21. Do you have somebody, whether it be a friend or stranger, who you think you could have loved if the circumstances were different?
Yes, I believe we all have many such people.
22. How long does it take you to fall in love with somebody? Is the sensation of ‘falling in love’ or ‘being in love’ better?
I know pretty much off the bat whether or not I’m attracted to somebody. Falling in love is extremely rare, most of the time it’ll be someone that I really, really, like. I’ve only been in love once. Unfortunately, in the cases where I develop strong feelings for people, I haven’t yet had a case where they were reciprocated.
23. Is love about convenience or something more? Can it be about both?
It depends on what definition of “love” is being used. The state of being in love is something we really have no control over. At the same time, we can choose our actions and choose to perform acts of love for our significant others regardless of our present feelings at the time.
24. Do you think really understand your gender and sexuality?
Yes. I am 100% cisgender queer bisexual male with polyamorous leanings. There is no ambiguity on this for me.
25. How fluid is your concept of gender and sexuality?
“Gender” is, of course, largely a societal construct distinct from biological sex. For me, personally, my sexuality is definitely on a spectrum. My gender is not. (See above). That being said, my concept of both is pretty fluid, as everyone ultimately experiences gender and sexuality differently.
26. What’s the most life-changing decision you’ve made so far?
Fully letting go of fundamentalist Evangelical Christianity.
27. Are you afraid of growing old?
No. I am only afraid of dying before my life’s purpose is completed. If I were to be afraid of “getting old”, it would be merely because I didn’t live my life up to that point to the fullest of what I know it could have been.
28. Would you want to live forever? How about for a billion years, a million, a century?
No. Not in this incarnation, at least. I want to finish out this life, play it the best I can, enjoy the ride, exit gracefully when the time is right and prepare for the next adventure. Living for a billion years would probably turn into a form of hell.
29. Do you believe in some form of god/s?
I do not believe in supernatural theism. I am a panentheist. I do believe in a transcendent ground of being that we are all a part of that manifests itself in personal ways. I believe that everything and everyone is interconnected and everything that happens affects literally everything else.
30. Are your choices of your own free will?
Yes. I do not believe in fate nor predestination. All of my choices are my own. No one made or forced me to make the choices I have. I may have made negative choices in the past due to how I was conditioned growing up, but I have also always made the constant choice to continue trying to expand myself and grow. I can accept some form of what might be called ‘divine providence’, but to me this is not some sort of divine higher power handing things to me on a silver platter, but rather being guided into situations where I can make choices that might potentially lead me onto a higher path.
11. Would you change your appearance if you could?
No. I think I actually look pretty freaking good and I wouldn’t want to change anything.
I’m not being narcissistic – I’m pretty happy with the work I’ve put in to make myself look. Are there things that could be improved upon? Sure. But I’m also not crossed over the line of vanity where I obsess about looking perfect. I have many other things to be busy doing with my life.
12. Do you have the feeling you’ve lost something you might have had in another life – whether it be a person, a place, a world, a language, ect.?
Of course. Growing up in cultic fundamentalist Christianity, there are a great many things I missed out in life that people who grow up normally take for granted. Where everybody is normally at my stage of life, I feel like I’m still playing catch up.
13. Do you believe in reincarnation?
Yes. I will probably go into detail on my past life/reincarnation memories in a later post.
14. Would you want to be reincarnated?
If reincarnation is real, which I believe it is, I’m pretty certain it’s not a choice, at least not until reaching a very specific level of soul growth/evolution.
15. Do you think you’re special, or just another person amongst billions? Can you be both?
All people are special. We are all part of the universe and interconnected system of life.
16. Do theoretical ethical debates have any value? Is it important people discuss ethical dilemmas, e.g., the trolley problem?
Yes, because it fosters critical thinking, rather than just having your morality and ethics mirror that of your dominant in-group and/or society, which can become an extremely dangerous thing.
17. Did you have imaginary friends? Do you still have them?
One very briefly when I was very young. Not so much at all after that, but he’s standing behind you right now.
18. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’?
This is a complicated answer. For the sake of space, I’ll try to be as simplistic as possible and not bogged down with explanatory details.
