On Rick Bayless

Corinne and I have a list on our refrigerator. It's a list of fun things we want to do in Chicago. There's some fun stuff on the list, but the most important one to me is way down at the bottom. "Meet and Hug Rick Bayless."

Why do I want to meet and hug Rick Bayless? There's lots of reasons. First, he seems to be incredibly nice. Granted, I've only seen him on TV (and fleetingly at one of his restaurants), but I can tell. I think that being nice is the most honorable thing that a person can try to be.

He's a great chef. He won Top Chef Masters, and was very nice the whole time he won.

He lives close by to me, so I don't have to travel very far to meet him.

Really, I want to be friends with Rick Bayless. He's just so cool!

Also, he's ripped! He does yoga.

I've eaten at his restaurants a few times, and they're great!

Wouldn't it be fun to go over to Rick Bayless's house and chop onions with him? We'd start off chopping, and I'd be all like, "I'm starting to tear up a bit!" and he'd be like, "Me too!" and then we'd both get a little choked up and I'd be like, "You're so cool!" and he'd reply, "You're cool too, Ted!"

If you know Rick Bayless in some capacity, please introduce me to him. I won't try to hug him right away--I'd wait for a natural moment. If you are Rick Bayless and you happened across this blog because you were googling your own name or something, I don't mean to creep you out, but you're super cool and I want to be your friend. You should come over to my house and I'll make this really great gumbo for you. And, I'll serve it with some homemade biscuits. Bring the fam! I'll make plenty!

On my recent trip to Salt Lake City when I tried to speak Spanish

I loved Salt Lake City! Not really. But it was pretty neat. One highlight: I bought some salt water taffy that was made in SLC. I like to think it was made with salt water from the Great Salt Lake! Don't spoil my dream!

One sad moment: I ate a hamburger at a 1950's style diner attached to the hotel we were staying at. My server was Mexican. All throughout my meal, I listened to her speak Spanish with the cooks back in the kitchen. I was the only customer in the diner. (Corny had left me to fend for myself while she went out to dinner with her girlfriends.) I was seated at the counter so I could see and hear the Mexicans cavort and laugh in their foreign, fun, and secret language. I wanted to belong! At the end of the meal, I tried to speak Spanish to the waitress. I said, "Adios! Buenos Noches!" and she said, "Goodnight, sir. Thank you for coming." Why wouldn't she speak Spanish to me? I was so disappointed! Couldn't she tell that I was trying to connect to her heritage? And/or hook up with her? Just KIDDING!--she wasn't very hot. JUST KIDDING AGAIN! DOUBLE KIDDING! But seriously, I'm going to brush up on my Spanish. I want to belong with all of the cool bilingual kids.

Which reminded me of the time I tried to order tacos at the Mexican grocery store in my neighborhood. I started out strong, but by the end of the verbal exchange, I was reduced to pointing and gesturing. "Tongue," I said, pointing at my tongue. "I want two tacos made out of tongue."

On posting more often

I'll try.

On eating and driving

Yesterday I read a list, put out by MSM, of the 10 worst things to eat while driving. I was excited when I clicked the link, but got disappointed by their terrible list. Here, according to Bill Gates, are the 10 worst foods to eat while driving:

1. Coffee
2. Hot soup
3. Tacos
4. Chili
5. Hamburgers
6. Barbecued food
7. Fried chicken
8. Jelly- or cream-filled doughnuts
9. Soft drinks
10. Chocolate

Here's the link for the full story, if you're interested in their pathetic explanations for their pathetic list.

Soft drinks! I personally have drunk millions of soft drinks while driving. I'm ok. Granted, the list was only rating foods commonly eaten while driving, but if chili and "hot soup" can make it on there, why not pick the worst soup? French Onion soup? I think it'd be way worse, with that crouton sloshing around.

Here's a rudimentary list I came up with. Corinne suggested the #1 spot, the worst food to eat while driving.

1. Crabs (Whole)
2. Hot Oil Fondue
3. Chocolate Fondue
4. Cheese Fondue
5. Japanese Green Tea (with Ceremony)
6. Grapefruit
7. Roasted Pig (Whole)
8. Corn on the Cob (with Butter)
9. Towering Stack of Pancakes (with Syrup)
10. Spaghetti and Meatballs

Suggestions?

On Cops and Rock Collecting

I just saw an episode of Cops where this cop stops a homeless man walking around in a residential neighborhood. The homeless man seemed nice enough. The cop searched his bag and found some unused needles and a bunch of rocks. Actual rocks. The homeless guy collected rocks as he walked around. The cop let the guy go because he didn't have any drugs on him, and he gave him his rocks back.

I always wanted to collect rocks. The ones I liked best were tiger's eyes.

On "Modern Marvels"

My Brother Will loves the TV show, "Modern Marvels." You would think that the show would be about marvelous things that are modern. Then, you might wonder just how long ago the show considers the "modern" era to have started. I pointed out to Will that, apparently, the producers of the show believe that the "modern" era began just after the dawn of time. For every "Modern Marvels: The Transcontinental Railroad," there is a "Modern Marvels: Salt." Salt is not modern. Salt is very, very old.

So then, for your amusement, I give for you an amusing list of "Modern Marvels" episodes which focus on marvels that predate human history. Posit and post your theory as to the most ancient marvel. Be forewarned: many of the modern marvels appear on the periodic table. How much do you know about the creation of the universe? Was carbon around before aluminum? What about renewable energy? Vacuums?

Modern Marvels Episodes:
006: Oil
139: Glass
156: Fire and Ice
169: Gasoline
176: Magnets
228: "Nature Tech: Tornadoes"
234: Metal
320: Poison
366: Coffee
367: Sugar
380: "Nature Tech: Hurricanes"
382: Fire
383: Cotton
406: Nuts
409: Water
410: Copper
413: Renewable Energy
423: Tobacco
429: Snow
454: Balls
458: Ice
476: Aluminum
477: Sticky Stuff
480: Vacuums
486: Acid
490: Corn
491: The Pig
492: Rocks
498: Carbon
508: Rats
513: Lead
522: Iron
523: Wheat
525: Mold and Fungus
527: Corrosion & Decomposition
530: The Horse
531: The Turkey
532: Salt
536: Night

On getting married

Sorry about the long wait for the new post. What can I say? I'm getting married. To Elliott.

We're looking forward to tying the knot and celebrating the rest of our lives together. At least I am. I haven't told Elliott yet that we're getting married--it seems too obvious to even verbalize. But I bet if he knew, he'd be pretty excited also.

I'm just kidding, folks. I'm actually marrying a female. Her name is Corinne. She is from Canada. We both like carrot cake.

In other news, I got a part-time job teaching at Harry S. Truman College here in Chicago. I will be teaching an existential quantum-neuroscience practicum.