Genetics Counseling

So last Friday my hubby and I made our way into the bowels of the city for a VERY early morning appointment due to my ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE.  I feel like this sentence should be read in a deep foreboding voice and filled with reverb. 

Can I tell you, it was horrible?

First, there was the requisite cheesy, outdated movie with outfits that were cheesy and outdated in the 80's.  The entire room burst into laughter at the awful cheesy dialogue and poor acting.  Then there was the over simplified genetics discussion... at least it was oversimplified for someone who has worked in molecular genetics for years.  I imagine that there are many people who don't know what a gene is... but I was annoyed that I had gotten out of bed for that.

Then we met with a genetics counselor,  she was fine, asked some vague questions about ethnicity and disability diagnoses in our family and then turned us over to satan the doctor.

The man was horrible.  I was so angry by the end of the appointment that I couldn't see straight.  It has taken me days to calm down and even still I am feeling my blood pressure ramp up again as I try to write about it.  This was his advice:

"You should have the amniocentesis done.  You might not appreciate this, but life as you know it will be over, forever, if you have a retarded child.  And then, if you go on and have other children their lives will be ruined by this retarded child too.  There are risks of course.  At our hospital we have a very low risk of miscarriage for an amniocentesis 1/900.  Now suppose that we establish you as having a 1/300 chance of having a child with down syndrome.  That means that if we take 900 women with a 1/300 risk we will find 3 children with down syndrome and terminate those pregnancies and we will only cause a miscarriage to one healthy baby.  I know, I know, you think that will be bad if you are the one woman with the miscarriage to the healthy baby, but it won't be so bad if it happens to you.  You will be back here in 6 months pregnant again."

This was spewed at us as one entire sentence.  There was no counseling, we were told that we need to abort a child who had a developmental delay, that they would ruin everything if we didn't.  And a complete disregard for the fact that, no, it took us a long time to get this far in pregnancy.  There was no guarantee we would just be able to ever get pregnant again.  And how dare he disregard a child with a disability as someone who would destroy my life.  As I said my husband later "our life as we know it will be over when this child comes regardless of if it has disabilities or not". 

I am angry, furious, that this is the level of advice that we are given.  No real insight into what the risk profile might look like for someone of my age, the point at while they would recommend having additional testing done, and no information to a family on what support they might have or choices they could make in the event of a diagnosis of a chromosomal abnormality.  This was from a government paid specialist.  A foregone conclusion that we would abort.

Then he tells us an anecdote as a parting shot.  "When I was still in Israel I was talking to this bedouin woman and explaining to her how horrible it would be to have a child like this.  And I figured she didn't understand because she just kept nodding.  Finally, she said to me, 'that is the child I want.  We have some children like this in our community.  They are filled with love, they do as they are told, they cause no trouble, this is the perfect child'. "  He shakes his head with wonder and says "The things these primitive people think are important". 

The benefit of this day is that it seemed to arouse a protectiveness in my husband for his unborn child.  "Maybe we shouldn't even do the testing", he says on the drive home.  "I don't want to risk losing Shmily.  We're a family.  No matter what."

He ain't heavy, he's my brother

It was no surprise to me of course when we got pregnant.  I have always known the statistics on an increase in birth defects, miscarriages and chromosomal abnormalities for an older mom.  I am not super scared about it, because i know the statistics are still in our favour.  Tomorrow we are attending a Late Maternal Age counseling session.

At the moment I am not sure we need it, but at the time that I was first asked if we wanted to go I was certain we did.  See, the night before my very first doctor's appointment my husband and I had a fight.  A big fight.  Biggest of our marriage.  A bad fight.  A fight that shook me to my core and made me question the choices that I had made in marrying this man.  He told me that if something was "wrong" with our baby he would probably leave.

I was so angry with him.  How could he tell me this?  I remember hearing the "worst", "poorer" and "sickness" words in our marriage vows, and he agreed to it all.  He knew in advance, I hadn't sprung that part on him.  But here he was telling me that he couldn't take it if we were to face that. 

I was furious.  "You don't get to issue ultimatums to me.  We have no information.  This is a decision that we make together about whether not to continue or end a pregnancy.  Not something that you say to me as though any choice I make results in your leaving.  You chose to make this child.  You knew the risks." 

Since this time my husband has come around.  He has since told me "no abortions for us". 

