Gratitude Journal - 26 Jan

A simple day but one that’s meaningful. Here’re the things I want to call out:

• Thankful for the trust and openness of an ex-colleague turned friend who continued to let me coach and mentor him over the last 2 years. I met him again today for one of our regular sessions and I was very happy to see him put into actions the things he said he would do during our last session 2 months back.

• Lovely to be able to run my errands and grocery shopping given the limited time I had today. In fact, I was even able to squeeze in time for a walk as well and I did so by alighting 3 stops away from my home and walking to the supermarket! It was certainly great use of my time!

• Once again, my sis cooked things and brought it over. I now have so much food I had to keep them in the fridge! So my meals for the next 2 days are settled!

So yeah, it’s a simple day but as I scanned through all the things I’ve done over the last couple of weeks, I am glad I have been able to keep to the key focus I had set for myself for the year! Keep it up me!

Resident Mozzie

I have a mosquito in my room. It has been there for so long, I’ve decided to call it my resident mosquito. 

The funny thing about this mosquito is that is refuses to leave the house regardless of what I do. I had left the windows open, the door open etc. and even during days when the winds are strong, it somehow continue to remain in my room.

And the funny thing is - it doesn’t bite me! Even when I sleep. It just happily buzz around the room, the toilet and makes itself comfortable…

:-)

Gratitude Journal - 25 Jan

It’s a busy but fulfilling day for me and if I were to single out 3 things that I am grateful for, I would name the following:

• Had a good nights’ rest and woke up this morning feeling great and energized. Managed to finish cleaning 3/4 of the kitchen cabinet, washed the rugs and mopped the kitchen. Also, took the opportunity to declutter the cabinet and gave away quite a few unused mugs!

• Attended a Buddhist class at the Singapore Buddhist Federation. We went into how Buddhist concepts can be applied in life and where things are constantly changing and many issues are not so straightforward/ black and white. Very interesting session indeed.

• Visited my friend who had been readmitted to the hospital, less than a week after he was discharged. It’s nice to see him cheerful and had a good catch up with him. 

I’m also thankful for a friend who took the time to share his life story with me over dinner, for my sis who brought over bananas and food, etc… yeah, it’s a good day indeed.

Gratitude Journal - 24 Jan

Here’re the things I’m grateful for today:

• I am able to do a bit more cleaning of my kitchen cabinets and windows. Cleaning the kitchen has always been a key focus when it comes to spring cleaning and I’m glad I managed to cover more today. Probably need another couple of days before I’m done.

• I have friends who texted me to check how I’m managing and if everything is going well for me. I appreciate their concerns and their regular texting. One of them will be heading back to Kuching following week. Hopefully, I’ll be able to meet him for lunch next week.

• Very basic things that I probably take for granted and will not think about normally - the gift of life, of my senses, of my health, etc to experience life and appreciating each moment as it happens.

Good night to me!

Target Weight

I wanted to work towards a weight of 62-plus kg and expect to hit this by end-Dec 25/ early-Jan 26. I’m glad that I was able to hit 62.65kg last week. It has gone back into the mid-63kg mark this week. I guess it will take a while to stabilize at 62-ish. But it’s a good outcome I must say. I can’t recall the last time I weighed 62kg. Will work towards keeping my weight at 60-62kg as much as I can. 

While vanity is a part of the reason, a more important reason for wanting to keep to this range is health. Having a weight in the mid-70kg range and above caused me frequent backaches, knees issues as well as higher BP, and RHR indirectly due to fats. I have every reason to also believe my visceral fats has dropped and that my fatty liver condition has either reduced or disappeared totally.

Looking towards reducing my weight a little more and maintaining the weight as much as I can. Objectively, I should be focusing on fat vs muscle mass but to me, psychologically, weight is still something that has a more direct impact on me. But yeah, if I do gain weight, it should be due to building of muscle mass instead of fats. 

Evolving Tactic

After getting so many scammers messages, I deleted my age from my profile last week. Immediately, the messages stopped. Until today. If this is a new “pattern” from Grindr scammers, it won’t work on me. Take a look…

I blocked him immediately after he read my message.

Gratitude Journal - 23 Jan

It’s an uneventful day. But it allowed me to be creative! Heh… so here’re the 3 key things I’m thankful for today: 

• The inspiration and ability to cook myself a nice dinner. I experimented with tau kwa rice (using similar recipe to that of the hokkien kiam png) and it turned out pretty well. Ate it with a bowl of chap chye (peranakan mixed vegetable soup) and a side of achar (peranakan pickled vegetables). Very aligned to my hokkien/ peranakan heritage.

• The quick recovery from my mild fever 2 days ago and that I was able to do a nice 12000-step walk and my push ups today. Also, I did it during mid day and got to enjoy some good afternoon sun too!

• The ability to give myself a nice haircut! Been more than a week since I last cut my hair and it looks a tad messy! That is a key challenge for people with short hair - it grows and get out of shape very fast! So I managed to trim my sides and style my top. It looked so much more presentable now!

It’s a good day!

Gratitude Journal - 22 Jan

I will try to capture 3 things I am grateful for daily. Hopefully it becomes a habit and that overtime, it makes me a better and happier person. So for today, here’re 3 things I am grateful for:

• To be able to wake up feeling good and purposeful, knowing that I will be meeting my peer trainer to help her prepare for her upcoming course; and meeting a friend to talk through the challenges he is facing and helping him see things in perspective.

• To have chanced upon a shop that can replace my iPhone battery on the spot rather than having to send it to the Apple Store or Apple-appointed agent (that would take 3hrs to 2 weeks) instead.

• To be able to keep my weight and health markers relatively constant this morning despite the mild fever and discomfort I felt last night.

I must confess that it took a bit of effort to write the above cos it is not something I do instinctively and require some good reflection and objectivity. I believe it should get easier with more practice.

Friend with Cancer (2)

I shared about a friend with aggressive cancer in my last post. Things do not look good, and it will likely be an increasingly difficult journey for him. In this post, I want to share the story of another friend.

She is a colleague turned friend. She’s in her 40s when I first know her and she’s someone who loves life and lives it to the best that she can, travelling and enjoying new experiences regularly. She discovered she had lung cancer some 4 to 5 years ago during a routine check-up. On her doctor’s advice, she underwent surgery to remove it. Within a short time, the cancer returned, and she had to go through a second operation to remove more of her lung. Things did not improve. A little over a year later, the cancer spread to her brain, and she had to undergo at least two more operations to remove the tumours.

Despite all this, she remained cheerful, changed jobs, learned new things, built new skills and, above all, continued travelling. I have consistently met up with her for meals over the past few years, wanting to keep myself abreast of her condition and to encourage her as much as I can. During one of our meet-ups, she shared that she refused to surrender to her cancer, wanted to live her life as fully as possible and on her own terms. Above all, she would not want people see and treat her as a sick person. Yet, she recognised that her days are numbered and had made plans for her eventual demise. She is now on an experimental treatment, and her tumour growth has slowed.