I am an ex-evangelical fundamentalist Christian. I am presently a panentheist* who holds largely to the worldview of Neogenian Metarationalism. However, I am also a liberal Christian highly active in a church in a progressive denomination that accepts LGBTQ+ people and is highly active in social justice causes. I am a follower of Jesus as my expressive spiritual path. I am not a believer in doctrines about Jesus. On that note, I also don’t feel myself attached to any specific religion. I don’t even formally outright claim the title of Neogenian Metarationalist, I only acknowledge that its views happen to be the closest to how I have come to view things over a very long process. I never let go of Jesus when I left religion because there is nothing wrong at all with Jesus nor no real reason to discard him. And, put bluntly, the Jesus of the gospels stands in complete contrast to what religion and nationalist movements have tried to pervert him into over the last 2000 years. If the Jesus of the gospels were with us in the world today, the religious right would very quickly rush to kill him all over again.
I may make more blog posts later on going into much more detail on specifics of the details above. There’d just be way too many pages to go into detail here.
19. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why?
There are some things I do miss about being part of a more conservative form of religion. Not necessarily completely healthy things, but I think every former extremely religious person understands what I’m talking about. Maybe I’ll make a more detailed post about these things later on. But there are also a lot of really bad things that I do not miss. I have a diagnosed form of PTSD know as RTS (Religious Trauma Syndrome). Years of therapy and study have minimized the effects and helped me to become mentally stable. I am just fine with where I am right now in my current worldview and beliefs.
20. Do you want a grand adventure?
I think life can be shaped into a grand adventure if we choose to make that our will and actively work to cultivate/create that will/mindset and manifest it.
So I did this awhile back. I don’t think I ever actually finished it. At any rate, I’m going to start it again, just to see how my answers differ this time. This is really more of an exercise in getting to know me. In order to keep these short and simple and able to do them (mostly) daily, I’m going to restrict myself to answering ten questions per post.
Here we go – questions 1-10.
1. Are you bothered by your own cosmic insignificance?
I do not believe that anyone or anything is insignificant. To me, everything that exists is part of an interconnected system, an interconnected reality. Just like there is no part or cell of the human body that is insignificant, neither do I believe in the cosmic insignificance of anyone or anything else.
2. Do you mourn for a person or a place you’ve never known?
How can I mourn for that which I’ve never known? What would be the point? The entirety of existence is full of possibilities. Maybe I have already experienced it in the past (a past life) and don’t remember it. Maybe I will get to experience it in the future, whether in this lifetime or a future one.
3. Do you really think there is somebody for everybody?
In the grand cosmic scheme of things, I do not believe there is just one single person for everybody. Neither do I believe in destiny, or fate, or “happily ever after” in their strictest definitions for that matter. I believe there are many potential relationships/lovers out there, and there are many possibilities as to how these can unfold, many potential flavors.
4. Do you place any value in gender roles?
No. Gender roles is something that society has made up. And society as it exists in the present day is, as a whole, very fucking stupid.
5. Do you have to be related to be family?
No, and this is something that a lot of queer people especially tend to know very well. Family is ultimately what you make of it. They are the people who actually love you, value you, and cherish you. The communities you form around yourself may become more like your real family, or even like second or third families.
6. Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones?
Yes. Different types of relationships add different flavors and colors to our lives.
7. Are you in love? Do you want to be?
There are always going to be people that I have feelings for from time to time. The feelings of being “in love” are honestly very fleeting to me. If I get into a relationship with somebody, the love and affection I show them will be very intentional regardless of my “feelings” at the moment. As for wanting to be “in love”, I have no real strong feelings about it one way or the other.
8. Do you think you can put love into categories (family, platonic, romantic, ect.) or is it just one general assertion?
Oh, they are definitely different categories. The ancient Greeks were much smarter than us in this regard. They had a whole ton of different words for different types of love rather than just one single generic word like we have in English. The English language is rather impoverished in that we subsume all possible definitions of love into just one word. As I said above, the different types of love add different flavors and colors into our lives and enhance us in different ways.
9. Would you be happy in a life without romance?
It isn’t my preference, as it is something I would very much prefer to experience over not experiencing. But it isn’t a necessity. And I can’t love just anyone, either. As a demisexual especially, I would need to have some fairly strong level of feelings in order to actually take them in as a solid part of my life. The fact that I’m not actually attracted to most people despite being bi/poly tends to make things a bit more difficult in this regard. I can very well live a life without romance if it comes down to it.
