A Villain Legacy

After many game crashes – that’s an under-exaggeration, I think my game actually imploded upon itself multiple times – I have decided to give my beloved Dinglebats another try.

Medusa has now had the pleasure of living out her young adulthood in three separate neighborhoods and having like ten different kids in my various corrupted files. Honestly, I can’t even tell you how she is still alive and kicking after living in so many different dimensions. Seriously, I’m lucky I saved the family in my bin before I decided to move on with the game. The Dinglebats would have been doomed if I hadn’t.

Upon Dinglebat rebirth #4, I decide to move the family to Moonlight Falls. Too lazy to make my own house, I move them into this Victorian gem. Smack dab in the middle of town.

Medusa makes record time finding a mate. Perhaps because I’ve had to do this so many times before?

Medusa: Why, hello there handsome, single, fairy man. Listen, my time may be cut short by some catastrophic, impeding game crash, so do you wanna just cut to the chase and get it on?

Pip Goodfellow: You’re straight to the point! I like that in a woman!

Medusa: I’m serious. I like what I see and I’d love to spend a lifetime with you cutting my sandwiches for me. If you know what I mean.

Pip: I understood the sex part, but are you suggesting we get married?

Medusa: You’re already married, aren’t you?

Pip: This is getting awkward and I really have to pee…

Pip: You’re really pretty and all, but I’m married, and we have a kid who we may or may not have stolen from right under some human lady’s nose. So… yeah I’d love to WooHoo sometime, but things are already pretty complicated.

Medusa: You had me at stole a child.

Pip: Nice meeting you. Gotta jet. Like literally. Because I have wings and can fly pretty fast.

Medusa thinks long and hard about Pip during her workout at the gym. \

Medusa: He may not technically be available, but I could change that. Besides, bringing some Supernatural points into this Legacy should have happened years ago.

You realize there is a whole neighborhood full of single Supernatural Sims, right?

Medusa: But what’s the fun in that?

Later that evening…

Pip: What the hell are you doing at my house? Are you stalking me or something? Not that I don’t find your devious nature incredibly sexy.

Medusa: See… that’s why I’m here! Because I don’t give a shit about your wife or your stolen child! I’m here because I think we can work!

Dahlia: Who are you talking to, Pip?

Pip: Just the new neighbor, honey. Go back to gardening.

Medusa: Leave your family and marry into the best legacy ever, Pip. That’s all I’m asking. This is your opportunity to become immortal.

Pip: I need to think about it.

Medusa: You have one night to think. If you decide you actually want to pass on your genetics instead of raising some stolen brat, meet me at my house tomorrow at noon.

Ghost intermission.

Morgana: I am so confused. What happened to the last mansion we were living in?

Shut up and go back to haunting.

And what are you staring at? Get up and do something interesting. Haven’t you always wanted to mingle with fairies?

Medusa: Today is the day, Nixie. The day where we find out if Pip is cruel enough to leave his family. If he is, he will be the perfect husband for me.

Nixie: Look lady, just please pet me or something. I’m so sick of constantly being ignore. You all are horrible pet owners!

Medusa: You came!

Pip: Yeah, this is like the ultimate prank. I couldn’t pass it….

Medusa: You broke your wife’s heart for me!

Medusa: That’s like the nicest thing anybody’s EVER done for me!

Pip: What can I say, something about those mysterious black pools of nothingness in your face just drew me in. I can’t help myself.

Those are her eyes, Pip.

At least somebody finds it romantic.

Medusa: Wow you’re really loose. I’ve never given a massage to somebody so relaxed.

Pip: You have no idea how much weight is about to be lifted from my shoulders.

Medusa: What do you mean?

Pip: Well, I only married Dahlia because Mommy told me to.

Medusa: Mommy?

Medusa: Just come live with me. I’m sure I could teach you a thing or two about defying pushy parents.

Pip: Well… it’s kind of complicated.

Medusa: Just marry me, and we can take care of all your complicated problems one meteor at a time.

Pip: OMG! Yes! It’s so sparkly!

Pip: I do need to warn you… there’s some baggage that comes with me moving in.

Medusa: Eh, whatever! How bad could it be? Let’s just get married right now!

Pip: Okay. Til death do us part!

Did you say that to Dahlia too?

Well… at least I don’t have to plan another fancy wedding. The last three I planned were big pains in the ass.

Flora: So where do I put my bags?

Freddy: Hmm… I heard Pip talking about baggage not long ago… let me think…

Freddy, I’m pretty sure she’s the baggage.

Freddy: So… does that mean you’re living here now?

Flora: Until the day I die.

Freddy: What do you say I seed your garden?

Flora: That is NOT why I am here! Somebody has to keep an eye on my son after all of his shameful antics!

You’re a real creepy, Freddy. Who would have thought you’d turn into such a gross, old, horndog.

Flora: Why, I NEVER!

I was pretty sure Flora was going to die the night I moved her in with Pip. Boy, did she prove me wrong.

Freddy: Nobody loves me. I miss Kristen.

Get over it. I’m sure somebody will love you before you pass on. (Maybe).

Oh, and Minion and Nixie got busy! Kittens are on the way!

It’s about time!

And also, human babies!

Or, I guess they will be human/alien/fairy hybrids, but who keeps track of that anyway?

The aliens have followed us to Moonlight Falls! Hooray!

I got sick of the Dinglebats living in a house I didn’t design. I mean, the Victorian houses in MF are really cool, but after playing in one for awhile I realize I really hate the way they’re laid out.

Also, I thought it may help my game run smoother if they lived on a smaller lot.

Minion: I’ve never seen this one before. Maybe she’ll feed us?

Nixie: Don’t push our luck!

I’m pretty pleased with the way the new house came out.

So, I happily played in the house for an hour or two.

Minion and Nixie’s kittens are born for the second time. Or maybe it’s the third.