I admire her courage and her love for life.

Friend with Cancer (1)

In my life, I’ve had people around me diagnosed with cancer, and most have since passed on. I also know others who were diagnosed with cancer and have continued to live their lives well because of medical treatment. But that is not the case for a friend I got to know just half a year ago. 

He is four years my senior, and during a routine medical check-up, the doctor discovered a lump on his neck. He was sent for scans and a biopsy and was eventually diagnosed with stage-four oesophageal cancer. It came as a shock to him, as he had no prior illness or symptoms whatsoever. The initial prognosis was 6 months to a year, and he was quickly put on chemotherapy. His condition did not improve, and within a month, the prognosis was revised to six months. That was two months ago.

Since then, his condition has worsened rapidly. In Nov, I was still meeting him for lunches, and he could eat quite well. When I met him at Christmas, he could only manage porridge. Over the last weekend, he was admitted to hospital as he could no longer swallow food or even liquids. I visited him earlier today, and he now has to be tube-fed.

The days and months ahead will not be easy for him, given how fast the tumour is growing. The hospital has indicated that there is little more they can do at this point, except to put him through more aggressive chemotherapy, in the hope that the tumour might shrink enough for him to swallow again. Despite this, he remains cheerful and still says he looks forward to being able to eat again. I am not optimistic, but I could only smile and nod.

Sighs.

Grateful

When I reflect back on my life, I realise I have a lot, a lot to be grateful for. Just using my career as an example, there seems to have been some form of divine help through people for every single job/ job change since 2000.

• I ended my first contract with the army in 2000 and decided to enter the corporate sector. Being naïve and new to the corporate world, I didn’t prepare myself sufficiently and eventually landed in the air logistics line out of desperation. Despite the willingness to learn, the fit was bad and things didn’t go well. Then my company, which was part of a larger airline group, announced that it was undergoing a corporatisation exercise and employees were given the option to leave or stay. That was when an ex-colleague from the army called and asked me to consider rejoining. They were facing a brain drain in the function I was in. I would not suffer any loss in seniority, and I would get back my last drawn pay. The call was a lifesaver.

• My second stint in the armed forces, despite the harsh treatment of being outed, revoking of security clearance, stalling of my promotion and growth, losing a scholarship in a post-graduate programme in security studies, etc; saw me being transferred to a military training college. It led me to ultimately obtain my post-graduate degree in instructional designs and ultimately led to my eventual entry into the corporate sector as a training/ HR person after my retirement. Had I not been outed, I would have progressed in the function I was in, got myself even more siloed and probably experience major difficulties joining the corporate sector given the highly classified roles I would have served. It was a huge blessing in disguise!

• I had retired from the armed forces and decided to take a few months’ break before seeking new employment. Two months in, the armed forces’ career transition department contacted me and asked me to consider being part of a pilot programme for career placement. It was meant for retiring personnel, but as it was a pilot, they decided it would be more appropriate to get recently retired personnel to try it. I only had to pay 10% of the total cost. I signed up for it and became the first person to partake in the programme. That led me to eventually land in my first corporate role after I retired from military service.

• I left my first corporate role after almost three years as I felt I was not being remunerated fairly despite the job size and responsibilities given. Things also got rather toxic and I decided to leave without a job. Two months later, an ex-colleague whom I had helped previously called and asked if I was keen to join the airline industry to help a budget airline set up its learning department. I went for the interview, got the job, received a good pay jump, went on to successfully help the company set up its L&OD department, and got 2 promotions within the span of 6 months after joining the company. I later found out that the Chief of HR was the husband of my ex-colleague.

• The airline company I joined went through several major restructurings during my tenure, and there was a change in senior leadership. The new chief who took over the HR portfolio was from Shanghai, and she gave me full support - not just in my work, but also in looking after my mum, whose dementia had worsened by then. She would chase me to leave work daily because she knew my mum would get anxious if I arrived home late. She also told me I could work from home anytime I needed to, well before working from home became the norm. We are friends now and meet up every few months to catch up.

• The airline company was eventually acquired and merged with another airline. With the merger, I was demoted two levels and made to report to someone much more junior than me. Overnight, people who used to report to me became my peers. Life got increasingly difficult as I was considered an “outsider”. Life was tough. My job search was met with numerous rejections despite the many interviews I attended. Just when I got really demoralised, I received a call from a lady asking if I was keen to consider a L&OD role of a global telco; and that if successful, I would report to her. This lady turned out to be a friend of an ex-army colleague whom I had helped when he was based in Tampa, Florida, more than a decade ago. I went through no less than 6 interviews, got accepted and spent a good seven years there, helping it build three other departments and won numerous awards.

• In the post-COVID years, I suffered burnout and decided to take a 6-month sabbatical. Company policy stated that for any sabbatical lasting more than three months, employees would be asked to resign if there was no role at the end of the sabbatical. In my case, my CHRO told me, “Just go. Have a good rest. We will make sure we have a role for you at the end of your sabbatical.” Eventually, a new role was created for me. I went on to help the company build the new department and won another major award before leaving the company to pursue my own interest.

• I left the telco to pivot towards freelancing, channelling most of my energy into developing myself as a coach. I did not actively pursue trainer roles at the time, as my focus was elsewhere. Yet, opportunities emerged organically. I landed two adjunct trainer roles through relationships I had built along the way. In the first instance, a course mate I had worked closely with came across an HR trainer opportunity and shared it with me. I applied and was successful. For the second instance, I casually mentioned my interest in becoming a trainer to a course mate during a peer coaching session. That simple conversation led to an introduction to someone well connected within the training community, who subsequently put my name forward to a training company. This eventually resulted in my second adjunct trainer role.

So yeah, when I think about all these instances, I can’t help but feel deeply grateful to every person and opportunity that somehow appeared when I needed it. The above were just examples from my career journey. And it was not just once or twice, but consistently through my whole corporate life over the last 25 years! I was and still am indeed blessed.

I am grateful.

Exploding Eggs

I wanted to prepare two hard-boiled eggs for breakfast tomorrow. I placed two eggs in a pot of water and turned on the stove. Then I went off to watch a show on Netflix and conveniently forgot all about the eggs. The next thing I knew, I smelled something odd coming from the kitchen. 

The water had completely dried up and the inside of the pot had turned patchy black. I hurriedly turned off the stove and, before I could do anything else, one egg exploded - like a hand grenade! OMG! Never in my life did I imagine a hard boiled egg could actually explode like that! What a mess!

:-)

Scammers in Grindr

Lately, I’ve sensed a shift in tactics by scammers in Grindr.

