, 2008- We leave here from Norfolk, VA at 5:30 am and arrive in Texas at 7:30 a.m. We then have a 2 hour lay over and fly out of Texas to Hawaii, and then land in Guam at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday night.

We are having trouble with getting the cats' flights. We were told they cannot fly on the plane from Norfolk with us. They are not allowed in the cabin and the plane is not pressurized. So somehow we have to get them to fly out of Reagan, Washington D.C. and then they will meet up with us in TX. We have NO idea how in the world this is going to work. How can we take the cats to D.C. when we have to be in Norfolk for our flight at the same time? We have a friend who volunteered to take them for us, but it breaks me heart to have them so far away from us and scared. When I think about this, the only thing I can remember is when we flew here from Italy. Roo was scared, but fine. Pooh Bear was so scared he was curled into a ball in the back of his kennel as far as he could get shaking with this look on his face that I have never seen in his life, with a bloodied nose from trying to escape. It really rips my heart. I want them with me. So, Nick knows someone whos Mom is a flight attendent and she is going to try to work her schedule so she is on our flight and she will allow us to carry them onto the plane with us. Then when we get to TX they will have to go with our luggage, which I hate. Gosh, its going to be so hard for me. When we flew out of Italy and we had to hand them over, I cried and cried like a baby. I love my babies.

Oh and...flying them both is going to cost us $600. Ouch...but leaving them behind isnt even an option for us. So break the bank we will do.

Enough rambling.

6 Nov 2007

Today, 8 years ago, Nick and I went on our first date. It was November 6th, 1999. Nick was 18 years old and I was 15. Little did we know, it really was love. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I feel so lucky. When I really think about it, I am left in just pure amazement. Its amazing...how we started, then how we were ripped apart, and then sent back to each other and all that we have been through in our marriage trying to create a precious life made through love. Amazing. Just simply, amazing.

Only thing to report is that AF came today finally after being 4 days late. Only 2 times have I been 4 days late, and once was when I was pregnant. Stupid 3itch. Oh well. I have my saline sonogram on the 15th. If you dont remember, thats when they shove a deflated balloon up through the cervix, then inflate it with ink inside the uterus then deflate it and the ink flow through the fallopian tubes. And yes, its as painful as it sounds. And no, Nick is not allowed in the room with me to hold my hand. Yay. But then, after the sonogram we can begin IVF!!! Don't ask me how we are going to pay for it.

3 Nov 2007

Something to ponder...

We TTC'ers are a whole other race of people. We are different, hopefully only temporarily. In this I mean, we laugh different. It's a genuine laugh but something is missing. We feel guilt different, hurt different and feel sadness and sorrow on a whole new level, and bruise 1,000 times more easily. We cry different. Our tears are more salty and warmer and more times then others come without notice or warning and are more steady. Quite often, our ribs feel like they got a beaten. We dream different, we want different, we live different, wish, and think different. We ache different, our anger is different. We envy and get jealous. We have understandings of different things and we don't understand most things while we believe in other things and question most things. We have different friendships with other TTC'ers, a very special bond that some may never know. We give support to friends differently. We have different relationships with our spouse compared to "normal couples", in ways that some people might envy. Sometimes I feel that we love differently. We have different strengths and at the same time are very week and sensitive about different things. We struggle to fall asleep sometimes because the pain is overbearing. We pray and hope different. We are happy in a different way. We are STRONG in a way that "normal" people cant see.
And we feel this way 24/7 and ALL AT ONCE.

Is it all of us TTC'ers....or is it just me? My fellow TTC blogger friends...tell me how you feel and let me know I'm not the only one. Now that I got that out, maybe I can sleep.

2 Nov 2007

TTC Update and recipe experiment:

TTC Update: AF is due today and of course beacause I want her...she doesnt come on time. Figures huh? We did get a call from WR yesterday. My chart looks good, only thing I have to do is my HSG. ( that wonderful ink filled balloon they shove up into your uterus ) I have to wait for CD 1 to schedule it. IVF Nurse said there is 125 slots open for the January IVF cycle and the cycle runs from Jan. 7th- to Feb 6th..or something like that. So we are on our way shortly!!

Now for the recipie experiment for today: I got this from Kraftfoods.com.

Lemonade Stand Pie
Ingridents:
*1/3 cups Country Time Lemonade mix ( I used the 1/2 the sugar kind and I also used a bit less than 1/3 cup being afraid it would be too tart )
*1/2 cup cold water
*2 cups vanilla ice cream, softened
*1 8oz. tub cool whip, thawed
*1 graham cracker crust, 6oz.
Directions: Place drink mix in large bowl, add water, stir until dissolved. Add ice cream. Beat with mixer on low until blended. Gently stir in cool whip. Freeze until mixture is thick enough to mound. Spoon into crust. Freeze 4 hours.

Cant wait to try it!! I have the mixture freezing now.

Next week's crock pot ( thanks MOM! ) experiment:
Slow Cooker Beef and Bean Chili