Up, Over & Under

Many years ago, I was wrestling with the idea of relationships with one of my good friends and colleagues.  Our ongoing frustration?  Who to invest the time in.

You see, we both had a lot of acquaintances, but had very few real, deep friends.  Before the age of Facebook, we had too many "facebook-like friends," and not enough key strategic and deep relationships.  In addition, we both felt we needed some experienced people to learn from, as well as some "up and comers" to whom we could pass knowledge on.  We stumbled across this great formula for developing key relationships (I know, formulas and relationships don't always mix, but stay with me).

It's called Three Up; Three Over; Three Under.  The strategy?  Find three people that are older and more experienced than you; find three peers with whom you can walk together; find three younger people in whom you can invest.  These people obviously can change in your seasons of life, but the general idea of it  has served me well.  In fact for me it has often been four people in each tier, not just three.

Some brief context.  Many times these can be very intentional and defined relationships, but normally for me was for it to just flow out of my current friends.  Of course, I would (and still do) keep a regular list of the people in those three categories.

I also do not respond well to the word, "under" because it implies things that are not always true.  For example, I have learned just as much (and at times much more) from my younger friends and colleagues than I have from my peers and older experienced ones.  In addition, peers can often be younger leaders!

In addition, I have found that I have to be much more intentional with older, more experienced leaders.  They can have more demands on their relationships (with less bandwidth) and also seem to be more functional in their style and approach (what the Chinese call, "guanxi" -- namely I expect something back for what I might do for you).  Much of that is just generational.

The hardest for some seems to be those younger than you.  Because the sub-culture can be different and  their interests a bit more diverse, regular connections and relationships can be more complicated.  However, I personally find the learning much more interesting, and the rewards more fulfilling.

Like the Blue Angels and the flying they do, it takes time to build trust and relationships that matter, but it is totally worth the effort.  Happy relationship building!!

The Power of Teams

Great teams are a joy to watch.  Even if they are not the team you passionately follow, you can often appreciate the beauty of great teamwork.

Being in the Ukraine last June for the European Soccer Championships (Euro 2012), I was amazed by Spain.  Their ability to pass, their unselfishness, their anticipation -- all elements of an exceptionally good "futbol" team.  They make the complex look simple because of their ability to work together so effectively.  Each person knows their part and fits in seamlessly.

Of course, then there is my beloved University of North Carolina Tarheels basketball team.  For decades, they have epitomized the whole idea of team.  In fact, ESPN just named them the greatest basketball program of the last 50 years (an amazing accomplishment when you consider that UCLA won 10 championships during that period).  For one of the best books there is on teams, coaching, and leadership, see The Carolina Way, by Dean Smith.

The reality is, we are all part of teams.  Whether it be in sports, in our business, in our organization, in our church, in our schools, or in our community.  As a leaders (and if you have influence over anyone, you are a leader!), it’s equally important for us to know how to follow and be a great team member as it is how to lead and be a team leader.

In fact, in my partnering work seen above through REACT Services, we teach that to be an effective leader, you must first be a great teammate.  In the 21st Century, great leaders are, almost without exception, great teammates.

So what does it take to be a great team member?  Here are a few things to consider.

1. Good teammates finish well.  They know how to score. They get the job done and fulfill their promises.  In the words of Seth Godin, "they ship," or send things to press, by regularly taking projects across the finish line. 

2. Good teammates can anticipate. As it is with a good soccer player, they understand and "see" what needs to be done next.   They are always looking for ways to make the team process better.  The exceptionally talented can see plays two and three steps ahead (like a good chess player).

3. Good teammates can be trusted.  They embody integrity.  When given an assignment, you can be assured that it will get done -- or that communication about the reasons why it didn't will happen.  They do what they say they will do.

4. Good teammates have a healthy view of conflict.  A healthy view of conflict means that any disagreement (however volatile) is seen as an opportunity for deeper relationship and understanding. Good teams do not tolerated passive aggressive behavior (basically, being passive aggressive is doing something specifically to get people angry under the cover of, "I didn't realize it would bother you").  

5. Good teammates promote the team vision. They take on, and live out, the vision and mission of their leader, and of the organization.  You can tell how well team vision has been embedded from how team members respond when others on the team are chosen for assignments they wanted.  An effective teammate understands and promotes the "there is no 'I' in team" mentality.

6. Good teammates make their leader better.  They know when to push their leader, and know how to appropriately and intentionally challenge them.  Concurrently, a good team leader creates and nurtures a culture that allows those voices.

7. Good teammates make their other teammates better. They know how to peer-lead and also can lead across in an organization.  They don’t rely on the leader to be the only one motivating the team, or being the only one holding other teammates accountable.