Our family knows the impact that a severely disabled child has on a family first hand.  I have two beautiful nephews.  They are both special needs.  One is super bright, high functioning, ADHD, asking me about my lady parts kind of kid, my other nephew is a beautiful, laughing, smiling, wheelchair riding kind of kid.  They are both adored. 

The youngest of my two nephews is highly disabled.  He will be 7 in August and cannot walk or crawl (although he can roll his way around a house pretty fast), he can't feed himself, he uses a diaper, he can't talk much although we recognize when he says a few names.  He is also highly loved.  There isn't a single part of my body that doesn't love that little boy.  He has the best giggle in the world and I love to make him laugh.  I fell in love with him the second I first saw him.  We didn't learn about any developmental delays for months.  Even if we had known it wouldn't have changed anything.

My brother and his wife are AMAZING.  I can't say it enough.  They will fight tooth and nail for that boy.  They ensure that he has everything that he needs.  They make sacrifices and save for a future where they won't be able to care for him themselves.  They make sure he will always have everything he needs.  And they make sure that his older brother is a part of his life.  That he learns to love and accept and defend his little brother.  There were times when it was hard.  When my older nephew despaired of his younger brother ever "not being a baby".  But now he knows.  His little brother is special... and it will be his job to make sure that no one every hurts that special boy.  

My husband on the other hand met my nephew as a highly disabled 5 year old.  While he is quite charmed by the 9 year old, and likes to share tips on video games with him, he doesn't quite know how to relate to the younger boy.  He won't hold him, or hug him or play with him.

I have always been determined not to force this relationship.  But I do want to see it flourish.  I want my husband to love this wonderful boy who has a special gift for teaching us about ourselves. 

All these things go on in my head constantly.  We have out NT test next Friday and I am terrified of the results.  But it isn't just about having a disabled child.  I know I could love that child.  But I don't know that it won't make my marriage crumble.  It is amazing to watch my brother and sister-in-law support each other and make it work.  But that's so hard.  And even though my hubby has realized that he can't issue a dictate like that I don't know how he will cope in practice. 

And I am scared of my own weaknesses.  My inability to be as strong as you have to be to fight every day for that child.  My inability to provide financially for that child as well as my brother can.  My older nephew will always be there to provide for his little brother, but who would look after our child when we are gone if they can't look after themselves?

Sucked Dry.

So here I was thinking that by waiting for my second set of blood work and having that and my STD panel done at the same time I would be saving myself a prick. 

Nope.

14 vials of blood and 5 bruises later i look like a hit and run victim.  My veins kept collapsing under the repeated requests for blood, and doing blood work with a migraine always gives me more bruises. 

Today's wardrobe is a long sleeves!

A little grossness for your day

May I begin this post with:  EWWWWWWW

It's amazing the things you will read sometimes.  Believe me, when I clicked on this article I actually thought it was going to be cocktails I could give my husband to improve his semen for conception.  I expected it to have things like wheat grass and zinc and not... well... what it has.

I am home sick again today.  The weather here is giving me horrible migraines off and on.  I am trying not to take any drugs, but I will be happy when the storm system clears our area.  My husband has also taken today off sick.  For me being sick still means I have to get work done.  I'm currently on a contract and so I don't actually have things like sick days and vacation time.  But I do have a really fabulous boss and a very flexible work environment.  I am doing some research that I can do at home just as easily as in the office and it allows me to control the light better and lay down when my head gets especially bad.

My second set of blood work came yesterday so my darling husband and I may go out and get that done this afternoon.  I would rather get my TSH done right away just in case there is a problem.  I think that with having had an adrenal gland removed already I am more susceptible to things like Hashimoto's disease and hypothyroidism because my hormones are unbalanced and my poor right adrenal gland has to work all the time and never gets to take weekends off the way your adrenal gland does.  For me there is always the threat of adrenal insufficiency and death if i get run down.

We also have to have our communicable disease blood work done.  I am not concerned about this, i know we will both pass with flying colours, but does anyone know what happens to couples who have something like syphillis or hepC?  Are they not allowed to use assisted reproductive technologies (ART) or does the staff just use special precautions when dealing with  samples from that couple?  My understanding is that it has much more to do with the handling of biohazards than anything else.

