September 28, 2011 at 1:22 am (Grad, Pensive, Potsdam)
Hmm..been quite a while..
An impromptu session for about an hour on stochastic simulations of a bistable system – trying to force a behaviour we desired. Interesting diversion..
Wished someone yesterday on a birthday..usually not in a habit of writing down reminders/using calendars..feels good to wake up, remember something about the date, recollect and send in a wish, the least one could do..hmm..
June 15, 2011 at 1:55 pm (Prompts)
He was walking back home on a calm evening with the glistening rays of the sun seeming to provide just enough warmth as to remind people that it was the sun after all. It was a ten minute walk and his back was loaded with things bought some time back and so, he needed to occupy his mind with a few thoughts to ease the monotony.
He began fixating on a picture of a seashell he had seen a while ago and began to wonder what the world would look like to a seashell. Then, rather suddenly he realized that things such as seashells or any such antiquities often bring feelings of curiosity, nostalgia, happiness, interest, creativity et al in the minds of onlookers – largely feelings associated with optimism. Anybody who encounters them leaves with such feelings, such curios are hence largely dissipators of non-negative feelings. So unlike humans..one only wonders how would things be if everybody we encounter (including us, when others encounter us !) exhibits such an aspect !
And soon, the reverie was disturbed by another sight. His gaze fell upon those two, they were walking almost hand in hand, their gait affected by old age and their voices frail. Yet, they seemed to complete each other..one’s observations explained by the other. They walked on, taking in the sights of the countryside. They had probably seen a lot in their times, and yet they walked on, presumably after their shopping. For a moment, their enthusiasm (or atleast so it seemed to him) struck him.
His home had arrived and he entered, even as he watched the two old men walk along. And he wondered why connotations such as ‘the two’ or ‘couple’ have always come to mean a man and a woman ! And he went back to his chores after these unbridled thoughts..
Sathej
For a prompt on Magpie Tales..
June 13, 2011 at 2:58 am (Uncategorized)
It paused, there seemed to be something unfamiliar. That speck of unevenness in its path was not there before. It had explored this territory several times earlier. This piece of ground always seemed different from the rest and seemed to go on and on except for a single point that always proved elusive to traverse. But it had nevertheless seen most of it. But today, the new speck of unevenness was a bit unnerving. So, it paused, the next step seemed to take ages. And then, it happened..it appeared a massive step for itself, but then on looking around, nothing much had changed. And the ant continued on its way round the red ball resting innocuously on the floor..
For a prompt The Next Step on Sunday Scribblings ..
Sathej
April 10, 2011 at 3:32 am (Cricket, Memorable, Pensive, Poignant, Potsdam)
Dear Sachin,
Its been a week since I wanted to do this, but words have failed me. Right from the time I saw a team of eleven players achieve what would probably their greatest triumph and almost immediately and unanimously say they did it for you, from that day when I managed to see the final from so far home, how I just went out for a walk after Kohli got out and came back to watch Gambhir getting out. Before the final, I frankly did not care much about the need to win, given the euphoria after the semifinal success over Pakistan, but in my heart of hearts, if ever there was one reason I fervently wanted us to win, it was for you, we owed it to you after all the moments of pure happiness and joy you’ve given us all these years.
I have watched the video below – just one of the numerous tributes, several times. I could write pages on each moment in that video, be it the Sharjah venture with Tony Greig’s commentary, that statement-of-a-six off Andy Caddick in the 2003 World Cup, the beautiful coverdrive off Wasim Akram in that painstaking 98 against Pakistan or that amazing cover drive amidst cramps in the enormously touching 175 against Australia (even Arun Lal comes out with a gem – ‘Sensational ! There are people standing around me in the box (commentary box) and clapping!’, you draw out the best from even commentators, don’t you !?). From the sheer number of legends ranging from the great Sir Don, Viv or Sunny (who graciously makes that bow towards the end of the video) and who not, to some of your contemporaries like Graham Thorpe, Hayden, Andy Flower, Brian Lara et al, lavishing praise, need anything more be said.
