What do you do when you just can’t seem to find the motivation to do, well just about anything. Now before you start thinking depression, I am not depressed. Just feels like a stalemate. Like I know getting up and just walking a quick trip around the block would do wonders. Especially when the dogs are staring at you like “c’ mon man, we’ve been cooped up here all day.” Or grabbing one of the many cameras just eager to get footage of just about anything. Come to think of it, wouldn’t even need to leave the house, just tend to one of the many tasks waiting for attention on the todo list. Here I sit, finally writing a post, after another 10 days (or so) of putting it off and still it feels almost like a chore even though there is a sweet sense of satisfaction once it’s posted. Just can’t seem to wrap my head around it. There has to be something to motivate oneself. And while I’m trying to figure it out, I’ll sit, rather lay on the couch binge watch Discovery plus, the latest Netflix craze ( just finished Bridgerton 😳) or sweep through a season of The Office again, my latest goto binge series.
It amazes me how many of you are continuing to churn out new and original daily posts. Some of you multiple times in a day. When I was doing my 365’s I was there with you, but for me that was more like a challenge, which made it easier for me to complete, while many of you seem to do it simply for the joy. So what is it? I get if it is a challenge and I could also understand if you do it for monetary reasons, but unless I’m missing that money boat (and if I am, someone please direct me to the nearest information dock) I don’t think a majority on here are doing it as a means of income. So what drives you? When there are no obligations otherwise, what inspires you to be active, motivate, or just plain avoid succumbing to the beauty of couch surfing and continue missing out on my real joie de vivre, which would be nice to find again. Not sure if these were rhetorical questions or if I am just trying to psychoanalyze myself, but if you have some insight to share I will not ignore it.
I just noticed that it has already been almost 2 weeks since I posted last. Seriously. I swear it was like a couple of days ago. That has actually been the story of my year. I was talking to a colleague today about how fast this school year has flown by. And I mean like warp speed. I was theorizing that it had to have something to do with the fact that I don’t teach the entire day. And that I only see 1 class 2 days a week. I’m not sure but it really does bother me a bit.
That’s all about to change soon though. next week the system is requiring us to come in all day every day. And then mid Feb, kids are back. Even though we had an idea this was coming, it has caused a lot of anxiety with a lot of teachers. While I understand most of the sides, it does bother me that we have waited this long and now we are on the brink of getting the vaccine that it makes absolutely no sense that we are going back before we are vaccinated. Absolutely none. I have managed to secure an appointment next Friday to get my shot, and heaven willing I actually get it, but while I managed to score an appointment, the system, who told us they would handle it, has failed to move. Even more head shaking reason to be frustrated at it all.
There is nothing I want more than to be in front of actual kids again so I will do anything to make that happen but it still leaves a real bad taste in my mouth and how I look at the system. Yesterday to throw more salt on the gaping wounds the Governor makes a veiled threat of a statement to the tune of if teachers don’t report back by March 1st he will do whatever is legally necessary to see that someone else does. Including revoking a teachers certificate.
Teachers are not the bad guys here. We aren’t the ones who closed schools down in the first place. We aren’t the ones making the decision whether your kid comes or not. We simply do what we are told to the best of our abilities, and ultimately bear the brunt of the fallout when things don’t go well.
Thank you for letting me vent and if you read this far thanks for hanging in there. Feeling a little angsty today. But breathing much better. That and the vitamin D3 is also kicking in.
I do not know why it took so long to get back to this. It’s not like I am so totally time consumed that there just isn’t any time for me to write. I hate that about myself and it is something that I really need to figure out. Perhaps a good task for the new year? So continuing on with my very condensed version of the year in review July was once again a very quiet month, filled with puppy training, dog walks, kayaking and paddle board and golf. Not too terrible if you think about it. We also, finally, got our new roof. As documented a couple of years ago with some dramatic videos (Hope to insert link HERE) our insurance company finally agreed that Mother Nature had, in fact, wreaked enough havoc to justify them covering the cost. 5 months later, we no longer have built in water falls, indoor wading pools, or socking wet feet!