I can’t remember.

This is where things start going wonky in this neighborhood…

Oh shit! The living room is on fire.

Nobigdeal right? It gets put out promptly.

Like not even two minutes later it’s up in flames again!

WTF GAME?!?!

This happens like three more times until finally freaking Flora catches fire.

No biggie, I figure. She’s supposed to die soon anyway.

Oh, and die she does!

After much duress, the flames finally go out.

Only…

Yep, that’s Flora laying on the floor(a) (teehee).

And no Grimmy.

At all.

AND… my game won’t let me do the following really, super important things:

1) I can’t go into Buy mode, because Grim is supposedly on his way.

2) I can’t go into Build mode, because a Sim is still dying.

and

3) I can’t go into Edit Town mode, because my game hates me and apparently does not want this legacy to ever end.

So basically. I’m fucked until Grimmy actually shows up.

And he doesn’t. Even after 10 Sim hours.

I’ve never had this glitch before, but it super sucks. So, I am forced to ALT-DELETE-CONTROL my way out of this mess and start from where I last saved. Which, fortunately was AFTER I built the new house.

I know this is a horrible way to end this post, but since it’s already pretty long, I’m putting on the brakes.

Be back soon!

<3’s!

I couldn’t keep you guys waiting any longer! Medusa is the Generation 5 Heiress with +10 Villain Points!

Circe came in a close second with +9 Villain Points, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, so it’s out to the streets with her!

These high scores have me seriously pondering whether or not use of University is fair in this kind of legacy. I don’t think I will be doing it again, but use your best judgement if you’re doing your own Villain Legacy.

That’s all for tonight! I have a brood of alien babies to go age up!

I realize I’ve been pretty lazy, what with not updating regularly and not creating beautiful, artsy-fartsy chapter images, personality profiles, and family trees. Sorry guys. As my gift to you, I will start trying to be more better.

We begin this chapter with:

Medusa proving why I freaking love aliens. Fairies can kiss my ass. As soon as they learn how to discombobulate broken devices, I will sing their praises too!

If Circe thinks this is going to win her heirship, she has another thing coming. Get off your hiney and do something, missy! Otherwise, you’ll end up being like Iago – who is NOT going to make an appearance in this chapter.

Freddy decides it’s a good idea for him to leave work early so he can have his birthday outside in an abandoned field.

He ages… gracefully.

And his sense of style gets even more awesome!

Is it that time already? Circe’s only been a teen for like the last 5 chapters… I have a suspicion my aging settings got screwed up at one point or another and I had teens set at like 25 days, or something ridiculous like that.

POOF!

She ages into a gorgeous Sim who is basically a clone of Kristen with green eyes.

Medusa: Really, you’re still stuck on that hipster look, huh?

And she rolls Brooding! Giving her a total of 7 Villain Points! But will she beat Medusa?

I’m not wasting any more time finding out!

Happy birthday, Medusa!

Circe: Whatever, I’m eating cake.

…

What’s this?

A tie?

Seriously?

No, not seriously. Unbeknownst, to me at the time of playing this out, sending your Sim to University and advancing them in social groups can add extra personality points. This is actually a pretty big edge. If I had only known, I would have sent poor Iago to University too. Oh well. He wasn’t going to win anyway.

So, for now it’s a tie, but *spoiler alert* that’s going to change by the end of the chapter and I’m going to have to re-do my shiny personality profiles.

One last picture of the girls before I venture into endlessly boring and pointless territory.

I was SO excited when I bought University a few months ago. I had such fond memories from my old Sims 2 days. Playing Sims through college was FUN! Naturally, sending the Dinglebats through college seemed like the right thing to do.

Well, here’s a public service announcement for all – college is a huge waste of time. Sure, it was fun looking at all of the beautiful townies the game has to offer and doing all of those crazy things I neglected to do in college (dumpster diving, anyone?), but 3 or 4 Sim weeks is a lot of time to waste essentially doing nothing in a legacy.

Circe: You’re making me move into a sorority house with the person I hate the most and 5 to 6 other random bitches? Ugh! I must brood for 3 hours now!

And brood she did.

Medusa, on the other hand, began to make friends.

Medusa: What? You haven’t seen “Three Dudes, One Bucket” on SimTube yet?

Medusa: So, here we are at college.

Circe: Together…

Circe: I hate you.

Circe: Not only are you a murderer, but you couldn’t take an artistic snapshot if you tried!

Medusa: I am SO sorry for killing your mother, Circe! Please find it somewhere in your heart to forgive me!

Circe: Well, I suppose your you’re truly seeking redemption, I can figure out some way for your to pay for your deeds…

Medusa: Nah, I’m not really sorry. But it was worth it seeing your face.

They actually don’t say a word to one another for the next three Sim weeks.

Circe earns herself a few nerd points at their first kegger.

And Medusa is absolutely filthy.

I’ve only JUST started writing this chapter, and this is how I feel already. It was fun to play, but I have over 500 screenshots on my hard drive. The funny part is, other than progressing the girls through their social groups, finding boyfriends that end up dying in a crash, and random cute screenies of them in class, this pictures basically amount to nothing.

So. Here’s the super quick Reader’s Digest version, so we can get to who is REALLY heir!

Circe:

Okay, so obviously, she’s really pretty and I can’t stop staring at her. Besides that. She’s pretty boring.

She goes to class,

In an act of desperation, she sets up an online dating profile.

I briefly consider setting her up with this guy, but story progression quickly reminds me he’s already engaged.

She meets Cid Severus, but I decide he’s a better match for Medusa – more on that later.

She reads a shit ton of comics and plays a shit of of video games. Eventually she advances high enough on the nerd scale to get a new personality point. Since Medusa, has also advanced on her scale, I allow them to both pick Evil – after all – it’s already a tie. How would this hurt anything?

I do, however feel a little bad for Iago.

Oh, well.