Sachin, you have given us some of the most cherishable moments amidst lows. I recall the talk I had with brother last Saturday. He talked about how low the 2007 campaign was and I about the 2003 one. I, for one, believed the 2003 was your World Cup, how can one forget your face when you walked out to receive the Man of the Series trophy after that fiasco of a final ! How can one forget the horrible start to the 1999 WC with losses to SA (still remember that cut to third man you attempted after being set and edged it to Boucher) and Zimbabwe (yes Olonga, Robin Singh and Srinath !!).
And you getting that century against Kenya after shuttling home and back for that great personal tragedy of your father’s death (at that age, I didn’t realize the magnitude and was naively cheering – all I remember being the crowd chanting for a six and you giving it off the final ball of the innings. Am choked now, thinking how it was even possible !)
This simply had to be done for you.
I don’t know how far back can I relate to you. The 96 WC yes, I remember some of it, the semifinal fiasco after your dismissal. And how one can never forget that Chennai test match against Pakistan. You battled on and on and apparently initiated your back issues that day, by monumentally taking us from 80 or so for 5 to within 20 runs of victory, only to watch 4 people fall within 4 overs after you got out.
You transcended the limitations of a sports personality. As a human being, there have been several things with you, that I have been in awe of. Here is an occasion that you have dreamt of – the WC final, and you get dismissed with the team at 31/2, and yet, the reaction – the same one as always, the mild closure of eyes and looking upwards and walking back. How do you manage it? The Wankhede was stunned, the look on each one’s face, as the camera panned, was plain anguish writ large. We weere all children crying inconsolably in our hearts. Sport does that to us, you do that to us..The entire nation, a billion of us unflinchingly and unashamedly put our burden on your shoulders one more time, you willingly took it on. Nobody, no, not even one of us, could have felt as disappointed as you at that stage, and yet..you show that unbelievable composure. How I wish I had some of this in my life. I can seldom handle my own expectation !
You have taught us how to lead a simple and down-to-earth existence and how respect is earned by such a demeanour. You have won several of us over. Honestly, even when you got out the other day, several of us did not have any ill feeling towards you, we felt disappointed, yes, but that was because, for several of us, we were extremely anxious and wanted the ten others to do it for you! Isn’t this by itself a testimonial to the special place for you in our hearts? Even during that 175 against Australia, so many of us just wanted us to go through, just for that one innings. After the match, I still remember, I called brother and said I was not disappointed we lost the match, but I was aghast for you!
And as you stood there, with your team, as the National Anthem was played, our eyes filled with tears, pride, anxiety and respect for you..
Your story is entwined with our lives, virtually we started taking you for granted. The other day, reality hit me hard and I found myself telling brother ‘We would probably never watch him live in a stadium taking the field again, atleast for an ODI !’ And there was a lump in both our throats. I have watched a few matches live, even some where you played, but I never thought so much earlier about watching a match in a stadium live, but now want to do it, just for you, sadly I can’t!
Cricket hereafter ceases to have the same purpose for me. Of course, I can’t deny I shall watch and cheer our team more often than not, but it would never be the same. A landmark has been scaled and there’s practically not much left. There is a sense of fulfillment.
I can go on and on, but well, words would not do justice to my own feelings. All I have to say is this – I read Dickens and marvelled at his style, I listened to the music of yesteryear legends and have often wished I were born then to see them, I’ve watched some truly beautiful movies made (ever since I started watching recently !) and been touched, but I can say with immense satisfaction I have watched a true genius, a man sans peer in his field, in action, for a substantial part of his career. I have had the fortune of being born in such an age.
Thank you, Sachin, with all the meaning that those two words can have, for the numerous moments of everlasting nostalgia, happiness and pride you have given us ! Those are among the few things in life that would stay with me for ever and for ever..
Yours,
Sathej
PS : I am sure this hardly does any justice to the man ! People like Aparna (you’re one of those, who I relate with more, here) would do a far more better job. Waiting for your write-up, Aparna..
