Cannot

Cannot

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I think what you refuse to see
Is the trauma that you brought to me
My heart can’t deal with your lies
Purposefully or otherwise

I think you cannot comprehend
I have no wish to ever be friends
I cannot heal where hurt took place
When I must always see your face

Friendship is not a right
It must be earned, not by might
You can’t be cruel and then demand
I be your friend though I’ve been damned

I think what you don’t comprehend
With your insistence to remain friends
Is that you’re unable to move on
And lay to rest relationships now gone

There is no “special” that qualifies
Enough to actually justify
That we ‘keep in touch”
When you didn’t love me all that much

Because if it was special then you’d remain
In my life without the pain
You would not have run away
When you’d promised that you’d stay

Your ‘honesty’ was counterfeit
The consequence for that is forfeit
You crossed the drawn line
And are not allowed to re-define

I think what you don’t realize
Is that I don’t want you in my life
My life is not an open book
For whenever you want to look

I think what you don’t understand
Is that I am taking my stand
Call me whatever names you like
There isn’t much left of you I like

You bring out the worst in me
With your ‘unintended’ cruelty
I want no part in your fantasy
When it costs me my sanity

You cannot hurt me anymore
I am forever closing this door
I’d say goodbye but I don’t care
To ever again enter your lair

You are now a spider to me
I will run, I will flee
I will scream in total fear
Of the one I once held dear

Clarity

Clarity

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I have seen too many dreams come true

To not know that it’s real.

Sometimes you see a thing in your mind’s eye

And you don’t know whether to be afraid that it will never come true

Or afraid that it will.

And sometimes you see a thing that never existed.

But you know it could have

And maybe it should have.

But never did.

And sometimes the thing you hope for And the thing you fear

Is the same.

Sometimes there’s a detour On the road less traveled.

A path that takes you So far out of your way You wonder

If you’ll ever get back to the road you need to be on.

I had come to a fork in my path.

I went down the wrong way.

And I have learned that not all that’s gold actually Glitters.

The cost for clarity is high.

But I have paid it.

And now, I know

The road I need to be on.

Thrice

Thrice

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Once I loved a boy
     He said no
          After accepting all I had
To offer

Twice I loved a boy
     He said no
          After accepting all I had
Left

Thrice I loved a boy
     I said no
          Because I had nothing else to offer
After he’d taken it all

So I took it back

Free

Free

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

If you love something
Set it free
If it comes back to you, it’s yours,
If it doesn’t, it never was

If he truly wanted to be with me,
He’d be with me
But he isn’t,
So he didn’t.

I set it free
It did not come back to me
So now I am free
For the one who wants me

Lies

Lies

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

You think you can “hold a special place” for me in your heart, because you justify your lies.

To me, lies are the explosives that you used to burn the bridge between us.

The irony is, you would blame the explosion on me

But you were the blaster who laid out the bombs

Just to Talk

Just to Talk

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

[For my big brother who died by suicide in 1993]

I really needed to talk to you
Finally there is so much we have in common
Someone in the world like me
Someone who loved me, knew who I was and
where I came from

I really needed to hear you say
“Yeah, I know what you mean”
And I resisted the urge to go to the phone

I feel as though we missed so many opportunities
Due to circumstances beyond our control
And now we have lost so much
Due to circumstances within your control,
at least I think so.  I don’t know

Could you help it, my brother? Did you know
what you were doing?
Is the pain of our losing you easier for you
to bear than the pain of your reality?
I really needed to talk to you …

‘Operator, this is a person-to-person call …
To Heaven’

“Please hold.”

January 13, 1995

[I used to have this printed up in a little frame that I kept on a shelf, and someone gave me the figurine in the picture below as a gift to accompany the poem, and I kept them side by side, until we had to move]

FireShot Capture 2771 -Precious Moments Tell it to Jesus

I Wonder

I Wonder

by PoeticalNessa ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

In the here, In the now
In the ever-existing wow

I wonder

At the reason, At the rhyme
At the suddenness of time

I wonder

Why the hurry, Why the wait
Why the impending sense of fate

I wonder

Where’s the joy, Where’s the peace
Where’s the feeling of release

I wonder

Where’s the beginning, Where’s the end
When’s my heart going to mend

I wonder

How many cries, How many tears
How many overwhelming fears,

I wonder

Must I know, Must I face
Must I beg for undeserved grace

I wonder

How much more, How much more
How much more must

I wonder