HATE THAT I LOVE YOU

You annoy me with your childish rhetoric when you know you're no longer one.

You annoy me with your ways of handling your money. Like a lady.

You annoy me with your way of answering "secret" to almost every question in this world.

You annoy me with your brand of shutting me out sometimes.

You annoy me with your nonsensical whims about your workmates.

I hate it when you talk about your ex and how you just can't seem to fucking get over him after whatever it is he did to you. Jesus.

And I absolutely hate it when you tell someone you're not ready when in fact you can be if you only wanted to.

Let's face it. This list can go on and on. And on. And on and on and on. I hate a lot of things about you. I really do.

But, why, for the love of me, can't I shake you off my head it's making me go crazy about you is beyond me. And I mean, I abso-f'ing-lutely, crazy, truly, madly, deeply can't stop thinking about you, it's already criminal. Please end my misery already.

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. *sigh*

Should you keep your job?

Ten Signs You Should Keep Your Job
By Norma Pauline Mushkat Gaffin, Monster Staff Writer

Unsure whether you should keep your job or seek greener pastures? While a shaky economy shouldn't keep you in a job you can't stand, you can watch for these 10 signs that could tell you you're fine right where you are.

1. You're Happy

We're not talking mere complacency here, but genuine happiness. If you're happy, you're going to be more productive, and that will impact the company's (and your own) bottom line.

2. You're Learning

You can race up the corporate ladder with agility, but if you don't learn anything on the way, you won't enjoy a lengthy stay. Anything you learn is another bullet on your resume.

3. The Company Is Hiring

This is not the smart hiring you're used to seeing, after all times are tough. But as attrition occurs, is your company replacing essential personnel? You want to see your employer focusing on the bottom line without putting its continued success in jeopardy.

4. The Company Listens to Its Workers

Employees are often a company's most valuable asset. If processes don't work or morale is low, the workers are the ones to know. But remember: Decisions are based on the big picture, which may include some facts every employee cannot be privy to.

5. The Company Has a Plan

Does your employer have a mission and clear goals? Is there a plan for reaching those goals? Clarity is important for every worker, and it's even more important for the larger business.

6. The Company Fixes Its Problems

Everyone makes mistakes, and true virtue lies in how they're corrected. If your company actively tries to mend itself, then you know it's getting ready for the long haul.

7. The Company Promotes from Within

This goes back to employees being a company's biggest asset. Does your company reward its workers and promote accordingly? That shows the company is willing to invest in you, and your investment in the company could have a payoff.

8. The Company Is Open About Its Financials

If your company shares only its successes, beware. But if your employer shares information around profits and loss, it's inviting you to be a partner and is empowering you with the information you need to help.

9. Your Accomplishments and Contributions Are Noticed and Valued

Do you get credit for the work you do? No one should be taken for granted. If your employer notes your accomplishments, you're more likely to move up or be able to take on more challenging projects.

10. You Look Forward to Monday

Everyone enjoys a day off, but do you look forward to returning to work? Whether it's your job, your colleagues or the office culture, if there's something that stops you from dreading Mondays, you've struck career gold.

-- copied from Karen.

Should you keep your job?

Ten Signs You Should Keep Your Job
By Norma Pauline Mushkat Gaffin, Monster Staff Writer

Unsure whether you should keep your job or seek greener pastures? While a shaky economy shouldn't keep you in a job you can't stand, you can watch for these 10 signs that could tell you you're fine right where you are.

1. You're Happy

We're not talking mere complacency here, but genuine happiness. If you're happy, you're going to be more productive, and that will impact the company's (and your own) bottom line.

2. You're Learning

You can race up the corporate ladder with agility, but if you don't learn anything on the way, you won't enjoy a lengthy stay. Anything you learn is another bullet on your resume.

3. The Company Is Hiring

This is not the smart hiring you're used to seeing, after all times are tough. But as attrition occurs, is your company replacing essential personnel? You want to see your employer focusing on the bottom line without putting its continued success in jeopardy.

4. The Company Listens to Its Workers

Employees are often a company's most valuable asset. If processes don't work or morale is low, the workers are the ones to know. But remember: Decisions are based on the big picture, which may include some facts every employee cannot be privy to.

5. The Company Has a Plan

Does your employer have a mission and clear goals? Is there a plan for reaching those goals? Clarity is important for every worker, and it's even more important for the larger business.

6. The Company Fixes Its Problems

Everyone makes mistakes, and true virtue lies in how they're corrected. If your company actively tries to mend itself, then you know it's getting ready for the long haul.

7. The Company Promotes from Within

This goes back to employees being a company's biggest asset. Does your company reward its workers and promote accordingly? That shows the company is willing to invest in you, and your investment in the company could have a payoff.