Sometime back, scammers tend to have nice pics on their profiles and they would send messages that go something like “are you looking for a friend or a relationship”. I would block them whenever I get such messages. After a while, I was able to see some patterns. I can almost categorise my block list into different persons based these patterns. For example, I noted one group has identical profile photos but slightly different names structure eg, all the name starts with “m” all in small caps (m, mk, mm, mr). Or another group that has similar names (“kuan” stands out as the most common) but different photos. After blocking them consistently, I have gradually gotten lesser messages from such profiles.

Then, I started getting messages from blank profiles with names like “wi”. And all their messages start with something simple, such as a “hi” or “hello”, followed by a picture of a cute guy. Interestingly, I do get different profiles attaching the same photo. Added to that, the clearest telltale sign is that the guys in the picture look like they are from China. I had initially replied a couple of the messages but started blocking them when I saw telltale signs such as them asking “do you speak Chinese” or calling Grindr “software”. Also, once you reply them, they’d almost immediately ask “can we exchange Telegram or WhatsApp because I don’t usually use this software often”.

And the latest for me are profiles that explicitly state in their profile, in Chinese - regardless of simplified or traditional - that “they are not looking for fun but seriously looking for friends to chat or a relationship”. And then they will add “scammers keep away”. I am still not very sure if these are scammers as the profile seemed believable. But I am not replying to their messages as yet although some are quite insistent and have sent repeated messages. Let’s just observe and see. 

Common to all these profiles above? 

• Age - 30s to early 40s
• Race - Asian
• Role - Versatile
• Height - 1.8-ish
• Weight - 70-ish kg
• Details often include the word “sincere”

And one more thing I noticed - I get their messages when I reflect my age in my profile. But once I removed my age, I hardly get messages from such profiles. It suggests that these scammers go for specific groups of people, particularly those that they think are better off and they target people’s insecurities and wants. Regrettably, in the gay circle, insecurities (tangible or otherwise) are real and aplenty, and many seek pleasures and gratifications.

Stressful Times

I get stressed when things do not happen according to established rules of the game, out of the norm and the latest series of events made me very uneasy.

I’m specifically referring to the things that USA is doing of late, developments happening in and around Venezuela, its aftermath, withdrawing of its missions, etc and, not to mention, the additional nonsenses that will likely happen in the next 2 years. Such belligerent and bully behaviour is not what one would expect of a superpower - one that’s been a responsible leader in world affairs, until recent years…

I say so becos I know there will be direct impact on me. I do not know the matter deep enough to specifically pinpoint how it will impact me and the timeline it will happen but, off the cuff, I can say it will have implications on geopolitical stability, economics, security, etc and all these will filter down to our day to day lives, cost of living, etc eventually.

And so, it makes it even more important for me to do what is within my control - to make sure whoever I put in charge of running this island state is of sound mind, think long term, provide stable hands and has the people in the centre of their heart and policies. Only then, can they steer this little island well amidst this turbulent times.

Sighs…

Food & I

It has been a long while since I last wrote anything about “xxx and I”, or about my relationship with a particular subject. So today, I thought I would reflect a little on my relationship with food. Most, if not all, of my key interactions with people I know - relatives, friends, exes, colleagues and others - have taken place over meals. Food is an essential part of my life, and I dare say, everyone’s life. Some of my most memorable moments involving food are captured in the snippets below:

• My earliest memory of food was shredded fried batang fish with chopped chye sim, eaten with white rice drenched in water and a bit of soya sauce. My mum often made this for me when I was a child. She would feed me spoonful by spoonful as I ran around the open spaces of our landlord’s house. It was simple fare, reflective of the days when we were poor and life was much simpler. Yet to toddler-me, it tasted heavenly. I would pester my mum to make it as often as she could.

• Growing up poor, we could afford to eat chicken only 2 or 3 times a year - during Chinese New Year, the Celestial God’s Birthday and the Hungry Ghost Festival. There may have been 1 or 2 other occasions, but these were the ones I remember most clearly. Essentially, we ate chicken only when it was offered to the gods during prayers. It was prepared simply - boiled and rubbed with salt. Whole chicken carcasses were offered to the gods, and salt was the most appropriate preparation (for offerings to the deceased, the chicken would be chopped).

• During my younger days, my dad worked at the airport delivering meals to planes or clearing leftover, unconsumed food. Back then, controls were far less strict, and he would sometimes bring trays of untouched chicken thighs/ drumsticks home in the middle of the night. We would get very excited whenever he did. Occasionally, he would also order takeaway hor fun to go with it, much to our delight. Mum would keep the leftovers and steam them for our breakfast the next day.

• As a teenager, I was literally a bottomless pit. At my peak, I could eat 7 bowls of rice, 2 chicken burgers, 6 doughnuts, 1 roti john and a packet of Hokkien noodles at a go. Looking back, I have no idea how I managed it. My mum often cooked extra rice at night because I was perpetually hungry, and I would prepare fried rice for my supper almost every evening - so I had pork fried rice, chye sim fried rice, seafood fried rice, etc. I also bought doughnuts and dim sum frequently during those years. Puberty really is quite something.

• My mum was very strict - and rather unquestioning - about religious practices. She had been brought up to believe that Buddhists should not consume beef. As a result, we were not allowed to eat beef. Eventually, I learnt that Buddhism does not prohibit the consumption of beef. I first tasted beef by accident during my uni days, when I ate a curry puff at a potluck lunch. My mouth went numb afterwards. Over time, I noticed that this happened whenever I ate beef. It took me several months to get used to it, but I enjoy beef now. Steak? Yes - medium rare.

• I celebrate major occasions with food. One memory that stands out is a Mother’s Day dinner in the mid-1990s. I had just started working and wanted to treat my mum to a nice meal. I made a reservation at a Chinese restaurant for the family. We enjoyed the food, but when my mum found out that the dinner cost over $500, she complained that it was expensive, not value for money, and the food was not even nice. She insisted I had wasted my money and that we would have been better off eating at home. That dinner became her annual gripe every Mother’s Day until she passed on - a classic example of cost versus generational mindset.

• I have travelled widely and tried many different cuisines over the years. That said, I often find myself craving rice after some time. Perhaps it is something ingrained in me from young, tied to my southern Chinese heritage. I need rice to feel sustained - it doesn't matter whether its basmati, pearl short-grain or Thai fragrant rice. I recall spending six months in Tampa, Florida, on a work attachment in the early 2000s. After two weeks of sandwiches, bread and pasta, I couldn't take it and I had to cook my own rice-based meals. That was the same for my Asian peers! We simply missed rice too much.

• Apart from rice, there is one other essential: chilli - or more specifically, malay chilli pastes, or sambal. When I trained overseas for extended periods, I will not fail to ask my mum to prepare a bottle of sambal belachan for me, especially when I was heading to Taiwan. It is not that they lack chilli there, but I was brought up in a Peranakan and South-East Asian environment, and I am accustomed to the spices of this region. It has become part of my identity as a Singaporean, or more broadly, as a South-East Asian. I feel completely at home with the cuisines of Singapore, Malaysia, Indonesia, Thailand, the Philippines and beyond.