10. Are you always going to be a little in love with somebody?
Given historical patterns, there will likely always be about 1-3 people I have some level of attraction/feelings for at any given time. Whether or not anything ever comes out of any of these attractions someday is up in the air.
I’ve already announced this on Twitter, but I am in fact working on my very first yaoi light novel. It will be called ‘Odyssey of Galera’ and there will be five books in the series.
I’m going to commission anime style artwork for at least three characters for the book and the cover art. I don’t really have the money for this, honestly, but I’m hoping this will actually be the first book I write that really resonates with people and starts to make an impact, and I really want to do this right, so I’m going to make it happen.
This will be an action/adventure/fantasy/romance story, basically me giving a shot at writing my own concept idea for an ‘anime series’ as a series of books. Plus I have really wanted to write more in the realm of LGBTQ+ fiction and yaoi specifically, so this project hits several birds with one stone.
For the concept, it’s very loosely inspired by Homer’s The Odyssey, and extremely influenced by my favorite webcomic, Castle Swimmer.
Here is the plot synopsis:
20 year old Zane is the prince of the Kingdom of Jara, where his father, the king, has managed to maintain peace for decades. Zane is betrothed to be married soon to the princess Yel from a neighboring nation, signifying his role as heir to the throne and cementing peace between two nations.
Zane has no qualms about one day rising up to take his father’s place, but there is one secret that he keeps under wraps: He has no attraction to women whatsoever. Being a closeted gay – and a bottom at that – would be scandalous to the kingdom, so he keeps it to himself and sneaks into town to ‘blow off steam’ whenever he can. Still, the thought of someday being fully confined to his future role as king, in a marriage to someone he can’t ever love the way she deserves, weighs on his mind.
One night when in town incognito ‘blowing off steam’, he finds himself in a sticky situation being pursued by a group of men who want to capture and hold him for ransom in order to force the king’s hand to help them invade another nation. Zane manages to give them the slip into the forest, when a flash of light suddenly comes from the sky to the earth.
Zane runs to investigate and is shocked to see a boy his age lying on the ground with wings coming out his back.
The boy, Eo, was a retainer for the gods before overhearing a plot by one of the head gods, Kravos, to commit betrayal on the gods and summon the Dak stone to unleash the forces of creation and destruction and reshape the world in his own image. Eo managed to steal the fragment of the summoned Dak stone and cut off the arm of Kravos’ son, Lul, who is now in hot pursuit.
Eo having been injured in the process, he is nursed back to health in secret by Zane, who begins to fall deeply in love with him.
Meanwhile, Lul is on the hunt. The objective becomes clear. With the Oracle’s guidance, a portal to the underworld must be open and the stone cast in before Lul can take it back and use it to initiate Kravos’ apocalypse.
I’m shooting for a fall release with this first book, but maybe it will come sooner depending.
I will post more as progress happens and as official artwork appears!
Also follow @x_azier on Twitter or @azxtg.bsky.social on Bluesky for occasional excerpt teasers as I work on it.
I didn’t really know exactly what to use this blog for before. And then life happened and I got really distracted and had nothing really to use it for.
A lot is changing now. I’m heavily prioritizing my creative aspirations now. And I really need a good place to post progress, updates, and that sort of thing.
But it won’t just be about promoting my work. I’m going to be mixing it up with a lot of personal stuff. So if you are coming from elsewhere such as my Twitter circle you will get to know all sorts of new and fun things about me, as well as the occasional life update, things like that.
Who knows. Maybe I’ll keep trying to review stuff too. We’ll see.
*Friendly heads up for those who haven’t seen this series yet that there are some minor spoilers in this blog post*
I’m going to start off from the bat saying I both loved this anime and also I have mixed feelings about this anime.
On the one hand, it is definitely a series that I enjoyed a lot. I would go as far as to say it’s probably one of my favorite anime series I’ll see all year. Let’s dive into the plot first of all.
Mushoku Tensei is about a 35 year old jobless recluse who has, since a highly traumatic bullying event in high school, shut himself off completely from the outside world. He does not like going out under any circumstances and pushes everyone away – preferring to stay inside, and immerse himself in fantasy worlds. At the very beginning of the anime, he has just found himself kicked out of where he was living and homeless, when he sees a vehicle heading right toward some students, whom he pushes out of the way and gets hit himself. He is rushed to the hospital, but dies on the operating table.
