Writing – Fiber Arts – Autism Mom

So, I am on a dating app and occasionally I will run across a scammer. Usually, they say they they are in the military (special forces), a secret agent, or something special like that. They always say they have an accent and to not be surprised by that. They also have an extensive back story. My goal here is to publish the conversations, since I want other women to be aware of the antics and tell-tale signs of the scammers. The ones who are military I have reported for Stolen Valor, since they use images of service men who actually served for our Armed Forces. I wish I had started this earlier two years ago with the first scammer, Paul, who I really felt conned by. At least I am careful enough with my money to have never fallen for the send money to them.

They follow this pattern: 1. Give their life story about who they are, which looks like a monologue. 2. Love bombing. 3. Profess love and wanting to make a life with you within a few days of texting. 4. Find some reason they need to meet you asap. 5. Can’t fund their own way to come and see you. 6. Ask for money via a plane ticket, gift card, etc.

Back story of Paul…

He said he was in the Navy, overseas in Turkey, on a secret mission. The images he sent were of a beautiful man, of course. He was texting me all the time, and wanted to come to see me before his time was up in the military. (One of the big tells is that they are three months out from retirement.) Paul was saying he was on his last mission. He started telling me that he was sharing things I wasn’t supposed to know. I asked him to stop doing that. Then he sais that he was going to get a ticket home to visit me, even if he did not have permission to leave from his commanding officer. I told him not to dare go AWOL to visit me. That would jeopardize his retirement. Then he said he was short on funds to get the ticket. And the ask for $$$$ came. They always follow a pattern.

The Catholic Priest who could get married….

Oh, this was a great one. This guy claimed to be a Catholic priest from an Order of priests who could get married. He was attractive and sent photos of himself. He was also selling bitcoin and had to travel to a South American country to deal with a fire. I got a whole story about the server building fire. Then he told me about his son. I was asked to send his son a gift card that could then be sent to him.

Current Scammer 1 – Army Guy in Syria

Lovebombing statement 1: “I was wondering, why a beautiful woman like you is still single?” I always say I have not found the right person, yet.

Reply: “I copy that, I am a widower. I have been single almost a decade and I believe it’s time to find the right partner to build an everlasting relationship with, I believe life is short and everyone deserves to be loved.” He asked what I do and I said I was a teacher. I am very brief in my answers.

Reply: “You have a great job, it’s always a blessing working with kids. For fun, I love traveling, I want to get more free time to do more of that with the right company, cooking and baking is my forte, love walks by the beach. I am a total romantic that is almost a must for my partner too and I am happy if I can make her happy…. I serve in the Special Forces as a Field Engineer within the Army, specializing in tactical vehical maintenance and troop transport. My role is equal parts problem-solving and mission execution–keeping our fleet combat-ready while navigating complex logistics under pressure. It’s work that demands technical precision, adaptability, and calm leadership, whether I’m troubleshooting engines in the shop or leading convoys through high-risk terrain.” I asked him about a base, since he was listed on the dating app as being in Charlotte, NC.

Reply: “I’m currently in AL-Tanf for work and have been here for the past nine months. I’ve got about three more months to go. The best part is, this is my last contract with the Army, and my return home will mark the beginning of my retirement. I’m making good progress and hope to wrap it up soon.” I asked him about his rank and he said he is a Lieutenant Colonel.

Then I state I need a proof of life image or we could video call. Reply: “I would love to do that but since we are not married of family related the Army won’t allow that because of security reasons but I will let you know when in come in the point of we getting to know ourselves better.” (This phrasing and grammatical inconsistencies is a tell-tale sign of scammers. English is not their first language. I take note of the language issues and how they begin to say things. They start to relax in their communication.) He claims: “Messaging is my best and only option for now.. There is a place called the free zone… Mind you, I’m on a secret mission and on deployment. I’m not family related to you and the Army doesn’t allow calls because of security reasons.” (And there is the secret mission statement.)

I demanded the proof of life image. His reply: “You have too much doubts and I have same doubts too but I am giving benefit of the doubts.” (grammatical issues between subject/verb agreement – I told him I was an English teacher, too.) I expressed my concerns about scammers on the dating apps. His reply: “I completely understand your doubts, it’s natural for feel that way. In a world where kindness and trust aren’t always rewarded, it takes courage to stay openhearted. I appreciate you being honest about how you feel.” (There are grammar issues and a bit of guilt tripping about not trusting him in this statement. It is slight but it is present.)

He texted me from a number that had an area code and prefix for Minneapolis. My seminary is located there, so I recognized the area code and prefix for the Twin Cities. So, I asked him about the number.

Reply: “I’m excited to see where our conversations may lead us. We can share our interests, goals, and dreams with each other. Let’s take the chance to explore the possibilities of a meaningful relationship….I don’t any idea about that, a computer guru here activated a texting app on the base system for me so we could communicate.” (He had this done in a mater of 15 minutes. Um, nothing moves that fast in the Army.)

He asked me where I was born and raised, if I had siblings, and if I was close to my family. I gave out very brief and general information without specifics. I got a diatribe from him. This is normal for scammers to do.

The diatribe about himself: “I was born and raised in frankfort, germany, but I spent much of my childhood growing up in Manhattan, New York. My mom was of Dutch and German heritage, while my dad was American. As an only child, I was especially close to my mother, and people often tell me I still carry a hint of her Dutch/German accent in my speech–something that occasionally gets teased but also feels like a special connection to her. Sadly, I’ve lost both my parents, and while I’m not close to my father’s side of the family due to their absence during tough times, I maintain a strong bond with my mother’s family, who still live in Germany. I make it a point to visit them whenever I return from my peacekeeping missions.” I said that was sweet. “I hope I won’t scare you away with my accent when I get the chance to sign up for a voluntary mission to the place called the free zone.”

There is so much in this that is a red flag. 1. The backstory to explain his accent. 2. The sad story about no longer having his parents alive and his father’s family not being present. 3. Him getting teased for his accent, a Dutch accent (similar to Nigerian accents). So I asked him about the UAE, where there are free zones for communication, claiming I thought the AL in Al-Tanf base was Alabama. I played dumb. He had no clue what the UAE is, which if you are deployed to a base in Syria, you would know the free zones are located in the United Arab Emirates (UAE).

While some of the things check out and it is possible he is telling the truth, I actually suspect he is a scammer who is better at researching and creating a back story. In his longer monologues, they were grammatically correct but when he was ansering a specific question I asked, his grammar was incorrect. This inconsistency is one of the big red flags that the person you are chatting with is a scammer.

1. Secret Mission and Special Forces
2. Retiring in 3 months
3. Sad back story
4. Reasoning stated for having a Dutch/German accent
5. Grammar issues in communication
6. Lovebombing for the hope of a grand lasting relationship

I will update in the next blog post on what this guy says next…