Now You See Me
August 2020. See July, sans the new roof. Although towards the end of the month the school district finally decided on what course to take in regards to reopening. So much of the end of the month was focused on preparing for the new school year. Up until then, Gryffin became a true water dog. It was a pretty hot summer so it was the best way to really keep cool. He was also a huge fan of the mister I installed on the patio umbrella. Visit his Instagram to see much more of his water adventures. Couldn’t really keep him out of the pool, whether it was full or not. I did manage to get him to swim in the lake after a couple of tries, but he wasn’t really a fan of big water swimming. I am hoping that changes. Of course Anastasia, being the Husky she is, was really over it pretty early on.
Serving It Up
September 2020 One of the other pleasant surprises of the summer shut down was that we actually had options when it came to food as the very few restaurants close by started delivering. I am not sure why it took so long to discover this amazing service. Safe to say, I was a very active and supportive contributor to the helping small businesses initiative. September also saw the house become a true empty nest as our recent college grad headed to Denver, Colorado, to start his Masters program. All 3 of the kids are now spread out over the states, with 1 in Chicago, 1 in Denver and 1 in Dallas. Not sure what we did but it kind of is a little sobering to know that your kids don’t want to be anywhere near you. I know, I know, let me feel sorry for myself a little, but inside I am super proud of them and know that for them to be as independent as they are and self supportive is a huge deal. Of course, I still love to cook, as evident with last years reviews of home food delivery services. And most meals, like the one above, were actually cooked with my hands. Another great break from the monotony of quarantining.
Another Brick In The Wall
October 2020. This is my “new classroom”. In October, my school was one of the first to allow students in on a rotating ‘Hybrid” trial basis. Even though I only had one or 2 kids a day, for about 2 hours, I have to admit, I do miss having the kids in class. For my subject specifically, so much is based on hands on work, so not having to try and demonstrate virtually and having kids work with equipment with their hands, really helped drive home things I was trying to get across through the computer. I also have to say that once we do return to normal, the adjustment may not be as easy as they say. I absolutely love the schedule I have now, especially with Wednesdays being a work from home day. It breaks up the week and kind of gives you a mid week refresher. Would be nice carry-over that I do not think that anyone in the county’s administration would approve.
FORE the Last Time
November 2020. This is one of the scenes that drove my quarantine and made it much more bearable. A colleague and myself found comfort in swinging the clubs on the golf course. We managed to to play very regularly about twice a week and even played up until the last day in November. We are always ready if the weather ever provides an opportunity to get out. I am one that really hates playing when its cold so if it is too cold to wear shorts and a short sleeved shirt from start to finish, I kind of would rather save my money and play when it is. Why play a game that can make you feel miserable at any second when you already feel miserable? Thanksgiving was the first major holiday without the kids, so eating dinner with them on a Zoom call was quite entertaining. Really hope that that does not become the new normal!
Lit
December 2020. Like most people 2020 could not end soon enough. At the same time, I feel very fortunate that the immediate family stayed healthy, and for the most part healthy. With my previous health issues, I have been extremely careful when it comes to any possibility of exposure. I guess there is a reason I live where I do isolated, Of course what does that say when 2 das ago m daughter ends up testing positive. This after spending the holidays with her brothers. I mean c’mon 2021, seriously? So far she has minor symptoms, and the boys exhibit no signs. Both swear that they probably have already had it at some point. My brother and sister also had it, as it made its way through their families and, yet, have managed to hold it at bay. So while it has hit very close to home, I am still very grateful that it hasn’t hit as hard as it has in a lot of other families. But here we are, 2021 shows a lot of promise and I wish you and yours the best, happy, healthy, and safe New Year!
Happy New Year, to all you amazing bloggists!! May you find peace, love, health, and happiness this year. Because I disappeared for over a year and because it’s New Year’s Day, I thought it’d be fun to do a quick year in review with pictures, because it’s just more fun to look at photos than reading about the lost year. So without further ado, here is one photo (or two) for each month along with a quick summary.
January at first sight
January 2020. For as bad as 2020 would become, January started very quiet. After teaching for well over 20 years, I’ve come to know allot of students, even so it still is pretty exciting when you see one on TV, featured on a weekly basis. Even more so when it’s on a reality TV series like Married at First Sight. Knowing her as well as I did, made for even a more enjoyable, although due to nature of show at times uncomfortable, watching experience. She even still kept the same number so imagine my surprise when she picked up the phone when I called to congratulate her and catch up!
Reality to Real
New Brother for Anastasia
Pick of the Litter
February 2020. From reality TV to real life, the couple I managed to take photos of the proposal that I shared with you all last year, was completed with their wedding. But the bigger event, for our family, was the addition of Anastasia’s new brother, Gryffin. One of a large litter, it took a good amount of time for me to pick him, or Vice versa, but judging on how he is now, couldn’t be more sure I got the right one.