By the way, she’s a Communications major because of the photography aspect, but I suspect she hates her major, because she’s forced to deal with people more than she’d like.

She meets fellow nerd, Richard Randall, who’s a vampire in my game.

And they begin an adorable relationship together.

Like I said – ADORABLE.

Later, they go on to hook up in the photo booth. Go figure.

Medusa:

Medusa is a Business major, who somehow managed to pull off a perfect GPA while participating in MANY extracurricular activities.

Some of these include starting rallies against photography.

Medusa: Down with film!

She also enjoys vandalizing.

But her favorite activity is hooking up.

Cid ends up being her boyfriend towards the end.

They’re pretty cute, too.

She also gains the Evil personality trait.

Oh! And it turns out the aliens are still keeping tabs on her!

This is just because it’s pretty.

This happens when I try to let them graduate.

My game crashes.

Four times.

I eventually just use Master Controller and reset the fuck out of everybody but Circe and Medusa.

Finally!

And they both emerge with one more random personality trait!

I totally was NOT expecting this!

Because of this twist, only one girl wins.

And because I probably have a little villain in me too, (but mostly because it’s late and I don’t want to make new personality profiles and writing this update has already been hell for me) you won’t find out the winner until next time!

:-p

 

 

 

I have decided that I am a total failure at blogging. I’m horrible at updating regularly and apologize for this. Perhaps this wouldn’t be such a problem if my game didn’t hate me so much. Lately, my graphics card has crashed every time I’ve played a neighborhood for more than ten minutes.

If I’m just messing around in CAS, there’s no issue, but the minute I switch to actual linear gameplay, my computer acts like a time bomb, just waiting to go off. I even tried making another neighborhood to play, but it didn’t make any difference. As you can imagine, this is not a very productive way to try to play a legacy – and it’s not very good for my computer’s well being. I’m about three crashes away from sending my foot into my computer tower.

I’m pretty frustrated with the whole situation, but I happen to have an archive of around 600 screenshots to work with right now. That’s gotta be at least two updates worth, right?

When we last left the Dinglebats, Medusa had murdered her stepmother in cold blood.

Poor Freddy took it the hardest. After all, Kristen was his one and only love.

Freddy: Hark! What is the meaning of this bleak and horrible life we are all forced to live?

Freddy: And why would Death be so cruel to take my wife away from me?

Actually, that was your daughter’s doing. Death didn’t really have a whole lot to do with it.

Freddy: Bleeppitty boo baa bleep!

I’m not sure I’m interested in knowing what that means.

Freddy: I have the best plan EVER!

Freddy: Kristen loved a good party. I am going to do my wife’s life justice by throwing her the best funeral party possible!

You do understand that a funeral is only a party in the loosest of terms, right?

Oh dear…

Freddy: This is perfect. I think this would have made Kristen very happy.

I think it kind of makes you look like you’re happy she’s dead.

Freddy: This is going to be the best party ever! I’m feeling so buff right now!

Freddy: How can somebody as muscular as I am, feel so heartbroken while surrounded by balloons?

Kristen’s urn watches as guests begin to arrive to her funeral… in their swimsuits? Freddy! You don’t even have a pool!

Even the snazzy, glitchy Sim is in his swim trunks.

Freddy: Kristen would be so disappointed if she knew University was installed after she died! Mother! I need to do an honorary keg stand, as per Dinglebat tradition!

Elphaba: You’re kidding me, right?

Freddy: Don’t mock me while I’m receiving jock points!

Elphaba: I don’t even know how this is possible! I’m not even tangible!

Freddy: Oh sweet nectar of life!

I’m glad all of your guests are having so much fun, Freddy.

Morgana: Why the hell is everyone in their swimsuits? We moved to Simdinavia for Pete’s sake!

Circe is not amused either.

Circe: This is absolute nonsense! Mom is never coming back as a playable Sim and Dad goes and throws a beach party?

Circe: This shows a complete and utter lack of respect for quite possibly the most evil woman who lived in this house since Great Great Grandmother!

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room…

Don’t look so happy, Medusa.

Medusa: Why the hell not? This is the happiest day of my life so far!

Medusa: Ding, dong, the witch is DEAD! WOOT!

I can honestly say I’ve never seen a Sim so happy that a family member was dead.

Morgana: I have emerged from my urn with a ethereal tear in my eye. You, Medusa Dinglebat, have lived up to my greatest expectations as a villain. You have plotted and succeeded in the demise of a household member.

Morgana: This is TRUE reason to celebrate!

Medusa: I am AWESOME!

They danced so hard that Morgana wet herself.  I must say, I love the dedication. Also, Medusa is a brave soul for continuing to dance her her ancestor’s fresh piss.

Medusa: Since you died, they invented something called a smart phone.

Morgana: A fart smone?

Medusa: Smart phone. It can do lots of pointless, yet hypnotizing things. For instance, watch this gross video I put on Simtube.

Morgana: That is incredible! And digusting! I desire a fart smone, too!

And Morgana proceeds to wet herself yet again. Incontinence is a real problem in this family – even for those who haven’t had a bladder in generations.

The rest of the party was somewhat of a failure. The guests were confused about their attire and left after they started to get  cold. Hey, at least Medusa, Freddy, and the ghosts had a good time. You can’t please everybody.

For just a second, ignore the fact that all of the objects haven’t rendered – this is a normal occurrence in my game. This is Felicia Lin. She is Emperor of Evil and has achieved the goal that neither Freddy nor Morgana had the ability to do. She has also asked Freddy out on a date. Confused about the purpose of his life and noticing the fact that Felicia is blond – just like Kristen – Freddy agrees.

Felicia: Charming, punctual, respectful, handsome, good at WooHoo. These are all things that I am looking for in a man.

Freddy: Well it’s a good thing that I am none of those things – and more!

Felicia: …

That went well.

Freddy: I agree.

