This month’s “FAN OF THE FEELS”: Laura has been a loyal supporter of our since the day of launch. She has cheered us on, supported our voice and is a true believer in what we set out to do here on The Daily Feels.  It’s a pleasure to honor Laura as our March FAN OF THE FEELS.

Blogger: Peter Dunn – “The Cynical Dreamer”

For me, it started as just another day. Just another day that I had allowed myself to work myself into overdrive, and to not pay attention to any signs that my body was, simply, tired.

I remember waking up from a one-hour power nap that day (and by power hour nap, I mean that was actually all the sleep I’d had that day), and me telling myself it was ok, cause obviously, I was fine. I remember feeling starved and a little light-headed.  But I was headed to a friend’s birthday where I could order a fabulous dinner, and that all I had to do was make it there.

Y’all, that is NEVER a normal response or thought process. It should never once cross your mind “if I can make it there”, but that’s what my brain was teaching me at the time.

I was the most exhausted I’d been in a long time, yet my biggest fear was still how tired everyone else was.

I got into a cab on the UWS, and started making my way downtown to dinner. Around Lincoln Center, something felt, not right. The degree of pain and anxiety that I suddenly started feeling, told me something was wrong. As we drove past the Met and the tightness on the right side of my body sent another wave of warning, I knew something was up. Luckily, the fact that I’m a psychopath and hypochondriac made me think to google “early steps of a heart attack”.

Lesson #1: ALWAYS trust your instincts, especially in medical situations.

So, I did that, and everything I read was exactly what I was feeling. I then called my mother. That will always be what felt like one of the best and worst decisions of my entire life. My mom answered and I immediately said: “I think I’m having a heart attack”. My mama after a couple “what?!”’s instructed me to have the cab go to the nearest hospital, which I was already doing, and stayed on the phone with me the entire time.

I’m realizing now in starting this article that I don’t even know how to properly describe this experience:

• The pain went from 100% to 300%
• The tightness and the constriction that I was feeling in my chest went from extremely painful, to this is the worst and the scariest thing I’ve ever felt.
• My ability to monitor my breathing became a game that I never thought would be a game. I don’t curse in front of or around my mother, but the only word I could find to use to monitor and count my breaths was “fuck”.
• I now know the stream of consciousness thoughts that you have when you think you are dying. My brain was all over the place, but the largest, most overbearing thought, was “I can’t believe I called my mother and she’s going to hear her son die over the phone with her.” I felt selfish. I felt terrible.  I felt like anything I had done as a son leading up to that moment, didn’t matter cause this was my defining one, this phone call.

As my cab pulled up in front of the hospital, I was pretty incoherent. However, I will always remember that the fare was $24 and I only had a $50 bill, and as opposed to giving me my change, he looked back at me and told me to get out of the car. I will rightfully argue anything, but the fact that I was worried about dying kept me from that one, and I still to this day am pissed that I didn’t get to give that man a piece of my mind, along with my change.

I stumbled out and made my way to the entrance, only to realize that he had dropped me off in front of a building that was literally closed. A single security guard sat behind the front desk twirling in circles. He looked at me, aggressively signed Closed and continued twirling. It was also a Friday night in NYC at like 9:30pm. I’m sure I just looked like someone who had drunk too much or done too many drugs. The following is why I say, even if you don’t believe in God or something, you should believe in something bigger than us: As I banged on the glass and this security guard enjoyed his carousel chair, out of nowhere every ounce of pain, tightness, and insanity that was going through my mind and soul left for a minute. I was able to focus on everything: what a beautiful night it was. How full and illuminating the moon was. How it lit the clouds from behind. How I could see a single star. How beautifully still the city was in that moment, and on that block, where no people were, how much I enjoyed and craved silence, even though I wished just one person would pass who would help me. What’s crazy (and probably describes me accurately as a person more than anything) is that when that happened, for a second my dumbass thought “oh I should just go to Jessie’s party now”, but after a second thought I realized, nope. Anyway, I was able to ground myself and locate the Emergency Room entrance and make that block and a half walk in the clear, feeling as if I was honestly walking on clouds or something. As I was a couple of feet away, everything went from 0% directly back to that 300%, and I staggered into that emergency room feeling as if I was breathing my final breaths.

Walking into a NYC emergency room on a Friday night is an experience I wish on no one. You’re walking into an ER full of drunks or druggies and everyone’s assuming you are the same. I was told I was having a panic attack for the first 2.5 minutes (which felt like 2.5 years), and told to fill out paperwork when I had no control over the entire left side of the body (I’m a leftie. Cmon team lefties!)

Turns out I had indeed had a heart attack. What’s positive is that nothing is wrong with my actual heart. I had just lived my life to such an extreme state of exhaustion and not properly taken care of myself, that my body was in such an extreme state of stress that it had caused inflammation around my heart, that constricted blood flowing through the pulmonary veins to the heart, and my lil, loving, pretty wonderful heart, was losing the ability to do what it was born to do: beat.

There are so many things I can say about this overall experience. But there are two that I think are most important, and that I most want to draw attention to:

• Listen to your body. If you feel tired, if you feel run down, if you feel dehydrated, if you feel hungry, YOU. ARE. Listen to your body. You have one, and it deserves you to treat it like the temple that it is. I’m still fighting that fight, sometimes every day, but I don’t think anyone else deserves to. Listen to your body.
• Your heart is a muscle. I think about the heart in ways that I don’t think most do anymore. I think about it emotionally and spiritually. But I also just think about it as a physical, beating, organ. Cause I’ve felt what happens when it stops beating. I’ve seen it exist as just an organ. And I’ve known when it’s then transcended to something bigger. I’ve seen someone die from a broken heart, and I’ve felt someone almost die from an overworked one. Take care of yourselves. You are important but you are not invincible.

Feel, live, love, beat. But love the thing that gives you the ability to love. Xx

Peter William Dunn is a born and raised New Yorkers, who is currently a freelance writer, producer, director and sometimes actor in the city.