Early DismissalEmpty Shelves and empty Aisles
March 2020. How were we to know that this would end up being the last day of school. What was thought to be just a 2 week “snow day” would wind up reimagining the face of education. Looking back, I really don’t know how we did it, but somehow we did. And it wasn’t terrible. At least for my classes. Even more shocking was what I found at the grocery the very next day. Also changed the face of grocery shopping as we knew it.
Daily Walks
April 2020. April really didn’t bring any thing out of the ordinary. Thanks to the pandemic, I think I was very lucky to have got Gryffin when I did. Not only did we not have to leave him alone much, I also got to spend a-lot of time training him which has really shown. He has to be one of the most obedient pups I’ve ever had. Although he is still prone to puppy tendencies, overall couldn’t be happier with him.
Virtual Grad
Ivy Graduate
May 2020. After 4 years, much of which I wrote about, my middle boy graduated from UPenn thrusting him into the Covid working world with a degree and no jobs. Still it was the hit of the month, along with the private concert by UPenn grad John Legend, as trying to complete the “virtual” school year hit some snags but we kept battling through.
Row Row Row Your Boat
June 2020. Another month of “Quarantine” meant another month of isolation, boredom and restlessness. Determined not to succumb to the blues, I started playing golf regularly and bought a standup paddle board and added a kayak for Father’s Day. I don’t know why I never connected the fact that I have 3 smallish lakes no more than 5 minutes from the house, but combined with my love of the water life, I cannot figure why I never thought about doing this sooner. So many days were spent on the water where I was able to spend much time floating around listening to some music and catching the vitamin D. Most other days, working on my never improving golf game.
I love snow. Quite simple. It makes me happy. I think it is one thing that really does counteract the effects of the SAD I get in the winter months. When the kids were here I couldn’t wait to bundle them up and go out and create sled runs on our hills. But even with them gone, Anastasia, being her true Husky self, takes their place in the sense of getting bundled up and excited to get out in the white fluffy stuff. And it can be difficult to get her back inside once we get out. This is the first major snow with Gryffin, as well, which makes it even more exciting, and I am pleased to report and verify with pics, that he is a snow lover as well. It started falling around 10am, and has been falling ever since. I feel like we have around 6 – 8 inches, and we are expecting between 12-20 inches. We only had close to 6 inches all of last year and this is already the largest storm in the last 2 years, so I think that may explain why the last two winters hadn’t been my favorites. Of course, I am only 5 minutes away from constant snow all winter long, as the ski resort is just around the corner, so I can, and have, easily get a fix of the falling white stuff in a pinch. But there is nothing like the smell, sight and feel of the actual stuff, and the pure joy of just watching the dogs (and maybe me) roll around in it.
I have a small confession to make. My first two posts were written while I was waiting in the chiropractors office for an adjustment. So as I sit here tonight, in the same office awaiting an adjustment, I decided I should share that tidbit of info with you. Not that it is important. Although I do find it a bit cathartic that I used the time I am waiting, hopefully to find some pain relief, to open and purge some of the pain I have felt, mentally, by not keeping up with the blog and, more so, you my dear blogfriends. What really never became a pain in the ass, is exactly why I sit where I, so uncomfortably, sit. It is quite ironic that the more I think about it, how the two have worked out. You see last year, when I decided to take off, it was Thanksgiving week. This year, during the same week, I guess I did something to my back which is why my sciatica is pretty damned angry. So the figurative pain in the ass has given way to a literal pain in the ass. Not sure if any of you have dealt with the literal, but I cannot find relief, at all. As I said , it started the Wednesday before TDay and continues through now. I have tried everything. Stretching, Yoga, massage, TENS, creams, walking, oils, ice, patches, ‘Roids, braces, Ibu, Naproxen, Hemp, and, of course Chiro. My FSA has been on fire. And while I have, finally, managed to sleep most of the night, once I wake up, it is up and it will not let me go back to sleep. It’s a strange injury. With it’s origin really unknown, it shoots all the way down the leg into the ankle and these last couple of days it has felt like my foot has one of those nasty cramps in the arch, which is what brought me back to Chiro tonight. The Doc says it’s the body’s defense and coping mechanisms, adjusting to counter the sciatics attack. I am beginning to think it maybe more. Like my body’s payback on all the damage I did to it all those years ago through sports and other rough play. I guess the one good thing is that it did finally get me off my ass and get me writing again.
