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Name change

If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?

Haha.

His interesting.

I remember when I was about 9-12 years old I wanted to be called Corrine. I thought it was such a beautiful name. I heard the name when a cousin of my neighborhood friend came to visit. She was beautiful with a beautiful name. I thought the looks came with the name. So I wished for the name what came along with it.

Later on I remember wanting to be called Sharon and Susan also Esther at some point because I learnt that Esther means a good aroma. That was in high school.

In university at some point I insisted that all should call me Lisa Masitsa. I even changed my Facebook name to Lisa Masitsa for years. At some point I talked to a friend about changing my name officially to Lisa Masitsa.

Come marriage and the first thing I did was take on my hubby’s name. It is now my surname and kinda forgetting my second given name.

You see, I never had a surname because I never met my Father.

Now I do have a surname.

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Pessimist or worse!!!

Have you ever been in a place where you can’t say out loud what you really need, that which you wish for and hope for. It is the same one thing you want and need. The one thing that will make your life complete.

But you cannot say it out loud. You can’t even think about it or worse, pray about it. Because there is this dreadful fear that the moment you talk about it, or think about it, it will not happen.

The awareness of it means it will not happen.

So you push it away from your conscious mind and every time it creeps in, and it does that all the time because it’s all you need to be complete, you can’t let it linger.

You distract your mind with anything else but that which is important. 

Because somehow once it has been marked as important then it will be snatched away from you.

So you make it a non issue just so it may not fly away.

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Really short dresses

If you were forced to wear one outfit over and over again, what would it be?

I am a teacher, I believe teachers should dress well and comfortable. As role models and professionals.

I remember this teacher who came to have a dress made for her by my mum in the mid nineties in Kenya. My mum made dresses as her side hustle, a trade she had learned from her mother, my grandma. I remember  her insisting that it should not be sleeveless. She did not want to have her armpits exposed when writing on the board, “what would the pupils think of her, her thoughts…”

I am now a teacher in the UK. I love my dresses. Knee length dresses with sleeves. This morning I put on a nice new dress just above my knees, that I bought on Saturday from a charity shop in Dover. After walking a few paces from house towards the buss stop, I ran back in and changed into a more comfortable dress.

It kept moving up and made me felt really uncomfortable. It is my first summer in the UK and the dress code had really changed from what I first saw when I arrived in October last year.

I wish I was comfortable in short nice dresses that I admire girls and women in. But I was raised in a village in Kenya where girls are expected to dress for a long time, at least knee length clothing.

Maybe over time I will get comfortable in short dresses. I hope that day comes soon. Because I have got some nice legs to shower off.

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My book of Bible stories

Do you remember your favorite book from childhood?

That was my favorite book when I was a child. It was yellow in colour, the hard cover. It had beautiful illustrations of people and places from the Bible. The pages were glossy and smooth. It was and still is a beautiful book. I read it to my son as his bedtime story. Those were mother son moments that we’ll forever cherish.

The stories were simple and easy to understand and helped me to understand the beginning of man as from creation and the lives of people many centuries ago.

Thinking about my book of Bible stories reminds me of myself and my siblings and cousins lying on the floor of the house or outside under the shade of a tree, with our head forming a circle above the book as we stared at the picture.

I remember the times when most of us didn’t know how to read so we discussed the stories and talked about the characters as the stories had been read to us by our grandfather during what we called family Bible study evening.

These were the good old days. I have seen posts on FB of people asking about this particular book. It is still printed but doesn’t look the same.

Our copy of the book was shared from one family to another in my neighborhood. It was loved by all, young and old, especially the young. It made many rounds in the neighborhood and somehow every child cherished it and took care of it.

We still have the copy in my late grandpa’s library in Lumakanda, Kenya. Next time I visit I will definitely take a picture of it, read through and reminisce on life and my childhood.

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Lost Faith

Do you practice religion?

What an interesting prompt.

Yes I do practice religion. But recently I have lost my faith.

You know when you believe that things are gonna work out, and you pray and hope and plan and wish…guess what,,, they don’t happen. At least not in most of  my life.

And now, I am not doing any of the above. Just going through the daily motions of life. And letting life give me what it has in store for me.

I love the association with fellow congregators at places of worship. But now it’s a source of sorrow instead of happiness. Watching families together, enjoying the life that I have always enjoyed. Wishing and crying, hoping that I would have mine with me.

I don’t accept invitations to parties, barbeques and fun activities for families anymore. I’d rather stay in my room instead. Going or not going is all the same. Just ends up in tears and sadness.

Knowing well how circumstances have forced me to be away from my family. I did my part, I worked hard to make everything work out. I guess that was never good enough.My daughter was four when I left and now she’s almost five.

