Beautifying the Ugly Stepsisters of Giving

I saw a blog today written by Mark Peterson of the Bridgeway Foundation in Canada.  He quotes Tom Tierney of the Bridgespan Group in Boston who mentioned three areas of bad advice for givers.  Mark called them the three ugly stepsisters of traditional philanthropy:  delay, dabble, and dream.  He unpacked those great suggestions this way.

1. Don’t delay, give now.  The older you get, the less ability you will have to give well, relevantly, and courageously.  You will be more detached and insulated from problems in the real world.  You may have reduced faculties or interest.  Your kids and grand kids might have different priorities.  And let’s face it, tomorrow you may be hit by a bus.
2. Don’t dabble, be strategic.  Dabbling can serve a useful purpose at the front end of your philanthropy, when you are exploring a meaningful way to engage with charitable action in the world.  But a lifetime of philanthropy without focus suggests that while the money was made with discipline, it was not distributed in like manner.  Utilize your entrepreneurial skills to select a market, develop a niche, and engage with a clear and meaningful strategy.
3. Don’t be a dreamer, face reality.  Chuck the charity’s airbrushed proposals delivered by courier to your office, and delve deep into the realities of organizational life at your favorite charity.  Visit them.  Meet their clients.  Learn from the staff.  Talk to other donors.  Expect to discover the warts and dysfunctions that exist in all organizations, and commit to offering what you can – not just financial aid – to empowering the organization forward.

With due respect to both Mark and Tom - and apologies to Disney -, I want to propose a fourth ugly stepsister (not sure if "ugly stepsister" is a politically correct phrase these days, but let's go with it).  The fourth is don't just give to independent, stand alone organizational projects, but give to collaboration. (Please note that Mark and the Bridgeway Foundation do a great job on this!)

Donors need to encourage, nurture and promote partnering to those organizations they give to.  It is only good practice as the results are often much more significant.  The fact is that we can achieve more by working together; and we can do things together that we cannot do by ourselves.  Partnering with other like minded organizations reduces needless duplication and maximizes resources that are often stretched.  In addition, it also lessens problems like dependency, fosters sustainability, and contributes to initiatives that come from within the community.

Sidebar:  For those of us who are Jesus followers, it is also the strategy mandated by the New Testament.  The Body of Christ working together in their gifting.  Jesus even connects our success in advancing the Kingdom to our ability to work together in unity (see John 17).  

Is it hard?  Absolutely.  Is it essential?  Even more so.  

Let us beautify the ugly stepsisters and make a difference together.

Peer Coaching - LESS is more

What can we do to spur ourselves on in peer to peer coaching for greater success?  Of course we are talking here about greater success in our partnering and collaboration work, but it relates to our efforts in many realms.

First, let me saw that I am not talking about  mentoring here, because to many of us, it can imply a top down "experienced" leader and their "charge."  There certainly is a place for that type of coaching relationship (though not as much as many think).

In peer to peer coaching (or friends helping friends) we are attempting to do several things. Ultimately, it relates to being the best we can be -- and helping others be the best they can be.   I lump them into four LESS categories: Leaning, Encouraging, Simplifying, and Sharing

1.  Learn.  What are the models that are working for you?  What best practices are you using?  What articles, blog sites, books have you found most valuable?  Most inspirational?.

2.  Encourage.  Mistakes and failures are common and even helpful (we do learn what doesn't work!).  However, when we unpack our failures with peers, they can encourage us with both their own stories of challenges, as well as how things eventually worked out (if they did!).

3.  Simplify.  Don't over complicate things!  Why do we think that complixification (is that a word?) is what we need.  We tend to think that.  Instead help each other simplify things.  Systems, connections, technology, etc.  This is where the aspect of team building can come into play. An effective team has mastered the basic fundamentals (which are usually quite simple).

4.  Share.  Family issues; financial issues; relationship issues; spiritual journey issues.  We need to both be a safe place for others as well as find those safe places for ourselves.  Many of us process things verbally -- find time in the schedule to just talk about how things are going.

Ultimately, as I explain to organizations, we are better together than we are separately.  That is true in peer to peer coaching as well.

Preparation Brings Separation

In my hometown of Seattle, the leader of our professional (American) football team uses a very helpful mantra on being prepared. "Preparation brings separation," he says, emphasizing the difference that practice and preparation can make in distinguishing yourself from others.

In January, we outlined how practice in facilitation can help us become better.  Now we look at preparation for events.  What are the tools and questions you need to be asking in order to be better prepared?  Here are the five categories I use in our work.

1. The People.  Who is coming?  Who should be coming?  What can you do to get the right people in the room? What can be done in advance to build knowledge and relationship?
2. The Outcomes.  What are our desired outcomes for the gathering?  Are they shared among those attending?  How can you communicate these in advance in a way that creates consensus, ownership, and increased commitment as a result?
3. The Process.  How do we design a process to best serve our outcomes?  Who will lead the sessions? What help do you need (subject matter experts, etc.)?  How do we make sure we do not go too fast (by far the biggest challenge in this area)?  
4. The Program.  How do we structure our time?  What subjects will need more time than others?  How do we leave room for flexibility?  We need to craft our time so that there also is sufficient "white space" in the program for networking and relationship.  
5. The Environment.  By far the most overlooked category.  How do we design our space to encourage more participation?  (Note:  I have never met a room that I didn't redesign.)  What creativity can you use to make it fun?