He wakes up in a strange place with strange people speaking a language he does not know. He quickly realizes that something is quite off, and he can’t move around or do things like he should be able to. He ends up realizing that this is because he is a baby, having apparently reincarnated after he died, but still having his full memories and cognizance of his former life.
The world he has reincarnated in is a fantasy swords-and-sorcery type world where magic and monsters and demons actually exist. The series follows him as he grows up in this new world, under the name Rudeus Greyrat. He ends up realizing that he’s been essentially given a do-over. In his previous life he was pretty much worthless, in this new life he can live the kind of life and be the person he’s always wanted to be – and enjoy it. It turns out that he has a natural affinity for using magic, and becomes a prodigy, able to use advanced magic without incantations from a very young age.
As he begins to feel like he’s found his place in the world, a giant magical disaster happens in his country which teleports and scatters thousands of people all over the world – including himself and a girl he’s been hired to tutor on the opposite side of the world on the demon continent. Along with a member of a feared race called the Superd whom they are saved by, they begin the long trek as adventurers trying to make their way back home.
At it’s heart, Mushoku Tensei is very much a redemption story. Rudeus is a character that is both highly controversial from the start – but becomes more sympathetic as time goes on, although not necessarily completely shedding the controversial aspect. This is where the mixed feeling about this series come from, because there IS a bit of a cringe factor to this show for one specific reason.
Rudeus is a raging pervert. This is not the part that is specifically controversial. Raging pervert protagonists are nothing new to shonen anime. Read on. Rudeus is not just a raging pervert in his present incarnation, but in his past life as well. Being a shut in in his past life due to his trauma, existing in a less-than-stellar body that he immensely disliked, he never considered there being any hope that he would ever have anyone in his life and expected to die a lifelong virgin, resigning himself to getting off to (presumably) porn anime dating sim games to vicariously live out his fantasies.
From the get-go, Rudeus has an incredibly vulgar personality. As a baby (still retaining every bit of his consciousness as a 35 year old), he enjoys sucking on his mother’s breast a bit way too much, and revels in watching his parents have sex immediately after. As he grows up, he definitely takes advantage of his young age (but older mentality) to get away with spying on people. The cringiest parts to watch of this series are scenes where he comes on to or makes perverted attempts towards characters who are – in this world – either around the same age or slightly older than him. At one point, he is lusting after another character and thinking to himself about how “well her 13 year old body is forming out.” Again, anime protagonists who are raging perverts are nothing new to Shonen anime. What IS unique about this particular series is the fact that Rudeus lusts after very underage characters who are close to his age in this world, but definitely nowhere close to his age in his past life that he still is in his head. I want to be as incredibly generous as possible; it’s not completely clear if he’s attracted to young characters as a result of being in a young body again, or if he was actually attracted to minors in his past life. The possibility IS possibly hinted at in one episode, but again, it’s not entirely clear. There are a few scenes of him coming on to/trying to take advantage of characters who are minors that are highly uncomfortable for that specific reason of him being a 35 year old man in a child’s body, and I think it’s important that people who might be triggered by such things are aware they’re in here before diving into this anime.
So why would I go as far as to say this is an anime I otherwise really liked, and one that I (cautiously) recommend?
To be absolutely clear, it’s never intended for Rudeus’ negative actions to be condoned. The author of the light novel series that the anime was adapted from has been clear himself that Rudeus was meant to be created as a controversial character in the beginning, because the story is intended as a redemption story, in order to make his character development later in the series much more powerful. The author himself has rightfully not restrained himself from condemning the way the character is in the beginning. Is the author, in the long run, successful in this intention?
Honestly, I would have to say… yes.
What really draws me into the world and story of Mushoku Tensei, despite the honestly incredibly cringe stuff mentioned above, is that it IS at it’s core a redemption story and in another sense a type of coming-of-age story. There are a lot of highly unsavory things about Rudeus’ personality in the beginning to be clear. But he DOES begin to change and start to mature and grow over time. It’s not an overnight process. One of the unique things about this series I really like is that it literally follows Rudeus over the course of his life. Over the course of the first season (immediately after dying and being reincarnated), he grows from a baby to at least age 13 or 14, and the series by this point has followed him literally through each age up to this point. The pacing with this is pretty well done, too. It never feels like it’s rushing, and you feel that you are legitimately getting to witness Rudeus grow up while being drawn into the larger story. All of the negative aspects of who Rudeus was in his former life – including his traumas – have followed him over into this life. And in the series we witness Rudeus beginning to overcome these traumas and move past them – moving from a person who once viewed himself as despicable and acted despicably, pushing everyone away from his life – to becoming a person who is taking steps to becoming the kind of person he always wanted to become and genuinely enjoying life. He goes through a transition over the course of the series from a person who is honestly hard to like in a lot of ways to someone that becomes a much more sympathetic character – and someone who ends up having a genuine major impact on people’s lives.