• I enjoy trying all kinds of food and have savoured delicacies from many countries and continents. People often ask me what my favourite cuisine is. To tell you the truth, I do not have a specific favourite. I am not particularly picky, and every place has its own distinctive flavours. I enjoy whatever I eat at wherever I visit. I feel blessed by the rich food experiences I have had. They have allowed me to connect more deeply with people. Food, after all, is an extension of culture.

• That said, there was one particularly repulsive food experience that remains vivid in my memory - fresh snake blood. During my national service days, as part of survival training, we were required to kill and prepare live animals for food. And so, we were given live chickens, iguanas, pythons, rabbits, frogs and turtles, etc. I still recall a python being hung up and dangled from the second floor, we had to severe its head and consume the blood as it flowed. The taste was cold, salty and metallic. It was an experience I will never forget.

• I have a sweet tooth. I enjoy cakes (tiramisu, Black Forest, carrot cake, chocolate mousse, etc) as well as ice cream (rum and raisin, cookies and cream, peanut butter), cookies, macarons, and all kinds of Malay and Peranakan desserts such as chendol, bubur terigu, bubur cha cha, pengat and all sorts of kueh kueh. Desserts have become such a natural part of my meals that I instinctively leave space for them. To me, anything coconut-based is good - and this probably explains my love for curries and many Malay and Peranakan desserts. That said, I am not a big fan of South Asian desserts, which I find overly sweet.

• I once travelled to Israel for work and was struck by the warmth and hospitality of my host. I was hosted to lunch and was served an enormous spread of bread and condiments - hummus, olives, jams and more. Wanting to show my appreciation, I ate a bit of everything. Just as I was completely full and ready to stop, my host cheerfully announced, “Alright, now let’s enjoy the mains.” OMG! I could say the same of Middle Eastern hospitality in places like Abu Dhabi and Dubai - long meals, abundant food, and an emphasis on generosity. I always ended up eating far more than I have space for.

• I once attended a wedding in Hyderabad with colleagues and was assigned a chaperone for the 3-day celebrations. From early morning to late night, we were constantly fed vegetarian food. The chaperone’s job was to ensure we were well fed - and we certainly were. And the amount and spread was humongous! By the end, we were desperate for meat. On the final day, we were taken to a famous Hyderabad dum biryani restaurant, where we were served heaps of fragrant rice and chicken, along with countless side dishes. Many of us swore off vegetarian food for months after that trip.

• The first meal with my first partner was at a zichar place at Simpang Bedok. We ordered a couple of dishes including salted vegetable soup with tofu and seafood. I later learned that he thought the soup tasted like dishwater as he disliked watery soups and preferred thick, gooey, strong flavoured ones such as sharks fin, sweet sour soup, etc. Added to that, he has a preference for western fare such as steaks, pasta, sandwiches, etc.

• My last partner loved good food and always wanted me to bring him to good restaurants. It was not uncommon to hear him say things like, "You never bring me to this place or that place". I always end up being chided for not bringing him to taste whatever food I had eaten before whenever I mentioned about any specific eatery to him. 

• I am not too fussy about food.  I believe that food is for sustenance, i.e. eating to live and not the other way round - living to eat. Also, I cannot really differentiate between good, better or best food. But of cos, I can draw a clear distinction between good and bad food and there remain some things that I will not eat. Then again, taste is subjective - one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Being practical and simple, I value company and convenience over type of food I eat. I will not bother to join long queues for food at any eateries, no matter how good the food is. 

So yeah, above were some of my key reflections/ memories related to food. I totally agree with the saying - the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Afterall, food defines a large part of a person's identity, culture and life experiences. My reflections above is a testament to this.

Flu

My body started feeling weird a couple of days back, and I began sneezing badly yesterday morning. By evening, my nose was dripping like crazy. I woke up this morning feeling a tad feverish and my throat felt scratchy - yup, it looks like the onset of a cold/ flu. 

I’ve been drowning myself in vitamin C and water these past few days. I hope it doesn’t deteriorate too much. The last time I came down with a horrible flu was in the first week of June last year - exactly 6 months ago - and I thought I’d managed to maintain my health record. Sigh!

What a bummer…

Below 63kg!

My weight and body fat last morning was 62.95kg and 12% respectively.

The last time I weighed below 63kg was probably some 3-4 decades ago. As of this morning, I was still holding onto the below-63kg weight at 62.90kg. I have always wanted to keep my weight to between 62.5 - 62.8kg and often this target seemed too unreal, until recently. But of cos, what's most important it to keep healthy. 

Yay!

LinkedIn Account Hacked

My LinkedIn account was hacked 2 days ago by someone in Vietnam.

I received an email in the evening asking me to enter a verification code into my LinkedIn account. I didn’t quite understand what it was about, so I ignored it. Not long after that, I received another email informing me that the email address associated with my LinkedIn account had been changed - to a Western-sounding name. Sensing something amiss, I immediately tried to log in, only to be told that the email and password I entered were invalid.

That was just the start of the nightmare. 

I created a dummy account to search for my profile and confirmed that it was still there. I quickly reported the issue to LinkedIn. After several rounds of back-and-forth emails, which included providing my identification, I was informed that my ID could not be accepted and that I had violated LinkedIn’s terms. I was then told that my account would be frozen and that I would no longer be able to access it. To make matters worse, the customer support representative ended the email curtly with, “This will be my last response to you on this matter.” As the victim, I was made to feel as though I was the problem.

To make things even more surreal, yesterday, I received a WhatsApp message from a local LinkedIn sales team member asking me to complete a form about hiring and talent products that I had supposedly requested. I ignored the message and deleted it. Early this morning, the same person called to follow up on that “request”. I told her I had never asked for any such services and that my account had been hacked. To her credit, she was kind enough to point me to a support link where I could seek help. So… I went through the same process again and wrote in once more. 

Let’s see where this leads.

Sighs...

PS: I asked myself if this is a good opportunity to let go of the account and just create a new one. Fresh start perhaps, but I feel tired just thinking of going through the whole hassle of recreating the account!

Afternote: LinkedIn has reinstated my account this evening using a different email. As a safeguard, I changed my password and activated F2A.

Food Food Food!

I’m starting 2026 with my fridge bursting with food. 

My sister and friends have been visiting over the past few days. The amount of food they brought over is absolutely not humanly possible to finish within one or two days! I had no choice but to go into selective freezing mode. 

My fridge now has grilled corn, lasagne, sandwiches, fried bee hoon, braised chicken, stir-fried vegetables, cooked rice, 3 tubs of ice cream, cakes, durian, dragon fruit, bananas and clementines - and that’s not counting the tau kwa, egg tofu and all the raw stuff that I had stocked up…

I did not foresee this and had purchased snacks last couple of weeks: tau sar piah, keropok belinjau, cashew nuts, peanuts, raisins and preserved Buddha’s palm. 