His professional passions include:  film, music, literature, helping other artists thrive and all around storytelling

His personal passions include: puppies, babies, black and white milkshakes, and attractive men with accents (he has an extra strong track record for attracting emotionally unavailable men, but don’t tell him we told you that, and don’t yell at him for speaking in third person right now).

His current loves are his dog, Domino, a whiskey neat, and in case you didn’t know, his mother is the greatest human being on earth❤

Guest Blogger: Jennifer Peña

I walked out of the West Wing and down West Executive Avenue towards my car one last time. Emotions pouring over me like a flash-flood. Courage, duty, respect, selfless service, honor, integrity… The Army values, I realized. Those which had been inculcated in me since I signed on the dotted line almost 14 years prior, as a brand-new medical student. And the seventh value, loyalty. Yes, that’s right, loyalty. Not to the persons occupying the offices, but to the offices of the Presidency and Vice Presidency themselves. To “bear true faith and allegiance to the U.S. Constitution, the Army, my unit and other Soldiers”. Because this is the oath I took, not once but many times in my military career, and never more important than in this last duty station. But as a physician, I also took an oath to first do no harm, a Hippocratic Oath. Not a Hypocritical Oath. To protect my patients and ensure their well-being above all else was my mission, militarily and medically. And that is what I did. Can’t say the same for others.

I thought I would cry on my last day at the White House. At least, that was what was expected of me. The woman. The one who always wore her emotions on her sleeve. No matter how many times I tried to explain that my passion towards my work should not be confused for emotion. But I didn’t shed a tear. I couldn’t get myself to, even if I tried. I felt numb.

Almost 4 years of all-consuming service to others above self, at all hours, every day. My family took a back seat, my “self” took a non-existent seat. My everything had become my service to others, which I did selflessly and with honor. But I lost myself along the way. “Drank of the Kool-Aid” if you will, as I saw many do before me, and had promised myself I would never do. But the proximity to power makes people feel powerful. And although it did for me as well when I first saw the title on my business card, “Physician to the Vice President”, the feelings quickly became ones of “powerlessness”. I wasn’t living my dream, that dream for which my family had sacrificed so much, and for which I had sacrificed my entire life, but rather I was living someone else’s dream. Actually, I was the “help”, lurking in the shadows of someone else’s dream. And that became my nightmare. “Never seen, always there”, was a motto that had been rumored around the White House Medical Unit as one that characterized our existence. Well, at least for most of us.

I sported my best fitting suit on that last day. Brand new, actually. “Smart Sexy”, I had termed it. Tailored just right for the vertically challenged people like me. With a skirt that looked really good in the back…

I had just bought it and was ready to put it to some good use. Put some few thousand miles of travel into it. That’s what we did. They go, we go. Everywhere. Always. No questions asked. Even when there was clear and present danger, not just to them but also to us. We were there. To save lives. More often than not to cure the hangovers of ignorant staffers who still ate from their silver spoons. But it had to be done. Because the machine is big, and it takes a lot of parts to make it run. One part goes down, and the machine breaks. The fragility of it all is actually quite amusing. And when you’re the keeper of that ever so important over-the-counter medication that will save the world from nuclear annihilation, it all becomes a little too real.

But that day, as I walked into my orange Jeep Wrangler on West Exec, the car that never fit the White House mold just like I never did, all feelings of self-importance dissipated. I turned in my badge. I no longer had all-access to the 18 acres. I thought for an instant that I had demoted myself from being the help to less than that when I resigned my post.  Interestingly, a feeling not entirely unfamiliar to me, as the first Latina physician at the White House, the first female physician to the Vice President, the first of a lot of things in the trajectory of my career. Elements of pride that had been overshadowed along the way by the insecurities of others. Glass ceilings that were broken, but for which I was made to pick up the pieces, because I was eternally relegated to the rank of the help. Mostly by those who knew they could never amount to anything, despite occupying the positions of privilege birth-righted to them. But I quickly learned I had just given myself the most important promotion in life.

A woman, a Latina, a Major in the Army, a physician, Ivy League graduate (the kind that earned it, not the kind that had mommy and daddy pay to cheat the system to get her in). Smart, opinionated, empowered. A “man-eater”, as I was once described. And all while operating in the proverbial “little boys club”. And the little boys club at the White House was the epitome of them all.

I drove out of West Exec, waved good-bye to one of my U.S. Secret Service Agent friends. A black man, who had shared his admiration for me just as I had for him and his successes in a system that builds walls against us. And I stopped the car as I looked at the pristine white building behind me in the rear-view mirror. Marveling at its beauty and splendor under the June sun. Bright white. Pristine. White. And, in my head, I heard the glass break.

Blogger: Janis Gaudelli – “Champion of Truths, Unicorns & AWE-tism”

A week from today we’re throwing two different celebrations at The Daily Feels.

First, it’s our one-year anniversary at The Daily Feels!  In January of last year, I made a pact with myself that I was going to invest time in a passion project that brought people together for a common good: to honor the truths of storytelling.  I called on eleven individuals from all walks of life, each with a powerful narrative to share.

As the creator of The Daily Feels, I had three goals to conquer:

1. Face my fear of writing 
2. Eliminate shame and stigmas by sharing vulnerable truths 
3. Build awareness and acceptance of Autism 

Whereas there is still work to be done on all three goals, I am forever grateful I didn’t have to do this alone. Those eleven bloggers who took the initial leap with me to share their stories, the nine more who joined us throughout the year, and all our Guest Bloggers have been my inspiring guides. 

And then there’s you, the reader. We are truly grateful for the love and support you have provided.  It’s a terrifying free-fall when you start putting your life in words for the world to read.  But when those words fall upon those who support and relate to your journey, well, that’s when the stars align.  We’re honored to keep on this path for as long as you’re willing to walk with us.  As Ram Dass so beautifully put it, “We’re all just walking each other home.”  To celebrate our one-year anniversary, we will have a new look and feel on the blog.  Make sure to check it out on April 1st and tell us what you think.