The photo I posted is one I took quickly this morning. It isn’t the best of qualities as I shot it out the window which had a screen in it, but I really wanted to capture it and share it. It’s a pretty young deer sheltering under our trampoline out back. It is hunting season so if he is using it as camo, I’d say he’s one bright buck.
Back to song titles. This was first song I heard this morning, so I had to use it.
I started my 3rd year (27th total) teaching in my new school and yet I have not completed a full year teaching at that school yet. My first year I came in 2nd term, my second year we stopped coming in March and then this year, well…. We started the year virtually and while the challenges were plentiful, it actually went a lot smoother than I anticipated. Sometime at the end of September we began a pseudo hybrid where I get ½ my kids in each class once a week so technically I have 2-3 kids twice a week. It’s complicated but at least I know twice a week I get a to see a couple of kids in my class. Honestly though, I don’t think it’s very effective and I would just prefer to stay all virtual. My kids are actually excelling, virtually, and I haven’t had that many issues. I think this is one of those times where I am happy to be teaching graphic design/photography instead of theatre. I also have embraced Adobe a bit more and am not as “afraid” of it as I was when I started. Even though they update their software more than Apple which gets to be frustrating. They sent us home March 10 and we weren’t allowed back, at all, the rest of the year, which wasn’t cool, so when I had the option to come in this year and teach from my classroom, I jumped on it. I do stay home Wednesdays, just because my classes are super short and I tend to take that day to recharge. But I do find I get so much more work done at school and can focus easier. Plus I have immediate access to whatever I need for the day. Not sure why I’m sharing this, maybe because I don’t really talk to anyone during the week and don’t really talk about school stuff and just need to vent… I mean share 🥴. Plus it’s what’s consuming most of my life at this time and has ever since I went on my WP hiatus.
Flight Control
So that is what I am doing… Make the most of it. This is my daily setup. Sometimes I feel like an air traffic controller, complete with the mental instability. But then, other times, in complete control so it’s a pretty good weekly ride of highs and lows. And that makes for a pretty good week.
So after just over a year I have found a bit of spark to revisit these old stomping grounds. It is so strange, on one hand I missed it greatly but on the other hand I totally forgot I even had this. I think what i really found myself missing were the wonderful amazing people (you) who read, replied, and cared so much. I think guilt played a huge part in my reluctance to come back. So much because there are many of you that reached out, seeking any kind of sign I was ok (quite the sleuths you were too!)
I am ok. Of course. I’d love to blame it on the pandemic, politics, procrastination, but quite simply I had no desire. And I was really afraid that if I’d pushed myself I would have just deleted everything and fell off into the abyss. Which isn’t that difficult to do actually. So I hope you will forgive me, and if you can’t, I won’t blame you but I swear I will do what I can to get caught up and catch up with so many of you. I’m sure that a few of you have just blown up into these megastar bloggers, your content was already that good.
I am not sure what my plan is. I’ll start slow so as not to put that pressure back on me and hopefully I’ll have things worth saying/reading. For now, I wanted to introduce you to the newest member of the family. His name is Gryffin and he turns 1 on Christmas Day. He is a Golden Shepherd mix although I think there’s part miniature pony somewhere. He hasn’t stopped growing. Kind of makes Anastasia look like a lap dog. He has been a wonderful addition for Stasia since the loss of Gracie. And the timing couldn’t have been better in terms of training. More to come on him soon!!
Merry Christmas and happy Holidays!! There really is no good excuse or reasonable explanation as to why I could not simply say all is well on my end and I’ll be back soon. (Laura and Angel, I am so sorry. I never meant for you to worry!) I don’t even know if I could fully make sense as to where life has taken me this past month I am so sorry to those of you who have reached out in concern and didn’t hear back. Please know that I did NOT purposely avoid you. That is not how you treat friends. Please know that I am ok and that I will hopefully be able to explain at some point. It probably would do my soul good to write it out. Not quite sure when I’ll be able to return. I really am aiming for the start of the new year. I should at least be able to get back to reading up, I know how fast that reader fills up on a daily basis. I hope you understand and don’t give up on me. But if you do, I could not blame you! Be back real soon!!
Proscenium 