Again, this doesn’t mean that the cringe stuff goes away entirely – in any realistic sense, change is something that is complicated, and even as Rudeus grows and changes, it’s not in a direct straight line. And as a result, the gradual changes over time FEEL realistic. I actually think the anime did a fantastic job with depicting Rudeus’ change and growth in a way that feels real. And I think that’s one of that’s one of the main things that made me stick with this series. I do think that the author successfully did what he set out to do. The contrast of Rudeus before vs. what he starts to become DOES actually make his redemption story throughout the series feel that much stronger. And while I do still feel some mixed feelings for this series, in regard to the specific issues mentioned above, I do understand the intent of the story and what the author was trying to do, and I honestly feel like in the end it “works”.
Just how much Rudeus has changed by the end of the season becomes pretty stark during the scene where, at around age 14, he finally fulfills his long-time dream of losing his virginity. Instead of jumping into it, he shows actual restraint, realizing that the other person is in a questionable emotional state and expresses concern that, even though it’s her idea, it might still qualify as taking advantage of her. He’s prepared to not jump right into it if this is case. This amount of concern for someone else in the face of something he has always desperately wanted really is definitely not quite the same Rudeus that we began the series with.
Rudeus is without a doubt a mixture of both positive and negative traits to his personality. I’m not excusing or whitewashing the negative parts at all – but I do feel that over the course of time the positive personality traits become more prominent and start to overtake the negative. There are some genuine emotional moments in the second half of the series. Rudeus DOES become more likeable. His redemption/coming of age story in his new life is honestly appealing and interesting to watch throughout the series.
I don’t know if I consider the other characters to be exceptionally strong characters – there’s a number of tropes here to be sure; Eris is more or less this world’s version of Evangelion’s Asuka. But it works. The story kept me genuinely interested the entire time, and there are some very good emotional moments with the characters. I found myself caring less and less that they were tropes as the series went on.
But the focus is definitely every bit on Rudeus.
I think one of the things that honestly connected me to the series… there are definitely elements to it that hit home to my own story. I know what it’s like to be bullied and to be traumatized by that bullying. I know what it’s like to respond to that by living in my room 24/7, trying to shut the rest of the world out, and pushing others away, despite how lonely I actually was all the time. I know what it’s like to feel worthless, to feel like the world is passing me by, and to live vicariously by throwing myself into fictional worlds and fantasies, feeling like I’m accomplishing nothing meaningful in life, using my fantasies as a drug to keep the pain of reality away. I know what it’s like to feel sexually frustrated all the time, like I’ll be a lonely shut in and a virgin forever.
And then I know what it’s like to begin to move past those things. I know what it’s like to be pulled out of that existence. I know what it’s like to begin to live real life and experience real things. I know what it’s like to begin pushing past trauma and fear and stop holding myself back. I know what it’s like to feel like I’ve been given a do-over. I know what it’s like to begin to gain self-confidence, like I’m starting to become the person I’ve always wanted to be but thought I never could. I know what it’s like to finally begin to put the fantasies in their proper place – as entertainment – and to enjoy such as just entertainment while being fully engaged in life. I know what it’s like to finally lose my virginity – something I thought would never happen – and to come to a place in my life where I finally start feeling like I’m normal human being.
I think these are things that, despite the more unsavory aspects of Rudeus’ personality, connected me to the character in a very significant way. To some extent, I used to be Rudeus. I have lived that past life and experienced that transformation and growth.
At the very end of the season, Rudeus has fallen into a severe depression and is spending his days in a tent refusing to leave, much like his past life self. The episode cuts back and forth between him in the present and himself being reclusive and shutting the world out in his past life. A dream he has at the very end awakens him to the fact that he has something that he has to live for – and unlike his past self, this time he has to get up and take a step. The episode ends with both his present and past life selves getting up and walking outside – past the image of his trauma in his past life that resulted in his reclusiveness as he steps more into the new person he’s growing to become. It’s honestly a very powerful image, one that resonated with me very personally, and I legit felt very emotional at this moment.