Freddy: Sugar poppa is coming in for the kill!

Felicia: Did you not get the hint when I walked away from you without saying goodbye? This is not going to work out.

Freddy: You have pretty hair!

Felicia: You have issues.

Freddy: You don’t understand! I don’t don’t find a woman to love me for who I am before the rose loses its last petal, I will be a beast FOREVER!

Umm… that’s the plot of Beauty and the Beast, Fred.

Freddy: Even though my dead wife was much hotter than you are, you are the next best thing! I don’t want the other fish in the sea! I want you to come live in my evil castle with me, my alien daughter, my normal daughter, two furry feline creatures, and some blue haired girl that sometimes turns into a toy.

Felicia: I just wanted to grab a cup of coffee with you, but clearly this is not going to work out.

It’s graduation day for the son that Freddy forgot he had! I personally find graduation annoying, but that positive moodlet that lasts 10 days is stupid to turn down.

Great Medusa. You realize they’re all staring at your ass.

Medusa: Why else would I wear a dress like this?

Yay, congrats, Iago and Ju Ju Bee! Nobody cares… Now I can marry you two off and hopefully move you out of my house.

Having temporarily forgot he had a son, Freddy is nowhere to be seen.

Also, Medusa feels a little regret for her dastardly deed?

Iago: I can’t believe you didn’t come to our graduation, Dad! This was an important day for us!

Freddy: Circe, who is this angry, young man standing behind me?

Circe: Umm… Dad, that’s your son.

To help make up for the fact that I dislike him so much, I build a really cool wedding/reception hall for Iago and Ju Ju Bee to have their wedding.

And what would a wedding be without beautiful bridesmaids?

Medusa: I can’t believe I have to wear a dress that goes past my thighs!

I must say, Ju Ju Bee makes a lovely bride.

Iago: Do we even know that redhead lady?

Ju Ju Bee: No. Do you think your sister will bring other aliens with her?

Iago: Oh, Ju Ju Bee! I knew I loved you from the moment I chewed on your button eyeballs when I was a toddler!

Iago: I loved you then, and I love you now, in all your magical, cloth, splendor.

Ju Ju Bee: And I’ve loved you from the moment you accepted the fact that I was not evil.

Why do they have to be so cute?

The party migrates inside, though for some reason most of the guests leave after the ceremony? Maybe it was the bit in the vows about chewing on button eyeballs?

At least all of the Dinglebats are still here.

Circe: Eww! What do you think you’re doing? You are a horrible dancer, you alien freak!

Medusa: You should talk! Your dance moves remind me of a baboon trying to fly a kite!

Circe: I know what you did to my mother! I’m not stupid. It’s pretty obvious that you summoned that meteor on top of her!

Medusa: Your mother got exactly what she deserved!

Circe: Try saying that again! I hate you more than I hate mainstream films right now!

Medusa: Whatever. You aren’t even worth my time. It’s obvious that I’m going to win heir. Great Great Grandma even congratulated me at your mom’s funeral. All of your mom’s stupid villain prepping was nothing but a huge waste of time.

Circe: You take that back!

Medusa: Why don’t you MAKE me?!

Circe: Gladly!

Oh dear. This is really happening.

Iago: I’d say the reception is going pretty well. All of the guests seem to be enjoying themselves!

Iago: All in all, this turned out to be an amazing night! A night to be remembered!

Medusa: @#$#&^%!!

Circe: %#&$^*(@!

Ju Ju Bee: This snow cone looks delicious!

I’m dying to know who won! Come on, don’t kid yourselves. You know you are too!

Circe: Take that! Try summoning a meteor on me, and I’ll beat the living tar out of you again!

Medusa: Now that was embarrassing. I need a drink.

Bartender: Normally I don’t serve minors, but you’ve earned this, kid.

Medusa: I WILL be heir of this generation! Circe is NOT going to stop me!

Circe: Let’s see, three atomic bombs plus eight maniacal speeches equals thousands of dead citizens…

Don’t mind the glitched old lady, she’s just trying to destroy my game.

Sinbad: Hey, Morgana!

Morgana: Ugh, not now, Sinbad. You know I hate you with every fiber of my ectoplasmic existence!

Sinbad: I think Circe’s got this one in the bag! Team Circe!

Morgana: Team Medusa! Everybody with half of a brain knows the alien will win!

What do you guys think?

Villain Points

Iago: 3 Villain Points

Circe: 5 Villain Points

Medusa: 5 Villain Points

When we last left the Dinglebats, poor little Medusa had lost her biological mother and was tortured relentlessly by the evil (literally) step-mother, Kristen.

Really, it’s just another day in the life of a Villain Legacy.

And Kristen couldn’t be more pleased to be a part of it.

Medusa: And what am I? A piece of trash?

Kristen: That couldn’t be closer to the truth!

You’ll have your time to shine, Medusa. Trust me.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the shadows of a dingy bar, Iago lurks.

Iago: I can do this… I can do this… OMG… I CAN’T do this!

Do what?

Iago: Listen, Bee… I was wondering if you wanted to sleep with me, erm… next to me… forever. Oh shit… I just threw up a little.

Ju Ju Bee: What are you trying to say?

Bee: Eww!

Iago: I’m sorry. I didn’t know what else to do.

Bee: Listen, I’m grateful you turned me into a human and all, but that doesn’t give you the right to kiss me right after you admit to throwing up.

Iago: But… that’s not what I was trying to do at all.

Ju Ju Bee: Then what were you trying to say?

Iago: Ummmmmm… I’ll have to get back with you on that.

Iago: I wanted to ask her to marry me, but I’m too much of a coward. I wish I had as much swagger as that glitched up old man.

GUOM: You can’t even touch this, son.

Game? What is going on here?

Attack of the clones. My game is going to crash, isn’t it? This is a sign of the end times.

GUOM#1: I will consume your soul.

