Living life on the edge…innocently

IRONIC

Its that time again, I’m house-sitting in Bugolobi and as such I won’t have very regular posts. This time round, I am not blessed with a TV so huge you can play table tennis on its screen, but what I do have is a wireless internet connection with no computer. It’s like that line in that song by that woman who says its like rain on your wedding day…its like inter-nets, with no com-puter.

I also happen to have DSTV which I utilize for work. Everyone else watches TV to unwind, but not I. I do it so I can earn a salary.

IDOL AND DISODERLY

Idols, also known as that show where people go to sing and stuff, is coming to an end. Coming up is Big Brother Africa 3. The show that saw Tanzania in bed with Angola and Nigeria.

It goes without saying that I am really psyched for this thing. Its not even the whole prospect of viewing “public displays of romantic action”, but the fact that it is multi dimensional. Something is always happening. Or someone.

And there’s always someone we figure we are better than. It wasn’t quite the same with the Idols experience coz the lads and lasses there-on have better singing voices than I do, which is not saying much.

HERBS AND SPICES

I was asked recently whether I have had the opportunity to smoke weed before…yes. Ages ago. And it made me paranoid, walking around telling people to stop looking at me like I was high. They weren’t looking at me. Hell, not even in my general direction. I take solace in the knowledge in knowing someone else was higher than I and propositioned a lady twice thinking he’d landed on two different people…

“madam, how much? What? THREE THOUSAND? Keep your ****!” individual proceeds to stagger a bit, turn around and (meeting the same lady again) asks, “madam, let me give you two thousand five hundred for a quickie…”

HOW HIGH ARE YOU… HI, HOW ARE YOU

I went for comedy night recently after vowing not to and had myself a grand ol’ time. The problem is, I don’t know whether it was because I was drinking quite a bit… oh and I met some dude that was on the prowl for some “fine laydeez over hurr”… Told him he’d probably get himself some if he made sure no one caught on that he was from around “herrr’…fo sho’!

IMPPRESSED
I watched WANTED the other day and I gotta admit, I was impressed with how mature we’ve gotten as a cinema going er, as cinema-goers. Seriously. Any one that has watched this movie will agree with me, it is so full of it, in the old days people would stand up and clap every so often (LOSERS ALL!), however every so often people would just look on, staring in awe… to borrow a word, with “eye-gasms”..but no claps. Impressive shit really.

…and I be here saying I am unemployed

I was on phone with a pal when the issue of my house-sitting came up, says she, “I didn’t know you did that, you should have sat for me when I was away…” Say I, “ I only do plush places..” Says she… well, you know what you said

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

Allow me to introduce y’all to. . .this blog

I watched Speed Racer, finally! The reason I was watching it in the first place is because it is from those brothers that decided, “screw physics, a guy can dodge bullets with his mind…” The movie plays out like an advert for paint…or a device for torturing epileptic insurgents in Iraq.

I had a Turkish delight this morning. That was on my way to the bathroom…soapy water got into my mouth so what was once rose flavored, became Geisha flavored. Tasted like crap, incase you were wondering.

My pal told me that who you are at 25 is who you will be for the rest of your life. Technically that means I have roughly three months to mould myself into a morally upright citizen…I’m keeping my fetish for girls in white pants till 5 minutes to my birthday.

I am afraid of babies. Not in a clown’s freak me out sort of way, but I wouldn’t want to be left alone with a baby for even five seconds… shit, at all. My sis wonders how I will cope with my own kids… I haven’t planned that far ahead.

The contestants on Tusker’s Project Fame make me want me to throw our TV…at them…I was going to let it slide until the traffic jam they caused made it close to impossible to get a decent meal at Garden City… there’s also the fact that some chic said, “My own very home!” …and most of the contestants seem to have developed accents of questionable origin after going to Nairobi…NAIROBI for crying out loud!

What’s the deal with teletubbies? Why don’t they grow old and wrinkly and die? How come the kid in the sky with a sunny disposition is not aging? Aren’t we filling our kids with false hope?

The fair and lovely lady on telly in that advert says four is her lucky number… haha, mbu 4! The nerve.

My niece believes in shooting stars. After watching Ragga Dee and Bobi Wine engaged in a game of pool at the night club the other night, I think it’s a brilliant idea.

I want my Sony Ericsson to be as deadly as the Nokias in that advert where people are as-if fighting using their phones network waves. Damn you Sony, when will you make my phone a weapon of mass distraction!