Chose yourself

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I should’ve chosen myself a long time ago.

I put you first, because I loved you so much that I wanted to chose you.

I was happy choosing you, I was happy choosing you because choosing you made ME happy.

Truth is, I should’ve chosen myself.

I should’ve realized that I was more important.

I should’ve realized that it shouldn’t have been always about you.

I loved you so much more than I loved myself.

And now thinking back I realized that I was wrong.

Because I was so in love that I failed to see how much I was forgetting about me.

And when I let you go, I didn’t have anything.

Not even myself.

And you, you didn’t care that you were first.

You could never chose me the way I chose you.

And that’s a mistake I’ll never make again.

The worst part is, I can’t get away.

I can’t use my bad habits as an excuse to forget.

Because now It’s so much more than me and you.

It’s so much more than us.

It’s about love

And respect

And priorities

And life

And LOVE.

And now I have someone else to put first.

And for the first time in my whole entire life, I realized who and what is most important.

And if there’s anyone in life to put first, It’s yourself, and your children, and your children’s children.

FAMILY.

You put family first.

Nobody else.

It’s about love, It’s always been about love.

Chose yourself

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I should’ve chosen myself a long time ago.

I put you first, because I loved you so much that I wanted to chose you.

I was happy choosing you, I was happy choosing you because choosing you made ME happy.

Truth is, I should’ve chosen myself.

I should’ve realized that I was more important.

I should’ve realized that it shouldn’t have been always about you.

I loved you so much more than I loved myself.

And now thinking back I realized that I was wrong.

Because I was so in love that I failed to see how much I was forgetting about me.

And when I let you go, I didn’t have anything.

Not even myself.

And you, you didn’t care that you were first.

You could never chose me the way I chose you.

And that’s a mistake I’ll never make again.

The worst part is, I can’t get away.

I can’t use my bad habits as an excuse to forget.

Because now It’s so much more than me and you.

It’s so much more than us.

It’s about love

And respect

And priorities

And life

And LOVE.

And now I have someone else to put first.

And for the first time in my whole entire life, I realized who and what is most important.

And if there’s anyone in life to put first, It’s yourself, and your children, and your children’s children.

FAMILY.

You put family first.

Nobody else.

It’s about love, It’s always been about love.

Chose yourself

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I should’ve chosen myself a long time ago.

I put you first, because I loved you so much that I wanted to chose you.

I was happy choosing you, I was happy choosing you because choosing you made ME happy.

Truth is, I should’ve chosen myself.

I should’ve realized that I was more important.

I should’ve realized that it shouldn’t have been always about you.

I loved you so much more than I loved myself.

And now thinking back I realized that I was wrong.

Because I was so in love that I failed to see how much I was forgetting about me.

And when I let you go, I didn’t have anything.

Not even myself.

And you, you didn’t care that you were first.

You could never chose me the way I chose you.

And that’s a mistake I’ll never make again.

The worst part is, I can’t get away.

I can’t use my bad habits as an excuse to forget.

Because now It’s so much more than me and you.

It’s so much more than us.

It’s about love

And respect

And priorities

And life

And LOVE.

And now I have someone else to put first.

And for the first time in my whole entire life, I realized who and what is most important.

And if there’s anyone in life to put first, It’s yourself, and your children, and your children’s children.

FAMILY.

You put family first.

Nobody else.

It’s about love, It’s always been about love.

Growth.

Posted on by shewritesoflife

Does the caterpillar get blamed by the butterfly for It’s growth?

Does the butterfly miss being a caterpillar?

Does it remember?

Does the caterpillar know it will become a butterfly?

Humans grow and evolve and change and feel and love and hate and move and dance and cry.

We live and learn and experience and get better at being alive.

As life happens we realize what to do and what not to do. When to say what and when to shut up.

Honestly is key and truth is vital.

Live, learn, grow, evolve,

Become a better person, not a worse one.

Grow forward, not backward.

Happy.

Posted on by shewritesoflife

She’s been here all along,

She’s been afraid and unsure.

She’s watching

Waiting

For something to go wrong.

For one thing to flip and the whole work to turn upside down

She’s always done that.