February 10, 2011 at 3:44 am (Uncategorized)
Libby Cone (LC) has been very gracious in agreeing to do a short interview. Below is the transcript of the interview done through email.
To begin with, a question that has been on my mind for a while. You are a practicing radiologist and it is quite remarkable that you found time to write and that too, a book like War on the Margins, that certainly requires considerable research. How do you manage to shift focus from diagnostic precision demanded professionally to creative expression that is needed for literary pursuits?
LC : The easy answer is that I like being busy. Actually, my version of a midlife crisis was to get married for the first time and to explore my Jewish heritage in more depth. The whole rat race of US medicine had been laid out before me as my first group practice was bought by an organization that went bankrupt one year later. I quickly realized that the ‘career’ I had spent so much time preparing for was, at least in the late ’90’s, really just a ‘job’, and though I took it (and continue to take it, as I work the occasional locum tenens) seriously, market forces beyond my control would determine its trajectory. I had taken some adult education courses on Jewish topics and enjoyed them, so I decided to matriculate at a college and get a degree in Jewish Studies. It took me about eight years, taking evening and summer classes. It was certainly more interesting than hospital politics! My brain doesn’t seem to notice the difference between history and radiology; as a matter of fact, I think the studying made me a better radiologist.
Continuing on a similar note, War on the Margins apparently had its origins in your Masters Thesis. What prompted you to do a Masters in Jewish Studies and later base your thesis on a work of fiction to a large extent (to my knowledge, this is a trifle uncommon atleast in non-literature degrees)?
LC : When I came across a Web site mentioning the occupation in 2001, I had been vaguely aware of its occurrence, but this time I was searching for a thesis topic, so when I revisited it inadvertently (I was really looking for the Isle of Man, trying to look at Manx cats!), it immediately caught my interest. There was an archive and a few books about it, but not much else, so my interest was piqued. I was fully prepared to write a ‘straight’ thesis, but my advisor (I can only imagine how many theses he has to wade through!) suggested I try something different. I came back with the idea of writing it as a work of historical fiction, and he liked it. I was off and running!
A few words please on the decision to go ahead with publishing the work.
LC : Well, it was fiction, and book-length. I tried to interest some agents, but nobody nibbled. At a friend’s suggestion, I savagely edited it and then self-published it. I owe its ultimate publication by Duckworth to the interest and enthusiasm of UK bloggers.
How has it been using blogs to reach out to readers?
LC : I love blogs. It is such a direct way to reach out to readers. I am always finding new ones. One has to do a great deal of one’s own marketing these days.
I have observed a couple of references to this in a few Amazon Reviews. And would like your comment on this. The narration is not linear entirely, and shifts rapidly at places, both in temporal and spatial terms. Was this a conscious decision while writing, maybe to enhance drama, or something that was perhaps demanded by the sketchy material (letters et al) available to you? Or maybe a bit of both?
LC : I wanted to tell the story in chronological order; this was the simplest way to organize the multiple plot lines. I do like novels that skip around like that. I like the abruptness. The early novels of Louis Begley stick in my mind as influences.
All along in the book, I could sense a dual tone of distressing helplessness, together with spurts of artistic passion. Atleast to me, it represents artistic lives quite well. Any comments please?
LC : Art looks for truth, and will be expressed, regardless of what is going on in daily life. I guess for years I expressed myself with sarcastic comments and notes while observing the caprices of middle management and of colleagues who saw me as a competitor for shrinking revenues. I know there was an inner struggle between the part of me that worried about what others thought about me and the part that didn’t care. It’s fortunate, I guess, that the part that didn’t care won out and I channeled it into a degree and a second career.
Claude Cahun, Marcel Moore – two wonderfully constructed characters and Marlene Zimmer, an equally endearing image. Where is it for you from here? Tell us something about your next book, Flesh and Grass. The setting in the 17th Century Dutch region and the story involves disruption of lives of small-time people and their hopeful ‘Little Common-wealth’ by violence. An additional element of challenge, I chanced upon, lies in the narration being from a blind protagonist’s (?) view. Sounds nice. Any inspiration that went towards this work?