8. The Company Is Open About Its Financials

If your company shares only its successes, beware. But if your employer shares information around profits and loss, it's inviting you to be a partner and is empowering you with the information you need to help.

9. Your Accomplishments and Contributions Are Noticed and Valued

Do you get credit for the work you do? No one should be taken for granted. If your employer notes your accomplishments, you're more likely to move up or be able to take on more challenging projects.

10. You Look Forward to Monday

Everyone enjoys a day off, but do you look forward to returning to work? Whether it's your job, your colleagues or the office culture, if there's something that stops you from dreading Mondays, you've struck career gold.

-- copied from Karen.

0-10, anyone?

Cathedral of Space

The meaning of the title may not mean much and where I took it from, but just for informing people, it is a song by Wolfgang. Great band. Great lyricists.

Now, even though I may seem like a talkative person, I prefer to express my innermost thoughts by writing a letter or something, or through mediums such as blogs. It is through this medium that I learned (somewhat) my style of blogging that I am now able to apply to anything I write/blog/create.

At any rate, the main reason I wrote this was because of 2 things. First was, I saw a show last saturday night wherein they featured a soccer/football match between a team of kids from the infamous Smoky Mountain, against a group of kids from a distinguished boys school in Metro Manila. As I've said, they had a football match, and the kids from Smoky Mountain won. Afterwards, the camera overheard 2 kids talking, although I can only remember the 1st kid's words:

Kid 1: "Nakakahiya tayo, natalo tayo ng mga pulubi, eh mga wala namang pera yang mga yan. Mga patay-gutom."

Or something to that context.

Now, I know kids say the darndest things, and their word should only be taken in stride, but isn't it disturbing that these kids would say those words to their fellow kids? That these same kids are the future of this country? They are the most "swail" kids I ever heard of. These kids need to get out of their little world, around their PSPs or XBoxes or whatever it is kids today play. These damn kids don't know how good they have it, compared to those Smoky Mountain kids, whose future hinges solely on football. They play football not just to have fun, but to escape the situation that they're in. Hopefully, when these "rich" kids grow up, they would realize the gravity of what they said to those poor kids, and not just becoming wastes of space and oxygen in this planet.

Second. I know I said I think I express (andaming I) myself better in blogs. So, after realizing on the way home that what I said to a friend earlier this afternoon may have been a tad offensive, by calling her "swail na anak" or something to that extent, in the context of a joke, when I didn't really know the story, and all she was doing was helping out her folks through her hard-earned money, and she not really reacting much to what I said, for this lapse in judgment, I sincerely apologize to you, my friend, if I offended you in any way. I will try to filter my stupid mouth a lot more from now on. Even in jest. Sheesh, I am such a bad joker/joke-teller.

That's it for now. Signing off.

Peace.

Fine Time

Today, supposedly, was the crappiest afternoon of my stint in our company.

From I, este, us being told through text by the Dear Leader to leave at 3:40 PM when the client meeting would start at 4:00 PM. Plus traffic. So, I get in a cab, and guess what? I forgot to bring my notes for the said meeting. So I told the cab driver to go to Petron's Treats just to be able to buy a notebook. This is where the real fun began.

As we were about to get to Petron in Buendia, of all things, a sudden downpour (and I mean DOWNPOUR) of rain came crashing down on us. And no notebook was being sold in Treats.

So there I was, in the middle of a gas station with a meeting that was about to start, with no notes whatsoever, in the pouring rain. Luckily, I saw a National Bookstore beside Petron, so finally, I had one problem solved. But then, another one beckoned: how would I cross the street with the rain pouring on like spaghetti sauce on pasta, like chocolate on a sundae? No longer thinking rationally, I did what-irrational-people-would-usually-do-if-already-late-for-a-meeting -- make a run for it.

Running is supposed to be done with the morning sun shining down, with athletic gear on and rubber shoes. I will not advise any of you to run across Buendia in the middle of a downpour at 4PM in a Polo and slacks, with leather shoes on, while carrying a shoe bag which essentially contains garbage. So to make the long story short, I finally made it to the meeting at 4:10 PM, all the while looking like a basang sisiw that was put inside a freezer full of hard-ass executives. For 3 and a half hours.

Haha but wait! There's more!

As we were leaving the premises, the Boss asked me if where I was going, because usually, we employees hitch a ride in his PrimeMobile after a client call. I told him that I was just going to get my ID at the other guard. After I got my ID from the guard and was about to ask him a question, guess what? Our Dear Leader left me high and dry. High. And dry. Grabe, blockbuster. So I was left with no choice but to walk a few meters until I get to the nearest jeep to greenbelt.

This was supposedly the crappiest afternoon of my stint so far. And I have all the reasons to be mad, considering what happened.