Maintaining my diet is now officially a challenge!

Being Wealthy

I have an observation: F-ing filthy rich people tend to be extremely sensitive about money. So much so that it becomes unhealthy sometimes - especially when it starts to shape their worldview and attitude towards others. 

Here are two examples.

Person A 

This person has always loved money. He worked as a trader his entire career and retired some years back. After stopping work, he continues trading daily and supposedly make a good amount monthly. He hunts across different supermarkets for the best prices - including $2 “uglies”, fruits that no longer look fresh and are heavily discounted. He knows exactly which place sells an item a few cents cheaper than another.

His social circle mainly consists of ex-colleagues - in other words, filthy rich people. Over time, he developed a tendency to look down on people who are less well-off. He often makes remarks like, “I’m up here, they’re down there.” He is extremely careful about what he says when interacting with his friends, often suspecting that they are eyeing his wealth.

With me, he would sometimes subtly brag about his wealth - perhaps unconsciously, but it does reflect something about him. He once told me he’s glad to have me as a friend because I’m not eyeing his wealth or trying to gain something from him. That was a real eye-roll moment for me - but also a sad one.

Friend B

Friend B is a nice person. He worked in Singapore’s banking sector for many years. He retired in his 40s, almost a decade ago. He currently lives on several passive income streams he had established during his earlier years. He enjoys travelling and does about 4 - 5 overseas trips annually. 

Amongst my friends, he is probably the most informed person when it comes to promos - food promos, to be specific. This includes which place has the best lunch deal, where to get the cheapest meals, which supermarket to get the best priced food, etc. This is also where I sometimes struggle when eating with him. 

When we meet for meals, he would ask where I’d like to go or what I’d like to eat, but he would usually counter my suggestion with his promo alternatives. I have since learned to go along with his suggestion, even when I have something else in mind. I’m not too particular about where or what to eat. It’s the company that matters. Also, I value convenience over price, although once a while, I would splurge and reward myself with something nice, even if it’s expensive.

I guess wealth shapes a person in ways beyond their control sometimes. And that brings me back to my point: rich people tend to be very money-conscious. And that's not a bad thing altogether. What's bad is when such wealth coexist with extreme frugality and when they begin to look down on people. But it got me thinking, maybe their being extra money-conscious is why they’re rich. And maybe that’s why I’m not. 

Haha.

Focus for 2026

Here’re the key areas of focus for me in 2026:

• Remain grounded in gratitude
• Live with purpose and compassion
• Embrace vulnerability and courage
• Nurture relationships that matter
• Deepen my spiritual practice
• Care for my health and well-being

They are not resolutions per se, but a set of principles to guide me in how I will conduct my life this year.

2025 - Grounded, then Surrendered

Preface

This entry took me more than a month to write, even with some help from ChatGPT. It has been one of the hardest pieces I’ve written in a long time. My first draft was too raw - influenced too much by experiences that are still unfolding. I needed time and distance before I could sit with the year and see it with greater clarity. 

I also struggled with the descriptors for the year. I didn’t want it to sound overly negative, yet I wanted it to reflect the truth of what the year held. I considered single words like gratitude, compassion, courage, surrender - all of which felt close, but not quite complete. The turning point came after Christmas, when I decided I didn’t need to force the year into a single narrative. Instead, I could honour it as it was lived - in two very distinct parts. And with this, I chose a dual-descriptor title - Grounded, then Surrendered.

This reflection follows that structure. 

I welcome comments but request that no questions be asked. It is simply my attempt to make sense of a year that asked much of me - and changed me in ways I am still coming to understand.

====***====

2025 began grounded and purposeful, before giving way to a season that demanded surrender and introspection.

A year after leaving corporate life and earning my credentials as a trainer and coach, I stepped into 2025 ready to rebuild. There was momentum and a quiet confidence in how I should push forth but things did not happen the way I wanted it to. What unfolded was a first half shaped by movement and purpose, and a second that called for a very different kind of presence altogether.

Part I: Grounded & Purposeful (January - May)

2025 kicked off with the momentum established in 2024. It carried a sense of rhythm and direction, and life felt anchored. There was meaning in the work I was doing, energy in the connections I was nurturing, and a quiet confidence in how I showed up each day. I was engaged, contributing, and moving with intention. I was mentoring, coaching and training. And I was traveling…

Then the year shifted... big time!

Part II: Surrender & Introspection (June - December)

From mid-year onward, life pressed in ways beyond my control. What followed was a sustained period of constraint and reckoning. Freedom narrowed significantly. Time came to a standstill. Familiar reference points disappeared. This period became a season of surrender. Strength no longer looked like progress or achievement. Instead, it was about staying present, honest and facing harsh realities. I told myself I must take accountability despite being confronted with fear, vulnerability, and uncertainties. But during this time, something quieter emerged: Clarity. Not dramatic or sudden, but quiet and steady. I came to recognise that endurance, moment by moment, could itself be a form of strength.

Rediscovering Purpose & Compassion 

This period crystallized my understanding of purpose. I had previously believed purpose was something found at the end of the journey - a destination reached through striving. But 2025 taught me otherwise. Purpose revealed itself in small, often unremarkable moments: choosing presence, offering care and support, staying engaged even when depleted. Supporting others - through mentoring, coaching, and training - remained central. Even during the most constrained months, I continued to walk alongside people and helping them navigate their uncertainties. Admittedly, there were many days where I had absolutely nothing left in me to offer except to listen and to hold space quietly. And it made me realise that purpose is not measured by outcomes or visibility, but by consistency and sincerity. I also learned that compassion must begin from within to be truly effective. I needed to be patient and gentle with myself when I was exhausted, and to forgive myself when I met my limits and could offer no more. Only then could I continue to be present for others.

Family & Meaningful Relationships 

This year clarified who truly matters. Despite the strains in relationships in 2024, family showed up in ways that were steady and unquestioning. Their presence anchored me when everything else felt uncertain. Friends and colleagues who continued to trust me - despite the circumstances - reminded me that connection is sustained through constancy, not convenience. During this period, new relationships were made, even as existing ones were tested and revealed their limits. Some drifted. Some disappointed. But I am grateful to all. These relationships continued to teach me about the importance of truth, boundaries, and reciprocity. 

Spiritual Grounding through Buddhism 

The experiences I had made me go back to my spiritual roots. Buddhism became a steady anchor through this period. I returned to regular meditation - sitting, observing, allowing - it became less a practice and more a refuge. It taught me again that surrender is not weakness but courage: the courage to remain present, to loosen the grip on certainty, to meet experience as it is. Through practice, I learned to trust impermanence rather than resist it. To find steadiness not in control, but in awareness. In stillness, I found clarity. In acceptance, strength. And in letting go, freedom. 