GUOM#2: Why stop with my soul? I WILL CONSUME THIS ENTIRE GAME!!!

The staring contest of death did, in fact, result in a crash.

Then my game crashed again.

And again.

And it probably crashed one more time after that when I wasn’t even playing it.

Finally, I cleaned up my CC and my cache files. Now it seems to, sort of, be working, a little bit better… ish.

And look whose birthday it is!

Medusa: Finally! This awful stage of my life is about to be through!

Morgana: Why is there an alien in my kitchen!

Well, she’s sort of your Great Great Granddaughter.

Morgana: Peculiar…

Well, hello there, gorgeous!

She aged into the rebel trait, making her a brave, rebelious night owl, who is a heavy sleeper (who will never have to sleep again).

Medusa: I don’t sleep often, but when I do sleep, I don’t wake up.

Um… sure.

Oh, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t share Ju Ju Bee’s traits yet. She’s a friendly, clumsy, bookworm who is a light sleeper and fears all technology.

Morgana: So you’re an alien. What’s that like?

Medusa: Leave me alone, ghost.

Morgana: Just wondering.

Medusa: Seriously? Are you, like, stalking me?

Morgana: You intrigue me. This one, she has potential…

She is pretty cool.

She can fix broken things with her mind.

She doesn’t need to sleep.

Oh yeah, did I mention she’s a bad ass?

But can she stand up to Kristen?

Kristen: What the hell is this?

Your alien stepchild.

Kristen: It isn’t right.

Medusa: What seems to be the problem?

Kristen: You’re the problem.

Kristen: You have no right to exist!

That’s a little harsh, don’t you think? She did it autonomously too.

Kristen: That’s right, walk away, you pansy. See, she’s not right to be heir. She can’t even fight back.

I think she can fight back, Kristen. She’s sucking your motives away as we speak.

What are you doing?

Medusa: Umm.. nothing!

Where did you even get that device?

Medusa: Just taking standard measurements….

Iago: You make me think of matches.

Ju Ju Bee: Is that supposed to be a pick-up line?

Iago: Did it work?

For all of you Circe fans. She still exists. Don’t worry.

Who are you draining now?

I should have guessed. Medusa is on a mission.

Medusa: And I won’t rest until Kristen is miserable.

Kristen: You think you’re being so sneaky, stealing away my motives! Well, I’m on to you!

Medusa: You don’t scare me, ugly.

Kristen: I’d be more careful if I were you. I have the power to ground you!

Medusa: What? You can’t do that!

Kristen: Yes I can! You’re grounded for a week!

Medusa: You’re not even my real mom! You can’t ground me!

Kristen: Two weeks!

Kristen: You might be an abomination to this world, but as long as you’re living in MY house, I can do whatever I want!

Medusa: You suck!

Kristen: Three weeks!

Ah, what a beautiful day in Aurora Skies! The sun is shining, and the world is simply a gorgeous place.

I’d say it’s the perfect day for a wedding proposal.

What the heck is Ju Ju Bee doing in doll form?

Ju Ju Bee: Iago thinks it’s kinky.

Oh dear. That is wrong on so many levels.

It looks like she wasn’t joking. For Pete’s sake guys, get a room!

Iago: I love you, Ju Ju Bee. I’ve been trying to tell you something for weeks now, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it until you presented yourself in your true, breathtaking form.

Iago: Your beauty is so compelling, I can’t resist a moment longer! Ju Ju Bee Dinglebat, how would you like to officially become Ju Ju Bee Dinglebat?

Elphaba: Wait, isn’t she already Ju Ju Bee Dinglebat?

Ju Ju Bee: Omigod!

Elphaba: Is he really proposing to a doll? Hahaha!

Ju Ju Bee: It’s beautiful, Iago!

Iago: I’ve had it cut from a rainbow gem. The very stone that brought you to life!

Elphaba: Oh please. Now I’ve seen everything!

Ju Ju Bee: Nothing would make me happier than to be your bride! Yippee!

Elphaba: Can you believe this guy? He just asked his imaginary friend to marry him! This is rich!

Iago: I am SO pleased!

Iago: We shall wed as soon as possible!

Elphaba: He’d better not be heir.

I know. Right?

Kristen: My son is getting married! No, he’s not going to be heir. I can be happy for him anyway. He is my son, afterall.

Kristen: Yes, those are birds. I’ve gotten into the habit of working outside. Why the hell not? It’s gorgeous here in Aurora Springs. I’ve almost forgiven my batshit crazy husband for moving me here.

Kristen: There’s nothing wrong with the great outdoors! In fact, I’m going to work under the stars tonight. You’ll see just how effective it is when I clock in tomorrow morning!

Medusa: Is that so? I’ll show her effective…

Uh-oh.

Later that night.

Kristen: I guess Kandice was right. It is a little cold out here…

Kristen: Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.

Kristen: What are you doing? Didn’t I say that you were grounded? Get out of my sight!

Medusa: As you wish.

Kristen: Now where was I? If we offer the mayor this much money for her new campaign…

Kristen: Aw, screw this. I’m going to work inside. It’s freaking cold out here!

Morgana: Grandmother’s spatula! This makes me so happy I’m already dead!

This certainly does NOT look good for Kristen.

Morgana: Is it over?

Oh, I think it’s over, alright.

Elphaba: You know she dead.

Little boy: Something smells like burning!

Death: Sorry, that might be me. I forgot my deodorant today.

Elphaba: Hi there, sexy. Long time no see!

Death: Erm… the answer is still no, Elphaba.

Elphaba: Be careful, Death! That’s a steep hole!

Death: Oh this is a nasty mess. I haven’t seen a body that squished since the Wicked West of the East passed away.

Morgana: The alien child summoned the end of the world!

What makes you say that?

Oh…

Death: It looks like it may be a busy night for me. I knew I shouldn’t have punched out for lunch!

