Anxiety has been an issue I’ve been dealing with since I was a little girl, and just recently I started seeking out ways to deal with it because it’s been interfering with my life. Anxiety has been stealing my sleep, it’s been ruining new and potentially fun experiences, it’s been ruining my ability to connect with friends and my partner, and I’m fucking sick of it.
I spent two weeks trying out cannabidiol oil (an essential oil derived from cannabis that has been lab-tested and had all THC removed from it) because I had heard that its benefits include anti-anxiety. My anxiety symptoms have included feeling like I’m slowly being choked to sweating profusely, tremors, racing thoughts, and earworms (repetitious phrases or songs playing over and over again for hours, sometimes days). I found that the CBD oil helped dampen the effect of the earworms and racing thoughts, and it also kept my heartrate down. What it didn’t help with was the sweating, tremors, or choking sensation. The choking sensation is one of the most disconcerting because it tricks you into thinking that you’re losing your ability to breathe freely. Anxiety steals your freedom of thought and action, imprisoning you to your own body and brain.
Unfortunately the CDB oil did not work for me in the way that I had hoped or needed, and so I sought out medical advice and help. I am unashamed to say that I am now on a script. It’s day two and I feel so much relief. The script given to me is non-addictive, safe to use, and it works relatively quickly. The only real side effect I’ve noticed is that I get cottonmouth and a little foggy-brained, but it’s not that bad. What I’m happy with is that something is cutting through; something is giving me a sense of normalcy.
I have a renewed sense of hope that I have been given a tool to defeat my anxiety. I practice yoga, I climb, and I spend time outdoors. I feel as though I was taking the steps to alleviate my anxiety but my brain wasn’t meeting me halfway. Don’t get me wrong, I love my brain — it’s weird, thinks of some of the funniest shit, and I’m pretty sure that if it could choose to be a color then it’d be purple — but it’s been working against me instead of with me. I’m hoping now we’ll be jiving more in harmony, and I hope to see the benefits of not having a body that thinks it’s constantly under stress. Fingers crossed. Thanks for reading đ