Inner Strength and Quiet Courage 

This year tested courage in ways I didn’t expect. Not the dramatic kind, but the kind that endures. The courage to take accountability. To feel fully. To act with integrity when no one is watching. To continue supporting others while carrying my own weight internally. There were moments when I was stretched beyond comfort - holding space for others while managing my own discomfort and uncertainty. And in doing so, I discovered a resilience I had not known before. In the process, I learned that strength is not always visible but simply the decision to stay present, to respond with care, and to keep going. 

Well-Being, Health, and Self-Compassion 

A major breakthrough this year is in the area of health. Despite several health scares, I end the year with a clean bill of health - heart, kidneys, blood pressure all steady. In many ways, I am healthier than I have in decades. This year reinforced that caring for the body is not indulgence, but responsibility. Movement, nourishment, rest, and rhythm became acts of respect. They grounded me and gave me the capacity to endure. Every walk, every mindful meal, every pause became a quiet affirmation: I matter. Well-being is not merely survival; it is living with intention. It is preserving the capacity to show up - for life, and for others. 

2025 in a Nutshell 

This year was defined by contrast - between movement and stillness, effort and surrender, certainty and unknowing. It was a year that forced things onto me, stripped things back and tested me in ways I did not anticipate nor choose.  But I chose how to meet them and in doing so, I found Clarity. Strength. Purpose. Compassion - for others and for myself.

Looking Ahead to 2026

The Chinese zodiac predicts that 2026, the Year of the Fire Horse, will be a superbly challenging year for me (as I’m a Fire Horse myself) and friends have suggested that I keep a low profile to protect myself. Perhaps 2025 was meant to prepare me for it. Whatever the case, I step into 2026 carrying the lessons of 2025: 

• To remain grounded in gratitude, even when life feels uncertain. 
• To live with purpose and compassion, through mentoring, coaching, and presence. 
• To embrace vulnerability and courage, showing up even when it feels uncomfortable. 
• To nurture relationships that matter, rooted in trust and authenticity. 
• To deepen my spiritual practice, allowing surrender to guide me. 
• To care for my health and well-being, so I can continue to live and serve fully. 

2026, I am ready.

Happy New Year everybody!

Entering 60

With 2026 round the corner, it just hit me that I will be entering a new decade of my life in the coming year. 

By the Chinese zodiac cycle, I would have fully completed my sexagenary cycle (六十甲子）or five cycles, covering all 5 elements, of the 12 animal signs - a significant milestone by traditional standards. Many people I know make it a point to celebrate their 60th birthday in a rather grand manner. After all, one is said to be “reborn” when one hits 60. 

Admittedly, I did have the same thought - maybe throw a grand dinner at a restaurant and invite family and friends? Sounds good but I don’t have many friends! And as for family… let’s not even go there given the realities of who is not talking to who, who is not on good terms with who, etc…

Anyway, this is just a random post. But yes, the turn of the year has made me a little more conscious of time, and of how I should live the last phase of my life. For now, let’s close 2025 properly. I’ll post my annual reflection tomorrow at midnight.

Can’t wait for 2025 to end!

A nice update

A friend I knew recently secured a job! 

Am so very happy for him, especially given the challenging circumstances he’s in (not gonna share further here cos it’s not relevant). Started talking him to him about job search 2 months ago but as it’s the year end period, things were somewhat slow. Nonetheless, he managed to land an interview 2 weeks ago and I spent some time preparing him for it.

He called me after the interview sounding disappointed. He felt it didn’t go well as he got nervous and fumbled many times. But he said the hiring manager was nice and made him feel comfortable during the interview itself. I thought that was a good thing but didn’t say anything as I didn’t want to raise his expectations. 

Then he called me on Christmas Eve to tell me he has been offered the job and he has accepted it! I could literally feel his excitement when he called me! It will be a great start for him come 2026! Hopefully he can turn his life around and things get stabilized for him soon!

Hurray!

Yum Seng!

I’m not supposed to be drinking alcohol. Then again, I’ve decided to reward myself with one can of beer today. I’ve been working hard physically and I’ve ended the day with a relatively high calorie deficit! So, why not, right? 

I used to drink strong beers such as Tiger, Carlsberg, Corona, 1664, Budweiser, etc but over the last couple of years, I have switched to Chinese beer such as Tsingtao or Snow. They are lighter and smoother, and go perfectly well with north-eastern Chinese food such as skewered meat (yums!). Anyway, a dear friend visited me 2-3 months back and brought along 2 cans of Carlsberg Special Brew. Downed one during the visit and have kept one in the fridge since. Totally love it!

So yeah, cheers!

Merry Christmas

It’s so nice and warm to receive a traditional Christmas card from an ex-neighbour turned family friend. Such a lovely gesture, one that is deeply appreciated!

Merry Christmas everyone!

Ps: ever noticed how our greetings to people closest or most familiar to us, eg family, is always shorter than those we send to people who are further away, eg. colleagues and bosses? Right?

Balcony Visitors

Lately, I’ve had quite a few visitors to my balcony daily! They include mynahs, spotted doves, sunbirds, sparrows and even the Asian koels. It’s really nice to see them visiting and perching on my balcony. And of course, the mynahs are comfortable enough to even come into the house and step all over my meditation mat! 

I also noted that swallows tend to stay a bit further away and perch themselves on my neighbour’s window ledge instead. Other than that, there were the infrequent dragonflies, bees, butterflies, and not to mention the perennial pests such as ants, houseflies, moths, wasps and even mosquitoes. Thankfully, the pests only visit me once in a blue moon…

:-)

ps: Can you spot the spotted dove in the photo above?

Covid-19 Jab

I’ve just had my Covid-19 vaccination.

It’s my eighth dose. I’ve diligently gone for my free annual jabs as recommended by the health ministry given my medical history. Thus far, I’ve consistently taken the Moderna vaccine but this time round, I decided to just go to the nearest polyclinic where the Pfizer-BioNTech/ Comirnaty (mRNA) vaccine is administered.

The whole process was very fast and efficient and the nurse was superbly professional about it. After checking my details and chatting with me about my medical history, medications etc, she gave me the jab and asked that I rest for 15min before I leave. She’s such a nice warm person and the jab was next to painless!

From registration to completion of observation, it was all done within half an hour from my arrival!

Food distribution

I signed up as a volunteer to distribute food to the needy yesterday. It was done as part of the Christmas festivities to distribute some chocolates, cakes, and sweets to residents. It was indeed an eye-opening experience for me, seeing with my very own eyes people from the lower rungs of the society who live in rental flats and who needed that extra help with their daily life. 

It was very nice that the mayor herself turned up to thank us. She also introduced her teams from the family assistance organisations, community centre, resident committees, etc to us. I was surprised and gratified to know of the many activities and initiatives these set-ups organise regularly for these residents. Admittedly, I do quietly wonder if some of these residents end up becoming over-reliant on these aids.

I think too much.

Terms of 2025

Words that I learned in 2025:

• UFO
• landing
• protected persons
• yard
• baba
• pending
• cluster
• tag
• day room
• UT
• KS
• holding 
• catamite
• muster

There are more but these were the key ones for me...