When I did research my last project that I worked on was on the bacteria that caused syphillis.  So hypothetically contracting syphillis was a workplace hazard... just me and the streetwalkers can say that!  We actually had one of the lab techs stab herself in the finger with a needle filled with syphillis once.  Imagine having to go home to your husband and explain that one.  Fortunately I never suffered and injuries of this sort.  So we should be good to go for IUI when our time comes.

Too Stinking High (TSH)

Have I mentioned that I love my RE?  If not it bears repeating.  I think I might have a little girl crush on her.

I should probably preface this next blog with a little medical background on myself.  See.... I'm what is known as a medical freak.  I'm a zebra... for those of you who don't immediately understand this reference there is a quote they tell young doctors:  When you hear hoof beats think horses, not zebras.  Well the problem with that is that some people actually are zebras and I am one of them.  The quote is meant to remind young doctors that there is a reason that diseases are classified as rare... that's because no body has them.  It is meant to remind young doctors that they are not the future Dr. House finding weird and wonderful, obscure diseases that are given only a paragraph in most medical text books.  Most people are coming to you because they have a cold.  The common cold.

The problem with this is that many doctor's will disregard all of the symptoms of a disease that is staring them in the face because they have had it beaten into their heads that it is just too rare... that they will never in their practice see a patient with such a rare disease.

About 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Cushing's.  This is a disease in which a tumor causes your body to produce a ridiculous amount of extra cortisol - the stress hormone.  It causes many delightful symptoms like weight gain, facial hair, high blood pressure, type II diabetes, infertility, etc, etc etc.  The problem is that a doctor will look at an overweight woman with high blood pressure and type II diabetes and tell her to just lose weight.  Wanna hear the craziest thing about cushings?  You can't.  You actually can't.  They have done studies where they have shown that looking at a picture of a doughnut will actually change your metabolism as though you have eaten it.  Now that's a messed up disease.

Cushing's is found in 1:1,000,000 of the population... but wait... there's more... there's an even rarer form called adrenal cushings which is found in only 1:5,000,000 of the population and this is the form i have.  As a result I have had my left adrenal gland removed, which can cause a lot of stresses on a body.  I wear a medical alert bracelet just in case i suddenly topple over.

Because of this diagnosis I want you to believe me when i tell you i have seen a LOT of doctors.  In fact I have seen a LOT of endocrinologists.  When I had my surgery the chief of surgery dropped by my room to see, in his words, the "famous patient".  No joke.  I'm a freaking medical marvel.

Despite all of this I am in awe with my RE because she did something that blew my mind.  She checked my test results the second they came in.  She called me because my TSH was too stinking high and wants a retest.  I find so many doctors will wait until their next consult before they look at your test results.  My father drove a car for 6 months after tests showed he was legally blind because his optometrist didn't look at the results.  So my RE looked at my results and took action.

You see why I'm a little bit in love?

Rise and Shine little Antral Follicles

That's it... Day 3.  And my husband and I are requested to attend the opening of the fertility clinic.  7:30 am appointment for day 3 blood work and ovarian reserve monitoring.

Right ovary has 7 follicles with a volume of 2.7
Left ovary has 8 follicles with a volume of 3.6
No fibroids (yay - that much I know is good)
A XXXX cyst.  The doctor says this fast and i can't catch the word, so i'm not sure of what it means

Now, comes my date with Google as I try to figure out if any of this is good news.
I think my numbers are at the very lowest range of normal possible... is it enough?

Our visit to the clinic. Part the First.

First, I want to say that I think I love, love, love our RE.  She is funny and nice and when she took my medical history and heard I'd had a miscarriage she said "that sucks" which to me is exactly the right thing to say, because it does and it did.  And there are no right words to make it better.

I am a little annoyed that she seems to be pregnant herself, but about 4 or 5 months along... I will try not to hold this against her as she pushes her 8 month belly into my face at our next appointment.

She wants us to try, with miliatary precision for the next 3 months again.  I don't know what it is about the 3 month waiting period but all the doctors seem to want to prescribe that first.  It is mostly because we did get pregnant within 6 months even if it didn't stay.  She was less enthusiastic about my AMH numbers than my doctor was, she thinks my doctor might have checked the wrong units, so she's ordering that again.  My husband is quite relieved that his sperm is very normal and he can go back to his Y fronts.... I think the ones I bought him are much sexier... maybe i can make an argument for boxer briefs.