LC : Well, Claude and Marcel were real people, so I didn’t have to do so much construction. Marlene was my invention. Could an ordinary person rise to the occasion when her identity was suddenly up for classification by others? Could she see herself as an actor in a deadly worldwide struggle? As far as ‘Flesh and Grass,’ I cannot remember when I first stumbled upon the story of the Plockhoy settlement. I kept finding more and more tidbits of information and saving them up. It’s another book about identity and what happens when it is controlled by others. In this case Dutch citizens come to the New World. Then Britain takes the colonies over and they find themselves British. Then a Dutch admiral takes the colonies back and they’re Dutch again. Then the colonies are relinquished as part of a peace treaty and they are English again. The son of Peter Plockhoy, the founder of the settlement on which the novel is based, was blind, so I worked with it, developing an olfactory memoir of sorts for Cornelis Boom.
Tell us some of your personal favourites amongst writers/books..
LC : I love Margaret Atwood and think she is brilliant at character descriptions, especially in ‘Life Before Man,’ ‘Cat’s Eye,’ and ‘Oryx and Crake.’ I still remember the scene in ‘Oryx and Crake,’ which I must have read five years ago, where we realize the awful transformation of a character’s mind and motivation based on poems he composes with magnets on his refrigerator. I think Nadine Gordimer is up there as well. Mark Helprin is an extraordinary prose stylist. I have been reading a great deal of David Foster Wallace lately; he was a true gift to us.
Just a few lines on your perspectives on life and art please..
LC : I feel extraordinarily privileged to have been able to imagine, write, and then publish a book. My husband finds this amusing, as my career or job or whatever as a radiologist made this financially possible, and I don’t undervalue that part of my life. I’m just happy that science has taught me rationality, commerce has taught me to question the motivations behind everything, and Judaism has taught me how to look at a text with an analytical eye and to look at the world with radical amazement..
________________________________________________________________________
My comments :
I could relate quite a bit to the views expressed in the response to the first question. And the comment on ‘art looking for truth, and that it would be expressed, regardless of what is going on in daily life’ is very nicely made. Reminds me of that wonderful commentary on art by the inimitable Oscar Wilde in his preface to The Picture of Dorian Gray, beautiful and unforgettable..
Sathej
February 10, 2011 at 3:34 am (Books)
I must thank Priya Iyer for enabling me to get in touch with the writer. I also have Libby Cone to thank for graciously sending me a review copy. I have only myself to blame though, for delaying this review. I had completed almost the entire book in late November, while I was in India, and then with the way things have been shaping, I have found it difficult to read anything of late. And hence this delay.
To start with, the book is an endearing piece of historical fiction. The ease with which Libby Cone, a professional radiologist, has managed to produce this impressive debut work of hers, is wonderful in several ways. To weave together concurrent and distinct plots, shifting rapidly between chapters, both in spatial and temporal terms, is no easy task.
The story is essentially based on the Nazi occupation of the Channel Islands, the ensuing atrocities that the Jews have to put up with, and how two women of art – Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore, ‘manage to find poetry’ amidst remarkable hardships. It could be regarded as a prequel to The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society (I’ve only half-read the latter). Marlene Zimmer, a shy clerk at the Aliens Office, watches herself assume roles strongly unfamiliar to her, a transformation that difficult situations catalyze in unsuspecting humans.
I personally liked the abrupt and dramatic shifts between chapters, that served to maintain curiosity. Libby truly manages to achieve the tricky task of balancing the melancholic undertones and the rapidity with which the events that unfold; the narration is touching and gripping, both at once. The stark realism of the hardships under the Nazi clasp is portrayed effectively, as is the delicate yet indomitable spirit of Claude and Marcel. I could always relate to Marlene, an unassuming common-place lady, taken to heights of endurance, that even she couldn’t have imagined to begin with. As the story unfolds, we see her transform into a Resistance Member, and the kind of influence that Claude and Marcel have on her character.One can only look upon with awe, the courage and fortitude of the people.