The second celebration will take place all month long, as April is Autism Awareness and Acceptance month.  Did you know that approximately 1 in 59 children is diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)?  If you have been with us at The Daily Feels, you know that my moniker is the “Champion of Truths, Unicorns & AWE-tism.”  I am mom to a 7-year-old boy with Autism, who was diagnosed when he was 3.  Since then, he has guided me to see the AWE in Autism (which wasn’t always the case, believe me).  I spent the first couple of years playing victim to this disorder until I chose to see the gift, the awe that was being presented to me on the daily.  Autism has made me a better person and therefore a better parent.  I have learned so much about compassion, patience, and the true meaning of unconditional love.  I have the best life coach in my son Kellan, sharing his lens on what is such a fascinating world.  I have had the privilege of meeting warriors in the form of parents, caregivers, therapists, teachers, advocates, coaches, and of course all the amazing individuals living with Autism.   I continue to stand in awe of this community and the world we navigate together every day.

We’re amplifying the AWE in Autism this month at The Daily Feels, by celebrating those warriors I speak of above.  Take a look at the incredibly cute video our very own blogger and Autism Warrior Mom, JB McCann put together for the details (special cameos by both our boys).

Each day, we will highlight an extraordinary human who is either living with or supports those living with Autism,  thanking them for all they do in making the world of Autism AWEsome.  These folks tirelessly forge ahead each and every day, putting EVERYTHING else before themselves, honoring is the least we can do.

So, here’s my ask: if you know a warrior who puts the AWE in Autism, please take some time to honor them on The Daily Feels.  I guarantee you will make their day— and ours.  All you need to do is follow the instructions below and we’ll take it from there.

Step 1 – Think about who you know living with or supporting someone with Autism.  It can be a parent, therapist, doctor, caregiver (babysitter/family member), teacher, coach, etc.

 Step 2 – Reach out to this individual and let them know that you’d like to honor them (you can say something like: “The Daily Feels blog community is honoring those living with and/or supporting individuals living with Autism for the month of April.  I would like to honor you.  Are you ok with that?  If so, all I need is a picture of you for the post and I will take it from there.”)

Step 3 – Once they approve, you get to write 3-5 sentences telling us why/how they put the AWE in Autism.  Why are they so special and how do they make the world of Autism more AWEsome?

 Step 4 – Email me (janisgaudelli@gmail.com) your write up with their picture and we will design a post highlighting the honoree, celebrated by you.

Step 5 – I will give you the date your honoree will be celebrated so you can let them know when to check out the blog.

That’s it!  Such an easy way to make an incredible impact on someone who truly deserves it.

Thank you, Daily Feelers, from the bottom of my heart, for supporting this chick’s passion project.  Here’s to another year of amazing story-telling at The Daily Feels and building awareness & acceptance for those living with Autism. #DifferentNotLess

Janis Gaudelli is The Founder of The Daily Feels.  She started this passion project to reveal the magic behind storytelling, and how truth-based narratives bring people together in the most heart-warming of ways.  Fascinated by soul, depth, intellect, raw truths and rebellion with a cause. Often captivated by the awe of nature: star gazing, moon manifesting, sunset chasing, waves crashing, crickets singing. Fiercely curious about the inner-workings of the human psyche… she professionally studies human behavior for a living.  Forever proud and grateful for being a mom to the force that fuels her life: her 7-year-old son, and greatest professor, Kellan.

FOLLOW JANIS AND THE DAILY FEELS TRIBE @:  FACEBOOK & INSTAGRAM

Blogger: Joan Poirier, “The Worrier Princess”

So for all of you that follow the “Feels”, you have bared witness to my last few posts with a focus on anxiety, depression, and all of the horribly debilitating side effects of that. You have heard about my family strife, the woes of my heart, and my struggle to just get through a day, a week, a month….  For March, the “Feels” has focused on “Me-Ness”, offering up daily inspirations and things you can and should be doing to care for yourself.  Anyone who knows me knows that I am obsessed with TED Talks. They are my go-to for a multitude of reasons. I seek and watch them for inspiration, hope, joy, laughter, understanding, and most importantly knowledge and growth of self.    To celebrate my “Me-Ness”,  I have compiled a list of my top five TED Talks that inspire me, give me hope, teach me something, or just sometimes, make me laugh or feel less alone. These are talks I have bookmarked, and I have watched multiple times and can quote, and do quote, on a regular basis. The speakers and the topics have resonated or moved me in some strong way that I repeatedly revert back to them. I hope that you all can find some resonance in them too. Sometimes the comfort comes from knowing that we are not alone.

Brene Brown – Listening to Shame

She is number one, and if you make it to the end of my list, you will see she appears twice.  She is not only an amazing speaker, but has made a career out of studying the parts of human nature none of us want to talk about and starts the conversation.  Things like shame and vulnerability.  What?  Who talks about that?!… she does and does so in a way that makes it almost comforting.

She has a great way of simplifying what shame is.  “Shame drives two big tapes — “never good enough” — and, if you can talk it out of that one, “who do you think you are?” The thing to understand about shame is, it’s not guilt. Shame is a focus on self, guilt is a focus on behavior. Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say: “I’m sorry. I made a mistake?” How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake.

Andrew Solomon- Depression, the Secret We Share

Andrew Solomon is a genius.  On so many levels.  The more I learn about him, and read what he has to say, the more I am convinced he is of a superior intelligence to any of us, and just might be an alien.  But jokes aside, if you have ever suffered from depression, or anxiety, you will find comfort in the knowing that you are not alone, that someone does understand, and though treatments today are sorely overlooked, and lacking, there is above all things HOPE.

” Valuing one’s depression does not prevent a relapse, but it may make the prospect of relapse and even relapse itself easier to tolerate. The question is not so much of finding great meaning and deciding your depression has been very meaningful. It’s of seeking that meaning and thinking, when it comes again, ‘This will be hellish, but I will learn something from it’. I have learned in my own depression how big an emotion can be, how it can be more real than facts, and I have found that that experience has allowed me to experience positive emotion in a more intense and more focused way. The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality, and these days, my life is vital, even on the days when I’m sad.”