So, yeah, this series is a mixed bag. There were parts I was deeply uncomfortable with. And yet the series resonated with me on a very personal level. I do actually find myself looking forward with anticipation to the next season to find out how Rudeus continues to grow and develop; I honestly look forward to seeing just where his character grows.
Do I recommend this series? Yes, with a cautionary warning. Because of the cringe stuff mentioned above, I don’t know how it might affect those who are triggered by such things. Obviously, that is an important consideration to attend before outright recommending people dive right into this series, and I think it is helpful to be aware that that stuff is in there rather than being taken completely off guard. But that aside, it is definitely a B+ series for me. I’m more glad that I gave a completely random isekai show like this a chance rather than not.
‘BL’ is a genre of anime and manga which stands for ‘Boy’s Love’. Also commonly known in the U.S. as ‘yaoi’, it refers specifically to a subgenre of romance anime/manga that features relationships between two male characters.It’s female/female counterpart is known as ‘yuri’.
So yeah, I’m a huge fan of the BL genre. And I wanted to use my second blog post to talk about my favorite BL anime of all time.
This is one of those rare shows that I actually read the manga in its entirety first before even realizing there was an anime. It had been one of my favorite BL manga for about a year, and I had read up to all the released current volumes and collected the last few volumes as they came out. When I stumbled onto the anime on Hulu at random a year ago, I went through an immediate spazz-out and immediately put it on.
The other day I rewatched again it in its entirety (and probably not for the last time) and felt I would talk about it a bit and why it is my favorite. (Note: As of this writing the series is no longer on Hulu, but it is on Crunchyroll.)
The story follows Izumi Sena, a heavily introverted 18 year old geeky otaku who is completely obsessed with manga and anime and was born in a prominent family of entertainers.
Izumi Sena
‘Otaku’ is a term referring to someone who has a heavy obsession with something. Basically a super nerd or super geek who focuses heavily on one particular subject of interest.
His father is a musical singer who runs a talent agency, while his mother is a famous actress and his older brother is a famous singer in a popular rock band.
Naturally, everyone around pushes him to be in the entertainment industry like the rest of his family, but Izumi wants none of this. His big dream is to one day be a famous manga artist, drawing manga in the vein of his favorite manga/anime series ‘Lala Lulu’, which Izumi is obsessed with. Unfortunately, the reality is that his drawing ‘talent’ leaves a significant amount to be desired, and even that is a severe understatement, though it doesn’t stop him from dreaming and trying.
His family is deeply concerned about him being a shut all the time and wants to push him to join the entertainment industry like all the rest of them because they are concerned about his future. But Izumi wants none of the family business.
The main reason is due to the fact that when he actually starred in a commercial when he was really young – and it was an extremely traumatic experience for him. The commercial was for a new wedding magazine. In the commercial, a couple gets married, and the bride tosses the bouquet which is caught by a young girl standing next to a young boy. Problem: the actress playing the little girl couldn’t make it, and there was no one among the extras to fill the spot. Little Izumi just happened to be there on set having been dragged there by his parents, and his dad thought it would be a good idea to dress his son up like a girl and have him impromptu fill in the part. Izumi got such severe stage fright, however, that he wet himself in the dress costume right there on set. The only reason he was able to make it through the commercial successfully was the actor playing the young boy, Ryouma, comforted and taught him a way to calm his nerves by handing him a marble saying it was a good luck charm and showing him how to focus and become centered. (Ryouma had no idea Izumi was actually a boy.)
It worked, but nevertheless, after the event, Izumi never wanted to do anything with acting or modeling or anything else his family was involved in in his life.
In the present day, however, the wedding magazine the commercial was shot for all those years ago wants to do a special anniversary commercial. The idea is to show the young boy and young girl from the original commercial grown up and getting married themselves, and the company wants the original actors to reprise their roles in the commercial. Izumi initially wants no part of this, but after getting bribed heavily by his older brother for a one of a kind item based off his favorite anime, he reluctantly gives in and decides to go through it just this one time. (This, of course, involves him dressing up as a women again and playing the bride in the commercial.)