Right now we have blood work ordered and I have to do a follicle test on day three.  So, i'm sitting here hoping my period makes an appearance early enough today that I can have the test done on Sunday morning rather than Monday.  I don't want to fight through traffic to get to the clinic on a weekday if i can help it and my husband would come with me on Sunday which would be nice.  I like when he's there.  He makes me smile. 

I don't think i've ever wanted my period to come so badly.  I mean I shouldn't be hoping right, until it does there is still a chance that I could be pregnant.  But I've pretty much given up that hope this month because my temperature has been a little bit lower the last couple of days.  I"m pretty sure it was 36.26 this morning... but i took it in the middle of the night and i sometimes dream that I do that.  And when I took it when i woke up this morning it was 36.5 but I had been awake for about 5 minutes and snuggling with my hot blooded husband.   He's nice to snuggle.

We decided to go out for dinner last night to celebrate the fact that we won't have to pay for any fertility treaments for at least 3 months and we went to the Keg.  The Keg is a Canadian chain that is sort of an upscale steak house.  My husband ordered prime rib but instead got brought a sirloin.  We only just politely asked what we had and they tried to replace his meal.  I pointed out that my husband didn't really care what kind of meat he had as long as it wasn't made of soy.  They sent over the manager to make sure we were ok and she comped us his meal and a dessert each for the mix up.  I want to say that The Keg has the BEST customer service of any restaurant that I have ever been to.  They bend over backwards to make sure you enjoy your dinner and that is one of the reasons my husband and I go so often.

Plus if you say "How are you?" they respond "I am well, Thank you for asking", which is so cute it makes me giggle. 

What goes well with stirrups?

Yep... .i'm nervous as hell right now.
Our appointment is today, at 1:30pm.
Gulp

Getting dressed this morning was weird. I decided on a tank top to make taking blood easy, under a jacket to keep warm and decided to go with blue jeans.  I don't really work in a blue jeans kind of place.  But I can go days without seeing any of my colleagues just because of what I do, and since i intentionally didn't schedule any meetings today I am sort of hanging out in my office.

I wanted to feel comfortable as I walked into the office today, or at least look like I felt comfortable, and blue jeans will do that for me i hope.  My husband is leaving work today at noon and we are meeting at home to travel there together.  It's a bit of a backtrack for him....  He works North of the city and we live East, but i didn't want to try to deal with two cars there, and i need him to hold my hand through today.

And I want to be able to analyze and discuss everything that is said to us in the appointment on the drive back home, not being trying to fight through both traffic and tears at the same time.  Anyone been through this already?  Help!!

Did I or didn't I...

Temperature:  36.22 or 36.77

Last night was a late night.  Very late. 

I woke up this morning in time for work... took my temperature and fell asleep while doing it.  The beeping of the thermometer woke up me... it said 36.22.  But... was it actually in the right place, under my tongue, or was it off to the side as my tongue lolled out of my mouth.

Then... when I woke up again and the reading on the temperature was 36.77.  This is higher than normal for my BBT post ovulation.  But I don't know if i was asleep long enough after getting out of bed for it to be my BBT.  Actually it is higher than normal for my non-basal body temperature.  So, i am left in doubt.. .did i?  or didn't i?

I know that you can have an LH surge from the ovulation kits and not actually produce an egg.  So, I don't know yet if have a chance to get pregnant this month or not.  I will have to wait until tomorrow.  I don't want to wait until tomorrow.

UPDATE:  when I got home from work I noticed that you can get almost a 1 C temperature drop if you take your temperature with your mouth open. So I am keeping my fingers crossed for tomorrow.

The Big O...

Do you remember the time when if you got a text message asking if you'd O'd this morning it was from an insecure lover wondering if it was good for you?  Not anymore.  Now all of the O's have to do with Ovulation.  The biggest most important O in my life right now. 

I have learned a lot about ovulation through charting my temperature.  But although this seems like a really easy task it can become ridiculously complicated.  Your basal body temperature (BBT) is supposed to be taken as soon as you wake up.... errr... following at least 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep that is... which is where it becomes complicated for me.  I will often wake up during the night, and now as soon as I do I become obsessed with the fact that I have to take my temperature.  Since my thermometer is not lit (which is a really stupid for a digital thermometer that you are supposed to check before you are allowed to even get up and pee) this is something i have to manage in the semi-darkness and something i try to do without waking my husband.  So, if I wake up in the middle of the night then I will take the temperature, and try to read it in the bathroom.  If i just wake up because I am tossing and turning then i will try to take the temperature and try to see the numbers by the glow of my cell phone.