It was not by choice that I left her. They were supposed the  join me immediately after. But life happened, my life happened. Faith no faith. Hope or no hope.

And yes, I still practice religion. But I have lost my faith.

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I got the job!

Remember when I said I went for the interview in Bexleyheath as a practice interview?

Yes, I needed the experience for the job that I really wanted. The interview for the job “my job” was set for Monday.

I spent more than £40 to travel by train and bus for the interview on Friday,  learning is expensive and it was worth it.

And learning I did. I learnt just how un prepared I was for the interview, and any other teaching job interview. I learnt that different schools work completely differently in the UK. I learnt the questions that are asked during an interview and those I wrote  down immediately after the interview. I learnt not to be overconfident. I learnt how not to behave or act.

With all these lessons, I immersed myself over the weekend in preparation for the Monday interview, for the job that I really wanted.

YouTube videos, ChatGPT, friends and the schools website were a great help.

And today I received the news, the long awaited news.

I got the job.

The school is 18 minutes drive from my house, so I will not be moving house. The population is multi-cultural. It is like a congregation of the people of the world in one place. This was among the reasons we moved to the UK, to travel the world, I mean learn the different cultures without necessarily travelling.

Looking forward to a great working experience come September.

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Baby reindeer

Friday 26th of April

I just got home from Berkleyheath for an interview for a teaching position.

This was my experience interview because I have my eyes set on a job which I will attend an interview for on Monday.

But it still hurt when I got the call that I did not get the chance. I was at a train station in Gilligham waiting for a connecting train to Aylesham.

I insisted on feedback on my performance and I hope they will send it in detail so that I can learn and improve.

I had planned to go back to Uni for the rest of the day but it was already 3 pm so there was only 1 hour left of uni time so I headed home.

Having a big piece of pork in my fridge that I planned to prepare for dinner I passed by the local CO-OP (shop) to get some onions and tomatoes. 

And of course in the last aisle I was met by nicely arranged products of pure chemistry, and as a scientist myself I decided to add one to my basket. To drown my sorrows and disappointment of not getting the job.

Back after I prepared dinner I sat to have it as I watched something on Netflix. I didn’t have anything in mind so I took a minute to watch the trailer that came on the home screen.

It did not strike me as my kind of series but just as I was about to scroll on, the lady said….

…I have properties in .. Bexleyheath….etc.

What are the odds!!!

Before applying for the job I had never had of Bexleyheath, and there it was being mentioned in a program that I may never have considered watching.

And just like that, I clicked play and spent the rest of the evening enjoying my baby reindeer.

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Preparing for interview

In the last week or so I have been applying for jobs left, right and center.

I will complete my PGCE – Science course at the end of June, I can’t wait for that day. It has been one busy time, the last 7 months. With assignments, adding information on the e-portfolio, preparing for lessons in placement school, teaching, observing other teachers etc.

There’s never a time when I just sat down rested with nothing bugging me about the whole course. Not that I am complaining, I love it when I am busy. My friend says my brain works best when it’s being challenged. Because when it has nothing to  work on, my oh my, it shuts down completely.

For my job application, I must apply only to schools that are licensed to offer Visa sponsorship because I am an international student in the UK. Second, I love my spiritual family here in Canterbury. They have been great towards me and helped me settle in this beautiful ancient town. Very few schools within my category are located here

I want a school close by where I stay since I have a nice 3 bed house in a nice village where I have made friends and I won’t want to move. If only wishes were horses!

My first invitation to an interview is from a school in South London, 1 hour drive from my home and 3 house journey by public transportation. I don’t own a car!!!

It is scheduled for this Friday. I have two days to prepare for the interview. I am dreading it. Really scared out of my skin.

But then my family in Africa is counting on me securing a job so that they can come as dependants on my Visa.

I solder on. For my little girl who, when I left was 4 years old, guess by the time I see her again she will be five.

It breaks my hearts 💕

So I put in more effort, working against that voice telling me to give up.

No one knows this, I doubt if anyone would understand exactly how I feel.

I wish they did.

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Baby fat

Where does it come from. Fortunate are the mothers who loose weight when nursing.

I know they think we are the fortunate ones. People always assume it’s greener on the other side of the fence, Irony of life.

It’s been seven months of adding weight. Imagine I have added so much that I can’t fit in my maternity dresses, how crazy is that.

And then this quarantine, stay at home, work from home.

I just found this in my drafts. I have no idea where I was going with it but it must have sometime in April 2020, 7 months after having my daughter and one into  lockdown.

And yes, I am still working on my weight, my mouth loves what it loves, my body suffers, and I am still overweight.

I want my size 10 back…wishes wishes