Chimimanda Ngozi Adicihie – We Should All Be Feminists

This story of a Nigerian woman’s upbringing and the cultures that defined her world, as well as her insight into how many cultures and outlooks still exist today in how the world views woman, is gentle, but insightful and provides a thought-provoking look into why we should all try to be a bit more “Feminist”.

“I am a feminist. And when I looked up the word in the dictionary that day, this is what it said: “Feminist: a person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes.” My great grandmother, from the stories I’ve heard, was a feminist. She ran away from the house of the man she did not want to marry and ended up marrying the man of her choice. She refused, she protested, she spoke up whenever she felt she was being deprived of access, of land, that sort of thing.  My great grandmother did not know that word “feminist,” but it doesn’t mean that she wasn’t one. More of us should reclaim that word. My own definition of feminist is: “A feminist is a man or a woman who says, “Yes, there’s a problem with gender as it is today, and we must fix it. We must do better.”

Lily Tomlin/Jane Fonda – A Hilarious Celebration of Life Long Friendship

This is a hilarious, light-hearted look at two women who have been friends for a lifetime, and the value that this bond has given to their lives.  They are poignant, funny, and sometimes a bit irreverent.  An all-time favorite of mine that explores the depths of the importance of having that “tribe” of women who lift you up when the world is beating you down.  Prepare to laugh!

“The Harvard Medical School study has shown that women who have close female friendships are less likely to develop impairments — physical impairments as they age, and they are likely to be seen to be living much more vital, exciting and longer, more joyful lives.”

Brene Brown – Empathy

And finally, we return to where I started, with the phenomenal Brene Brown.  Only this time in a video short, narrated by her, explaining empathy in the most simple and profound ways.  As an empath, I feel this to my core, then again, I feel everything that way.  A blessing and curse.

“Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable choice. Because in order to connect with you, I have to connect with something in myself that knows that feeling.”

Joan Poirier is an Empath, a goddess, a woman, a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend.  She is you, and she is me.  Just a real woman, embracing her age and her wisdom, and not afraid of opening the dam and making some waves during her short time on the wild ride of life. She is on an ever-growing quest to live better, do better, be better and taking all the lumps that go with it.

HIGH FIVES @ THE FEELS

Each blogger has a unique positioning here at The Daily Feels. We’re all about learning lessons and sharing our blessings, so we created an uplifting, fun, encouraging piece of content that allows us to do that in the form of a high-five. Introducing, “HIGH FIVES @ THE FEELS”.

Nancy Fraioli, The Queen of Ageless Wisdom” is giving us her HIGH FIVES @ THE FEELS this month.  She shares 5 impactful things she’s learned in life, in the form of a powerful high five!  Check it out below and tell us what you think!

*major high-five goes to JB McCann for her amazing editing skills 🖐

Blogger: Cherry Maggiore – “The Freak of Nurture”

Chapter 25: MSP sassily arrives at The Border

As my alarm gently goes off with soft classical music, the aroma of coffee fills my nostrils as the sun peeks through the bedroom shades.  I slowly open my eyes and turn over to pick up my phone to turn off the alarm.  I look around and then stretch on my bed; like one of those body-shaking stretches that you feel from head to toe.  I feel content. Happy.  Easy like a Sunday morning.

Then I hear the soft pitter patter of feet on wood steps as my girl stands outside my door to see if I’m awake.  She’s showered and dressed; her face beams as she enters.  She whispers, “Good morning Mama!”

I croaked back, “Morning baby girl. You look happy and ready for the day…”

She responds, “I am happy.”  She slides over to my bed to hug and kiss me… then she gives me Eskimo kisses (yes, I know the word Eskimo is derogatory, and Inuit is appropriate, but I grew up calling those sweet swooshes of two noses Eskimo Kisses.  If you didn’t realize Eskimo kisses are based on a traditional Inuit greeting called a kunik).  And I love feeling her soft skin against my own and to smell her hair.

I ask, “Did you eat breakfast yet?” She excitedly responds, “yes, I made myself waffles with almond butter AAAAANNNNDD I made you coffee and your shake!”

I’m blown away.  “WOW!!! Lil’mama, you did ALL that by 8am?”

She says, “Yes I did, AND I fed Tiki and made my bed!!!!”

“Seriously?” I am thoroughly impressed and in awe.

And so starts another weekend with my incredibly beautiful nine-year-old daughter MSP (Miss Sassy Pants).

As I get ready to take her to swim class, I express my worry that I have a blog coming up and have writer’s block.  Truth be told, life is good.  And for whatever reason, nothing is really popping up to write about.  Happiness equals writer’s block.  Strange…

So I asked my girl what I should write about.

She goes, “Mama, you should write about our weekend.  We have so much cool stuff planned, and it could be cool to share it!”

Interesting…I respond, “that’s an interesting idea MSP…”  It instantly reminds me of the song “A Day in the Life” by the Beatles

“Woke up, fell out of bed.  Dragged a comb across my head. Found my way downstairs and drank a cup and looking up I noticed I was late.  Huh, huh, huh.  Found my coat and grabbed my hat.  Made the bus in seconds flat. Made my way upstairs and had a smoke…And everybody spoke, and I went into a dream.”

So without any other ideas, I decided to do what MSP suggested and start my story on a typical Friday in the life of Cherry and MSP.

Friday starts with a full workday.  But I did something different than usual, I welcomed a junior in college who I met at a speed mentoring event at my company.  He shadowed me for the day as I went from crazy meeting to crazy meeting; ten meetings in all.  Then I bought my team lunch as they shared their education and career paths with him.  I learned some fantastic things about my team that I didn’t know, and they learned more about each other.   Once work is done, I leave early (around 4pm) to pick up MSP from school driving from Midtown Manhattan to Brooklyn. The day before I went to MSP’s school and I couldn’t wait to pick her up so we could celebrate her unbelievable report card.  All A’s except one (her silly art teacher gave her a B cause of one project she didn’t do to her liking. LOL).