And I must certainly commend the amount of research that has gone into the work. The book abundantly draws from and quotes original letters, documents and other source materials. Seamlessly shifting between fact and fiction, the book is a great example of creativity embedded in the canvas of reality.
The interest and enthusiasm shown by bloggers in the UK and other places played a significant role in the publication of the book by Duckworth Publishers based in the UK.
A poignant read, would certainly recommend the book !
Thanks a lot again, to Libby for sending me a copy..
Sathej
January 1, 2011 at 3:46 am (2010, Pensive, Poignant, Potsdam)
2010 draws to a close..Inspite of being hugely disinclined to blog, here I am, after reading a post by a friend. The post recounted incidents as a list, and that was something that struck me as doable..So here is the too much that has transpired..
First ever trip westward outside the country..Leipzig in January, had an interview and a presentation to make. Was nice talking about some of my BTP work and some other epidemics work and had a nice interaction..
Jan end and Feb was a time of hard decisions and thanks to many people..busy people who replied patiently and were ready to talk things.
March – a time of contemplating magnitude of decisions taken..
April – Final official month as an undergraduate at IITM..some of my fondest memories with the place, the people..oh can’t quite put it in words..wrote my entire BTP thesis of 50 pages in one night flat – a complete night out, for the first time I suppose (and haven’t had one since then as well !). Work was done reasonably beforehand, but somehow I didnt like the idea of sitting down and writing things, so it had to wait until the ‘last date’ (turned out later that the last date wasn’t the last date, after all !)..
May – first week – a talk at our lab group meeting, nice that I had such a thing before even my official presentation..was nice, a detailed talk, 2+ hours and I didn’t even feel like it.. second week – trip to Coimbatore, hurriedly getting back by flight on seeing the BTP presentation dates, preparing a few slides for the talk in just about 10 minutes for the official presentation! And the last ‘working’ day (though exams were all done earlier) at IITM..felt beautiful giving the 10 minute talk, (with Prof GJ repeatedly saying to everyone, just 10 minutes:)), my supervisor Prof SS walking in for the talk and for just being the person he is, a few questions..and then all over, walking back from the Dept, as a student, for one last time..
June – nothing much..sitting at home, refusing to think of months ahead..missing brother..
July – Slowly starting to realize whats in store..July end – convocation..one of those touching moments..felt really nice for every graduand to receive it personally from the Director..
August – Beginning was a nightmare..left for Dublin, knowing though I might return sometime in a couple of months..tears, first realization of the proprotion of separations..largely felt alone..
September – Health concerns a bit..logistic nightmare for two days as I locked myself out of the apartment !! Some nice moments at work in Maynooth, Dublin..will recollect the long talks with supervisor..September end – felt wonderful on that flight back home, one of my most cherished moments..
October – same as June, largely at home, refusing to think ahead..a beautiful day was when I had a long talk with Prof GK at the Dept, a person with so much responsibilties and work and yet took so much time out to just talk. Another nice day was when I attended a group meeting of my lab after quite a while..was nice just taking part in such an informal atmosphere, just talking about work, sans barriers..
November – Early part – decently ok. Nice Diwali, trip to Coimbatore..so looked forward to meeting P before leaving, felt quite bad at not being able to..Bigger nightmare sets in..a trip with no specified/planned return date. Crying, reflecting and the inevitable separation, hardly anybody standing by..a touching gesture by G on the day I left..
December – No great moments..occasional smile on reading a nice paper. Separation too huge to sense anything else, a couple of nights of desperation after getting lost in the cold..glad to have one nice person A to help a bit..
2010 has just been too much to take..doing things because I had to, and not quite because I wanted to..2011 doesn’t appear to be something am excited about, but I hope it goes along ok..A long way to go..the emotional parts hard to set aside. Wished for some support from some..
Just felt like writing this for myself..so did..