8. Good teammates lead themselves. They don’t need to be micro-managed, and aren’t needy. They don’t need all the attention from the team.  They are learners.  The embrace constructive evaluation - both from others on the team and the team leader.

There are so many other elements that need to be included.  What aspects of being a good teammate can you add to this list?

10 Books That Influenced My Faith

Sarah Bessey is currently running a series of posts on her blog called Ten Books A Day for a Week. Basically, she is looking at the 10 best books (for her) in a series of things:  parenting, fiction, etc.  I loved the idea and was thus quite easily captured by her Sunday, July 1 post called Ten Books That Changed my Faith.  Only one hers made my list, though some of them might have made my larger list of 25 or 50 (which is much easier than choosing 10). 

Even though I am not a big fan of lists (especially the self-help "7 Reasons" for this or that), her posting did cause me to put together my own list (which I suspect is one of her goals).  As Christine Sine said, it might be easier to list 10 authors that have influenced me because choosing one book from certain folks (C.S. Lewis, Henri Nouwen, etc.) is hard to do.  However that has not stopped me from trying, though I use the word influenced rather than changed.  By the way, virtually all of these came right off the top of my head without hardly even looking at my bookshelf.  They are in no particular order.

* The Spirit of Democratic Capitalist, Michael Novak
For me this was the first book that put finally put theology, economics and politics together in a marvelously sensible way.  Having a stated Christian Marxist for a college professor in one of my undergraduate majors (political science), Novak gave me needed ammunition!  I was privileged to get to know Michael in my years living in Washington, DC, which only solidified the book's significance.

* Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal, Christopher Wright
Probably no one book broke more stereotypes for me about who Jesus was -- and is.  Deeply moving, and though the language in this book will be too rough for many, it is certainly one of the cleverest and funniest books I have ever read. (I embarrassed myself several times on an airplane laughing out loud when reading it.)

* The Brothers Karamazov, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
I am ever indebted to Kent Hill (then at Seattle Pacific University, now at World Vision) for not only urging me to read this book, but also opening my eyes to the depth of its meaning.  No book deals with the problem of evil in the world better than this one.  With apologies to Rob Bell, his was the first to really unpack the phrase "Love Wins!"

* The Rise of Christianity, Rodney Stark
Odd to have a sociologist on a book talking about influence on faith, but this one was a no brainer for me.  Then subtitle is:  How the Obscure, Marginal Jesus Movement Became the Dominant Force in the Western World in a Few Centuries.  The brief answer (apart from the work of the Holy Spirit!) is through their affirmation of the role of women and their unafraid ministry to those with the plague.  This book radicalized my view of missions.  

* Mere Christianity, CS Lewis
I guess this is my answer to the question which one book from C.S. Lewis would you have to choose. Though his Space trilogy is very close, this book was the definitive apologetic foundation for me and still is.

* Christ and Culture, H. Richard Neibuhr
The classic book on Christian social ethics.  As relevant (if not more) now than is what when it was first written in 1951.

* A Generous Orthodoxy, Brian McClaren. 
How to really be an independent thinker in an age of polarization.  As Robert Webber once said of the book, "you'll love it, you'll hate it, but you'll never think the same way again!"  'Nuff said.

* Death on a Friday Night, Richard John Neuhaus.
A Lutheran who converted to Catholicism, Richard was one of the most sharpest, most articulate people I've ever met (with apologies to George Weigel).  Though his book, The Naked Public Square: Religion and Democracy in America deservedly received more public prominence, Death on a Friday Night opened doorways for me that no one had.  When I was with the National Association of Evangelicals, I worked with Richard (and Chuck Colson) on the Evangelicals and Catholics Together initiative.

* A Table in the Wilderness, Watchman Nee. 
As a relatively new believer, I was given this daily devotional book by JoAnn Walker (mother of the famous Walker girls) for Christmas in 1980.  A selection of readings by the great Chinese writer, I probably have not lived in (and read) any book more than the Bible.

* Wounded Healer, Henry Nouwen
So many Nouwen books and too few lists.  I was tempted to put The Return of the Prodigal Son, however, when it comes to real impact on my faith journey, this one tops the list.  How, in our own woundedness, can we become a source of life for others?

On the edge and deserving mention:
The God Who is There (and companion books), by Francis Schaeffer, Blue Like Jazz, by Donald Miller, Sabbath, by Dan Allender, Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard, Rich Christians in an Age of Hunger,by Ron Sider, and Knowing God, J.I. Packer.

So what is on your list?

Being a Bridge Builder

People regularly describe me as a bridge builder.  Usually, I smile and accept the description, though in most instances I don't think they really understand all that it means.  Perhaps I do not either. 