Fear is gripping and life altering

It can freeze you to place for the longest time

It can make you do nothing when in reality you should be

But she’s learned to realize that you can’t be fearful of the unknown.

She’s learned to love and be happy and to hope and to wish and to believe

She’s finally okay.

She’s finally okay with life being nice to her.

I couldn’t be more proud.

Mine

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I followed her into the darkness.

She told me that was the way to finding him.

I so badly wanted to find what was taken from me.

Men and women cans in the middle of the night and fought their way inside,

I tried my best but I couldn’t fight them all.

As I followed her into the darkness, I saw him,

I knew I’d find him

I promised myself that whatever I did, even if it was the last thing I did, that I would find him.

I would find him and bring him back home.

I fought my way in,

I clawed,

I screamed,

I hurt whoever got in my way.

I found him and I brought him home.

He’s mine,

And only mine.

Wiser

Posted on by shewritesoflife

You never promised me a rose garden.

I knew what I was getting into.

You never painted me fake pictures, and colorful paintings that faded after a while.

You showed me from the very beginning I was just to blind to see it.

I thought love would prevail.

I came back to you time after time without question without looking back.

I should’ve been smarter, I should’ve listened to everyone else.

Instead I hoped and hoped that this time you’d be telling me the truth.

I hoped that this time you had changed,

That this time you really meant it.

But my hopes and dreams went out the window and as I sit here thinking of all the fucked up shit you did and all the reasons why I should’ve stayed away,

I can’t help but think of you.

How stupid of me.

Of the last mistake I’ve made with you, something amazing has come to be.

As I stare at the toilet with feelings of nausea and my tummy getting bigger every day, I know I’ll never make that mistake again.

I know that everything you say is a lie and I know you’ll promise to stay but you’ll go.

That’s all you’ve ever done.

I’ll never make the same mistake again.

I’ll never believe you because I’ve realized love is sometimes not as strong as it seems to be.

My first priority is no longer you.

New

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I’ve never really been this comfortable in my life.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve caused people a lot of harm to make myself be “alright”

I’ve always been the one to be independent and want to have my own things and my own life aside from everyone else at the same time depending on one thing or person.

I guess growing up gives you certain comforts and certain situations cause you to feel certain things.

I’ve always been the one to be there for everyone and to support and give a helping hand to everyone in need.

I guess I never really took time to help myself and make me be alright or okay.

Once you grow you learn that the less “friends” you have, the better.

The friends you think you have, are they really your friends?

It took a lot to be able to be strong enough to say goodbye to those fake people in my life who really weren’t there for me as I was for them.

Now I kinda feel like I’m stronger than ever.

Those people are no longer sucking my energy and even though I’m more alone than ever, I feel stronger and in a better place.

No more energy sucking and doubt.

I loved a lot and lost a lot but I’ve gained a lot too.

I’m not really sure whether certain things happened for better or worse but I’m positive that everything happened when it was supposed to, to teach me about life and how to be better overall.

I finally feel good and am surrounded by a few good people who I wouldn’t trade for the world.

Everything happens for a reason and never forget that you can do it,

Even if you’re alone.

Better alone than with bad company.

❤️

Him.

Posted on by shewritesoflife

I painted you a picture full of rainbows and flowers.

You preferred guns and violence.

I had roses

You wanted sunflowers.

I picked red you wanted blue

I

Forgot to remember you

You reminded me of what I was missing out on.

He

Gave me his Castle

Told me his favorite was my favorite.

He loved roses and red ones at that,

He loved what I loved because he loved to look at me when I loved them.

He said my eyes got bright and round and I became a new person, he loved seeing that.

He loved who I was and who I wanted to be.

He loved all of me and not just parts of me.

He taught me all I needed to know.

trying

Posted on by shewritesoflife

How do you manage pain and loss and grievance?

How do you make yourself keep going and be happy about it?

I’ve been trying!

But everything fell apart and continues to fall apart.

Convincing yourself you’re okay only seems to work about 50% of the time.

When you’ve been building for a long time and your mountain falls, you end up with a lot of rubble to go through.

I’m more than chest deep in rubble and it’s becoming hard to navigate myself out.

my ways of coping are starting to become bad habits and I don’t wanna be in a new never ending cycle of doom.

trying my best isn’t working this time.