59

I turn 59 today. 

It feels kind of weird even saying that, because I’ve been telling people I’m 59 since the start of the year. In fact, there have been many times when I’ve simply said I’m 60. Some people consider an age ending with “9” inauspicious as it symbolises an ending. They prefer to round it up to the next decade to represent an auspicious beginning. So technically, using the rounding up method, I was already 60 last year by Chinese calendar age, and 60 this year by Gregorian calendar age. Thus, I’ll turn 60 next year with the “Hey, I’ve already been 60 for two years” frame of mind!  

And in a (gay) community that celebrates youth and looks above almost everything else, it can be quite amusing. When I tell people I’m 60, the usual response - after seeing my face pic is, “Wow, you don’t look your age at all! You look so young!” In contrast, when I say I’m in my 50s, I sometimes get an immediate block - presumably a “WTF, you look so old and fugly” judgement. Everything is relative, right? And tbh, I’ve largely gone beyond feeling upset when I get blocked. Everyone has their preferences. I get that. 

Anyway, today will be a very simple affair. My sister is treating me to dinner tonight. A few friends are celebrating my birthday in their own little (but very much appreciated) ways - dropping by with a cake, sending me a couple of cake slices, buying me lunch, and the likes. I’ve also been receiving birthday wishes from quite a few friends, including some unexpected ones, and I’m truly appreciative of their kindness and thoughtfulness. 

So… happy 60th birthday to me! 

;-)

Walking in the Rain

I went for my routine walk after lunch today.

The sky was dark and cloudy and it started drizzling halfway through my walk. I didn’t run for shelter and just continued walking. I even took off my singlet and let the rain fall directly onto my body. It felt good. It felt liberating. And the nice cool weather just added to the overall feel. Dec & Jan have always been the best months of the year for me despite the frequent rain that can get very heavy sometimes. The weather during these 2 months can drop to 22/ 23C daily. And it feels really pleasant, even if it rains.

I came home totally drenched, but it was such a lovely walk!

:-)

My (ex-) Tenant

I probably missed this amidst my preoccupations with life over the past few months.

My tenant moved out on 25 August at the end of his tenancy contract. As I was away, my second sister settled his out-processing and cleaned his room after he left. He had had the entire flat to himself since 23 June when I went away. Thankfully, he did not mess up the place too badly nor invite guests over (based on my condominium’s visitor records).

This tenant had some rather odd habits and was not particularly neat or clean when it came to washing the toilets, cleaning up after cooking, and after his meals. I often had to catch up on the cleaning whenever he was away. As expected, during my absence, he left quite a bit of stains and considerable cleaning of the kitchen stove was required.

Looking back, it was interesting how I had initially wanted to avoid PRC tenants due to differences in social habits, yet I ended up having one as my tenant. However, after my initial interactions with him, I realized he was somewhat different. Although he is from China, he was quite explicit about not wanting to associate himself with anything related to China. He had also lived outside China for most of the past decade and only returned to visit his family during Chinese New Year.

I suspect he comes from a wealthy family, as he regularly wires money from Australia and orders food delivery almost daily, with each meal costing him about $15 - 20. And despite not working, he travels overseas frequently, including holidays to Malaysia, New Zealand, and elsewhere. But credit to him, he doesn’t brag about his money and most importantly, he pays his rent on time!

With his departure, I have lost my monthly passive income. My sister has asked whether I would like her to source for new tenants, but I have told her to give me some time, as I would like to enjoy my privacy for now.

Traditional Teochew Pastries

I’ve always enjoyed traditional pastries, especially those Teochew ones. Then again, I’ve always like sweet stuff. Ok, back to Teochew pastries… Years ago, we can find them at every housing estates but these days, the shops have dwindled to just a few. It is unsurprising, given the popularity of more varied and trendy international fares these days.

And so, whenever I visit Chinatown, I will make it a point to buy the tau sar piah (mung bean pastry) from Poh Guan. Their mung bean filling is fragrant, moist and not too sweet. And when I feel indulgent, I will also get the la piah - a larger version of the tau sar piah and traditionally given as gifts during happy occasions, eg weddings, in the old days.

Let’s hope this stall continue to operate for a long time to come! It will be so sad if this stall stop operations, just like how many had disappeared over the years.

Ps: I bought 4 pieces of la piah today and look at their beautiful box! So retro too! 

Being Cruel to be Kind

Sometimes one has to be cruel to be kind. 

I’m at the point where I probably need to give someone the cold-turkey treatment. I got to know him couple of months ago and he has a big crush on me. Since the start, I’ve put it very clearly and explicitly to him that I’m not interested in any relationship. After an initial emotional swing on his part, things seemed to settle for a while.

I assumed he had accepted it and continued the friendship, often supporting him as he navigated life. But his actions, time and again, suggest he’s still not over me. Often, our conversations would end up very tense and difficult. He’d nitpick things I’ve said, takes them out of context, and makes accusations. It’s superbly exhausting. And now he’s edging into emotional blackmail.

I think I’ll have to cut contact for some time, much as I dislike doing so. But at this point, it feels like the only way for him to regain his footing - and, more importantly, for me to have some peace.

Sigh…

post-note: after reflecting, perhaps a better way to phrase the title would be "Being compassionate for longer term good". It better reflects the good intentions behind the action.

My Aging Layer

At 58, going 59, I am considered one of the youngest in my generation. Many of my cousins are in their 60s and a small number of them are already in their 70s or 80s. And these 2 months were especially significant to my family as both my brothers-in-law marked their 70th birthday - my eldest sister’s husband celebrated his birthday last month and my second sister’s husband today.

Time flies indeed… I could still remember vividly how they were first introduced to the family back in the 80s and the many life’s milestones that came to define the lives of both my eldest and second sis - their respective weddings, birth of their daughters, children’s growing years, school going days, retirement, etc. It had been a long journey.

I wish them both well! 

PS: come to think of it, I’m already a grand uncle to many! 

Meat Meat Meat!

Managed to get some time out to meet an ex-colleague for a yakiniku dinner last evening!

And wow - it’s been ages since I last had proper BBQ meat. I think we easily downed more than a kilogram of food: chicken, pork, and especially beef. The wagyu cuts were amazing, melt-in-your-mouth good. 

Of course, I also loaded up on kimchi, a vegetable salad with sesame dressing and topped it all off with two huge mugs of yuzu highball. Such a satisfying meal. 

Super nice. Yumz!

2 Dec 1932

If my mum were still around, she would have celebrated her 93rd birthday yesterday. 

2 December has, and will always, make me feel warm inside, knowing that it was a special day for her and for everyone in the family - especially me. I never failed to celebrate this special day for her with a pandan kaya cake - the only cake she’d take as she abhors anything buttery!

Happy birthday Mum - wherever you are now!

