Poems by Dee

Did you know I loved you?

Did you truly understand?

I know I told you

Countless times, but

Did you know I meant it?

The first time I said it, it

Slipped out, taking me by surprise

Just as much as it did you.

I had to clarify to your disgusted expression,

“As a friend, you know what I meant,”

And I convinced myself I meant it that way.

Did you notice that as I loved you

More, you liked me less?

That with every moment I tried to

Spend beside you, cherishing your company,

You wanted to be rid of me even more?

Or perhaps it was simply that

The more you pushed me away,

The further and faster I ran toward you.

Part of me wants to tell you,

To let you know how deeply

Your words pierced into my heart,

That it wasn’t just my friend

Telling me I was toxic, it wasn’t

Merely an acquaintance smirking

While I sobbed.

What I fear most

Is that you did know,

You did understand,

You were fully aware

That I pictured a life with you,

And you hurt me anyways,

Maybe even found more fun in

Breaking me down because

You knew the blow would

Do more than knock me down;

It would kill me.

And darling, it almost did.

So if you ever read this,

Thank you for being my

First love, and for

Teaching me what love is

Not.

I am seen but never noticed.

I am cute but never beautiful.

I am nice but never kind.

I am liked but never loved.

It is not a broken heart that hurts the most.

It is loving someone even

After they have broken it.

My brain is ceaselessly battling itself,

And in a civil war, everyone loses.

I am dizzy and scared from being

Tossed about between sides of

Fear and sadness, that threaten to

Slowly smother me until all that is left

Is the parts of me I don’t recognize anymore.

I am not a water bottle.

I do not exist to

Replenish and nourish you.

I am not to be stowed away

In your gym bag until

You decide you need me,

Then tossed aside once more

When I have made you happy.

You cannot refill me with

Love and vitality every time

That I give it all away to you,

And you neglect to give me any.

I am not a water bottle.

I am not a sponge.

I cannot absorb

The messes you leave behind

For me to clean up.

I am not empty

Without your problems, and

No one can squeeze me to

Rid me of all your

Negativity, making me

Clean as new.

I am not a sponge.

I am not a paper bag.

I am not meant to be used,

Serving someone else’s purpose

Without anything in return.

When I rip and fall apart,

I must be repaired, not replaced.

I am not disposable, please

Do not throw me out when you

Are done.

I am not a paper bag.

I am a human being.

Yes, I want to share my

Loving heart with others, but

I need love in return or else I

Am empty and aimless.

I need support, attention, I yearn

To feel not just needed, but

Wanted by those around me.

I need respect, compassion, and

People looking out for me.

I need a safety net there

When I fall.

I am a human being.

I used to be queen of your chess board,

But now I am your pawn,

Always there, but not unique,

And frankly disposable.

I used to be your pencil, a vessel

Through which you expressed yourself,

Allowed yourself to be real with somebody,

But now my tip has gone dull, and

There’s no point in sharpening me

When you could just buy a pen instead.

I used to be your rose, admired by

Your loving eyes and appreciated

For all my beautiful attributes,

But it appears now I have wilted,

And all you see in me are thorns.

You do not mean the world to me.

The world is finite, full of

Terror and destruction and

Revolving around a single point,

Constantly racing into oblivion.

My love for you is the universe:

Vast, complex, terrifying, beautiful,

Ceaselessly growing and expanding.

There are explosions, voids,

Destruction and renewal,

Chaos and calm all at once.

There are mysteries and secrets,

Galaxies yet to be explored,

And it is just as breathtaking as it is daunting.

Hi y’all, I’m Dee and in case you couldn’t tell, I love to write! My inspiration comes from art, nature, and the people around me, and I generally do a lot of free verse (although I’d love to start branching out more!) I decided it’s time to stop confining my poetry to my journals and get my writing out there, so I hope you enjoy the content 🙂