The problem is that this often leads to 2 or 3 different temperatures being taken in the course of the night.  So which one is right.  Normally I take the lowest temperature.  This is an especially important rule during the two week wait because that plummet of temperature the last 2 days before my period are the early wake up to the fact that I am not pregnant.  But today is (possibly) ovulation day.  My first temp was 36.12C, then I woke up sometime in the middle of the night with a temp of 36.25C and finally when I woke up this morning it was 36.42 C.  So... the question is... is my temperature up because I ovulated?  Or is it up because i wasn't asleep again between the second and the third time.  My "coverline"  the imaginary boundary that my temperature crosses when I ovulate is around 36.55.  Are we almost there?  is there an egg lose in my fallopian tube looking for a partner?

Cross your fingers, hold your breath... the two week wait has begun. 

Ovulation Station

Ok, so that magical mystical day is here again.  I got a smiley face on my pee stick. My husband told me that until we started trying for a baby he had no idea there was a test that would determine if he was going to get lucky on a given day.  My temperature will go up on Tuesday, signaling the release of progesterone that accompanies the mystical egg.  It also signals our very last chance for a "natural" pregnancy.

I can't help it, I am sure that by the end of the two-week wait I will be doing the surreptitious boob check to see if they are sore, i will be glancing at my nipples to see they are any darker.  I will be doing the toilet paper check, to see if by any chance there is any mystical and mythical implantation bleeding.  I will be getting my hopes up... and i don't want to because I've done this dance.  It always ends in tears.

The good news is we shouldn't have long to wait after our fertility clinic appointment until our first day one.  Then we can finally start the next long journey

Yay!! Pee-on-a-stick day is here already

My husband and I had a conversation the other day in which i told him that peeing on a stick seems like something little boys should be doing, not grown women.  He swears he NEVER went through a pee on the stick phase though.

It's about that time of the month, when the juices start flowing and i have to start worrying about timing the baby dance in such a way that a baby might actually dance.  I have to say though that i have actually given up hope that this will happen, but, for the sake of the scientist in me, i feel it is important to collect as much data as possible before we meet our RE in 13 days.

I happen to be very fortunate and I live withing a 15 minute drive of my workplace... but, this tends to lead me to do very stupid things, like last night when i was convinced that I could "hold it" until i got home so i could pee on a stick.  I forgot, as i made this decision, that the road between my office and my home also includes a walk into the parking lot of at least 10 minutes, and then the road itself is very bumpy... and it is freaking cold in Canada this time of year... so this all leads to me doing the pee-pee dance like a toddler.

I learned a lovely word: micturation.  I love it.  It's the point where you are going to pee your pants.  Isn't science great that there is even a word for this??!!  See:

[From Latin micturre, to want to urinate, desiderative of meiere, to urinate; see meigh- in Indo-European roots.]

So, i was there, trying to a test, and trying to find a cup... i didn't think I was going to make it!

Does anyone else have trouble with the actual peeing on the stick part?  I find that i get so concerned about trying to do it right that i pee really hard, and sometimes miss the stick... my body isn't built to aim.  That's why i think boys should be the ones peeing on sticks, not me.

The test was negative.  Guess tonight is pee on a stick night too... i just have to try to time it better so i don't have to do the pee pee dance.

A two week wait I never expected!

OMG!  I have a sneaking suspicion that we are the luckiest couple ever to have to go to a fertility clinic.  I had expected that it was going to take us months to get in.  I had even anticipated that it would be at least June because I try not to set myself up for disappointment. I have already calculated exactly when we would have a monitoring cycle, and when we would have our first treatment and when we could either get our first BFN or the BFP that we want to bad.  It was like August.

 But no we have an appointment in only two weeks!  Crazy. 

I am overwhelmed and shocked.  That's so soon!

You would think that any woman who has tried to get pregnant would find the two week wait to be a breeze.  I find after a year of trying I have a routine for the tww.  I know which days to start feeling my boobs to see if they are swelling, i know which days to expect the cramps... i know exactly which days I can stop feeling hopeful...

This is a two week wait i have no idea how to handle. 

Semen Analysis day has arrived!

I don't think people who need fertility clinics are supposed to live in the suburbs.  See, suburbs are where you go when your family has outgrown your chic city flat and you want a back garden for your wee ones to run around in while mummy sips ceasars on the back deck.

