It’s been years.. literally.

overbrewedLeave a comment

Truthfully, I forgot I even had this outlet. I went back and deleted quite a few posts that I didn’t feel were appropriate to have shared anymore; as my life has changed quite a bit.

Since my last post I have ended a relationship, tackled the ugly beast of coparenting, married the love of my life, and brought another beautiful child into the world.

All in 4 years.

It sounds like a lot in such a short amount of time but it happened at such a comfortable pace. All good things!

Well.. mostly.

The coparenting is a lot. I have a lot to say about that.. hopefully to help others, maybe even to obtain some tips from anyone reading.. and also, to vent. Isn’t that why most of us blog anyway?

Long story short, this is my re-introductory post.

Stay tuned!

another lesbian parent post..

overbrewed1 Comment

I know what you’re thinking.. “Jeez does she have anything else to talk about?” .. Well I suppose I don’t post unless I feel it’s important enough to share..

So this evening while Kristin was at Yoga, I went to the gym. Of course when I go to the gym, Kenleigh goes into the “kids club”; which is essentially a room full of toys and an adult to supervise while parents work out.

Most of the people who work in there know us, as we’ve been going there for a long time. Tonight the woman working was an older lady, semi-new, and hasn’t talked to us much.

So I drop Kenleigh off, and come back in an hour later to pick her up.. As I’m walking in, I see Kenleigh sitting at a table away from all the other children, coloring a picture. Standing next to her (with her back turned to me) is the kids club attendant (woman I referenced above).

I hear her telling Kenleigh “awwww it’s ok my dad died”.

Okay? So I’m thinking.. First- WHY is she talking to my four year old about death?
And second- What prompted the “sympathy” for my child.. In that statement.

The better part of me thought “maybe Kenleigh told her about her great grandpas recent passing”
….
But maybe not? (I’ll leave the alternate thought for later)

So I immediately ask her what brought up death?
She stumbles on her words and begins to explain a very confusing story as to why she was talking about her fathers death.. Stating that another kid asked about her family, she lost her sister in law a month ago, and she was just talking to Kenleigh..

No worries if that confused you… That’s the point lol

Anyway, I humor her inconsistency and explain that we had a few deaths recently as well. I told her I was very sorry for her loss, yada yada… Okay.

So we leave. And of course! I ask Kenleigh what really happened.

She says, “well she asked me if I have two moms and then she told me that about her dad” (ding ding.. That was my alternate thought)

Of course at this point I’m pissed. In my eyes this seems as though she was sympathizing with my child because she doesn’t have a male parent. WOW.. I would say I can’t believe her ignorance, but truly… I can. I just can’t believe she would try to push that onto my child.

THANKFULLY, Kenleigh is a well educated 4 year old who is loved and cared for beyond words; so she did not react to the ignorance.
Two parents in the eyes of my child do not have gender guidelines, she just sees parents as parents. And people as people.

But that is beside the point. I wanted to share this with all of you because I know that there are similar situations out there, and that this will strike a chord somewhere.

No matter who you are, PLEASE try to be more mindful of the way you treat other people’s children in general. You don’t know their family dynamic, nor do you have any right to place doubt into their minds about what they have in life. Especially insinuating that it isn’t good enough.

Thanks for reading.

how you are unknowingly offending same sex families

overbrewed6 Comments

In my usual browsing of the internet recently, I came across quite a few articles/blogs written with titles along the lines of; “Why your son/daughter needs a dad/mom”. I’m sure you can assume the reasons given within these articles as to why the authors (and several thousands of people sharing the post) feel the way that they do. I will include a few of the reasons here for those of you that may not know:

  • It is a dad’s responsibility to introduce the concept of being “male” to their sons.
  • Girls need the nurturing that ONLY a mother can provide.
  • Boys need mothers to show them what a real woman is like.
  • Girls need dads to set an example for what type of man she ends up with.

As a lesbian parent; I feel that I am credentialed enough to speak on this subject.

To have a mindset that a child NEEDS a parent who is a specific gender, is wildly close minded.

I would like to start by addressing the above referenced reasons:

  • I’m not even sure what thought process was behind “introduce the concept of being male”, but I can assure you that is a natural concept and a child will form into their own individual self without the assistance of a MALE parent. 
  • All children need to be nurtured. Period. Girls do not need more nurturing than boys or vice versa. That sickens me to read. Not only is that unfair on behalf of the children; but men and women alike have different personalities, and nurturing is a quality that many people lack regardless of gender. To challenge this stereotype; I will tell you that I have met several fathers that are FAR MORE nurturing than their female counterparts. 
  • I can kill two birds with one stone on this one… You DO NOT know if your children will grow up to like men or women. Children choose partners based on their chemistry with another person. Of course as parents we influence what type of people our children are interested in, but this is based off of our own personal morals and those that we imprint onto our kids. Good people are simply good people, and if you are included in that description your children will learn not to settle for anything less. REGARDLESS OF GENDER.

Now that you’ve heard “the other side of the story” on those points… I would like to include that assuming children need a parent of each gender is (aside from incorrect) very rude to parents and children in same sex families.

My daughter is 4 years old now, and she has not missed out on a single thing that a child of one mother and one father has experienced. I am about to go into my own philosophy on all of this, so if you would like to stop reading now.. I will not be offended. I am a little head strong with my beliefs.

Here goes nothin’…

Where do babies come from? … ok sorry, I am really not trying to be a smart-ass but lets be honest – infertility issues, same sex couples, age, and many other factors play into the answer to this question. Some people adopt, conceive on their own, conceive with assistance, etc…

Either way, the base of a strong family foundation is a committed, loving, compatible couple.

But what makes a compatible couple?

99% of all couples I know, (and couples you know, too) are made up of the following: A PROVIDER, AND A NURTURER.

Life is difficult, and when you’re choosing a partner; you usually end up with this type of dynamic to balance things out.

Now that brings us to being PARENTS!

A parental unit consists of two people. Gender aside, there is a nurturer and a provider. Both parents are responsible for making their children feel safe, protected, independent, and more importantly LOVED.

Inevitably a child will rely on their more nurturing parent when they are hurt or sick, and their providing parent when they are scared. AGAIN, THIS IS REGARDLESS OF THEIR GENDER.

If you consider people as only PEOPLE and remove the idea that what lies beneath their underwear has anything to do with their parental or human abilities, this concept is much easier to grasp.

Thanks for reading!

-M