myjournalnotes

I’ve often wondered what it means to truly forgive…In every sense of the word…and finally came to the conclusion that forgiveness means different things to different people at different places in their lives. Not making 1 more of less right than the next…but I feel free in this understanding of what it means to forgive as i look back…

Personally, ultimate forgiving meant facing my own humanity…our equality as a people…then only it was possible for me to forgive completely so that it set me free.
Equality…what makes us equal as humans? How equal is the child growing up without the luxuries of basic services such as water, electricity, schooling, comfortable housing to the child having all of it? is there any equality in that?

I’ve learned in recent years that although there seem to be no fairness in that … and justness and so much more, equality is not the issue in that situation. I’ve learned that what makes us equals as humanity, is the deep complex emotion that we experience daily. Assuming the victim role for 90% of my life, I never considered that the pain – hurt – guilt – whatever it was i carried from childhood as a result of sexual abuse, could actually be felt by the next person (as much pain – guilt – hurt as i did), by going through a difficult divorce for example…Once i started seeing individuals around me, and started listening to their stories – i understood how equal we all were as creatures that might look different, act different and even speak different languages…our deepest emotion is what makes us equal….
I don’t question rich and poor extremes in the world any longer…as i know that when a poor individual by his/her very first car – might be an old VW Beetle and the person from a rich background get his/her very first car (might be a Porch)… the joy, excitement and pride at that moment is equal …. the item / circumstance cannot make it better / worse in fact… emotion and feeling creates and maintains equality in this crazy world somehow… as long as we stop to really look around at people around us… and listen to their stories…. we recognise a feeling, emotion, deep divine wisdom that defines equality for evermore inside….

Born equal in a sense then….what shapes and force choices through life is circumstance, upbringing, opportunity… but ultimately purpose..nothing by chance. I don’t believe a leave will fall from a tree without the Will of the Creator of all this…How innocent is the victim then? How guilty the perpetrator?
I often imagine each human as a round ball… the whole being round… maybe different colors etc but all round… and inside smaller molecules of individual traits … we all have exactly the same amount of molecules at birth…and throughout our lives by choices and preference, religion etc each molecule will change between dark and light…constantly as we battle daily with wrong and right for ourselves, good and bad. No one can stay the same from birth to death as we are affecting who we are daily by choices we make… in darkness or light… therefore understanding that no one is perfect… understanding your own darkness so you can overcome it… and when we love….love the complete human as a whole with all the darkness and light ever-changing…. not loving the darkness but loving them through it….understanding it…so often we hide our darkness from the ones we love…whilst they actually love us despite it….so often we judge others by the darkness we see in them….yet we have the same trait that we are fortunately not battling with???? or maybe we are but not acting on it or admitting to it.???

I could forgive completely … once i could recognise that i have the darkness somewhere inside me that actually made it possible for me to be in that person’s place! Yes every murderer, every sexual criminal… doesn’t matter who… I have the ability inside somewhere to commit the same crime in a different place and time…Only once i realised my fortune to have been the child in my sexual abuse past… because i recognise that roles could have been different and I have everything in me that could make me the perpetrator…. and then i am grateful somehow…
I do not say this makes the act right… I simply say that true equality to me simply means that we have to think twice before judging the next… as purpose had a place for both the victim and the villan … and yes …the villan could so easily have been me or even you as the darkness is somewhere inside us all … in a different time and place (circumstance) … so yes..we are accountable for every choice we make, every action we take….the impact on us… but truly, how we impact humanity in generations to come with simple acts of love…forgiveness…patience… for only then will we start fixing a very sick wounded society bit by bit… thoughtfully….careful not to cause more pain than we actually received along the way….

I now look at others differently…respecting the different places and times we are on our individual journeys… but i ask for your stories… as i find more wisdom their than in my own… I learn about equality and that my life yes painful….is sometimes a breeze compared to others … yet they laugh and sing in the rain…. my learning is more and so inspiring … uplifting….wanting to know more about my fellow human race…. tell me more so i judge less…. and forgive more and more and more…