Elphaba: Not so close to my invention!

Kristen: Doesn’t anybody care that I’m dead?

Death: You’re not exactly the highest priority right now.

Kristen: That tomb stone really sucks! Couldn’t you have scavenged up anything classier than that?

Death: It’s not like you were anywhere close to completing your ridiculously hard to achieve LTW. This is what you get.

Iago: Omigod! Fire!

Medusa: Don’t worry! I’ll save the day!

Medusa: Because I’m a badass, and that’s what we do!

Elphaba: Please! Don’t let my invention burn! You’re my only hope!

Kristen: Please, Death. Spare me. I’m not ready to die! My son just got engaged. My daughter was only days from becoming heir…

Death: Don’t look at me. I wasn’t the one who killed you.

Kristen: I will do ANYTHING!

Kristen: I’ll become your personal slave!

Death: Get off your knees. You weren’t dealt this card. You chose this path of chaos and destruction.

Death: This was exactly what you sowed, Kristen Dinglebat. Even I know not to fuck with the aliens.

Kristen: Take her instead. She was the one who wronged me!

Death: Your time is spent!

Death: Hmm… Maybe I should stick around? This looks messy.Death: I guess she’s got this. Even I’m a little impressed.

Ju Ju Bee: Kristen is dead, but I can’t stop laughing at Elphaba’s underwear!

Death: Hehehe!

Circe: Umm… guys? What happened here?

Circe: Holy crap… Mom is dead!

Medusa: The bane of my existence is dead. How unfortunate…

At least you’re better at pretending to be sad than Morgana is.

Poor Freddy didn’t take the news very well.

Freddy: This is the space rock that crushed my wife?

Freddy: This is sooo cool!

Freddy: But so sad!

Circe: Hey you! I know you summoned that meteor that killed Mom! Where the hell do you think you’re going?

Medusa: Wherever I want. I’m not grounded any more.

Next time: Freddy throws a funeral party in honor of Kristen! Iago and Ju Ju Bee get married! Circe and Medusa declare war!

Villain Points

Iago: 3 Villain Points

Circe: 5 Villain Points

Medusa: 5 Villain Points

When we last left the Dinglebats, Freddy was having an insane moment, Medusa grew into a child, Circe blossomed into a hipster, and Kristen waged war against the aliens.

If anything, the family was in need of a vacation. I may have not discussed my personal fear of mummies and their blasted curse. I suppose now is a good time to announce that. I’m terrified of the mummy and the stupid curse. (This is also why poor Kristen will probably never achieve her LTW…)

That being said, Kristen wanted to go to Egypt.

Because she’s been a superb villain, I granted her wish.

That’s a good look for you, Freddy.

Freddy: Can you tell I’ve been working out?

Circe: Ewww… does everybody have to sleep in those tents?

The kids didn’t waste any time getting their adventure on.

Circe: This mo-ped is boss! I bet nobody back home has ever been on one!

Iago: Hey guys… wait up! Are you sure this is safe? There isn’t even a road to follow…

Kristen and Freddy didn’t waste any time either. They picked up right where they left off in France.

Kristen: Hey, a girl’s got a LTW want to achieve.

Yeah… about that…

Freddy: Alright, babe. I’m ready for treasure hunting!

Kristen: Are you serious?

Kristen: You can’t go treasure hunting like that!

Freddy: Why not? I’m wearing the appropriate attire.

Freddy: Take a picture. It will last longer.

Kristen: Not now, Fred. I’m about to discover the lost treasure of the Egyptian Basement.

Freddy is distracted by a different treasure…

Kristen: What happened to you, Freddy? I know it’s been a long time since we’ve been treasure hunting together, but you don’t even seem to care about the treasure anymore. That was half of the fun in France…

Freddy: I like bread.

Kristen: Whatever. I’m going to make BIG bucks finding treasure.

Freddy: Your butt looks good. Have you been working out?

Freddy: Mmmm… bread.

Kristen: Sometimes I wonder what even attracted me to him in the first place…

Freddy: See, I can help you find treasure. I’m good at this part. Just step where the feet are! Geez these footprints are big. Ancient Egyptian Sims had extremely large feet.

Kristen: Careful, Freddy! It could be trapped!

Freddy: Sparkles! Do you think the fairies followed us to Egypt?

Well… at least he’s good for something.

Kristen: Great raining cloud! It’s a secret door!

Shit… mummies lurk behind secret doors! Don’t open it, Kristen!

Where’s Freddy? Oh well. It’s better her than him I suppose.

I have no more pictures of the Egyptian basement exploring. But I do have a spoiler alert. The Dinglebats are NOT attacked by mummies.

In fact, there’s no more basement exploring because I am a big, fat wimp.

Sorry Kristen.

Kristen: Do you know where the treasure is?

Egyptian Local: If you want real treasure, you have to go dig up a mummy’s tomb, but since your Builder is a big wuss, you seem to be out of luck. Sorry.

Iago: I’m a happy tourist! This heat is killing all the germs!

In a effort to try to improve his failing marriage, Freddy invites Kristen on a moonlight swim in the Nile.

Freddy: Cheer up. Maybe the Builder will find a cheat to help you achieve your LTW?

Kristen: Stop splashing water at me! You’re making my mascara run!

P.S. I may cheat by using Master Controller to give the townies make-overs, but I’m not cheating to help a spouse achieve a LTW. Sorry, Fred.

Freddy: Where are you going?

Kristen: I don’t know why I agreed to this stupid swim in the first place. These waters are probably infested with crocodiles!

Freddy: Nonsense, everybody knows crocodiles don’t exist!

Freddy: I know you’re still upset with me for having an alien baby, but I can’t help it I was the chosen one. Please, please, please forgive me!

Kristen: You’re lucky I haven’t kicked the twerp out.