It has been pathetic updating on the blog, but then am fairly sure there is hardly anybody even reading..the upcoming days too don’t seem to promise much as regards blogging, infact I even contemplate at times about how it has lost meaning to blog any more, and that I should probably shut this down..anyway, why bother shutting, just would not be posting as such, except for the pending book review that I’ve promised to someone (am being terrible with the promise, I should do this soon)..
Sathej
December 12, 2010 at 3:48 am (Pensive, Poignant, Potsdam, Private)
A post after a while..been about 2.5 weeks since I arrived here. Have not seen temperatures exceeding 2 degrees on any day so far. Lows have been minus 10. Expected to go down to minus 20s in the days to come..Doing my bit to manage with the cold.
Have been missing quite a few things..music, family, friends, places, things..its quite a long way to go still, lets see..
People have been the biggest to miss..have not been particularly talking much with anyone back home these days..couple of close friends apparently are busy and family is on vacation, so not too much of communication. Most others don’t care anyway..
Might not post for a bit..except for a review of a book that I’ve been reading (the author was gracious enough to send me a copy while I was back home, was almost done with it then, but am pathetic in still not finding the time/mood after getting here, to read the 20 pages left) and hope to finish soon..
Hasn’t been very easy, have been just dwelling on reading interesting papers to distract myself. Don’t quite know how long that would work though..but then have decided to keep to myself a bit, gets bad to ping people and they not responding, so better, I guess, to just not talk.
Wish for certain things..and for certain people though..
Sathej
November 23, 2010 at 9:02 pm (Distressing, Memorable, Pensive, Poignant, Private)
Visited G’s home this morn..so nice of her to take that much time out of what has been a hectic day for her, to put it mildly. Thank you so much for all this support..am so touched..cannot say anything more. Its not a great time to write..
Am reposting something I did two months back..nothing conveys it better than this..
Am putting up this verse – The Last Glance written by Nivedita here. Came across this last year and I very well knew I would sooner rather than later be at the same crossroads. Hope its alright to use this here..So poignantly written, reflects several things on my mind..
Greetings have been exchanged.
Pleasantries have been performed.
Ambience has been admired.
Weather has been discussed.
Dinner gong has been sounded.
Courses have been served.
Wine has been drunk.
Dessert has been eaten.
Cigars have been smoked.
Coffee has been consumed.
Gossip has been swapped.
It is almost time to go.
Goodbyes have been said.
Hands have been shaken.
Promises have been made.
To be kept or not, who knows?
Not a word is left to be said.
Not a sound is left to be heard.
The beautiful poem that we have spun is done.
Yet, why do I turn back, as the gates close?
You made me laugh.
You made me cry.
You made me love.
You made me care.
A child I was, when I met you.
A woman (my note:a man would be more appropriate for me, I suppose, anyway am leaving it unaltered) you made me, when I leave you.
Cold a moment, comforting the next.
Yet always there, always.
Beaches and seas,
Roads and cars,
Music and dance,
Goodbye all.
A heart wrung, a silent tear.
A quivering chin, a face forlorn.
All for a moment, just one.
In the end, it never does matter.
Fancy, thy time has come.
Yet allow me but a minute more
To break mine heart
Before cold reason sets store.
I turn back, as the gates close
Hoping against hope,
For something that never will be
And perhaps, for something that never was.
Sathej
November 23, 2010 at 9:17 am (Books)
This is a book that I have been reading these days and am on the verge of completion (have to keep it pending for a couple of days, due to some massive changes occuring on the personal front!). The writer Libby Cone has weaved a wonderful picture of the World War II days dwelling on a small island – Jersey, off the French coast. The book revolves around three distinct and brilliantly portrayed female characters – Marlene Zimmer – a shy clerk, Claude Cahun and Marcel Moore – quintessentially creative artists. The fragrance of the days in which the novel has been set, is unmistakable and it has made a very good read so far (about 50 pages left for me to read).
The book is in the running for the People’s Book Prize and I would readily recommend it to anyone looking for an engrossing and touching narrative of lives in such times at places such as these. Voting for the book may be done here.. the deadline is November 30..
Sathej
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