I’m so excited to see her, so I run into the school and as soon as our eyes meet she runs into my arms.  We do what we call a juicy hug…full body hug and squeeze super tight til she exclaims “Mama, I can’t breathe!” as she giggles into my ear.

We head into the car and begin our drive to Westfield.  We talk about how her week went and then she asks her usual question, “Mama, what do we have planned this weekend?”

So I begin to share our plans, and she gets super excited…I’ve been accused of over-planning our weekends, but I try to make each weekend special; to make the most of our time together.

To my delight, MSP then asks if she can sing to me.  Every Friday, during our car ride home she serenades me featuring songs she loves and those she’s learned in her music class.  While we spend a lot of time in the car, it’s become time well spent and very special to us.  We have our best heart to hearts, we sing, make jokes and share our thoughts and dreams.

I tell her that we are going to Limani for dinner; our favorite Greek restaurant in downtown Westfield.  After dinner, I have a St. Patrick’s Day celebration at my Ballroom school so my niece Livy is going to watch her.  Drop her off at her cousin Livy’s (aka the Lone Teen on The Daily Feels) a little before 8pm and I head off to Westfield Ballroom for the weekly date with myself.

Saturday: I wake up at 7:30am by myself as MSP wanted to have a sleep-over at Livy’s house. I hate waking up without her, but it was part of her reward for doing so well on her report card.   Immediately, I start laundry (I do six loads throughout the weekend).  Groceries get delivered around 8:15 so I put everything away which involves cleaning out the fridge.  Then I start on washing dishes and cleaning out the dishwasher. By the time I have everything together, and myself showered,  Head off to pick the girls up from Music class (they take piano and voice lessons together).  When we return, I make lunch (birdie in the nest and salad). Livy was feeling a little down, so MSP decides to write her a letter…shown below.

After lunch, my cousin Jesse (she’s 32; with the five J’s, my mother’s brothers and sisters we have cousins that go from six months old to 48 years old) comes to meet us so we can take the ladies to dress shop at Lord & Taylor in town.  MSP Needs and Easter dress and owing Livy needs a graduation and dress for her formal.  We walk about a mile to L&T  and shop ‘til we drop.  But they said YES to the dress(es). We were so exhausted. I decided not to cook and just take them out to dinner.  Then we decided to treat ourselves with ice cream and walked back home. Once we got home, the girls got ready for bed and watched a movie while Jesse and I booked our trip to Wanderlust being hosted in Quebec.  We booked it during the week that MSP is with her dad on summer vacation.  I am beyond excited to experience my first festival that includes music, yoga, and great food!

Sunday: Woke up 8am and took MSP to swim class at the YMCA.  I love watching her swim and see how effortlessly she advances from 4th in the swim line up to first after two laps. She was understandably starving after swimming 45 minutes straight, so we stopped at Manhattan Bagel and ran into a colleague from my company who lives in town! Once we came home, I did more laundry. And then we headed back into town to run some more errands and for some more shopping.  I needed a new phone, so we shopped along the way.  Once we got home after a few hours.  I washed the new clothes (yes, I went out for a phone and came home with about a huge bag of clothes) and started dinner (shrimp scampi with brown rice spaghetti) while MSP did her Homework. Once she was done, she made the salad. I cleaned up after dinner and washed the new clothes we bought. Once we were done, MSP had an idea of doing an art project in honor of ST. Patrick’s day…so here are the pictures we drew.

Monday: Today is my cleanse day! I cleanse once a week on the Isagenix program which is the system I used to lose 30 lbs two years ago.  I’ve gained about five back over the holidays and vacation, so I’m working on getting that off and losing the final 15 lbs on my health journey (and I’m proud to share that I’m still smoke-free after a month!).  MSP and I were very excited as she was going to perform in her Ballroom exhibition at school.  AND she was selected to be dance captain with her partner, the controversial character Jerald.  MSP got all dressed up in a red jumpsuit shown below and did a FANTASTIC JOB!  My Mom, Aunt Jackie and I were so very proud. Aunt Jackie was a surprise guest who was terrific for MSP.   Following the performance, I drove to the city and headed to the dentist.  Found out I need two crowns…lovely. Worked the entire day and left work around 6:30pm to pick up MSP from my mom’s house in Staten Island.  We drove to Jersey and came home to Livy who was staying over at the house.

And our weekend comes to a close…which always makes me get a lump in my throat when I drop her off on Tuesday.  It will never be easy…to not see her every day.  To know that I won’t see her until the next Friday…

My greatest takeaway from this exercise is that my daughter is a fantastic partner and contributor to our life together.  She is extraordinary.  She gets joy from doing chores and is driven to make people feel good when she sees a need.  Her level of empathy is endearing and awe-inspiring.

What I also realize is that while so many people say children of divorce are collateral damage, but when I look at my daughter, I don’t see her that way.  What strikes me is how she excels at anything she is passionate about; she puts effort into everything that interests her and what I see is merely a happy and content young lady.  The damage may come in the future; for now, I am thrilled that she is thriving.

As I reread this, it’s also quite breath-taking to realize how much we did this weekend…you can’t even imagine what next weekend has in store!  And I take comfort in knowing we are making memories and living our best, freakiest life together.

Cherry Maggiore is the proud single mom of her 9-year-old super-sassy daughter (aka Miss Sassy Pants or MSP) and 15-year-old pug baby (Tiki Barber); in addition to being an award-winning senior marketing executive at NBCUniversal.

Beside her side hustle as the Freak of Nurture, she also started a home design company after being inspired by renovating and designing her 1880’s home in NJ.

This insanely curious and passionate “multi-potentialite” can be found dancing the Argentinan tango, swing and Hustle every Saturday, cooking her family an Italian Sunday dinner, singing and air drumming at concerts or searching for her next adventure.

Blogger: Dee-Dee Kanhai – “The Spice of Suburbia”

I made it this far. I survived 17.5 years of parenting a child earthside. If you are a regular, you know Chloe Chanel, my daughter. I was blessed with a healthy, smart kid, and she is a beauty. Of course, as her mother I am biased. When I watch her from afar, I admire her. She commands a room. The little explorer inside of her isn’t scared of the things that frightened me at her age, like traveling and meeting new people.

