creating this life

creating this life…if not now…

What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome? May 23, 2007

By accident we stumbled into Tompskin Square Park to film this videoblog episode.  The question we asked was “What is the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome?”  It is a heavier episode/blog for us, but amazing answers really.  I love that everyone’s reality is different.  The things we struggle with vary so much…and each thing no matter how tough you or I may perceive it is real for that person.

I answered being gay in the midwest in our vodcast…and while that is real. I feel the answer that is really true for me and which I am still trying to overcome is loss.  The loss of a loved ones.  When I was younger loss came in the form of a relationship ending…my first love and I splittin up…my partner a few years ago, but the real loss occurs when someone is gone from this earth.  The loss of my cousin to leukemia when I was in my 20’s, he was so young and beautiful…but the death of my grandmother was even harder.  She was my soulmate.  It is too fresh (even though it’s been 4 years) to think about sometimes.  She was my best friend…She nurtured me and accepted me unconditionally.  She taught me so much about the world…shared her stories and love for poetry and words and gardening and food and exploration and life with me.  She taught me things I would not have normally learned in the middle of Indiana.  And as I grew up we would exchange advice.  I remember the first time she wanted my opinion on a situation with some of her friends.  Our relationship was timeless and not bound by the age difference.  We shared so much. She had a broad mind and overcoming the loss of her this life time is something I am not sure how to do. You just go on…time I suppose.  For quite a while I just blocked it out, but then pieces come back.  It feels good to remember now.  We all have loss in this life, I know I am not the only one having a hard time overcoming it. 

 

What inspires you? May 18, 2007

Kathryn and I put the following video together last week.  We shot in Time Square and the theatre district.  We asked people what inpires them.  We got some great answers to the question.  I am looking at this again tonight becuase I used to feel inspired by so many things…and lately it gets tough.  But as I say in the videoblog, New York inpires me.  If it weren’t 4 in the morning I’d go take a walk and find some inspiriation out there.  As it is, I am just thinking about inspiration…With that said I though I’d put this out there.

 

What would you be doing with your life…with unconditional support? May 3, 2007

This week’s question is about unconditional support.  We hit the streets in NYC and asked people what they would be doing if they had the unconditional support of everyone around them…whatever that means to them.  It’s a videoblog…check it out…

 

Why do you wake up each day? April 4, 2007


Why do you wake up each day?

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Why do you wake up each day? I am sitting here with a cup of coffee wondering why I am up…but then I remember. People get up for different reason. Check it out.
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What does your job say about who you are?


What does your job say about who you are?

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Another “Question of the Week”…What does your job say about who you are? Curious if is reflective of who you are.
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What’s the most courageous thing you have done? April 2, 2007

We are on the streets in New York asking people what is the most corageous thing they ever did.  There are different ways to define courage and it is interesting to hear what people have to say…I appreciate the honesty.  Sometimes simple, sometimes complicated.   I was a little kid and helped save my little brother’s friend by pulling him out of a rushing creek.   For a 7 year old it seemed impossible, I was scared, but we were able to do it.  

Since then as an adulte I think the most courageous thing I have done is take my life in my own hands.  To make choices.  To not be afraid…or to be afraid and do it any way.  Check out what people had to say about courage…

 

What do you fear most? March 25, 2007

Filed under: fear,gay,inspiration,life,personal,podcast,Uncategorized,video,vodcast,YouTube — nicknyc @ 11:19 pm

This past week in our videoblog we asked the question, “What is your greatest fear?”  We received some amazing answers.  Most people had one word answers which was surprising…even my answer was brief…“Being Alone”.  My favorite answer was fear.  “What do you fear most?”  “Fear”. 

I have found myself reflecting on it quite a bit.  I like my alone time, but don’t want to BE alone.  I like knowing that I have a boyfriend.  I want him to be there forever.   That, of course, is an awful lot of pressure for anyone, and I am curious how it affects my relationship…and my life.  Oddly I like my “alone” time, but can enjoy it knowing that ultimately I am not alone.    Of course it begs a larger question of are we alone and in a way aren’t we all alone?  And what about that which is greater than I, but I am not ready to tackle that one.  I have to deal with my humanity….and the fact is I don’t like to be alone. 

It also got me thinking about how my fear of being alone affects my life.  I work really hard at being great boyfriend because first I am an overachiever, but 2ndly, I don’t want to lose him and be alone.  I often acquiesce on issues for fear of upsetting the apple cart and having someone mad at me.  People will go away if they don’t like me and then I will be alone.  Yikes.  I don’t particularly like that thought process, but that is what these questions do for me.  They make me think.  I suppose I like the comfort of the city because there is always someone near.  