What bridges am I building -- and most importantly how am I doing that?  As the CEO of a non-profit that primarily works globally, I am often connecting resources to needs, leaders to leaders (many times younger to older and vice versa), American culture and approach to non-western cultures and approaches, experts to non-experts, churches to organizations, businesses to other businesses -- and to ministries.  As a partnering specialist, I emphasize that relationship and trust building is the foundation to achieving greater results in collaboration.  Too often, American and other western cultures are overly transactional and not relational.  They think they are building bridges when in reality, they are often just widening chasms. 

Maybe you are also trying to build bridges -- or  aspire to. No matter how long you've been building, it is never complete because we are always learning.  So I have been reflecting on what are the skills sets and core competencies needed.  And, I have been watching those (like my friends and mentors, Kay and Jeff) who I consider to be the top bridge builders and connectors in the world.  Here are a few thoughts about what I am seeing and learning:

• Be genuine in learning (and remembering) people's story.  Where do you come from? Where did you go to school?  How did you meet your spouse? The list is almost endless.  Think:  what pieces of my story do I share and then ask them similar questions.   I often use the short cut FORM (family, occupation, recreation, money) as conversational tools to trigger questions.  What is your spouses name? How many kids/  What ages?  What are their interests? How did you come to be at your position?  What are your career goals?  What motivates you?  What do you do for fun? 
• Learn how to really listen to people. A hard thing to master for many of us.  What I have learned form relational cultures is that being "fully present" when talking to people is critical to deeper relationships.  Especially when in a group setting, look into their eyes and don't always look around as if you are looking for others who are more important. 
• Look for the cross connections and mutual interests. This is sometimes instinctual for the connector, but you can develop this if you just think!  Who are those pursuing similar goals and objectives in their life?  Who are those who could assist them?  Who are possible peer mentors?  Always try and connect them to at least one other person in your network.  I try all the time (even with people I meet with regularly) to connect my relationships.  If appropriate, put yourself in the mix and suggest that you would meet together with them.
• Give yourself away.  Ideas, consulting counsel, etc.  Get Naked, as Patrick Lencioni says in his excellent book on consulting.  It is a life principle right out of the Bible:  whatever you reap you sow (or as my father used to say:  whatever goes around, comes around).  Never have a conversation with someone new where you do not ask someone how you might be able to serve them.  Certainly ask that before you ask for how they might help you!
• Always deliver on what you promise you'll do.  This means follow up is crucial.  Develop a system and work the system!  As the saying goes, under promise and over deliver.  Reputation as a bridge builder is essential.
• Learn phrases in multiple languages -- especially if you work across cultures (and virtually all of us do these days).  Welcome, hello, thank you, please, how are you, my name is . . . , what is your name?  These are relatively easy to master, even for those of us who are language challenged.  You'll be amazed at how much it can make a difference.

For me, these bridge building skills assist me in the ability to facilitate partnering and collaboration -- especially in the non-profit sector.  However, I believe they assist people in virtually any arena.

So, what aspects of bridge building did I miss?  What are the important elements for you?  What things are you good at and what things do you need to be working on?

Communication Breakdown

With apologies to Led Zepplin, and kudos to Mark Phillips of BlueFrog, some "breakdown" comments on donor communications.


I admit to being a bit of a quiet person.  No, not in my personal life where I am sometimes loud and boisterous (no, really?)!  I am talking about how as CEO of a non-profit, I communicate with our donors.  I always want to err on the side of "under communication," and usually make no apology for it. 

Why?  Mostly my own personal predilection and bias.  I don't want newsletters or appeal letters filling up my mailboxes, so I just don't use that strategy.  In fact, in most instances, I don't even read what's sent to me.  No surprise, since according to a recent study in the UK, 55% of respondents don't want non-profits to communicate with them at all!

So does this "under" communication strategy work for us?  Probably not.  Yet I am learning that people are not just turned off from "over" communication, what they really don't like is bad communication!  In reality, good fund development is all about good relationship development.  If I have their interests and desires at heart, wouldn't people want to hear about what we are saying?  Of course.

Despite saying that they don't want to hear from us, people substantially value non-profits, especially in America.  Poll after poll shows that almost everyone appreciate the role they can play in our lives and in our countries.  So why say they don't want to hear from us?  The answer comes back to getting the right information in front of the right people.  It is called vision casting.  Good vision communication never hurts donor loyalty, in fact it greatly assists it.  

What I need to do (what all non-profits need to do) is rather than telling our donor communities what I want to say (or even what I think they want to hear), focus instead on addressing the questions to which they actually want to hear answers.  

And what, pray tell, are those questions?  Ah, for that, you have to ask your community; which, of course, leads to stronger relationship -- and more communication!

What are your experiences?