Of course, some of these questions are answered differently if the group (or some of the group) has met before, or if this is more of an exploration gathering.

What additional questions do you find helpful?

Celebrating the Days & Weeks; Minutes & Years

20,882 days -- 2,983 weeks -- or 30,070,080 minutes. That's how long I've been alive. I'll save you the math. I just celebrated my 58th birthday. (I know.  I don't look a day over 57.)

For the past 18 years, I have not been happy about birthdays (really, I haven't been happy about birthdays since I was 21!).  I didn't want any more - and didn't want to have any acknowledgement about them.  Didn't really want any celebration.  Just a number.  But, people (especially my family) always encouraged me to anyway.

This year I've decided to go from grumpy to grateful - from apathetic to celebratory.  And it has been a joyful decision (though one I have done fairly quietly).  I have much to be thankful for and it is a shame to waste another second.

I'm so happy to be with my family and in good health for the first time in many years.  I am pondering achievements and creating the vision for new milestones.  

You see, in the past I was grumpy.  Thus, not only was I grumpy -- I made others around me grumpy!  That was my decision.  So despite cards, gifts, dinners or (heaven forbid) parties, I was deciding to be cranky and grouchy.  Of course, everyone wants to be around that, right!

Now I am making a choice that since I cannot stop birthdays from happening I am choosing to celebrate them!  Much like my wife and I celebrate our major anniversaries every month (even in some small way), I am celebrating my birthday every day!  Celebrating the time I have left.

It changes your perspective.  It changes your attitude.  It can change your relationships.  It can change your business.

I highly commend it!

The Practice of Partnering Facilitation

As those of us who play, manage, coach, officiate, or are somehow involved in sports organizations know, practice can make perfect.  No one who has achieved any level of success in sports -- especially team sports -- does so without hours and hours of practice time.  On the pitch, on the field, on the court, on the course, practice is essential to perfecting your  talent.

What is amazing about this principle is that it is true for almost everything (think musical instruments!).  No sport is exempt, no business is spared, no organization or even recreational activities (dancing?) is immune.  We need to be practicing in order to be better.  According to author Malcolm Gladwell, in his book Outliers: The Story of Success, we need at least 10,000 hours of practice to fully accomplish any skill and that is the key to success in any field.  He uses wide ranging examples from the Beatles to Bill Gates. (Click here to see an interesting interview with Gladwell on the Outliers book.)

Thus, I have been reflecting on how we might practice partnering and facilitation.  How can we develop those talents and skills we might have in facilitating the process of collaboration?  No easy answer.  Despite good attempts that some of us have put together to provide simulation experiences for partnering process -- real-time partnering "practice" is hard to come by.

In addition, though tips, techniques, principles and process can be taught, facilitative leadership in partnering is much more a way of perceiving; a mode of embracing awkwardness; a way of dancing; a manner of spontaneity, an approach of "thinking on your feet."  I have come to the opinion that, much like entrepreneur inclinations, you either have it or you don't -- you can't really learn it (especially not from just education).
Though education can be a foundation for us, to be a facilitator (as I have written elsewhere) is to be fearless; to be courageous.

So here are four suggestions on how we can perhaps learn from the world of sport, and how drills, practice and preparation can assist us in getting better.

1)  Visualization.  Certainly, one of the more underrated practices.  Prior to partnering events, we can visualize what we might expect, what challenges could occur and how we might handle that.  In addition, we can picture how things will turn out, the energy created, the relationships established.  Since a good piece of success in partnering comes from relational reconciliation, rehearsing difficult conversations and visualizing positive results can be an effective tactic.  In sports, visualization is essential to high-level success (see yourself scoring; making a good pass; crossing the finish line, etc.).  It is amazing how our expectations can help the process!

2)  Reading.  Blogs, articles, books, websites,etc.  As mentioned above, I just don't believe that you can learn to be a top level facilitator.  However, all of us can be better than we are!  We can certainly be challenged to think differently, see things in other ways, pick up suggestions and even see principles in action.  Among other things, in this section of practice we might be able to learn how others tell stories, how illustrations can be made, and how metaphors can be utilized.

3)  Game Film:  All top athletes use film and video to make themselves better.  Golfers and tennis players watch their swing and make adjustments; soccer, basketball and football teams watch films of opponents for tendencies they can exploit; etc.  For those of us who do facilitation of partnering, finding game film is a bit more difficult!  Most of the time, video of partnering events just doesn't (or cannot) happen.  My suggestion here would be to go to other partnering events and watch how others networks organize, structure, and facilitate collaboration.  Ask if you can be an observer in one of the leadership discussions before, during or after a partnering gathering.

4) Coaching.  As we know, all partnering efforts are unique.  The people involved, the context or geography, even what we are attempting to do together is different.  Thus, just like in sports, we all need a good coach to help us see things we might not see.  In some settings, this can be a mentoring/coach relationship where we learn from those we believe have the gift of facilitation.  (Important note, as in the case of elite athletes, the best of the best are not always able to coach others very well).  Much of what I see as effective coaching is taking place as peers come together to share best practices, failures, and lessons learned.  No one -- athlete, business person or agency leader -- is too old, too experienced, or too knowledgeable to learn from others.


What other ideas do you have on how else can we be practicing?