We live in the suburbs.  This was especially irritating today when my husband had to present himself at the fertility clinic for his 7:30... errr... test.  And because it was his first visit he had to be at the hospital front desk by 7:00 to be registered and get a hospital card.  That's an hour from our house.  We are not morning people.

We were talking about his test last night.  I didn't know what to say... do I wish him luck?  Tell him to have fun?  It all seems a bit odd when he's about to make love to a plastic cup.

I can't help but be curious about the set up.  In my mind it should be red brocade like some den of inequity from Victorian England.  I expect stripper poles and video tapes (yup... i don't expect a dvd player for some reason), and probably even some curtain you can pull back for a peep show.   I basically think the man's side of the fertility clinic should share a wall with a strip club.  It might help to keep them interested.

Instead, it is reportedly a basic hospital exam room with some magazines spread on the doctor's desk.  My husband elected to bring his own visual aids... he downloaded a movie into his smart phone last night so that he wouldn't have to flip through the dog eared copies... although i find myself curious as to how old the magazines are.  Do they buy new ones every month?  Or have the same copies been there for decades.  And  why did he have to be there so early?  Is it really just a regular doctor's office from 9-5 and whichever doctor emptied the coffee pot without making fresh coffee yesterday is punished by having his or her office assigned to the early morning fertility men? 

I find myself sort of hoping that they will find our fertility issues are just because of my husband's previously too tight underpants.

Man Testing and New Clothing Trends.

My god that was fast.  It feels fast.  Really fast.  My husband called and left a message on Friday as we ate breakfast for his testing appointment.  By lunch time we knew that he was going to be visiting the clinic for his first test on Wednesday.  Yup this wednesday.  It seems super fast given how long i thought everything was going to take. 

I mean this isn't the BIG appointment.  Although we should know sometime this week when the BIG appointment is going to be.  They called last week to get my husbands health information and said they would be calling back this week with the BIG appointment.

But this Wednesday my husband goes for his solo appointment... which means that as of 7:30 this morning we are under a no contact ordinance.  I feel like I'm back in high school or something, or early dating days... which of course sort of makes you want something more, the forbidden fruit.  But, nope... not allowed. 

My husband has also been wearing his fancy new underpants all weekend.. and I have to say that he is not loving the experience.  Right now he is trying to get used to the fact that they ride up so much... And if they ride up aren't they defeating the purpose?

He loves me though that man.. he loves me and the idea of starting a family with me so much that is willing to keep trying out the fancy new underpants.  But I can promise you that he is hoping to hear back really soon from the fertility clinic that his boys are such fast swimmers that they really should be encased in his old style of underpants just to slow them down enough that they don't hurt me in the process of trying to conceive. 

My husband does fit all of the hallmarks of men who are going to have motility issues... he sits all day, he wears the tight-whites, he is not the greatest of exercisers... am i wrong to make him switch preemptively?  Should i be more patient and just wait to find out? 

Brand new fancy underpants!

I think I did a bad thing.  My poor darling husband received a gift yesterday.  On my way home from work I made a bit of a detour and purchased him some fancy new underpants.  See, my husband... well... I am about to out him as a tighty-whitey man.  At least, he was until yesterday.

This morning he is wearing his brand new fancy underpants - boxers.  For anyone familiar with the whole process of assisted fertility they know that one reason for problems in achieving conception can be sperm motility.  There.  I said it.  And sperm motility can be reduced by the dreaded tighty-whitey.  This is because the underpants keep the scrotum closer to the body and increases the temperature.  A higher temperature means lower motility. 

As I mentioned my poor darling husband hasn't had his testing done yet.  But, I'm aware that if he does have a problem with mobility then it will take about 3 months of wearing the much looser fitting garments to get his swimmers back up to par with the cooler nether-region.  Now, let me do the math.  We are told it will be about 2 months until we get our fertility clinic referral.  Imagine if there is a problem with his swimmers.... then we have to wait 3 months after that to increase the motility.   that means 5 months from now at least which puts me past 40 which makes me feel even twitchier.

This is where my being crafty makes my husband suffer.  I reasoned with him that if we switch now, by the time we find out he has a problem he will be pretty much ready to make another donation and see if the problem has resolved itself.  Then I kissed him... a lot.