I could go on about the way she amazes me, like how she goes to bed by 9pm on school nights, literally putting her phone on DO NOT DISTURB because she knows she needs her rest. I laugh that she has a skincare routine at 17, which I didn’t even consider until my late-twenties. She wears her retainer without me asking and reminds me when she needs a cleaning at the dentist (before the card arrives in the mail).

Then, despite the 6am alarm going off on Monday to Friday, along with the uninviting cold weather, she gets up and somehow looks camera ready when she heads out the door. Her joy this year has been her Broadcast Journalism class. She takes her job reporting Current Events on the morning announcements very seriously. Growing up, her passion was always playing sports, but now she has this interest in journalism.  It is so nice to see how invested she is in this program.

It is hard to process all of this “Senior Year” stuff without feeling betrayed by time. It seems like just yesterday I was holding her in my arms wondering if I could do this “mom thing”, and now, just like that – she is about to be 18. Sometimes I get into a funk about it, but then I am reminded of two great moms, and friends that sadly will not see their girls graduate with Chloe this June. The tragic reality of that one thought forces me to put things into perspective. No matter how hard this gets for me, it will never compare, so we will celebrate for ALL of my girls.

Truth be told, we only ever wanted one child. We thought we had it all figured out. We’d laugh and say “one and done”, thinking we were so smart in planning our lives out like this. With only one child, we could always put her first. We never had to consider, “if we do this for you, then we have to do for your siblings”, it just seemed so practical to have one child. This way we would never miss a practice, a game or a school concert. We would always outnumber her and there was always someone around for her. Did it ever occur to me that there’d be too much of us for her? No! I assumed she loved it as much as we did.

You know the term helicopter parents? Hi, WE are Dee-Dee and Jerome. You couldn’t miss us. We were everywhere she was.

Conventional parenting was just not our thing. She liked to sleep in our bed, no problem. We’d be hanging off the bed, barely sleeping, but the princess was comfortable, and that was all we wanted in life, was for her to be happy and feel loved. “Just let her be a kid”, words I would say to myself all the time. A pressure free, chore-free, responsibility-free life! We let her walk barefoot to feel the earth. Play in the rain until she was soaked. If she saw a puddle of mud, we’d encourage her to jump right on into it! She led and we followed. I know, sounds totally healthy, right?

As an only child, she got away with a lot. I thought it was cute, but I am sure an outsider would say it was a bit obnoxious. For about three years, we would drive an hour each way to a daycare that was in the mountains of Ringwood JUST so she could get fresh air, see wild animals and hike on nature trails. She was 3. During the summer she went to a camp that had all day outdoor activities. She’d go swimming, canoeing, and fishing. She went horseback riding and on field trips once a week. I am quite sure she would have had just as much fun (or more) if she went to the town recreation camp with her schoolmates, but I just thought these were the things she needed.

Trust me, I see there are fully functioning humans that spent summers home, playing in the street with their friends and it didn’t cost a penny to their parents. No extra commutes, stress or financial burdens. I just assumed we had to give her the best of everything. I didn’t realize that sometimes the best things in life are FREE until I invested a mini-fortune into ridiculous daycares and summer camps. You live and learn.

We moved to a town with a great public school, thankfully our money would go to the school she attended and we’d see a return on our investment if we played our cards right! As a student, we never micro-managed her education. We keep informed without being over-aggressive. As she got older, she progressively began to take school more seriously. Her grades improved and now in her senior year of High School, she has a full day of classes despite only really needing 3 classes to graduate.

As far as her behavior, I’d be lying if I said it’s all rainbows and butterflies. We had moments of greatness and then… the other moments. Like, the day I got a call from the school because she passed a note during class. I had never dealt with this, and I wasn’t sure HOW to handle it.  I left work early, picked her up curbside. I never picked her up, so she knew it was coming. With a smile on my face, I got out of my car, walked around to her. I politely asked for her brand new iPhone. There, in front of all her friends, the crossing guards and other parents I walked to the front of my car. Without a second thought, I gently placed the phone under my front tire. I got back into the car, put it in drive and proceeded to roll over it. I put it in reverse and made sure I got it good. Then, with everyone watching, I went from drive to reverse three or four more times – for good measure. I got out, handed it back to her with a smile and drove back to work.

Was that normal? Probably not. But, I knew I had to show her I was the BOSS.

I believe we instilled a healthy sense of fear in her that day. I knew my best quality was my unpredictability. She was so used to being dealt with in a very delicate, loving way – that when I snapped and raised my voice, I scared myself AND HER.

Of course, my husband let me do most of the disciplining. He only came in when absolutely necessary. He couldn’t understand my logic, “WE PAID FOR THE PHONE, WHO WERE WE HURTING BY BREAKING IT?” he said. But I knew, I couldn’t stick to a punishment, so I had to destroy the phone in order to make sure I didn’t cave in an hour.

I had a coworker who had 7 kids, I’d always say “how can you possibly share your time with all of them equally” or I would tease and ask “rank them in the order you love them”, and he’d tell me to “SHUT THE HELL UP”. But, one day we had a real conversation about it, because he could tell I really didn’t get how a family with so many kids worked.

“You don’t run out of love when you have more kids,” he said, “you just find more love you didn’t realize you had left to give”. I was perplexed. “Your tank never hits empty?”

It took some time to make sense of this, in my mind, I figured it worked in an entirely different way.

Example: You have a pitcher full of LOVE… Every kid has a glass and you pour the love evenly among all the kids. You line up the glasses to make sure nobody gets too much or too little. Now, let’s say another kid comes along… AND YOUR PITCHER IS EMPTY! You round up all the cups, and skim a little off the top from each. The new one gets LOVE and the rest sacrifice a little to make it happen.

That makes total sense to me…

Apparently, that is NOT how it works.

I just know in my mind, having ONE CHILD meant MY PITCHER IS FULL and her cup runneth over, right?

Wrong.