To Izumi, the commercial is just something he needs to get through as best he can and forget about. However, to Ryouma, the actor who played the young boy as a kid, reprising his role for the commercial means far more than that.
Ryouma Ichijo
In fact, it was Ryouma, now grown and a famous actor and heartthrob, who pushed to have all the original cast reprise their roles, specifically that of the girl. This is because ever since the day the original commercial was shot, he has actually been in love with Izumi all this time, not realizing that in fact she never was actually a girl. For him, this is a chance to finally cross paths with her again and have a shot at confessing his feelings.
The commercial does not go off without a hitch – to put it mildly – as Izumi temporarily loses his nerve again, but in the end Ryouma is able to repeat the technique for getting him to calm down and be able to make it through the commercial. Unfortunately, after the commercial, Ryouma learns the truth that Izumi is in fact a boy, which, as to be expected, completely shatters his world and leaves him feeling angry and heartbroken. Ryouma tries to cast Izumi out of his head completely, but begins to realize that a decades worth of feelings don’t go away so easily. Even after trying to burn into his mind the reality that Izumi is a male, Ryouma comes face to face with an undeniable truth: no matter what, he’s still in love with Izumi. And will do whatever it takes to win his heart.
I think that the reason I list this show as my favorite BL anime is that, all in all, it’s a really sweet story. I think it’s a really cool thing that Ryouma grows up being in love with this person that he met briefly as a kid and has held an idealized version in his head all his life, and, upon realizing that Izumi is in fact not at all what he has idealized all these years, still comes to find that he loves him anyway even if Izumi a completely different gender than he’s believed all his life. I think the idea of a story about that is about love being able to transcend the gender of a person is honestly pretty cool.
And in the show, the lengths that Ryouma goes to not just to declare his love for Izumi, but actually show Izumi how much he means to him, is very heartfelt and sweet and a delight to watch.
The writing is very good. This is a romantic comedy, so there are a lot of comical moments, and they are very well balanced with the dramatic and romantic moments. It’s a short series, only about ten episodes, that manages to be legitimately entertaining from start to finish and has a satisfying conclusion.
The anime series follows the first half of the manga faithfully. (The only major difference between the two is that when Izumi and Ryouma have sex, the anime version, being a tv series, is far more toned down than the manga.) The manga itself is a very good read for those wanting to continue the story following the anime. Personally, I didn’t feel the second half of the manga was quite as good as the first. It’s not to say that the writing gets bad or takes a dip in quality or anything like that – it still remains highly entertaining and sweet throughout – mostly I just didn’t really care a lot for the brief hypnosis story arc in particular which pushed my suspension of disbelief a just little bit, but that may be a bit of a personal preference. Other than that, the rest of the story surrounding it is just about as good as the first half as it deals with issues Izumi and Ryouma go through in their relationship while continuing their celebrity careers in the limelight.
The manga does end pretty much as strongly as it began, and I have to give the author some kudos for the final story arc, which involves a strain on their relationship as Izumi deals with not wanting to always be the “uke” during sex and Ryouma gets really freaked out about it.
In BL/yaoi, ‘seme’ and ‘uke’ are terms referring to the top/bottom ‘positions’ in a homosexual relationship. ‘Seme’ refers to the ‘top’ in a relationship while ‘uke’ refers to the bottom.
The reason this is significant is that, in BL/yaoi, characters who are ‘seme’ and ‘uke’ are usually highly stereotyped, with the seme typically being tall dark and handsome, and the uke typically being cute, petite, and twinkish. As the author herself states directly in the manga, reversing roles of seme/uke is a somewhat controversial thing to do in BL/yaoi that some people tend to get really upset over. The sex scene in the manga before Izumi finally tops Ryouma in fact even includes a disclaimer warning people who are offended by reversed roles to skip over the scene if they wish.
Personally, I really enjoy stories that dare to defy and transcend stereotypes, even if it’s not the most popular thing to do so, because for me I believe that there is diversity in all of creation, and stereotypes never ultimately hold up against reality as absolutes for all time. Diversity/difference is a reality and it is a good thing, and so the fact that she chose to address the issue of reversed gender roles and knock against the stereotype gets my respect.
All in all, this is a highly enjoyable and fantastic series. If you have Crunchyroll, I highly recommend giving it a go. And check out the manga too. Here’s to hoping that someday the second half will get animated as well.
Random Thoughts of a Geeky Bi 