Freddy: Even though we hardly ever interact with each other anymore, I still love you. You’re the most evil wife any Heir in a Villain Legacy could hope for!

Kristen: I just don’t know, Freddy. You let that green bitch implant her larva in you. Do you even know how much that grosses me out? Did you even know, her people probed me, just for being associated with that runt?

It seems to me there was a little more to it than that…

Meanwhile, a wild Iago appears in the tall grass.

Back at camp…

Circe is up extra early.

Circe: I can’t believe I have to share a tent with a complete stranger. If I am heir, I’m never going on another vacation again!

Circe: Eww! Do I really have to eat it?

Yes.

Circe: I hate vacations.

Shutup, you’re about to get a new camera to fulfill all of those artsy wishes you’ve been rolling lately.

In case you’ve been wondering about Medusa – she’s busy being adorable.

I must say, I find it very amusing that the game requires children have babysitters when in the safety of their own home, but when they are in a strange foreign land it doesn’t matter if they have parental supervision at all.

Medusa: My dad and evil stepmother fail at parenting! Yay!

Freddy: Oh hi, there Medusa! I had forgotten you existed until your stepmother reminded me last night.

Medusa: Dammit, Dad! You scared the butterfly away!

Circe: What the hell is in this basket?

Careful!

Circe: Ahh! Gross! I thought you said I was getting a camera soon!

God, you are annoying.

Because I’m sick of her whining, I send Circe off to capture the world with her new camera.

She does get some pretty cool shots of the pyramids. I wish I could take a picture of her taking a picture…

She also gets a shot of this burning building Freddy is standing in front of. It continues to burn for the entire duration of their vacation. I guess Egypt doesn’t have a fire department.

Circe: I bet I can sell this shot for a bundle of Simoleons!

Actually, the games counts it as a picture of nothing. Tough luck, kid.

Iago: How many times have I told you NOT to poo while I have you stored in my pocket, Belinda! Bad bird!

Kristen: Have you been studying?

Circe: No. I’ve found a new hobby. I take pictures of nothing. It’s called being a photographer, Mom.

Kristen: So, taking pictures of burning buildings is what makes you truly, happy?

Circe: If I don’t look her in the eye, she can’t see me…

Kristen: This had better be a phase, young lady!

Circe: *continues to stare into space*

Oh look! A cardboard camel!

Frustrated with her family’s lack of desire to help her, Kristen explores a tomb in the cemetery.

Only… she’s not the only one there…

No. It’s a not a mummy. It’s a French tourist who… wait. What are you doing, Kristen?

Kristen: Your favorite color is blue? Let’s make out!

Egyptian Lady: *watches*

Kristen: Let’s get busy in the tomb over there, complete stranger.

What are you doing, Kristen?

Kristen: Oh, just this French guy.

But I thought you had that break up party because you loved Freddy!

Kristen: Freddy never has to know about this. That guy’s from France. We’re in Egypt. Freddy is Freddy. It’s all good.

And that pretty much sums up the Egyptian vacation…

And Kristen didn’t come home empty handed. When she was busy screwing the French guy, the rest of the family was busy excavating treasures for her. She’s still nowhere near what she needs to achieve her LTW.

And you know what?

I’m okay with that.

And here are some of the photos that Circe took.

And everything goes back to the way it was.

Freddy: Oh, hi, Mom. I see you’ve been busy haunting while we’ve been gone.

Minion: WTF!? Nobody told me this house was haunted when I signed up for this gig!

Villain Points

Iago: Positive 3 Villain Points

Circe: Positive 5 Villain Points

Medusa: Positive 3 Villain Points

Next time expect to see more alien drama, as the saga continues!

When we last left the Dinglebats, Iago was freaking out.

Iago: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HHHHHHHHHH!

What is it this time?

Oh, I see. Belinda took a poo on your shoulder. That would make me freak out too.

Unaware to his wife’s plans, Freddy decides to teach his youngest how to speak. Why he decided to start being a decent parent now, I have no idea.

Freddy: The more diamonds you steal – the more the world will be under your control.

Well, decent villain parent.

Kristen: Circe, we now have one objective. I you have to beat out Medusa for heir. I don’t want you losing to that green haired, slimy punk.

Circe: But she’s a toddler. I’m already beating her by a lot of points.

Kristen: I don’t care. You’re better than she is. You will beat her. Now go study the villain books I bought you.

Circe: Let’s see… If Susie has six nuclear weapons and Timmy has four nuclear weapons, how much death and destruction can they cause together?

Circe: Clearly the answer is “more than your mom.” Why is she making me learn all of this?

Ju Ju Bee: Hey, Iago. What’s your sister studying?

Iago: Meh. Who cares? Wanna make out?

To all parents who encourage their children to have imaginary friends: this is what you have to look forward to after puberty.

Why do ghosts eat? Is it for the sheer pleasure of it, or are just not sure they are really dead? If anybody can answer this question, please indulge me.

As little Medusa plays with dolls, she is unaware of what’s happening just outside her nursery window.

Eshehic: Freddy Dinglebat. I summon you to make a human correspondence with me.

Freddy: What do you want, Eshehic? Can’t you tell I’m hungry?

Eshehic: Your human body’s lack of nutrients is not my concern.

Eshehic: I am here to inquire the status of the progeny I implanted in your lower intestine. The homing device I inserted in your posterior has informed me that she has matured from her larval state.

Freddy: I knew it was my lower intestine! You’re talking about Medusa, right?

Eshehic: Please, inform me to whether she has received the Athletic trait. You were chosen as an incubator and genetic donor because of your superior human strength and endurance. Has the progeny also inherited this?

Freddy: Listen, Eshehic. We had a lot of fun the night we made Medusa, but I am starving out of my mind right and I have no clue what the hell you are trying to ask me. So, I’m going to go and answer my phone and eat some Autumn Salad because it’s the only thing anybody in this household ever seems to cook.