I'm hoping the kisses will make it better for him as he tries to keep his new vestments pulled down.  I have promised that if the tests show that if there isn't a motility problem then he can switch back.  We'll even bring a pair of his beloved underwear to the doctor's appointment so he can change in the bathroom before we go home.

"Not to worry" he said as he kissed me gently.  "I might find I like it better."

The requisition form is here... and it is funny.

See, it's things like last night that make me feel like I am only about 25.  It certainly isn't the look at the mirror, it is the far more frequent fits of giggles that occur inside my head at ridiculous juvenile things.  I am pretty sure other 39 year old's aren't supposed to act like this.  The requisition form came for my husbands tests, and instead of being mature and being able to act like an adult the 13 year old inside of me poked at the form and laughed.

First of all,  my husband will not be allowed to take an afternoon off work.  Nope.  The clinic is open from 7:15 until 8:30 am.  So not only will he have to go to work after, in what every woman knows is a ridiculous drowsy time for a man, but he will have to get up extra early to make it to the clinic.  Something he is not going to be happy about. 

And he certainly can't do the deed at home and bring the sample in.  We live too far away.  You have to get the sample in to the lab within 30 minutes.  With the traffic in this city that isn't going to happen.  But the clinic does offer standard advice to men who are close enough.  I am sure there are many who feel awkward about sitting in a waiting room, knowing what is going on behind those cubicle doors.  And it can't help a guy to know that when they are called to go into the cubicle that every man in the waiting room will know what they are going to do.

See, motility of sperm is lost at 4C.  And in fertility testing the motility is one of the three things they look at: motility, viability and morphology.  So, in the winter time if you feel uncomfortable uh... not being the master of your domain in public you can't just go around carrying your sperm at arm's length when you bring it in.  Nope.  You gotta stick it in your arm pit.  This is what made me fall to the floor laughing.  Imagine getting stopped by cops and frisked and them discovering a vial strapped to your arm pit.  I think it is a good thing we live too far away from the clinic to make this viable... I would never be able to face my coworkers knowing my husband was fighting his way through downtown traffic with sperm in his pit. 

(Ok, it isn't just your arm pit that is suggested... you can also put it in a pocket... but the armpit thing... hilarious right??)

The clinic also does not answer the phone.  The instructions are very clear.  Leave one message.  We will call you back.  And they aren't open Fridays.  At least not for specimen collection.  Only Mondays through Thursdays.  I asked my husband to remember to call.  I tried to do it nicely so as not to nag.  And then suggested he might actually just do it from home so he doesn't have to leave a message while at his workplace saying he is requiring sperm motility testing. 

I confess this last part was not so much for his benefit as for my own assurance that he would actually do it.  So he has called.... now we wait for the call back, which might not happen until next week. 

Not to worry... totally not obsessed with moving this thing forward.. nope...

The first phone call.

Yay!  Something happened!  We got the "First Phone Call".  I feel like finally it is a step forward...

It isn't the call from our fertility clinic.  That phone call I am led to believe will be at least 2 months away.  (No problem... i am known for being patient... by those who have never met me anyway.)  Nope, this is the phone call for my husband.  He has to go in for some "testing".  Anyone else on that journey knows what that means.

I know that this can't be an easy step for a guy.  He must be filled with the same anxiety that I am... that he is the reason that we aren't "up the duff" yet.  Can his boys (and girls) swim?  Time will tell.  He will have to take time off work to do the sort of thing that is generally frowned on in a public building.  Of course i think he might be looking forward to that a little too much.

He tells me that he thinks it is too clinical, that he doesn't feel anxious about it and he doesn't think i should go to the office for the test. I mean may be that's a weird thing to suggest?  Does a guy want his wife outside the door while he's leafing through magazines?  It might make him think about living with his mom as a teenager.  And that might stop anyone from... errr... producing a sample.

Even this teeny-tiny step isn't straight forward.  My doctor's office needs him to get a hospital card from the hospital they are affiliated with before they can send out the requisition so that he can make a call to book an appointment to have his sperm tested.  Easy.

I have decided that the hurdles they make you jump through in the process of getting pregnant are designed to test your patients and see if you are indeed capable of parenting a teenager.

Fortunately,  we are 1/2 way there.  He has the card, or at least he once did, so he is in the system.  The paperwork is in the mail.  Yay.

Hurdle 1 down.... 1,857,983 more to go.