:-)

image from https://bengawansolo.sg/pandan-kaya.html

Grateful

I had, and still am, going through challenging times, and my previous post had rightfully sounded negative. But as I look back, there is still much to appreciate quietly. 

For the unwavering presence of family and friends, for the trust of those I was able to support in small ways, and for the little moments that reminded me that purpose is found in the journey, not only in the destination. For the chance to cultivate compassion - for others and for myself - and for the health that allowed me to keep moving forward. These simple blessings, quietly powerful, have been steady companions throughout the year. 

Above all, we owe it to ourselves to adopt a positive and grateful perspective when the going gets rough and tough. 

:-)

Positivity

I shall write about happy & positive things this month to close the year! It is after all December - a month of festivities!

Defining Months

I previously wrote about those 5 defining days in early June. 

The effects of what happened have stretched far beyond those days, shaping the months that followed and the way I experience each moment. It was a turning point that left a deep and lasting mark on how I live my life and interact with the world - and how the world interacts with me in the foreseeable future. 

Life doesn’t always unfold as we expect, and there’s a quiet strength in learning to navigate its unexpected turns - not that I have a choice. For now, I hold this understanding close, letting it shape me in ways that are still unfolding, one day at a time. And quietly, I continue, letting each day unfold as it will, shaped by what I now carry.

Once again, I ask that no questions be asked. Let me keep this quietly within myself and among the few people I’ve chosen to share it with.

Reflecting 2025 - a Preamble

November is almost over. It’s time to pause and think about my end-of-year reflection.

2025 threw more twists and turns at me than I could control. It stretched me in ways I didn’t know were possible. It forced me to look at experiences differently, to relearn lessons I thought I had mastered, and to reconsider the relationships around me - some strengthened, some renewed, some closed. Most importantly, it nudged me to rediscover purpose and compassion. I’ve heard that in a lifetime, we face three defining challenges. Looking back, I had one in 1996, another in 2005… and perhaps 2025 is my third.

With just a month left, I’m ready to close the chapter on this year and step into 2026 with hope, clarity, and renewed optimism.

Punctuality

Being punctual is a form of respect that one should - and must - accord to the other party. Being late despite having been given a window to arrive is, to me, unacceptable.

I say this because, despite a half-hour allowance, a friend texted to say he would be late due to traffic - a reason that is difficult to accept, especially when the time buffer was generous enough to cover the entire travelling time from his home to our meeting point.

Personally, I always make it a point to arrive 10–15 minutes before the agreed time. Apart from being a sign of respect for the person I am meeting, arriving early also means feeling less stressed and showing up in the right frame of mind.

But I suppose I should not use my own norm as a yardstick for others’ behaviour.

Weight Trend

Graph showing how my weight moved over the last 3 weeks. My target is 60-62kg by year end. Should be achieveable.

Right before me!

I’ve been wanting to give away my mum’s blouses for the longest time. It has been 10 years since her passing, and I’ve never quite been able to bring myself to do it because of the deep sentimental value. 

I’ve considered donating them to the Salvation Army, temples, and so on, but given the number of blouses, transporting them would be a logistical challenge, so I never explored those options further. A friend who works at a temple suggested giving them to NGOs that support disaster victims. I decided against that, as these are good-quality blouses and probably not suitable for that purpose. 

So I ended up asking friends who have elderly family members at home, as well as friends in their mid-60s who might know elderly people who could use them. All of them eventually replied that they couldn’t accept the blouses. Then it suddenly hit me yesterday that I have a friend who volunteers at her church as part of their social outreach, and most (if not all) of the people she supports are elderly. I asked her - and she replied almost immediately that yes, she would take the blouses! 

It’s amazing how I spent so much time looking everywhere, when the right person was just beside me all along (figuratively, of course)!

Donation

2 days ago, I visited M&S Food and purchased a couple of stuff.

I paid for my merchandise at the self-checkout counter and didn’t noticed too much about how much I was charged. But something told me there was a mistake and upon checking again later, I noted that I had not been charged for 2 packets of chips…

As I was a distance away, I decided the best way to make good the short fall was to make a donation to the temple. That was the least I could do. 

:-)

Learning from Mistakes

I received a series of texts from a friend this morning. The last message said something along the lines of, “I would like to sincerely apologise to you,” and he asked if I could spare a moment for a chat.

During the call, he shared that he had made a mistake several days ago. He remembered a conversation we had a few weeks back about changing his behaviours and moving forward in life. Apparently, he slipped, hence the call. He asked if I would still consider him a friend, and whether I would judge him. He sounded genuinely remorseful.

Frankly, I was surprised he even recalled our conversation. He was someone I got to know not too long ago, and he had shared some details about his life during one of our chats. I took the opportunity then to give him some advice, and we parted ways after that. Anyway, after he apologised, I gently told him it was good that he recognised the mistake, and that he should take accountability, learn from it, and move on with life.

After we hung up, I sent him a short motivational video from Instagram. I felt he needed that little push. I wished him well.

10th Year

16 Nov marked the 10th year of my mum’s passing. Time really flies! Will be paying a visit to the columbarium to pay my respects later. 

Still missing her after all these years… 

Friends & Boundaries

Over the past half year, and in particular over the last 3 months, I’ve come to know quite a few people who, in different ways, have become rather close to me.

Among them was one who grew so close that I eventually had to gently tell him I wasn’t keen nor ready for a relationship. He became deeply emotional and we stopped talking for a while. Thankfully, he recovered from the trauma and we’re back on talking terms. And despite his repeated assurance that he now sees me as a very, very dear friend, I can’t help but wonder if a part of him still harbours hope.  

There were also a couple of others who have grown increasingly close - open, warm, and caring. Some use endearing terms when speaking to me or send regular messages to check in. One even visits me at home, brings food, fruits and little gifts; and makes it a point to buy something for me whenever he travels overseas. 

I feel deeply touched by all these gestures of care and affection. Although sometimes, it also comes with the difficult but quiet need to hold boundaries, to stay kind without being misunderstood and to care without losing clarity. The last thing I want to end up with, is hurting others inadvertently.

Of Happy Tears & Lemons

I sometimes come up with punchy lines spontaneously, and when I read them over again, I sometimes ask - how the hell did I come out with such lines. Here’s one:

It’s easier for me to cry happy tears for people than to cry sad tears for myself...

I shared this in my WhatsApp conversation with someone because we managed to help a mutual friend who has cancer get his wishes fulfilled. It meant so much to me knowing that he got what he wanted that I teared up.

As for crying sad tears, I’m not in the business of self-pity. If anything bad happens to me, I will try to see the positives, pick myself up, and move along. This reminds me of another phrase I shared with a friend recently:

Life will always give you lemons. 

When it does, make lemonade out of it - and share the joy with everyone around you!

I’ve adapted it from “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It resonates deeply with me - turning negatives into positives and while at it, spread the love and joy!

Note: Just watched 50/50 on Netflix, feeling nice and warm!