So, here we are… She is almost a full adult and she can get her cup all filled up from other sources besides us: friends, family, school, work, hobbies, exercise and passion projects.

So now what do I do with my pitcher of LOVE?

Which brings me to these magical words from an older and wiser friend…  “Dee-Dee, it is unhealthy to obsess over a child so much”.  Her advice: “have some more kids… If not, put that energy into your marriage, girl.”

OBSESS? Aren’t ALL parents as OBNOXIOUS as ME?

“You and your husband need to build a strong foundation. Chloe can’t be the bricks AND the mortar…” she went on… “One day, whether you like to admit it or not, she will leave the nest and how will your home stand without a strong foundation?”

Wait. WHAT? Leave the nest? I couldn’t imagine a world where my little Chloe wouldn’t be right under MY wing. Alas, here we are… She was right. This ingrate is trying to leave for college!

I think about this woman often, it felt so “preachy” when she said it to me 13 years ago… Now it just makes sense.

A marriage is a union meant to withstand “until death do us part”. Not parenting…Mom and Dad are forever but PARENTING, the actual ACT of it… that comes to an end when they no longer require our full-on attention and guidance.

I wonder how my husband feels. He acts collected about the whole thing but, he has GOT to be a mess. They have this bond that is a cross between “Daddy’s Little Girl” and “Nightmare Next Door”.  One minute they’ll be laughing, the next minute doors are slamming. I have never witnessed such love and anger between two people. Remember when Michelle Obama said “when they go low, we go high”, well the motto between them is “how low can you go”. It’s funny, but it isn’t (I’d cry if I was in the war of words with them.). I cannot imagine a day going by without them bickering, never mind a week or a month!

Just a few days ago I told my sister that I thought they’d never speak again. She laughed at me, this wasn’t the first time I have said that. Sure enough, a few hours later, I hear them joking on each other. She was right. It never is the end of the world, it’s just how they love.

What will he do without her physically in the house? WHO will he argue with? PLEASE NOT ME!

Listen, he is not known for being the most rational. We are talking about a man who would get upset when Chloe came home on Valentine’s Day with her shoebox full of little tiny cards. Once, among the sea of Valentine’s, was a heart-shaped box of chocolates. Taped to the box was a little card that read: “I Love You Chloe” adorned with a drawing of a curly-haired stick figure and a tall stick boy holding her hand. I thought it was precious, he DID NOT.

That evening after dinner he went missing for a few hours. When he walked through the door, he was carrying a PINK BICYCLE without training wheels. It had pom-poms and a little horn. He bought the matching helmet, knee-pads, elbow pads and in the basket was big stuffed bear holding a heart. This was his way to “one-up” the stick figure boy with the box of chocolates. This mess has carried on every Valentine’s Day since she was 5 years old.

To this day, Chloe gets more excited for Valentine’s Day than any other holiday. This Daddy/Daughter Valentine’s Trend got bigger with every passing year. He’s filled her room with dozens of balloons while she was at school, there’s been jewelry, bouquets of overpriced flowers and dinners. This past Valentine’s Day when the doorbell rang on February 14^th, I didn’t bother getting up, I just yelled for Chloe. 2 Dozen Chocolate Covered Strawberries were delivered and a card with a crisp Benjamin was waiting on her dresser. Daddy/Daughter dances weren’t a thing when she was growing up so, he created this monster.  I love that on Valentine’s Day the only person she is waiting on is her dad. (He will never let her down!)

We have all lived under the same roof for almost 20 years! She is an important part of this “Kanhai Machine”.

I live a very quiet and secluded life: hammock, meditation, wind chimes. He is very busy: loud music, talking on the phone, always on the go. Yin and Yang. She was the perfect combination of us. Kept us grounded and young.

So here we are, every day is a new rush of emotions. Every Acceptance Letter is an overwhelming sense of PRIDE and of course… a little bit of a blow. We aren’t sure exactly where she will end up, school decisions are still up in the air, but we are preparing for her being a flight away and we will either pack up to follow her or SOMEHOW manage to create a whole new version of US while she is at school – which is probably the more sensible choice!

Chloe, if you are reading this, I am sorry if we didn’t get this parenting thing just right. We did the very best with what we had, and you made it seem so easy and fun. We will support your decisions and allow YOU to make the best decision for YOU. I will take care of Dad, I promise. I will even yell at him once in a while so he doesn’t get too bored. Finally, I won’t be turning your bedroom into my Etsy Studio, despite teasing you that is my master plan. NOR will I turn it into a GIANT playroom for the dog, although he does deserve it. Your room will remain exactly how you like it and it will be waiting for you to come home for some of mom’s food, some love or just to get a good night sleep in your own bed.

As for US, me and Jerome, for the first time ever, we will be husband and wife, not just mom and dad. Am I ready? I don’t know. I guess we will find out the hard way, like we did everything else up to this point. Of course, I expect to bring you all along for the journey of what is next for the Kanhai Family. But, #KeepingUpWithTheKanhais is a FULL-TIME gig, so brace yourself!

College decisions coming soon! Happy March Daily Feelers!

Dee-Dee Kanhai, aka “The Spice of Suburbia”, was a big city girl for 25 years who was transplanted to the Suburbs of Northern New Jersey. This relocation led to her “undoing” and with that, the discovery of her true self. Besides being a wife and mother to a teenage daughter and toy Chihuahua, Dee-Dee works in finance and owns a small Etsy Shop @LoveTheUndoing, where she sells heart-made jewelry, crystals, and other whimsical crafts. Dee-Dee is a student of life, teacher of meditation, practicing yogi and a mystical moon child.

Dee-Dee’s Etsy Shop

Love The Undoing Website

Blogger: Julie Slater – “The Lotus Flower”

A couple of weeks ago, I was asked to participate in a Manifesting Magic course. A friend was beta testing a two-week program. The part-time wizard inside of me was filled with glee – this seemed like a perfect source for my sorcery.

If you’re unfamiliar with manifesting – it’s simply a mindset of intentionally creating what you want. The idea is that everyone has the ability to manifest anything they desire – wealth, jobs, even cheese. 😉

But how do you do it? Let me share what I learned.