But I'm not. :D

I actually found it to be a great experience. Luckily also, my afternoon started out really great. Guess I finally found a reason not to be mad with shallow things. I wish I can stay steady like gravy everyday.

Optimistic califragilistic.

Peace.

P.S. I'm not emo. Emo sucks like pfffft. :D You know the drill already.

On Second Thought...

No more emo/senti stuff for me from now on. I suck at being emo. I ruin everything when I'm emo.

Yuck. Pfffffft.

Animo.

Masks

The past few days, I have noticed myself to be very tight, stressed out, always on the edge and very, very grumpy. So it got me thinking. Maybe this is the time to finally learn how to wear a mask.

You see, we wear masks for different occasions and for the different types of people that we are with. We wear a type of mask if we are at work. A type of mask if we are with friends. A type of mask if we are with our family and friends. A type for our special someone.

If we can wear masks for different types of people, why can't we wear a type of mask to hide away our emotions? That would be very convenient. Nobody would really know who you are and what you really feel.

But you see, that's the thing. Am I desperately trying real hard to find a mask that will fit my personality? Or is it because I'm just trying to hide away the truest, sincerest and most beautiful set of emotions that I've felt for someone in a long while? That maybe, just maybe, I'm subconsciously trying to push that person away when I can easily draw that person closer? That maybe, I desperately want to be a part of that person's life, regardless if that person is seeing someone or not, and regardless if that person has baggage or not? That maybe, I want to get to know that person better, that person's past, that person's present, that person's dreams and become that person's future?

If that is the case, I am the worst liar in the history of this planet. And no mask can ever fit me, no matter how desperate I become, because this is who I'll always be. A man who doesn't hide his emotions under his sleeves.

No More

From being Peter Parker to Lex Luthor.

A friend told me the other night that I was too nice to people. And it got me thinking. Yeah, it probably is true.

To be honest with you, I don't want to care anymore.

I don't want to be the guy who ends up with nothing in the end.

I don't want to be everyone's friend anymore.

I don't want to be a "jack of all trades, master of none guy" anymore.

I would gladly exchange all of this for even just a day of being heartless, soulless, cunning, cold and ruthless. Please. Let me be on the other side of the spectrum of my personality even for just a day. I don't want to be the one asking if you got home safe and sound. I don't want to be the one to open the doors for anybody anymore.

If Lex Luthor became President of the United States in the comics, what can I achieve then? The possibilities are endless.

The Year that Was

And so there goes another year. It was just yesterday when we celebrated the start of a new millennium. The beginning of the 21st century. And now, we're at the year 2009. 2009. The decade is almost over. Wow, time really goes by so fast.

At any rate, this entry is supposed to cap the year that had just passed. Many times during the year, I was looking at the glass half-empty, especially during the last 2 quarters of the year. I really felt helpless, useless and empty while doing almost nothing. But then all of that changed when me and my family went on a brief sojourn at Cagayan De Oro city, whose province it belongs to is my mom's birth province. It gave me time to think about everything that's been going on in my life this past year. After those short moments of reflecting, I decided to (finally) look at the glass half-full.

Yes, there may have been a lot of downs, but there have also been a lot of ups. To enumerate shall we say, the "tangible" ones:
- The birth of my niece
- Obtaining my Bachelor's degree
- The coming of another nephew/niece
- Getting my career start in a company that needs me (I think)

Above all else, being idle for 5 months also taught me a lot of things. It gave me the value of patience, by having the mentality of "my time shall come", it enabled me to stay optimistic even though the odds are not really on my side. It taught me the value of having a strong faith to God, for only He knows what's in store for me. At the same time, being idle was also a very, very, VERY humbling experience. It gave me the motivation I needed to stay on a job as well as to give my best in doing that job.

So, fast forward to 2009. What's going to happen this year? I absolutely have no idea. But for one, I'm going to start working for a company called Prime Outsource on January 5 as a Junior Systems Analyst. The pay is good enough for everyday things, but hey, I have to start somewhere, right? After January 5, I have no clue. Nothing. And that's the joy of it. The mystery, the unpredictability of it all. You can all join the ride if you want. Everyone's always welcome.

So there. That's that.

See you around, fools. =p

God speed always. And a blessed and happy new year to everyone.

Version 22

A big shoutout to everyone who greeted me on this day. It completed my day. Thank you all very much for showing some love. May God bless you all with the blessings that you all deserve. Thanks very much. Animo.

And to those who either:
- forgot
- was busy with something
- thought they knew it was someone's birthday but sort of forgot who's birthday it was
- was actually working their butts off
- was in solitary confinement somewhere

Its alright. I understand. And you also deserve the blessings that you all receive. Pay it forward.

For a lot more years of friendship and success in all our endeavours. Cheers, my friend!