Eshehic: I do not believe he is aware that I can direct the homing device to self destruct if I so desire.

Eshehic: I will be back, Freddy Dinglebat. You cannot hide our progeny from me for an eternal period.

It seems Kristen has taken up a new hobby to help her deal with her “pageant mom” syndrome.

Kristen: The alcohol in this drink says I CAN live vicariously through my daughter!

And look what she made! At least I’m pretty sure it was Kristen because I don’t expect much from Iago.

Have I mentioned that Kristen and Freddy’s relationship has suffered a lot since the move and the alien baby?

Freddy: Hey, baby. Wanna make out?

Kristen: The fact that you’re stealing pick-up lines from our son is a major turn off to me.

I took advantage of Supernatural’s creepy decorations and re-villified the house!

Morgana: I bet your dead body has bugs crawling all over it.

Ursula: I bet your dead body has already decomposed.

Freddy: Why can’t we all just get along?

Ju Ju Bee: Iago’s little sisters are so cute playing together!

Circe: I must destroy my alien sister…

Kristen: And this diagram here shows how you can destroy your alien sister.

Kristen: She supposedly has three hearts. As soon as we figure out where they all are, it should be easy!

Circe: Don’t I just wanna get more Villain Points than she does and kick her out of the house once she grows up?

Circe: I’m not sure what I should do. Mom wants me to kill my alien sister, but I just want to get her to move out.

Circe: I need to be on top! … What are you lookin’ at, dead lady?

Ursula: Sounds like your mom is as crazy as mine was. Just be yourself and you’ll get heir if you’re lucky. That’s what I did.

Circe: Not only are you a fool, but you’re in my way. Move, granny!

Ursula: Now, that’s no way to talk to the ghost of your great grandmother!

Circe: That’s right, just float away, you dead hag.

Freddy isn’t a very good criminal.

He gets arrested on the job at least twice a week.

Oh, well. At least the Aurora Skies jail/police station looks like a cheery place. I wonder if the inmates get HBO and hot chocolate?

After collecting his possessions, Freddy expresses how he really feels about being arrested through a little snow art.

Freddy: His name is Chillin’ the Villain, not Art! He’s going to watch out for cops so I don’t get arrested again.

Sometimes Freddy’s insanity frightens me more than his wife’s evilness.

Jupiter, meet Sinbad.

And why is Circe dressed as a pink dinosaur?

Circe: It’s my birthday. If I want to be a dinosaur than I can RAWRR if I want to.

Kristen has taken the liberty of hiring a mixologist for Circe’s birthday party.

Kristen: She better age up with an appropriate trait or I am getting blitzed out of my mind.

Kristen: Cheers.

As with all parties lately, nobody realizes they are actually allowed inside. Oh, and who is the green guest Kristen invited?

What?

Circe: I hope all my studying paid off.

Great. Kristen peed herself again.

I’d like to point out, that there are about seven guests outside right now.

Mixologist: Did the hostess just wet herself?

No, that was like an hour ago. You were standing right there.

And she ages into a hipster…

Circe: I was at this party before anybody else thought it was popular.

She aged into the trait, photographer’s eye. She is also a perceptive, cat loving, loner. This give her 5 Villain Points total.

The party doesn’t suck, but it’s not great either. Still, why did Kristen invite Eshehic?

Kristen: Hi, I’m Kristen. I’m the wife of the man who gave birth to your daughter.

Kristen: Look, you need to take her with you. She simply doesn’t belong here.

Eshehic: I had assumed you requested my presence so I could consume human cake and observe Medusa Dinglebat’s growth. However, I must offer my sincerest apologies. Medusa Dinglebat will remain on Earth with you and Freddy Dinglebat acting as her nurturing parental pair.

Kristen: And how is that fair? We didn’t choose to be the parents of an alien baby! She’s ruining the entire balance of this household! Either leave with her, or I am going to make your life very difficult!

Eshehic: In that case, I predict that my inquiry to observe her current growth state will be denied.

Kristen: It must be your unlucky day, because the only way you’re seeing her is if I never have to see her again!

Eshehic: You are a pathetic excuse for an earthling. You should be honored that your spousal unit’s DNA was chosen to be used in the project that will bring our worlds together.

Kristen: Home-wrecker. Get out of my house now.

That went well…

Kristen: You aliens are all the same. You all suck!

Later that evening…

Kristen notices a strange glowing in the backyard.

Kristen: What in the name of the builder is this?

Kristen: It’s both pretty and frightening at the same time…

Something tells me you shouldn’t have pissed of the aliens, Kristen.

Kristen: They’re not going to probe me, are they?

I can almost guarantee that they will.

Kristen: I officially hate ALL aliens! I can’t believe you stuck that all the way up there!

Random Alien: It would be most wise for you to not anger our leader. We sincerely hope you will retain this experience and knowledge for the future.

Kristen: And now I’m hungry. This day stinks.

Meanwhile, innocent little Medusa has no clue what her step-mother and mother have been quarreling about.

Have I mentioned she’s freaking adorable?

Also, the Dinglebats adopted two cats – this was mostly for cat loving Circe. Their names are Nixie and Minion, and they love each other.

Circe signs up for newspaper club.

Circe: I’m signing up for all the school clubs that aren’t mainstream yet.

Sure.

Ju Ju Bee: Aww! Medusa is so cute!

Kristen: Don’t trust her, kids. Her kind is very dangerous.

Freddy seems to disagree. Medusa is the only Sim in the house that  he has any kind of friendship with.

What?

Medusa is now a night owl who is a heavy sleeper and is brave. Oh, and she’s an alien. According to my updated rules this gives her a total of 4 Villain Points.

Next time, the Dinglebats explore Egypt because I feel sorry for Kristen.

Villain Points

Iago: 2 Villain Points

Circe: 5 Villain Points

Medusa: 4 Villain Points