The first thing you need to do is decide what you want to manifest. It can be something as simple as finding a parking spot or as big as finding the love of your life. I think with most things, deciding you’re going to do something or deciding that you want something is the first and most important step in achieving it. It’s about being determined and setting an intention.

OK, who’s ready for some manifesting, my lil’ Feelers?!

On Day One, DECLARE! Come up with your mission statement – what do you want? Write it down – make your declaration more concrete.  The more details, the better. Tell others about it, too. Scream it on a mountain top (optional).

On Day Two, RELEASE! Wait, what? Yes. Take that awesome declaration and let it fly up into the sky like a helium balloon. You’re releasing the HOW of your declaration, meaning you let go of how you will receive what you’re looking for. You leave yourself open to all opportunities for the Universe to bring this thing to you. You let go of any ideas you have of HOW this thing should come to you. When you hold on to the HOWs – you block the path. When you give into and trust the Universe, you leave the path clear.

On Day Three, BELIEVE!

• BELIEVE what you want exists
• BELIEVE it exists FOR YOU
• BELIEVE you are deserving of it
• BELIEVE that it is already on its way to you

Think about that – what you want is already on its way to you! Exciting, right? What’s crazy is – believing this isn’t always that easy. Our mind sometimes likes to find some smack talk – telling us we’re not worthy. But guess what?

YOU  ARE  SO  F*&*KING  WORTHY!

Lastly, my favorite day – on Day Four, RECEIVE. What’s nice about this part is you don’t have to do anything here. Not one darn thing. Just sit back. Relax. And leave your arms (and mind) wide open – ready to receive.

Now that you’ve done all the work – DECLARE, RELEASE, BELIEVE, RECEIVE, it’s time to dig deep into the feeling of having what you want. Believe you already have it. And start journaling. Write down how you feel – having gotten what you wanted. Write out what a typical day is like with your new manifested item/life. And keep acting like and allowing yourself to feel like you already have it.  How does it make you feel? Does it bring a smile to your face? Does it make you feel accomplished? Do you sleep better having this thing? Can you touch it? How does it physically feel? How does it feel to tell others about it? Really start feeling this new life. What does your new life look like?

Here, I’ll go first. My fantastic new life:

I have a job(s) that utilizes my talents wildfully (my new made up word) and wonderfully. In this job, I’m also paid a nice salary with delicious benefits. Most importantly, this job jump starts a new era of my career with excessive growth potential. Perhaps with this job, there’s a reason to send me to Europe…and I’ll hop, skip, and jump to Italy with my boyfriend. We have no debts and enjoy a lucrative lifestyle. My boyfriend’s job gives him great satisfaction and pays well. Our dog remains healthy and enjoys life. A soundproof booth also appears for my audio book narration side-hustle. I also book some high-profile voiceover jobs that pad our bank account. I’m wearing fantastic clothes, and shoes, and enjoying dinners with amazing wine and family/friends. There is tons of laughter, and sunlight, and gratitude. Everyone is healthy, with a full belly. This…or something better. 🙏🔥🍷🐾

Notice I ended the description of my new life with: “This…or something better.” I dig this phrase a lot. It means, sure, I would like to manifest THIS…but I’m also OK with manifesting SOMETHING BETTER. That mindset helps you to release the exactness of what you want, even more. It tells the Universe, YES, I want THIS…but hey, if you’ve got something better, I’m cool with that, too. Because sometimes the “exact” thing we want isn’t meant for us.

Ok, now it’s your turn! Talk up your new life. Write it down. Be very specific about what you have gained and how it makes you feel. {BTW – tomorrow (3/20/19) is our next full moon – which happens to be one of the best times to manifest.}

Always remember, you are what you think. Everything happening in your life is a reflection of what is happening inside of you. Whatever you focus on will take shape and manifest into your daily life – whether you like it or not. We can spend so much conscious (and unconscious) time saying negative things to ourselves. Start becoming more aware of your thoughts. And when that pessimistic voice creeps in, flip the script!  And yes, please cue up some REO:

          “So, if you’re tired of the same old story, 

oh, baby, turn some pages.”

      – “Roll With The Changes”, REO Speedwagon

You are the writer of your story, your script. No one else. You write out the plot. You pick the characters. If you’re tired of the same old story, friend, you gotta heed REO’s advice – and turn some pages. Come up with your own version of happily ever after…OR SOMETHING BETTER.

NAMASTE.

Julie Slater, aka THE LOTUS FLOWER, looooves music. Besides being a rabid fan and musician, you may recognize her voice. She’s a voiceover artist and audiobook narrator (www.julieslater.com). She’s DJ’d on top stations: 88.5 FM and 100.3 the Sound in LA and 92.3 K-Rock in NYC following Howard Stern.

When she’s not at concerts, you can usually find her meditating or in the kitchen. She has a slight obsession with deep, dark cabernets & small batch whiskey. Namaste!

Blogger: JB McCann – “The Phoenix”

It’s March 18th. My kids are officially on Spring Break and I am not prepared!! Can you believe that? Me, not prepared? I’m the Queen of Planning. I never even go to Target without having thought through every aisle before I enter the door. I’m literally a walking ball of efficiency, but today, I’m a hot mess mama who’s about to be spending the next 7 days straight dodging the 100 questions rapid-fire AND politely deflecting the tantrums that follow when my kids realize the truth. Mom is on a tight budget and I got nothing spectacular on the horizon. I need a plan and I need one now.

To myself: “Breathe, over-thinker. People live like this all the time. Winging it…no real destination, just blindly moving about…annnnnd as I try to embrace this thought process, I feel the anxiety tighten in my chest.”

By Hump Day, I’m gonna be so sick of outings that I’m gonna have to make being lazy look super fun. Movies, popcorn, dance parties, & shadow puppets on the roofs of our forts. Most likely, I’ll be meal prepping in my pjs with whatever vegetables are left in the fridge which makes me very happy and if mom is happy…you know the saying.