People regularly describe me as a bridge builder. Usually, I smile and accept the description, though in most instances I don't think they really understand all that it means. Perhaps I do not either. What bridges am I building -- and most importantly how am I doing that? As the CEO of a non-profit that primarily works globally, I am often connecting resources to needs, leaders to leaders (many times younger to older and vice versa), American culture and approach to non-western cultures and approaches, experts to non-experts, churches to organizations, businesses to other businesses -- and to ministries. As a partnering specialist, I emphasize that relationship and trust building is the foundation to achieving greater results in collaboration. Too often, American and other western cultures are overly transactional and not relational. They think they are building bridges when in reality, they are often just widening chasms.
Maybe you are also trying to build bridges -- or aspire to. No matter how long you've been building, it is never complete because we are always learning. So I have been reflecting on what are the skills sets and core competencies needed. And, I have been watching those (like my friends and mentors, Kay and Jeff) who I consider to be the top bridge builders and connectors in the world. Here are a few thoughts about what I am seeing and learning:
- Be genuine in learning (and remembering) people's story. Where do you come from? Where did you go to school? How did you meet your spouse? The list is almost endless. Think: what pieces of my story do I share and then ask them similar questions. I often use the short cut FORM (family, occupation, recreation, money) as conversational tools to trigger questions. What is your spouses name? How many kids/ What ages? What are their interests? How did you come to be at your position? What are your career goals? What motivates you? What do you do for fun?
- Learn how to really listen to people. A hard thing to master for many of us. What I have learned form relational cultures is that being "fully present" when talking to people is critical to deeper relationships. Especially when in a group setting, look into their eyes and don't always look around as if you are looking for others who are more important.
- Look for the cross connections and mutual interests. This is sometimes instinctual for the connector, but you can develop this if you just think! Who are those pursuing similar goals and objectives in their life? Who are those who could assist them? Who are possible peer mentors? Always try and connect them to at least one other person in your network. I try all the time (even with people I meet with regularly) to connect my relationships. If appropriate, put yourself in the mix and suggest that you would meet together with them.
- Give yourself away. Ideas, consulting counsel, etc. Get Naked, as Patrick Lencioni says in his excellent book on consulting. It is a life principle right out of the Bible: whatever you reap you sow (or as my father used to say: whatever goes around, comes around). Never have a conversation with someone new where you do not ask someone how you might be able to serve them. Certainly ask that before you ask for how they might help you!
- Always deliver on what you promise you'll do. This means follow up is crucial. Develop a system and work the system! As the saying goes, under promise and over deliver. Reputation as a bridge builder is essential.
- Learn phrases in multiple languages -- especially if you work across cultures (and virtually all of us do these days). Welcome, hello, thank you, please, how are you, my name is . . . , what is your name? These are relatively easy to master, even for those of us who are language challenged. You'll be amazed at how much it can make a difference.
For me, these bridge building skills assist me in the ability to facilitate partnering and collaboration -- especially in the non-profit sector. However, I believe they assist people in virtually any arena.
So, what aspects of bridge building did I miss? What are the important elements for you? What things are you good at and what things do you need to be working on?