Have a look and let me know your reactions.  What do you fear?

 

 

have you ever stolen anything…how did you feel? March 11, 2007

Earlier this month we were in Central Park asking our “Question of the Week” videoblog.  The question was “Have you ever stolen anything…and how did it make you feel.” 

 I think this episode is really fun.  The answers are interesting…a lot of candy and rings that day.  In our small slice of life it seemed kids steal things…more than adults…well, at least people are willing to admit that they stole something as a kid.  I love the girl that stole Barbie shoes from a friend and she felt good about it. 

 I felt really bad when I was a kid and stole a tiny plastic/candy pumpkin from my cousin.  He had a bunch of them and wouldn’t share…so finally I snuck in his room and took one.  I felt fiesty at being denied.  My mom found it later in my pocket and asked me where I got it.  I cried and felt so bad.  She laid into me.  I felt bad about stealing that.  I was supposed to tell my cousin and return the pumpkin.  I never did.  I lied and said I did.  Twenty years later I finally told him over a beer.  He laughed at me, but I felt relief.  I can’t believe that took up space in my brain all those years.  I never stole anything again.  I guess it’s good to have parents that help set you on the right path. 

 Check it out.  I am curious what else people steal.  Hmmm? 

 

Who or What do you love? March 7, 2007

So for Valentine’s Day, Youtube.com  sponsored a little question of the month.  We used their question.  It is a little sappy for me, but we did it at fashion week, and got some great answers. There were some beautiful people, inside and out.  But it has had me thinking a lot.  What do I love the most?  Who do I love the most?  I hate committing to an answer, so I am not sure what that says about me.  I love my boyfriend, but is he who I love most?  I answered my mom…like a lot of people, I suppose there is something about mothers.  If they are good, they provide unconditional love and support, partciularly when you are a child.  Mine was awesome.  She loves me more than anyone in the world.  There is something very special about that for me.  I also lucked out because she is cool…smart, pretty savvy.   She would have loved Fashion Week too.  She is always beautifully dressed, but then she can roll up her sleaves and work really hard.  She inspires people…gives to her community.  As a teacher and director, she inspires many children to dream bigger and believe in him/herself.    So I do love her most.  I have known her longest.  I also love my friends.  I have a group of amazing friends that support me…and there is my brother.  Of course, my mother when asked by my younger brother if she loved me more replied to him, “well, which of your puppies do you love most?”  He had two…he said, “I can’t pick,  they each have something special and I love both of them so much.”  He was 9 or 10 at the time.   She said, “exactly, I can love both of you.” That has always stuck.  I think you can love a number of people.  And again I ramble.  Is it really clear to some people?  

There is also “What do you love most?”  Something material…I LOVE CLOTHES.  I love beautiful fabrics, the perfect cut, the way something fits….moves.  On the show I answered beauty because clothes are in there somewhere for me.   I want to be clear that I think beauty can be found in the most mundane places…and I love to find the beauty in each person.  I truly believe that everyone has something beautiful about him/her.  Sometimes it is hard to find…but the trick is to keep looking for it, because you can find it and it can inspire.  Anyway, check out the video, I am curious what other people love most…and the who.

Of course after watching that again…I love the young girl who loves Mary and Kate…and then EVERYTHING!  ..and then the guy that loves his dog.  But my favorite is the guy who says his what is his boyfriend “Jamie” and his who is “Jamie”….of course, Jamie says, “Billy”  and then “Candy” …it makes me laugh.  Sweet.  Let me know what you think.

 

Are you Ambitious? March 1, 2007

Filed under: inspriation,life,personal,podcast,Uncategorized,video,vodcast,YouTube — nicknyc @ 2:42 am

So another question that we have asked on the street is “Are you Ambitious?”  It is one that has been puzzling me.  My initial response was “UGGGH”.  And I later talked about manufacturing ambition.  But can you?  I feel like Ambition is the thing everyone is supposed to have, that if I am good and a “go-getter”, I will be ambitious.  There is a lot of should surrounding it for me.  I sometimes, just don’t care.  I like doing things or I don’t.  I suppose where I run into a lot of conflict in my mind is that I want a lot of things in this world….but do I have to be ambitious to get them?  Or can I succeed in my way?  I don’t know.  I would love to hear what other people think about ambition.  I feel like if I don’t say I am ambitious people might mistake me for lazy…but that is far from the truth.  I am a hard worker, but I believe that is very different than ambitious.   Perhaps it is just symantics.   I would like to succeed through my passions, and hard work. Again, I ramble.  If you have a minute take a look at what some people said. 

 

 
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