If so, you may be in the category of those who are old and experienced in trouble and disappointment–braced against the world.
When I catch myself with this resting bitch face I rush to change it quickly to an I am ready and interested face, no longer braced but embracing.
That might sound awfully naive. Yet, it might be wiser to take the chance of giving joy than settling for a life not worth living.
Check your face.
I often wonder how much of my life I have spent trying to hide my flaws rather than simply accepting them–especially considering that I have always felt more at home with people who aren’t ashamed of who they are.
This Augusten Burroughs quote is delightful…
I like flaws and feel more comfortable around people who have them. I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions.
I am what I am–human and flawed. And it is okay. Life is so much more. Angels are standing by to help with all that I lack–but only if I am honest enough to admit to everything.
I used to think that relying upon myself was the opposite of relying upon God. Actually, Ralph Waldo Emerson’s contemporaries thought the same and denounced his book in the religious community.
Yet, the way Emerson meant for this to be understood and the manner in which I look at the concept now is that God reliance and self reliance go together. This is how:
The statement God helps those who help themselves is not in the Bible. Yet, the Bible and history is full of examples of supernatural power coming through mere mortals who believed in the God within them.
All the times I whined and despaired about my life, I could have been using the power to which I already had complete access. I had been given the power to choose the life I would live.
They go from drink to drink
versus “from strength to strength”
as promised by the Psalmist to whomever will send their thirsty roots down
deep into the water table of Truth.
Whether we understand the choice between the drink and the strength–
it will be one or the other for each of us on any and every given day.
The drink being whatever it is we will chase
for shelter from the dark assault
or from the languid drain of this confusing mess.
The very mess, which when embraced,
so ironically, and so irritatingly,
will become true drink
and our much longed-for shelter and strength.
Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.
When I was a teen, I saw a group of seniors slowly getting off a bus at a duck pond. Those poor people who were destined to be old, I thought. I was so glad I was not in “the old group” but, instead, had been born in “the young group” with my friends.
Young was a permanent state for me, wasn’t it? I had always been young and so far nothing had challenged that subconscious supposition.
Until disease, accidents, tragedy, or age catches us, it is easy to arrogantly disregard or judge those who are navigating trouble and loss…or a completely different set of circumstances than our own. Tread softly.
On a crisis line, a woman repeatedly called sobbing and justifying anger toward her family for countless wrongs. I had listened patiently many times before, but on this occasion I said,
“Do you want to stop feeling crazy and angry?”
“Yes.”
“Then,” (going seriously off script) I said, “Pull up your big girl panties and begin thinking about things that don’t make you crazy and angry,”
There was silence on the line. I waited.
Finally, she said, “No one has ever told me I had that choice.”
At times, venting is good. But, when we are a broken record, always looking for validation for anger and hatred, we can blame ourselves for the cray-cray.
When we don’t know how to win, we don’t have hope. Doing what we have always done will never give us hope. Changing our focus is the escape hatch.
Stop listening to people telling us we need to hate each other. -Hank Green
Everything done in love
Beyond the boundaries of ego-driven, self-absorption
Counts for someone
Whether we know it or not.
Mostly we don’t know it
Because of the distracting minutia
That steals the time and effort it requires to say so
Or, frankly, because saying so may be humbling or scary.
And we may not remember how much it meant to us
When someone made the simple effort to
Put love first–hands and heart held so wide open
With the offer of such an important gift.
Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.
When I experience the pain of unmet needs, it is frequently a clear path to:
Unless I write a different story for myself: one that replaces self-occupation with a surrender to:
The greatest challenge in our life is not (our lack of) success, popularity, or power, but self-rejection.
Self rejection because when I measure myself by an image of what I believe others want or have, I reject my unique self and circumstances. Then life seems broken, ugly, unfair, and something to rail against.
Giving myself love for being exactly who I am soothes the restless beast within.
“I tried that already,” was my second favorite response.
“It won’t work,” was my third go-to.
Stuck was the result.
What did I think would happen if I just said, “Thank you, that’s something to think about,” or “Tell me more about that,” or “Interesting.”
Could I not just pause, breathe, and think for a few seconds before springing the trap closed on whoever was brave enough to suggest something to me or to start an open discussion?
“Why are you so much better than other medical doctors?” I asked Dr. Edie Shulman.
“Curiosity is my highest value. I love to learn and the more I listen and learn from you, the better I can partner with you to get you what you need.”
Thanks, Dr. Edie, for helping me become less eager to throw in my two cents.
Two-Minute Tune-Up 